July/August/September Book List

 APT started up again for the summer and our first tickets of the season were in early July (still during World Cup and curiously both on France match days.) I decided to just suck it up and bought myself copies of all the plays the very first time we went and be done with it. This is why there are so very many new play script acquisition AND what I read so many of them right away. Starting out the season, the only plays I didn't have tickets with Crissy (if not a significantly larger group) were for Casey & Diana and Dontrell Who Kissed the Sea, both of which we didn't know and decided I would read the scripts ahead and if they seemed really good we hoped to pick up rush 50% off or just accept we would not be seeing this year.

Also. I was going to go back to the two months at a time books post schedule, especially since this got long, and then I just forgot and hadn't done it and kept adding books. Also, I let myself go book shopping Labor Day weekend because Half Price Books had an extra 20% off sale. I'd say I'm sorry, but also, I'm not actually. So I won't bother saying it. Especially since I also went shopping at bookshop.org, Arcadia, Ink & Ivy, and Half Price Books again later in September... And I had to stop myself from the further book shopping I was chomping at the bit to get to by telling myself, "No more book shopping until after your birthday girly!" but I DID start organizing my books shopping desires to figure out what I thought I could get cheapest at different places.... Again. Sorry not sorry. 

 

Books Read:

~Rebecca Thorne, A Pirate's Life for Tea (370 pgs) [this one dragged a bit more than the first one for me and I got distracted reading it kept setting it aside. Or it's because I was bored of all my phone games so found a new one to install called Meowdoku and I find it INCREDIBLY addicting.... It's like a freeform sudoku but with cats and colored sections instead of numbers, but the same idea. No two cats in the same row, columns, touching, or within the same color section. I find it highly addicting, even more so than traditional sudoku which I do in nightmare mode. Also, this one, the short story one off bonus at the end was definitely spicy spicy. The novels themselves aren't really, but the short story at the end of this one was.]

~Rebecca Thorne, Tea You At the Altar (326 pgs)

~Rebecca Thorne, Alchemy and a Cup of Tea (310 pgs)

~Edited by Peter Corbin & Douglas Sedge, Three Jacobean Witchcraft Plays: Sophonisba, The Witch, The Witch of Edmonton (259 pgs)

~Paolo Bacugalupi & Tobias A. Buckell, The Tangled Lands (297 pgs)

~Beatrix Potter, The Complete Tales (400 pgs) 

~Nick Green, Casey and Diana (147 pgs) [this is one of two plays at APT, both in Touchstone, that we didn't purchase tickets ahead of the season. I bought the scripts for these plays when I picked up all the others from the season and figured if they seemed phenomenal we could find a way to make them happen if they went on rush or didn't all sell out. This is an incredibly beautiful poignant play that is a snapshot of a harrowing time for many that occurred before I was really old enough to understand it. A child growing up through that era didn't understand the mortality and fear of the disease's death sentence and it is only as an adult I can understand the retrospect of the stories told by those who survived and directly witnessed what the AIDs pandemic was like before the modern medicine advances in recent decades. At the time I had read the play, we hadn't yet gone to see it, but it was absolutely fantastic to see live with this production! You know you have something special when three of your five fellow actors/actresses are still various degrees of crying on your next to closing night after months of the show running!]

~Malinda Lo, A Scatter of Light (324 pgs) 

~Nathan Alan Davis, Dontrell, Who Kissed the Sea (76 pgs) [this is the script for the other play we did not buy tickets to ahead of the season. It was fine, but a little weird and the pacing was off. Not sure this is one we really need to go see.]

~Ben Sidran, There Was a Fire: Jews, Music, And The American Dream (372 pgs)

~Lord Alfred Tennyson, Tennyson's Poetry [Norton Critical Edition] (703 pgs) [I love Tennyson poems; this was my poetic reward to myself after finishing the 17th century book of poems, lol. The only thing is, lots of Tennyson's poems are very long, so I didn't read them as mental cleanse first sitting down with my tea to go from doing mode to reading mode but as mental cleanse between books/series/worlds so I took longer to read through it all than with some other poets]

~ Jean Menzies (ed.), Witches, Wizards and Sorcerers Myths and Legends (182 pgs)

~TJ Klune, The House on the Cerulean Sea (398 pgs) [I was iffy on even buying this book then picked it up either cheap or free at some point. There was something about the writing that just felt off didn't engage me no matter how well recommended it was. I don't have the sequel (or know if more are planned beyond the second book) so normally I would wait for the other(s) used then binge read a series all at once. Only, Crissy said she tried to audio book this earlier this summer because it is her niece's favorite and Crissy actually ended up DNF at 70% of the way through the audiobook because she just didn't care about it. So I figured I would try it and decide if I even want to keep it or pick up the others or what. I ended up enjoying it enough to order the sequel from bookshop.org so I could read it as well, lol. But then I had to wait for it to arrive so I focused on finishing my current purse book(s) until it arrived]

 ~Haruki Murakami, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage (314 pgs) 

~T J Klune, Somewhere Beyond the Sea (405 pgs)

~Thornton Wilder, The Matchmaker (121 pgs)

~Rumi (Coleman Barks translator), Rumi: The Book of Love (206 pgs}

~Sarah Perry, Melmoth (271 pgs)

~Anton Chekhov (adapted by Nate Burger), Uncle Vanya (112 pgs)

~Inazo Nitobe, Bushido (145 pgs) [this is the unillustrated version I already had that I decided to read as a nice sized purse book for smaller purses]

~Galway Kinnell, Strong Is Your Hold (69 pgs)

~Leigh Bardugo, The Familiar (385 pgs)

~Joydeep Roy-Bharracharya, The Storyteller of Marrakesh (341 pgs)

~William Shakespeare, As You Like It (143 pgs)

~Alice Hoffman, Magic Lessons (396 pgs) [I had the intention of reading/rereading all four of the Practical Magic books ahead of seeing the new movie. But I didn't start it early enough and so while I finished the first (chronological to the narratives, not order she wrote them in) which I hadn't read before, I'm still only in the second one which is the other prequel to Practical magic and thus to the last book that the new movie is based upon. Will I finish (re)reading them before I go see the movie? On verra.  I really loved Magic Lessons even though there were parts of it that were hard reading but I liked the way that the love and brightness shone through all the dark parts. I did cry at the cruelty of man over the ways the familiars had their fidelity rewarded... But, that said, I cry every time an animal dies or is mistreated in film or book form, especially when the animal did nothing to deserve what happened to them. I don't cry easily and i rarely cry in front of people but animals dying especially in cruel ways are the one thing that can always make me sob, even in a "feel good" movie like Marley and Me.  If I need a cathartic cry but can't let me cry over what is actually grieving my heart I definitely choose to watch animal movies to force me to cry.]

~Kay Chronister, The Bog Wife (317 pgs)  

Books Acquired:

~Tomi Adeyami, Children of Anguish and Anarchy

~Anthony Aveni, Star Stories

~Josiah Bancroft, The Hexologists

~Muriel Barbery, L'élégance du hérisson [I have read this in English and recommended it to many people who love magical realism as a genre, but this is the first I have found it en français]

~Kelly Barnhill, When Women Were Dragons

~Kendare Blake, Queens of Fennbirn

~Kendare Blake, Three Dark Crowns

~Kendare Blake, One Dark Throne

~Kendare Blake, Two Dark Reigns

~Jillian Boehme, Stormrise

~Brom, Slewfoot: a tale of bewitchery

~Gareth Brown, The Book of Doors

~Anna Burns, Milkman

~Octavia E. Butler, Survivor

~Kiri Callaghan, The Hearth Witch's Guide to Magic & Murder

~Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel's Avatar

~Anne Carson, Men in the Off Hours

~S. A. Chakraborty, Kingdom of Copper

~S. A. Chakraborty, The Empire of Gold

~S. A. Chakraborty, The River of Silver

~Robert Chandler (editor), Russian Magic Tales from Pushkin to Platonov

~Anton Chekhov (adapted by Nate Burger), Uncle Vanya 

~Cinda Williams Chima, The Heir Chronicles 5: The Sorcerer Heir

~Cinda Williams Chima, Seven Realms 1: The Demon King

~Cinda Williams Chima, Seven Realms 2: The Exiled Queen

~Cinda Williams Chima, Seven Realms 3: The Gray Wolf Throne

~Cinda Williams Chima, Seven Realms 4: The Crimson Crown 

~Cassandra Clare, Better In Black: Ten Stories of Shadow Hunter Romance

~Mary Clarke, Shakespeare at the Old Vic

~Beverly Clearly, Runaway Ralph [my niece found this in a little library was excited because she had read the Ramona books, but then she wanted me to keep it. I haven't read this since I was in like the first grade. Surprisingly, I actually don't own any Beverly Clearly, I read too much too fast and reading level surpassed it before anyone introduced me to her writing]

~Melanie Clegg, Japanese Myths Illustrated

~Suzanne Collins, Sunrise on the Reaping

~Padraic Colum, An Anthology of Irish Verse

~Erin A. Craig, The House of Salt and Sorrows

~Nathan Alan Davis, Dontrell, Who Kissed the Sea 

~Charles De Lint, The Riddle of the Wren

~Vincent Delecroix (translated by Helen Stevenson), Small Boat

~Miriam Delicado, Blue Star Fulfilling Prophecy [this is a very New Age aliens related "memoir" I found in a free little library. Looks like an absolute trip of a book -- I plan to read it in Aquarius season lol. I will likely not keep it, but may pass it along to my dad and/or Aunt Linda if it seems like they might want it. Or maybe Jeannine. On verra. After I read it. In Aquarius season lol]

~Tracy Deonn, Legendborn

~Robin DiAngelo, White Fragility 

~Philip K. Dickinson, Galactic Pot-Healer

~Emily Dickinson, The Poetry of Emily Dickinson [I have other copies of Emily Dickinson poems, one very thick tome of all her poem and several smaller more portable pretty editions. This was a $5 pretty edition I didn't have and different poems from my other selected poem editions]

~Sara Beth Durst, The Enchanted Greenhouse

~Sara Beth Durst, The Faraway Inn

~Fang Fang, Wuhan Diary [also a free little library find. It's still close enough to the event we are still living through the shockwaves of the pandemic shutdown. But there will come a time we aren't so close in time and memory will grow fallible and frankly, I don't trust the ai infiltrated in everything trained on every increasing slop models before we even consider outright censorship concerns in the future. So I want the text of the early unfolding COVID era blog of someone living at ground zero. It matters and it's important not to forget how many died early on before the vaccines and how bad it initially was and what the world was like in that time period. It was only six or so years ago now, but some day that will be 26 or 60 or 160 and the truth should be held onto for the day the memories of those who lived it start to fade, same as we save memoirs and diaries of more distant pasta that were once someone's present.]

~Virginia Feito, Victorian Psycho

~Yan Ge, Strange Beasts of China

~S. T. Gibson, An Education in Malice

~Nikita Gill, Great Goddesses

~Nikita Gill, Hekate: The Witch

~Rachel Gillig, The Knight and the Moth

~Nick Green, Casey and Diana 

~The Green Haven Press Literary Companion to British Literature, William Shakespeare: The Histories

~Robert Gresh, The Skean: The Distinctive Fighting Knife of Gaelic Ireland: 1500-1700

~Jacquelyn Hagen, The Wickwire Watch

~Alix E. Harrow, Starling House

~Emily Hauser, Penelope's Bones

~Edited by Shane Hawk & Theodore C. Van Last Jr., Never Whistle At Night Part I: Back for Blood

~Katy Hays, The Cloisters

~Homer (dual language with the Loeb Library translation by A. T. Murray), The Iliad [I realized that while I studied ancient Greek and even more specifically Homeric Greek, I did not own a copy of it in the Greek just the text books for (re)learning to read Ancient Greek. So I wanted to fix that have an edition with both languages. I aspire to someday own the Loeb Library edition to match the rest of my Loeb Library dual language Greek books, but it splits Homer across multiple volumes with each volume coating $30-35. So I found the thick paperback single volume unabridged dual language so I have something at least for now.]

~Homer (Emily Wilson trans), The Iliad [I own and have read both the Lattimore and Fitzgerald translations many times as the most scholarly and poetically readable translations respectively. I've been meaning to pick up the Emily Wilson more feminist modern translations for a long while since reading some of her changes, but I kept never finding them except new hardcover. So I picked up both her translations when I found them at Lake City Books. Will probably read them simultaneously alongside reading the dual language with the most strictly accurate to the text translation from the early 1900s I just picked up for better analysis. Will not likely reread the Fitzgerald or Lattimore when I do unless I really miss the most poetic or the most scholarly best notated translations, respectively.]

~Homer (dual language with the Loeb Library translation by A. T. Murray), The Odyssey [I realized that while I studied ancient Greek and even more specifically Homeric Greek, I did not own a copy of it in the Greek just the text books for (re)learning to read Ancient Greek. So I wanted to fix that have an edition with both languages. I aspire to someday own the Loeb Library edition to match the rest of my Loeb Library dual language Greek books, but it splits Homer across multiple volumes with each volume coating $30-35. So I found the thick paperback single volume unabridged dual language so I have something at least for now.]

~Homer (Emily Wilson trans), The Odyssey [I own and have read both the Lattimore and Fitzgerald translations many times as the most scholarly and poetically readable translations respectively. I've been meaning to pick up the Emily Wilson more feminist modern translations for a long while since reading some of her changes, but I kept never finding them except new hardcover. So I picked up both her translations when I found them at Lake City Books. Will probably read them simultaneously alongside reading the dual language with the most strictly accurate to the text translation from the early 1900s I just picked up for better analysis. Will not likely reread the Fitzgerald or Lattimore when I do unless I really miss the most poetic or the most scholarly best notated translations, respectively.]

~Alex Howard, The Ghost Cat

~Henrik Ibsen, Four Plays (I realized my Ibsen plays had a gap when I went to reread An Enemy of the People (which I last read in university) and found I didn't own it. This was after Brian Mani brought up An Enemy of the People to me during a talk back for Chekhov's Uncle Vanya after I was asking about if there was anyone else writing about environmentalism that way -- if it was Chekhov or Nate's translating or something I had missed in the time period as qualitatively different and proto Aldo Léopold conservation rather than the beauty of it.  Luckily, Half Price Books had a copy with it for $3.49 so I didn't have to spend a lot on another set of Ibsen translations to bring it into my library, lol]

~Eugene Ionesco, The Bald Soprano & Other Plays 

~Jen Julian, The Winter Folk

~Barbara Kingsolver, Demon Copperhead

~TJ Klune, Somewhere Beyond the Sea

~R. F. Kuang, Katabasis

~Pascal Lacelle, Curious Tides 

~Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury [somehow, I have not owned nor have I read, any Sarah J. Maas. It was just such a huge page commitment and monetary investment and my two closest friends didn't like it told me not to bother. And yet. And yet it's become such a touchstone within fantasy that it's like never reading Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter or Dune so I feel I ought to read it regardless where my opinions land. I found 3 of them used in fantastic condition for $6 each which was a fantastic deal. I need the first and fifth of this series then the other two series (which I understand to all be inter related) and then the two as yet unpublished (which I figure I will pay for new in paperback given human nature and if you're committed enough to buy them, you're not going to dnf or get rid of them or the earlier books at this point.) I may hate them, my two best friends who love fantasy have read one or more of them may be right. But.... I want to decide for my own self about that. Not enough to read them before the next two release because I would then have to reread them all and they ARE a huge page commitment. But enough to acquire those of them used that I can and to buy full price the paperbacks of the rest once it's time for me to read them all together.]

~Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Wings and Ruin

~Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Frost and Starlight

~Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Silver Flames

~Shelby Mahurin, Serpent & Dove

~Madeline Martin, A Time of Witches

~Maddie Martinez, The Maiden and Her Monster

~Matthew McGuire (editor), Irish Poems

~Dylan Meconis, Queen of the Sea

~Gabrielle Ní Mheachair, Solitary Fairies: Life or Death [I love that she wandered her own isle collecting the stories firsthand, often as Gaeilge from people living in the Gaeltacht where they grow up learning Irish first and learn English as their second language, especially since so many folktales and fairy lore was collected in Ireland in the 1800s or early 1900s and almost all of it by Victorian men except what was passed down via Lady Wilde. It has a companion book I need to buy online because she sold out of it before I got to the Literary Corner at Irishfest to meet her. Though the ones I order likely won't be signed]

~Gabrielle Ní Mheachair, Misneach I mBeithil [she had two of a children's book series she had written entirely in Irish language and beautifully illustrated, not dual language, just Irish. This is a rare find and I very much wanted them for my collection even if the subject matter is more Christian than I typically would buy. They are about a mouse come to Bethlehem back in the day and while the first is his own misadventures falling asleep in a barn, the second is the mouse attending the birth of baby Jesus observing the whole pageantry of the legend of it. But I wanted both, not just the one, because they are a set of stories and because it is so very hard to find anything in Irish stateside, though I do have a few dual language, and my Irish is rusty but still good enough for reading grade school level, lol. And if it's not, it's a damn good excuse for me to study it again and bust out my Irish Gaelic-English dictionary to learn more vocab]

~Gabrielle Ní Mheachair, Suaimhneas sa Stábla [the second of the two children's books as Gaeilge. Bet you don't have to know much Irish to understand Stábla]

~J. M. Miro, Ordinary Monsters

~Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Signal to Noise

~Lady Morgan (Sydney Owenson), The Wild Irish Girl

~Robin Morgan, The Burning Time

~Dawn Nelson, Tree Lore

~Samantha Newman (retelling), Dragon Myths and Legends

~Inazō Nitobe, The Way of the Samurai [I already have another translation of this, but this one was a pretty hard bound with illustrations from China and Japan in it and it was only $3 at Five Below so I decided I $3 wanted another copy]

~Naomi Novik, His Majesty's Dragon

~Naomi Novik, Throne of Jade

~Naomi Novik, Black Powder War

~Liam O'Brien, The Remarkable Mr. Pennypacker

~The Panchatantra

~Sarah Penner, The Amalfi Curse

~Lisa Perrin, The League of Lady Poisoners

~Tamora Pierce, Melting Stones 

~Watty Piper, The Little Engine That Could [found in a little library in fantastic condition except the cover having been bent at some point. Surprisingly, this is a childhood classic I somehow didn't own]

~Nicholas Potter (editor), William Shakespeare: Othello (Essays, Articles, Reviews)

~Jack Prelusky & Paul O. Zelinsky (illustrator), Awful Ogre Running Wild

~James Raquepau, Dàn Cycle 1: Lann Dàn - Blades of Destiny

~James Raquepau, Dàn Cycle 2: Lia Dàn - Stone of Destiny

~James Raquepau, Dàn Cycle 3: Croi Dàn - Heart of Destiny

~José Rivera (translated and adapted from a play by Pedro Calderón de la Barca), Sueño 

~Trina Robbins, Lily Renée, Escape Artist

~Ritchie Robertson, The Enlightenment: The Pursuit of Happiness 1680-1790

~Katherine Rundell, The Poisoned King

~Jennifer Saint, Atalanta

~Robert D. San Souci & Sally Wern Comport (illustrator), Brave Margaret

~Guy Sanglerat, A Student and Resistance Fighter in the French Alps During World War II

~V. E. Schwab, Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil

~William Shakespeare, As You Like It (Pelican Shakespeare Edition) 

~William Shakespeare, Two Gentlemen of Verona (Pelican Shakespeare edition) 

~Larry Shue, My Emperor's New Clothes (script for a children's musical found in a little library, don't yet know if it is any good)

~Jen Silverman, Witch

~Savannah Stephens, Witch Queen Rising

~Laura Steven, Every Exquisite Thing

~Serra Swift, Kill the Beast

~Sabaa Tahir, An Ember in the Ashes

~Adrian Tchaikovsky, Children of Time

~Adrian Tchaikovsky, Shards of Earth

~Cadwell Turnbull, We Are the Crisis

~John Updike, The Witches of Eastwick 

~Menna Van Praag, The Sisters Grimm

~Tim Wallace-Murphy & Marilyn Hopkins, Rosslyn: Guardian of the Holy Grail

~Helene Wecker, The Golem and the Jinni

~Chuck Wendigo, The Staircase in the Woods

~Thornton Wilder, The Matchmaker 

~Liz Williams, Compendium of the Occult

~Evie Woods, The Mysterious Bakery on Rue de Paris

~Rebecca Yarros, Threshing Day

 

We are still pre retrograde shadow (Venus is nearly about to start her retrograde on the 3 and Mercury will join her -- but then both of them will end their retrograde the same day which is actually really cool and unusual) and already everything is shifting and changing from the original plans gotta roll with the punches of it, lol. 

Plans that shifted significantly from the original plans today:  

1) This morning we decided that out  monthly Histortea Book Club meeting (we are reading Washington together, three chapters a month) for tonight got cancelled/rescheduled because Debbie wasn't feeling good and Erin is still recovering from losing power with the hurricane on Big Island and apparently Crissy hasn't been sleeping well was looking forward to after work nap given we had movie plans. We haven't yet rescheduled it, but we will

2) My work meeting (which was going to make me late or possibly miss book club if it hadn't been cancelled) is also going to be rescheduled for some point in Oct since a lot of people at work have been sickor are sick or are showing the early symptoms. (So far I have no symptoms or anything, but I also don't get symptomatic covid at all even after known exposures. I mean, it's like a once in 7 year event for me to even get a cold lol. I get stomach flu easily and I get migraines, but I very rarely get sick or even have a schmutzy nose.) 

3) I am not seeing Practical Magic 2 otnight (but that means more time for me to finish my read/re-read of the books. Crissy wasn't able to nap this evening no matter how much she tried so knew she couldn't do a 9:20p movie tonight and the Gadan concert tomorrow. So we both agreed not to go tonight and she refunded the ticket (we chose tonight because on Tuesdays, movies at Point are only $6 so why pay more if you don't have to? But this was the only week Crissy's choir which meets on Tues was off.)  So I suggested since she still wants to see it that we could go over the weekend matinee or she could take off work early on Fri for our birthday (Yes my best friend since university and I are birthday twins, but born half a world apart and very different rising signs which make for very different birth charts even though all the planets are in the same signs/angles, the house placements make a huge difference. Like our Scorpio stellium (including Venus and Pluto) sits in my 8th house because mid degrees Pisces rising while hers are in her 12th house because Sag rising. Almost everything is perfectly balanced for both of us between modalities and elements BUT our rising signs tip us ever so slightly water or fire.)  Anyway, she liked my idea we should go for birthday matinee movie and margaritas and since she currently has the rewards app on her phone, she bought Fri at 3:20p tickets for Practical Magic 2 blocked herself out of her work calendar starting at 2. So now we have birthday plans instead. And while I was very cute today dressed intentionally for the plan to see Practical Magic 2, I need to do laundry this week and I can outfit repeat parts of it for Fri if I so choose.

 It's just funny is all. because yes things do tend to come in threes with me, good and bad and also just shifting into new forms. But also, we're not even into the double retrograde yet, just pre shadowing.

Also. I didn't make the neighbor do the right thing, my ethics code doesn't allow me to use my gifts to proscribe free will. I mostly work with healing and meting out karmic justice and dealing with malevolent unincarnated spirits that prey on living beings for how my gifts manifest in my wanderings.  That and trying to control the power that just constantly breathes through me from breaking out making mischief when my emotions get out of my control. Also, I ADHD fidget with the flow of time...Most people hardly notice it, but it's useful for drives to be able to flex time especially when other drivers make stupid choices or being able to spend extra time in the good bright beautiful moments (though you have to equalize it somewhere else) or to get more songs in a set (or encore) than what the clock says should have fit. But what I don't do is force anyone's choices -- free will is sacrosanct to me as it is the only thing that creates meaning to anything mortal incarnations do in their lives. I won't force someone's free will choices, I won't try to shift or change them, I won't argue with someone over their choices -- and I also won't save them from the consequences of their own choices no matter what I see down the fatelines that choice creates; though I may warn them of the consequences so they can make their choices in greatest knowledge.  So I did not MAKE him bring us our packages, I just asked him if he would please bring them to us when he found them at his door. I just planted the seeds in his head that those packages at his door are ours and I would very much appreciate if they were brought to us. He chose to do the right thing and to do it immediately because he had seen me outside so knew someone was in office even though the doors were locked and it was after hours. It was the neighbor's free will choices that are why I sent him energetic blessings and gratitude -- I just helped him to know where the packages belonged and to make sure he knew people were here after hours. 

 If you want blessings from me to shift the Universe in your favorite, make good choices to earn it karmically. If you make bad choices, I will not lift a finger or do anything to alter your fate of what you've free will chosen. The most you will get is me warning you of the ripples I see from your choice if you continue with it, but I won't force your free will choices or save you from the consequences of your choices and everything they shifted in the fate lines. And if you want me and all my wyrdness and bookishness, you have to free will choose me or I will always slip through your hands disappear on my wandering. I go where I and my gifts are needed -- but if I know that I'm chosen and wanted I'll stick around or at least come back after I finish doing what needs to be done with my gifts.

But also, I'll probably wear the tee and hat and sweater again with a different skirt on Fri. Because tell me this wasn't the right perfect choice for going to see Practical Magic 2 with my bff birthday twin (whose gifts did not awaken til spending time with me -- o yeah, that's another one of my gifts, i tend to catalyze the awakening of dormant gifts when people are around me a lot and ready for the lessons/growth the gifts will bring.) 

 

But also, isn't it just perfect for the movie?! *le sigh*  Also, though, we are moving into spooky season so my skull cardigan gets a lot more wear right now anyway. Not that I can't just embrace my inner witchy goth where skulls whenever I want, but I wear it extra often when the veils are thin at the cross quarters.  Also, these are the Practical Magic 2 special edition lip balms from Poppy & Pout that I mentioned I picked up at Ink & Ivy over the weekend.

 

 I love both of them! I may decide to go back and buy myself another pack of them before they're gone so I can have them unopened for later.

 Anyway, I didn't have anything else to say tonight other than wanting to make it clear that I didn't make the neighbor do anything. I just mentally put the thought there. And, not everyone is that receptive to thoughts. Also, I don't snoop intentionally to see what's inside a person, I only look when invited if they can't words and I project for those who can hear but I also can't help that unshielded people think and feel loudly and that does lead me to reply to thoughts as if they were spoken aloud. Not because I'm snooping, but because unshielded poeple are just very loud in their thoughts/emotions....

Allllll day long, starting just a bit before sunrise, there has been such an intense strong flow of love light down through the bond. All day. More heady and intense then it's been in several weeks. It quieted down to a quiet background steadiness in the afternoon, but then it came crashing back in later in the evening.  It's quite lovely! No idea why it's happening, but it is beautiful and makes me happy while I have it. Even if I don't understand the why of it right now. 

 

Here's another one of my accidental witchery gifts story from today about my casual uses of having  too much power running through me (I don't generally bother with rituals and spells, they're fine as a means of focusing intent for those who need them, but I personally find they're rather like being forced to use training wheels on your 20 speed bike. I have a more elemental intuitive raw will and acquired knowledge based form of witchery gifts.  That said, I've had plenty of other shamans, pagans, witches, energy worker types who tell me that most people can't channel that much raw power on a moment's notice and it doesn't work as well for most people who don't have the constant state of energetic flow and power coursing through them or such ever present spirit guides and unincarnated deities/archangels protecting me. I can't really teach my way, it's like breathing, it's just the flow in and out and through -- those who learn my way have to learn by observing and innate ability to do it once they see how it's done, I can't teach my way by book or ritual. You should see what I can do when I have need of the power or when I'm around those who are able to amplify what I do as naturally as breathing.)

 So earlier today, both Sarah and I had packages arriving at work (mine the two pre-orders from bookshop.org and hers form ebay) and we both got the email notifications at 5pm that our packages were delivered but USPS never came to pick up our mail or deliver anything. So my mum thought maybe the guy saw the lights off decided to leave it in the truck til tomorrow but I was VERY certain they had been dropped off somewhere else. In fact, I was a bit paranoid about it after my issues with DHL misdelivering my France soccer team order to te wrong address and sending me the picture of the door which I sent them my door (with the number) and they didn't know then which of the red doors at the apartment building their driver dropped it off at, the acknowledged their guilt, but said they couldn't refund or re-ship without the complaint originating from the seller (in France.)  I went to every door in that damn apartment complex and looked and knocked and talked to every one of the neighbors I encountered and went to their office management during the hours they were open to try to track down my package and never found it....  Meanwhile, FFF told me it wasn't their problem because they did send the product it was DHL's fault and I could re-order but they would do nothing to help and so I had to submit it all to my credit card company to get my refund and I never did re-order because they only ship to the states using DHL. (It was so frustrating and I will now never order anything to be delivered by DHL ever again after that fiasco and I tell EVERYONE I know about it and warn them off ever using DHL and give them the worst possible word of mouth as a result.)  

Anyway. back to today. So Sarah tried calling our local post office branch (10 minutes before they closed) and they never answered and then called the Struck Street USPS office since they were open til 7p but they said they couldn't help her with it since we were outside their zone. Meanwhile, I made the three of us cocktails (palomas with a yuzu citrus salt rim) before I went outside to water my flowers out front and saw that there was a USPS truck across the street making deliveries. So my mum walked over there and it turned out that it was a guy who often does our route but didn't have it today, said it was a fill in who had it but that he would be sure to tell his manager right away so it could get cleared up in the morning to find our packages. So she came back and while I was watering the last of my petunia planters, the bus stops and two different Latino men start walking along toward me from the bus stop, about 15-20ft apart. Now, the fact they were Latino doesn't actually matter to this story other than the Latine neighbors near my work are all very polite and nice to me because they recognize me as bruja with observing me with my plants and which ones I grow and some of the conversations I've had with the elder abuelas among them about the properties in their culture about my marigolds which are an annual flower I grow every year(several years ago I gifted one of them some cut from my box after she was upset hers died of an early frost and I learned about a death within the family and she cried thanking me.)  So I look up at them and we head nod as I finish watering the last petunias planter and then as I'm winding the hose back up on my arm to bring inside I make eye contact and suddenly have the jolt of certainty from completely illogical intuitive knowing, "You. You are the one whose door our packages were delivered to." Mind you I had no idea where they were only that they were marked delivered (somewhere) at 4:59p and it was now 5:46p. So without saying anything, I looked him in the eyes and thought at him strongly, "Our packages were misdelivered. When you get home to find them, please bring them back here." Didn't say it, just thought it strongly as I could. He gave me another head nod and then just for safety I did the same to the other man walking home a bit slower behind him, though for him I said "if" not "when" and he also gave me the second head nod after I sent my telepathic message to him. 

So then my hose was wound up and I carried it back inside put it away then went out back with the dogs (because I had felt they should come with me not be hanging out at the front door where they might bark at anyone) to water my nightshades and herbs and flowers behind the building. (I have a lot of plants, and I think I may have to make my "what to bring indoors or replant or let die" decision this weekend since Sun night and Mon night are going to get too cold for nightshades and begonias and coleus plants.)  While I'm out back with the dogs and the door slightly open, I hear the front door ding (luckily the dogs didn't hear the knocking as they were sniffing around the back area with me) and Sarah talking to someone happy right before she was leaving.  So I came in with the dogs and my mum was so excited to tell me, "Your packages are here!" And so I asked her after taking a sip of my paloma, "O? Was the fill in post officer just late marked them early?" And she goes, "No. You were right about them being delivered to the wrong address. It was actually a neighbor walked it over. A really nice polite Latino man who said he'd just found them at his door at 345 (we are 353) when he got home so made sure to bring them over right away before we left." So I told her about earlier with the two of them walking back from the bus stop and I was sure it was one of them. She laughed shook her head said, "Only you Dani. So many powerful gifts both sides of the family but this is an only you story. I figured they were still on the truck" I laughed and said, "As long as they arrived here safely is what matters, but I'm grateful he took the time to walk them back over to us since we had no idea what address they were mis-delivered to and try to find them ourselves." And then we cheersed our cocktails. We didn't know his name so I just made sure I sent out blessings and positive energy upon them and those they love in my gratitude for them being good humans and doing the right thing. Would the neighbor have brought it over anyway without me mentally asking him to? I like to think any good person would have, but I don't know. I am grateful he received my message and checked the packages at the door of his apartment building and brought them over.

 So my two books I was expecting today did arrive, just took a little extra energy and work and goodwill for their delivery. I'll let my mum and Sarah handle the phone call in the morning with the post office manager.

Also. I received my SVD (special voting deputy, where I go into permanent care facilities to help those who are residing there to cast their votes) assignments and I have one each day 10/12-10/16. I think they are all courier shifts, that's what it said when I confirmed them and the times are listed with the extra minute and C for courier, but then in modus I'm listed as just SVD not SVD Courier for 2 of them. So I sent a quick email to confirm that I should plan to courier all five days. I think it was just a modus error since the times are listed in the courier format, but better to confirm now then create unnecessary confusion that week, lol. So now that week has more going on it, at least in the daytime hours.I still don't have evening or weekend plans start of October, but I do have have tos (house sitting and not having anyone to stay with my dog if I go away too long and then the week after my svd assignments) that mean I can't really travel anywhere.

I did add it to the other post after they sent them out this morning, but rather than expect to go back to it, I'll just put it here now as well. 

Astro Poets Horoscopes:

"Week of 9/27 in Libra: Love is what remains always. You put the hats within the place they reside. Some water that goes around its opening. Curved and forgotten. And gold."

"Week of 9/27 in Pisces: You found another thing that shone in the light. Bright yellow dreams. And green things that are not remaining. If love is there, then it should be. Be within the love you are." 

 Also, Capricorn (my moon sign) has those damn confusing orange frogs that were in the Libra horoscope a few weeks back that are mentioned in it this week, lol. So I guess my moon sign Capricorn has entered the conversation for this week

 "Week of 9/27 in Capricorn: You didn’t find it out until later. And then you could see the right place. Shaking with heat. Letting into the bright parts a true emotion. Orange frogs and the distance."

 

This is the song where I listen. This is the song where I sit still. Until our heartbeats drown out the clock ticking. And the song is just I love you and always will. Good luck, good luck, good luck. These are tough times. But we'll get by. Good luck. These are tough times. But we'll get by. Good luck

 Hi hi! Missing me yet? Maybe not. Well, I missed the full moon on Sat, so happy full harvest moon!! She was gorgeous that night if you got to see her!! And the Lady Aurora did dance over parts of Wisco that night, but not as far south as Madison where I am. 

Ehrm, I actually haven't been doing much since last I posted here. I mean, actually, that's not true. I've been doing quite a lot with recent shows and family stuff, but it's all just living my life with the people in it things not anything super transformative or big exciting travel or anything, y'know? Not anything big or deep or transformative. Just time with family and friends who are chosen family when I've not been working or being an absolute hermit with my animals and my books and my music and my plants and my tea/coffee/wine/whiskey as the mood moves me.  Lots of AMAZING concerts/fests and theatre these last couple weeks! 

Also, I've been going a bit too nutters on the book buying shopping sprees.... Even for me. It's like... Something inside me just sort of flipped an internal intuitive switch said, "Must acquire all the books now because prices are going to skyrocket and better a little debt NOW then paying significantly more for them later even used. If you're ever going to want that paperback in the series, get it now or it will be way more pricey later, even used." It's very illogical but there it is. I told myself "Dani! STAHP! This is ridiculous, even for you! No more book stores! No more book shopping until your birthday! Seriously girly, Just STOP for right now!" My birthday is Friday. So it's not THAT long. And I have two preordered books that release on Sept 29 coming in tomorrow AND in the near future two more Lllewelyn titles (one on Greek cults about Hades and one on Morrigan related practices) to get my order of next year's astrological calendars during their 35% off sale over the free shipping line. So like, telling myself "No more book buying until your birthday!! Seriously girleen! Seriously!" And yet... And yet... I spent the last HOUR or more going through all the books available at Target (we're supposed to be boycotting them after their DEI stance shift. but also, it's been so long since I bought they might close my Target Red Card which would hurt my credit score AND I also need to buy more tampons before my next period. yeah I know, but also, I'm female. It's a thing we do and it's just part of life in a female body. I mean, I do have a moon cup, but with the ADHD, I always forget to boil it to sterilize it before my period starts and once it starts, it's just time to deal with it until it's done. I've never had painful periods or long ones -- like if it goes beyond three days, that's long for me. Been that was since I started menstruating. Short not painful periods with minimal PMS symptoms other than some bloating and chocolate cravings. So I'm rather spoiled by it, but also I do still need to get more organic cotton tampons before the moon enters Sag.) My excuse is a price check, to see if they are cheaper there than used prices right now (several are actually!) or cheaper there than ordering through my open cart I've been filling at bookshop.org (which my indie bookstore is currently set to Ink & Ivy) because I have plenty of other books to order from them... I also currently have an open cart for Arcadia in Spring Green as an excuse to go back (I was just there last week Weds) for some that I regret not buying that day AND so I can go through their bargain baskets because didn't have time before they closed when i was there on Weds....

So yeah. Books man. Books. Books and music and tea and travel and live shows (concerts/theatre/musicals) and plants and art. Those are the budget busters. Those are the "if you leave me unattended, there is no budget I will respect because choices are hard."  Those are the things that if left to my own devices, I will spend all my money on these instead of food or clothes because a girl can survive on meals mostly built around rice and beans potatoes and secondhand stores exist but damnit THIS girl cannot live without her books and music and tea and shows and plants!  Just like. Seriously. Books. Everyone comes with baggage. And my baggage numbers in the thousands of books. If you want me, plan on bookcases. So many bookcases. Also though, all my bookshelves are stacked double/triple thick (no joke) and so like if you ever wanted to make me the happiest ever, surprise me with booksheleves giving all my books a home. Especially if they're solid well build wooden bookcases to house my library collection.

I mean, at least i was honest about it with myself (and my fur babies and everyone I encountered at the bookstores I visited today -- I didn't actually see any humans tho except at the bookstores) when I got dressed today before heading over to Ink & Ivy, right? 

 

 

 Seriously though, I'm not sure what I'm not dealing with with all my book buying itch recently... But I've been really REALLY bad lately (even for me) and I've told myself no more books until my birthday but also that's literally this coming Friday and I have so much book buying I'm looking forward to that I promised myself I can do for my birthday. it's. It's maybe a problem....

Also, my bestie and I decided that for Cranberry Fest season (we still didn't make it this year to Warrens -- but her dad needed an ultrasound so she had a 4hr drive each way and didn't get back til late Sat night was sore/aching and didn't think she was ready for a "leave at 8am 2hr drive to go traipse through cranberry bogs and shop lots of art/flea markets/food vendors and see a small town parade, lol)  Anyway, we bought this back on Indie Bookstore Day with the promise to read it during cranberry harvest season. She read it all today because she had free time today indulged herself in that. I've also started it today, but had some plant stuff to do at work and went book shopping today (Whoops! Yeah, I failed to mention that, didn't I? I went to Ink & Ivy in person because they had a weekend discount spinner and I like them and then I stopped at Half Price Books because they were still open and I was driving past....Also though, at Ink & Ivy there was a deep overpowering sorrow in there when I went in.... Not sure if the bookstore is failing or the mom's breast cancer is back from remission, but she was having such a hard time... It brightened when we were talking for a bit, especially about books and cozy witchy things. I had bought a special edition of my favorite lip balm, Poppy & Pout, that was Practical Magic 2 themed. And she had seen it by herself since her daughter didn't want to go see it in theatre and I have plans to see it on Tuesday (the cheap theatre day) but also it meant we could talk familial witch things and she brightened up while I was chatting with her and with my sale -- 4 books and the two lip balms pack.)  So Crissy has already finished The Bog Wife  book and I've barely started this evening. We had plans to start it today though, I'm just not used to being the one behind when it comes to reading. She said it wasn't at all what she expected but she enjoyed reading it straight through today. It's southern gothic eco-horror family drama. But also, her taste in reading lately has been fall cozy romances whereas I'm already all in on the witchy Gothic supernatural horror spooky season reads. And that was VERY obvious when we were at Arcadia Bookstore last Weds ahead of seeing Casey and Diana (which was absolutely fantastic!!) Anyway, about a third of the way through, this is DEFINITELY much more my version of autumnal reading than Crissy's idea of fall reading. Definitely very much firmly in the Gothic horror supernatural (though not witchy) realm. 

Also, this is going to be my third Weds in a row with shows. Which is weird, because who has Weds plans?! But two weeks ago was the Bailen concert (which was fantastic!!! They're so good!!) and then last Weds was Casey & Diana (INCREDIBLE play!! I wasn't keen on it from their description, but after I read the script it was so good I insisted we had to see it even if we paid Touchstone full price for it. And we saw it the second to last night right before closing and it was so good that the closing monologue still had three of his fellow actors crying at curtain call.  It was my favorite APT production this year, maybe my favorite play/musical I've seen this year. It's a tear jerker though and a heavy subject even when it makes you laugh and better understand the humanness of a recent history era you may not have lived to know the truth about. Highly recommend! At least read the script, but also try to see a production if anyone near you ever does it!) And then this coming Weds, Sept 30, Gadan are playing in town at Atwood Music Hall so yet another concert on a Weds. It's just funny is all because it's so unusual to have three Wednesdays in a row busy (but nothing else this week other than Tues night and Weds night this week.)  

Luckily, I will have a lot of free time once we start next month!! (More time to buy books? HA! Maybe time to read them as well tho!) I have literally nothing Oct 1-16 other than Packers games, the Draconids meteor shower, and house sitting while my parents are out west at their Montana cabin (but they are taking Sophie with them since they are driving so I won't be having to be at two homes simultaneously. Second half of the month gets busy again though. Oct 17 is a Madison Forward soccer match; Oct 18 is the first symphony weekend of the new season; Oct 24 is Arcadian Wild at Stoughton Opera House; and Oct 28-Nov 1 my aunts Kath and Geeta will be in town. (Also somewhen in there I will have SVD assignments, I think the week between symphony and Arcadian Wild. I have my 6am til close for election official on Nov 3, but my Special Voting Deputy assignments to help assist voters in long term facilities cast their votes have not yet been assigned.)

Also also. Astro Poets horoscopes have been so beautiful full of promises! But also, I don't (yet?) see it reflected in my quotidian which has had no dating or anything romantic or moving the needle with anyone. I mean, they're gorgeous promises, but I've just been living my life with those in it and not really had any sort of epiphanies or changes in my love life. Not even anything tangible of the promise of shifting fate lines these recent weeks despite the promises in the Libra & Pisces horoscopes dancing together again. They're really lovely and bright and full of hope and definitely back in dialogue (especially compared to all the other signs) but as for manifesting in my daily lived life.... I mean maybe in dreams? Maybe in the 5d and down the bond? Maybe in the hope of a promise not yet fulfilled? But it's not yet been manifested in my daily lived life. Although, I guess that's rather included in last week's Libra horoscope isn't it?

Astro Poets Horoscopes: 

 "Week of 9/13 in Libra: You have found the right place to rest your heart. With blue cups filled you share everything spilling over. The stars are there and purple. There’s an emotion that holds. Hold it, too."

"Week of 9/13 in Pisces: The forever fruit of dreams. Do you eat it? You sing into the distance. You have a mind for this. You can see the best parts begin again."

"Week of 9/20 in Libra: What could be is not always there. But what is is. That’s you with your beloved. Sing the songs you know are there. It’s not all gone, ever."

"Week of 9/20 in Pisces: The light is amber. And it shines through this part. What you know is the best part. And so it rings like a light. Like an opening." 

 "Week of 9/27 in Libra: Love is what remains always. You put the hats within the place they reside. Some water that goes around its opening. Curved and forgotten. And gold."

"Week of 9/27 in Pisces: You found another thing that shone in the light. Bright yellow dreams. And green things that are not remaining. If love is there, then it should be. Be within the love you are."

 

 [Post title: lyrics to the Punch Brothers song This is the Song (Good Luck) which has been stuck in my head tonight. I've been listening to Punch Brothers pretty constantly these recent weeks especially since seeing them live at the Pabst last Sunday. Not the only thing I've been listening to. But it is yet again a very frequent choice for me when I put music on at home.]

She rings like a bell through the night And wouldn't you love to love her? She rules her life like a bird in flight And who will be her lover? All your life you've never seen Woman taken by the wind Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?

Happy dark of the moon! I mean, actual new moon is tomorrow (well today now I guess, but still not til tonight) to plant the new seeds you want in your life now the eclipse window is past but we are entered into the dark of the moon and the moon is in the sign the new moon will occur. We're not quite there, don't plant your seeds of the wishes you want to grow in your life during the dark of the moon before the new moon, do it right at the new moon or just past when the first sliver of light (still not visible to the naked eye) is starting to grow. I know people who prefer to set their wishes and intentions before the new moon exacts and they compare it to the seed in the dark seeking the light, but I still say that you want the moment when the seed cracks open for your wishes/intentions and that is the exact new moon or just after (even if the plant itself doesn't rise above the soil level quite yet, not until the light is visible to the naked eye in the thin little crescent moon.) But if you've been feeling stuck and know what you want but not yet moving toward it, then the new moon on the 10 at 10:27pm (central) is your time to make the wish and take the step(s) to start it growing into reality. No matter what it is. You're right about at the time for choosing the change and the new you want to see growing into your life.

There's also a lot of other things happening right during the dark of the moon between now and the new moon tonight to line this one up astrologically -- Mercury moving into Libra, Venus into Scorpio, Uranus starting it's retrograde... So anything to do with harmonious peace/justice building communication, soul deep transformations or rebirth in love/beauty/money, and reevaluating revolutionary shifts or fixing mistakes caused by the wordy rapid communication/reacting/overthinking of Gemini. Those are the areas that get an extra oomph for change in the 18 hours or so before this new moon setting the environment of the dark of the moon for the new seeds to be sown. And then Fri sundown starts Rosh Hashanah to celebrate the apples and honey and sweet new things coming into your life for the new year to come AND Yom Kippur for asking forgiveness making atonement and righting any wrongs you recognize that the past versions of you did is next Sun at sundown, just like 48 hours before the equinox point which is the evening of the 22 this time.  I'm just saying that, even if you don't typically set yourself to wishing and intentions for what you want to make real for your future self EVERY new moon, this one right after the eclipse window of fated changes/realizations and then with all these powerful shifts in the dark moon is a pretty powerful one. It's a good one if your heart or your head knows what you want to bring into the light be born into your future.

 Um, I don't actually have much to say right now?... I just sort of felt pulled and called and wanted my words and presence focusing here like a tide shift calling me -- but I didn't actually have anything I needed or wanted to say. Just called as a wanting for my words here. Which is why I opened with a happy greeting and the timestamp of this astrological moment we're in the doorway about to enter.  But I don't actually have anything in my head or heart demanding I speak it out.

Crissy and Denis were supposed to come for cocktails this evening because it's been a while but then Crissy didn't feel good today left work early so we decided to reschedule. Only then we realized that remaining Sept is somehow crazy busy and we have only 1 maybe 2 workday evenings to consider for it across multiple schedules, lol. Me personally, I have a lot of music coming up actually and I'm super excited for all of it!!! This Sun is a Punch Brothers show in Milwaukee (will watch the Packers game dvred by my mum later in the week with her and the doggos), Weds is the Bailen show in Madison and it's at Bur Oak so it's going to be very small intimate show which will be a fantastic way to see them, and then Fri and Sat (18/19) is Fox Cities Irishfest up in Appleton which I'm excited for, then Sept 20 is the Skerryvore show in Madison (they are also at Fox Cities, but also I haven' seen the Skerry lads since the Spring so I'll take all three opportunities thanks), and then the Equinox, and then the full moon and planning to FINALLY check out Cranberry Fest in Warrens (I've somehow never been even though Wisconsin is like the biggest cranberry producing state), and then on the 30th Gadan are playing in Madison as well -- and also I want to see Practical Magic 2 in the theatre but don't yet have tickets/set plans for it. So as I said. Lots of music and the changing of the seasons through it. Oct slows down for me though. Very significantly slows down in Oct. My parents are headed out west to their Montana cabin start of the month and then I have nothing written in my calendar except the meteor showers and Packers games until my aunts will be in town Oct 28-Nov 1 (I will have SVD in there at some point ahead of the Nov. 3 midterm election official work, but I don't have my assignments yet for it just them wanting to know which days I expect to be available for it.) 

 So anyway. Somehow my Sept is busy but it's busy with music and with musicians who make me happy whenever I get a chance to see them and my very last Irish fest until next year. And getting to see musicians who make me happy and whose songs make my heart sing is forever and always one of my favorite things!! (Fun fact about me: Did you know that when I was 19, I accidentally cursed myself by claiming to a singer-songwriter friend of mine that I wasn't the sort of girl that musicians date and he told me I assume too much and ever since then, EVERY single man I've dated has been a musician or singer or composer or songwriter even if that is not at all the context in which I met them? As curses go, it's not a bad one as far as I'm concerned. Just curious that I stated an assumption, more about my nature and the sorts of sorority girl chicks musicians typically date than anything else, and the Universe has been shoving my nose in it ever since that somehow I don't fit the stereotype but I am apparently the sort of girl that only musicians date. 😆💀 And I don't mean that in a "Martin and I have a long standing flirtation way" (he has a girlfriend back in Glasgow and has for maybe 6 months or so? He and Aimée are very cute together she's a good gym rat buddy for him which is very important to him, and he shares her socials posts about him and they seem very cute and happy. I've told you, I don't love people in a jealous way and if you don't choose me then I have no problem letting you go have whatever/whoever you do choose for your own happiness -- I'm happy he has found such a great match for him and I have no desire to push for anything else because him dating her has flipped the mental switch inside me so I still find him hot but not sexually attractive.) So like I don't bring this up in a long term flirtation that led nowhere, I mean all my actual ex boyfriends have been musicians/singers since I told JP (who I never dated) at 19 that I'm not the sort of girl a musician dates and he told me I assume too much....  Every single ex since I said that at 19, every single person I've dated since then...  Varying levels of music as hobby vs music as career  and nobody has ever heard of them vs incredibly famous awkward to hear certain songs on the radio knowing they were writ about me and we're not together any longer. So anyway. yeah. Accidentally cursed myself at 19 but at least I love music deeply and I don't actually mind at all having a dating history of only musicians and signer-songwriters without trying it just sort of has happened that way.)

 Ummm, I'm just rambling now and none of it really is important, just aimless chatter whatever pops into my head. Which is maybe a waste of time and words. Or maybe it's not. I still don't know what the tidal pull saying I had to put words here was coming from so I have no idea if I've helped fill that need I was feeling but not understanding or having a plan or a need in me to write about. So maybe it's time for me to end this and go make some tea and munch some midnight apples (oooh but it's apple season and I love apple season best of all for harvest/food type seasonality -- waaaaay too much of my diet gets converted to eating many many pounds of apples every single week whenever I can get local organic heirloom orchard apple varieties!  Actually, eating apples while reading, best of all climbing a tree to find a good perch in the tree in which to read and eat apples, is one of my forever favorite things!  Honestly, if I could live where I had an orchard and flower/herb gardens and bees and near the woods and fur babies/feather babies and plenty of wooden shelves of a library for alllll my books and music woven through it all, it's all I've ever wanted in my someday house since elementary school when I first started imagining what sort of place I wanted someday for a house.  I never imagined my own wedding because that always seemed to me like it's about the two coming together so imagining it without the other person involved didn't seem right to me even as a kid -- but imagining what would matter to me in my someday house, that I've often thought about it. And all the iterations of it I have imagine, no matter what else shifted, I gave always seen it full of lots of natural light and apple trees and flowers and herbs and bees and the woods nearby and animals and books and music)

 O! And here is Sunday's Astro Poets horoscope.  They do seem to dialogue. but what's funny is that for well over a year allllll the Libra ones have been about being beloved, and yet this week these are the only two signs that explicitly didn't use the word love anywhere in them. (I have no idea about these orange frogs tho... Poison Dart Frogs? Am I supposed to go visit the herpetarium at the zoo then? I could go see our three polar bears I suppose if I do that!! Yes, Henry Vilas Zoo in Madison now has THREE polar bears after the Grizzly bear sisters moved to Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago so we could have two separate enclosures for our polar bears in hopes of cubs and they have been mating so it's a very real probability we will have polar bear cubs right here for me to visit for free in the not toooo distant future, though between delayed implantation and first round of cubs not usually being viable in polar bears, might be another year entirely before we see Nora exhibiting denning behaviors. How I got from orange frogs to polar bear cubs is rather a stretch.... but our zoo in town has poison dart frogs and three polar bears (with hopes for future cubs) so it's not too big a stretch even if they don't ever belong in the same buildings/enclosures, lol)

Astro Poets Horoscopes:

"Week of 9/6 in Libra: There is true feeling here. But the best part is that you get to choose where to put it. So many orange frogs. You gather strength. You know where to go."

"Week of 9/6 in Pisces: In the middle you see it. A chartreuse awakening. A bright pink holding. Go sink into a hand. Take a nap with someone." 

P. S. I'm way too full of power again and need to dissipate it through my gifts in a healthy way.... I had written all this and posted it and then I was trying to decide if I wanted to go home or munch an apple get some more work done when a horse fly that was trapped inside started buzzing me again. (I know I know, many see flies as spiritual protectors/messengers or fair folk, but they get to be annoying when they flow too near your head. Especially if it is going to rain so there's a real risk of them biting. I've never yet been stung by any type of bee, but I have been bit by horse flies and deer flies and they HURT.) I got angry at the fly buzzing around near me, just a flash of irritation really more than deep anger, and at the surge of my temper at the fly not leaving me alone I heard a pop from behind my computers setup and then my UPS started shrieking and the light on it was flashing red. Everything still worked but the noise was maddening made me more upset and I didn't trust if the ups was compromised now (left a note so it can be assessed in the morning, perks of working at your family owned computer repair store) and shut everything down. No amount of holding down the button to reset was turning it off of baneful shrieking eel mode, so I unplugged everything just in case for overnight. And then before climbing under/behind my desk to find where it plugs into the wall, I told the ups, "Look. I'm just going to go home now. I will leave everything unplugged and go home. But I need you to stop screaming when I hold the button to reset you because your noise has me too agitated to be allowed to touch the security pad and neither of us want me messing that up again while irritated...." It reset for me that time after having a talk with it telling it what I needed from it so I could go home, but no idea if we should trust that ups again or not so I just left everything unplugged... (None of the others in the building went off, just mine.) When I lose control of my temper, electronics fail or give weird error codes that supposedly don't exist and nobody can reset until I calm down. It's why I can't wear watches, not even "dumb" watches and why cell phones and wifi don't work around me and why an all electric car would be a bad idea especially after seeing how Priuses malfunction every time I get frazzled and don't recenter while trying to turn one on or off.... I get truly angry and the Internet or electricity goes out, and not just in the building I'm in.... Even me just getting annoyed at someone talking really loudly during a concert so they are louder than the vocals or instruments can cause speakers to crackle or blow a channel and mics/amps to feedback if I'm too close to them... I can't control it, it's just like wildfire solar flares whenever I lose the reins on my temper and get angry or even mildly irritated. I've had to spend my whole life studying philosophy and trying to rein in my temper before I break conductive electronic things that can't be repaired or replaced. It can actually be really REALLY bad if I'm not careful to get my temper and my chi back under my control. Luckily I tend to have a quick burning temper that flares but disappears entirely once the event is past.  More like solar flares than smoldering pressure building tectonic anger types. (My Mars is Sag so my anger/fighting style is a fire sign and my Mercury is Libra so my communication style is air. So that actually makes sense for my birth chart as well as how I am when I lose my temper that it's a quick burst that travels far is high energy and then it's done burns itself out. My sorrows/hurt and deeper emotions are like oceans with tsunamis and storms, but my Venus is Scorpio so it still makes sense why my anger and sadness are so different in expression.)   Wood and stone are always safe (though fluorite too near me always cracks or shatters with my strong emotions, even positive ones), metal and glass can be iffy one because it conducts and the other because it is brittle breaks easily, living beings feel it like sharp stabby prickly but it doesn't seem to do harm, anything electric/electronic or signals through the air (like radio, wifi, cell, or blue tooth) are too sensitive for me having any sort of negative emotions anywhere near them but especially if I happen to touch them or be within several feet of them..... Light bulbs especially have a hard time, but it's not just light bulbs can't take me losing control of my temper energy spikes.... Even if it's just mild annoyance/irritation. Trust me, you will always know if I'm angry at you -- doesn't matter what I try to control in my face or voice, if I lose control of my temper it's palpable and effects everything electronic nearby.

[Post Title: lyrics from the Fleetwood Mac song Rhiannon.]

 I had another polar bear dream last night/early this morning. I remember it better than the one I had when I was that exhausted running on too little sleep on early Weds morning. It wasn't really a plot driven dream, more an emotional driven dream. He seemed... sad is the wrong word... weight upon him?.... Like trying to move forward and determined to keep going for your goal but with weight upon your limbs like severe anemia or being shackled with chains so everything is harder than it would be if not anemic or without weights strapped upon you - but still determined to keep moving toward the goal despite the difficulty of it.  If there were a word for that state as an emotion, that's where he was at in the dream. Feeling that sort of way because I was so low on belief in his love existing outside of dream space and faith there is a path for us of being together in the real world. And I can understand that. It hurts and is hard to go on when weighed down by the disbelief and doubts of others expectations of you.

But, when something never plays out in someone's real world choices, it's hard to carry faith or belief in it. And the more years that pass the harder that grows because the more years of evidence against it have accumulated. That doesn't change what I want, what I would choose if I could, or how I would react if I saw him right in front of me -- I have a very stubborn heart as well as a very optimistic soul especially when I view things from the long view -- it means doubt in any expectation I can have what i would choose will become real or that our paths will cross again in the quotidian of this lifetime. But also, when the bond is this loud and vibrant, I also fall asleep and wake up and randomly throughout a day will pour love for him down the bond to make sure he feels it as well to know it IS. I can't help it when it's so alive and loud and vibrant a Clarion bell inside me. I will embrace it and love it while I have it, but I don't have any expectations it will stay this time (since it never has before.) If I'm wrong in that assumption and way of seeing it, I look forward to proving me wrong.

It rather confuses me a bit to have had two polar bear dream space connections in under a week.  Not because that's too frequent -- it used to be a lot more frequent then that and would happen every night or nearly every night during some of the peak months/years in the past.  What confuses me is "why now?" After so long with the bond quiet and no dreams, we got close to half a year without me having any dreams or 5d contact with him, I don't understand why it would wake up and be so active again right now. There's nothing in my own life or choices or anything I did that woke it up -- I just welcomed it when the connection opened wide  again. but I don't understand the why of it being like this again right now. I just know it's not due to anything in me or my life or my choices... Which is why I'm currently a bit confused by it. Not confused enough to reject it or anything stupid like that. Just me being confused but happy confused about it existing this way at this time. And me enjoying it while I have it because I don't understand why it's there or for how long I will have it before it disappears again and nothing to show for it in my lived life if/when the dreaming goes away again and the connection doesn't feel so alive and real, especially not in my everyday waking life.

I may be confused and not certain what to conclude from it or what I ought to do other than appreciate it while I have it, but I do know that no amount of thinking or head guidance is going to answer anything for me on this. So I'm going to go make myself some dinner now -- because somehow it's already after 8 and I haven't even started the dinner making process yet. So I'm going to set this aside until I (hopefully, eventually) have some better answers or understanding and for right now at least I'll go put my focus on sustaining this body by making me some dinner.

P.S. In case you were wondering what dinner meant tonight, the answer is Italian three cheese tortellini with veggies (caramelized Vidalia onions, fresh picked Cajun belle and cayenne peppers for some sweet heat (but not overwhelming like my Carolina reapers and trinidad Scorpions and ghost peppers provide), carrots, sweet red pepper, frozen green beans, and fresh basil added right at the end before plating) and a home made arrabbiata style tomato-pepper sauce that I froze after making waaaaay too much of it at that time. It was tasty. Would have been even better with garlic cheese bread or even just a nice crusty bread to appreciate the sauce flavors better and then with the bread it would have been a solid two meals instead of overeating because not enough to save, but alas I did not go to Farmer's Market today so I'm currently completely out of bread until I bake some or go buy some more. I did pair it with a rosé that had been brought up to APT but not drunk because time ran out before the play was to start so then sat in a black car for hours before making it back into a fridge -- so needed to be drunk asap before the oxidizing got worse from the excess heat during its storage.

I know a place where no one's lost. I know a place where no one cries. Crying at all is not allowed, Not in my castle on a cloud.

 I make no claims or promises from that last post about any major emotional tectonic shifts inside me or how I'm seeing anything from how I've been seeing it these many long months of this year. A dream is a dream and lived life is how one chooses to live it. A dream can be beautiful and cozy and feel like coming home for the first time in a long time and still be just a dream with nothing to show for it in the real world of lived choices. A dream is only a vehicle for a tectonic emotional/mental shift if it changes your understanding or perceptions of things or if it drives a person to make changes in how they choose to live their life. 

And as far as I can see in my lived life, Weds was just another Weds with no obvious reason I can see for the dream I had -- and the choices anyone in the dreams live by in their daily lives haven't changed. and dreaming about someone (even in shared dream space) doesn't mean they want you in their lived life or there's a space for you there. A dream may be a wish your heart makes, but Disney tropes don't shape the choices anybody else makes or change the quotidian.

I'm sorry if that seems overly cynical, but I'm trying to be realistic about the distance between castles we build in the air of our dreaming and the realities in which we live. Yes, the dream was beautiful and emotional and heart healing -- but is there anything I have to show it was more than my own heart's longing? Do I have anything I could hold onto believe it reflected to me what is in his own heart? No, I know only what it showed me is still my own truths and inside my own heart despite everything gone awry creating such a distance and letting go between us. And my own longing has never been a factor in whether I am or am not part of the life he chooses to build for himself. 

As Henry David Thoreau said, "If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." But there are no foundations I can build from this castle in the air of my dreaming, not even my vision dreams or shared dream space, when the foundations are about who or what another person decides to have in their own life. And that makes it just a dream. A beautiful dream that promises of a healing that could be. But also, it's still a dream and only in dreams did it shift anything as far as I can tell....

With my Pisces rising and eighth house Scorpio stellium, I live too much already in the realms of dreams and prophecies and what I glimpse slipping through the veils between worlds and time. I can't be letting my dreams revive false hopes in me for a future built on choices nobody else is going to make because those choices/future paths matter only to me at this point. I need something more concrete before I will let me believe that he shared my dream space and it reflected to me his truths as well as revealing to him my own. I need reasons to think the dreams could translate into real world choices of the lives we live. Otherwise why get my hopes up again only to watch them be destroyed once more by the light of reality as it is and his choices for what he wants his life built around this lifetime? Why make myself cry again over what I long for thought could be real but never was chosen by anyone but me? Better to keep telling myself it isn't what he wants isn't what he has chosen for his life thus far or shown any signs he would choose for his future than to open up again old wounds inside me trying to heal. 

It was a dream. A beautiful castle in the air of a dream that made me happy brought a glow to my heart. But still it was only a dream I had. No part of anyone's lived experiences or choices at this time. Not even of my own lived experiences, for all I would choose it if my longing were enough to build the foundations that would make it real. But sometimes, even my wishing and dreaming and visions aren't enough to make the improbable real. At least, not on the strength of just my longing when the freewill choices of others are involved.

[Post title: lyrics from Castle On a Cloud from the musical Les Misérables]

Who knows how much further we'll go on? Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone. I'll take my chances I forgot how nice romance is. I haven't been there for the longest time

So earlier in the evening, my head was so busy and it had so many thoughts zipping about and words I wanted to get out of it that I had all sorts of things I wanted to write out here just to get them out of my head. Only I had some work things to get done and somewhere around 8 or 9ish, my overthinking just sort of all settled out of me and cleared without getting it into word forms  And now I really can't remember what all it was I wanted to write about. I mean, I could bullet point list the subjects, but not the story telling narrative flow or what in them seemed like it mattered enough to need me telling it out. Most of it probably wasn't important, just writing out about recent things going on in my life on my mind and/or heart to get a better view of it or to release it. I guess if it matters, it will bubble up again and I can write about it at that point.

One of the things I wanted to mention though is still there and it's brighter and clearer now than it was earlier with all those other things swirling about so noisy in my head.  So I'll tell that now as best I can. 

So yesterday (well, Tues so two days ago now) I had to leave home at like 3:30am (also couldn't sleep before that) to drop off my dog and pickup people for the drive to be sure we could be in downtown Chicago by 7:45a for a work event (hosted by HP at the Aon Center, it was about the expectations of ai within the industry and included presentations and a chance to round table  ask questions of reps from Microsoft, Nvidia, and of course HP) which then included a food/drink included  event at the Cubs v. Brewers game so didn't get home again until nearly 2am. So it was just a very very long day and I was doing all the driving (yay for ADHD and intermittent migraines since I was 12 meaning no discernible Circadian rhythm or jet lag so I can stay awake for long periods of time and can sleep any time of day or night except the liminal gloaming hours of dusk and dawn so I can do that easily.) which meant that i went to sleep almost right away once home in the wee hours of Weds and slept til sunrise then slept most of the day on Weds until getting up to head in to work to water my outdoor plants. Which is all very banal lifey update quotidian blah blah blah. I know. but that's just the setup of what I wanted to write about that's quite bright inside my head after all the rest of the over wordiness settled out into an inner luminous calm/hope/brightness around 8ish or 9ish tonight. I have no idea the why of that, just the isness of it. And I'm not certain of the time because it was closer to 9 that I looked at the clock, but it had been a while like that before I looked at a clock.

Anyway. The only thing that remained inside me of all the things I had wanted to write about when the rest of the agitating thoughts all settled out into the calming brightness around 8 or 9ish. And that was that in the early hours before sunrise, for the first time in a very long while I had polar bear dreams again. I remembered them and was thinking on it while watching the sunrise before going back to sleep -- but I didn't write them down and the clarity of them faded after I went back to sleep. I remember the feeling of them, the coziness and sense of coming home and joy. And I remember him saying he'd been sad and scared I'd forgotten him or didn't want him anymore and that was why he hadn't been reaching me for so long and I told him that wasn't it at all -- that I didn't see a place for me where I was wanted welcomed in his life so I had given up trying/believing reaching for him could get me anything real but I still and always very much did want him even if I could only have it in shared dream space and that there was only joy inside me whenever the connection flared alive. And I remember that it was like a weight lifting off him when I told him that truth of mine and how there was brightness shining through him after that which had been missing at the start.... And I remember the way it felt like being wrapped in a big hug and cherished after that and waking up with that feeling still flowing through me and surrounding me for the sunrise. And I know that as I drifted back to sleep I sent strong as I could my own love down the bond to be sure he felt it whether waking or sleeping at that point.  But then after sleeping again and not writing it down at all, the clarity of the dream had faded so I couldn't tell you where we were or anything else other than that set of messages communicated between us during the shared dream space.  And that since then, the bond has been very vibrantly awake and alive and full of light and love all day while I slept and across the hours since I got up.... 

 I don't know why though. I just know the is of what I can remember from the dream I awoke from at sunrise and how it's felt inside my inner space since then...  

 Anyway, past time I should pack up head home from work. I'm not tired now though, which isn't great as tomorrow evening I have plans to go to APT in Spring Green for a picnic and to see Sueño (severe weather risk allowing) so hopefully after I get home and get into my pyjamas and make me some chamomile tea and read for a bit I can get some sleep so I'll not be toooo sleepy for the play or the drive there and back again.

If/when I have the excess of words that need out over the other things, I guess maybe I'll write up again. But for now, this was the only one still bright and shiny and needing to be written out so it's all you get.  O and here's the most recent astro poets horoscope from Sunday if you want it. (and if you don't want it, it's still going to be included and you can just skim or skip it as you desire.)

 

Astro Poets Horoscopes: 

"Week of 8/30 in Libra: Love is there for you. The sweetest emotion and a night. The number 8 that repeats. Do you know what it could be? It is."

"Week of 8/30 in Pisces: The light is bright with orange. It could be a new beginning. It sees itself as it was. There are ways into the future. This is that way." 

 

 [Post title: lyrics from the Billy Joel song For the Longest Time. Yesterday I wore my Billy Joel at Wrigley Field Cubbies tee. So maybe that's why this song is in my head tonight after the words all settled out and again as I wrote this. Or maybe it's for reasons unknown to me but that make sense in some cosmic cause and effect transcendent way. Also though, it suits what I did write about, so maybe it's just subconscious associations]