Two posts within a couple days? Enjoy it because no promises when next I'll be writing here. This is more just a follow up addendum on the last post. Some thoughts and things I felt incomplete or that I wanted to talk more about it or that are just floating about in my head so i want to get into word form so i can better release them. 

I just wanted to say (and I think I've written about this before but it always bears repeating when I choose to talk about my precogs instead of just bearing them inside me) that it's not a gift you can make money from or use within the modern society. It's just flashes up to me from the long time in which immortal beings reside not the linear time in which mortal beings tend to live -- and usually there's some sort of emotional tie to it. But what it doesn't have is context, there's no temporal-spatio geo-location points to it. I can't tell you where it's going to happen unless there's context clues I recognize in the flash of images I get and I can't tell you WHEN it's going to happen relative to when i experience it, only that it WILL happen. And a lot of times, it's echoes of a collective pain or terror that are the emotions that send it to me in the larger term global tragedy scale.... And not just human pain or terror, also the pain/suffering/terror of the animals and plants I've always been connected to. Bears, horses, deer, canines, felines, crows, eagles/hawks, vultures, swans, trees (especially very old trees or species of trees I have strong ties/bonds with, but the screaming of trees generally is some of the loudest to me both across time and space -- these global fires have been horrific upon me...and they get worse before they get better. Honestly, it may have been a subconscious shutting down of my own gifts because it was too much pain overload for me to bear for a while there hearing the trees and the dying wild ones in this time. It's possible that was the source of the disconnect between my present self and my future selves.)  Most of the time, what I see and carry aren't things you could use to stop the events from happening or somehow cash in on it with these stupid polymarket scams. (Seriously though, if you have prior knowledge then bet on it before acting it's not a bet it's fraud and if you hold the power you can make it real when/if something will happen, then those aren't bets they're frauds/scams.) Anyway. You can't make money from it and you can't save the world from it. If I'm lucky, and it happens very rarely compared to the immutable precogs but it DOES happen, what I get is a personalized contingent precog (usually touching on someone or something tied to me at a soul level) where my foreknowledge gives me enough free will choice options that I can influence the future path and avert the bad fate I saw. Those usually make me panicky with an immediacy of, "we need to do this now because I only have a finite time to shift fate lines" especially if I can't get the person to listen to me or trust me so they do what needs to be done.  But it does happen. Sometimes. Only with those tied to my own soul, not just my heart. And it makes it worth it when I can save somebody who matters to me from a bad fate in exchange for me carrying all the terrible immutable precogs of intense terror/grief/death from everywhere/anywhere in the world fate lines. But as a general rule, you can't use it to make something happen or stop something happening or make a profit from the gift of playing Cassandra. It's not for that. It's not for success in the modern society. It's for bearing witnesses and chronicling what it is to live in this part of the timeline on this planet and sometimes, rarely but still it happens, it's for saving the continued existence of someone who matters to me so they stay here longer in their current life. 

 And it's important to remember that about these types of precogs. It's a wild gift/curse. It can't be controlled and it can't be used to profit in this society. And the other quotidian "little" personal precogs are just... helpful when I can't decide or reassurance I still have a future in this body or just something that touches my emotions deeply further down the timeline.

 Does that make sense? Maybe?... It's a wyrd thing. I know. Part of why I have spent so much of this life single is that it's very hard to explain or talk about my gifts and to know when to come out of the broom closet. I don't like the fear reaction or the putting me on a pedestal reaction or the betrayal reaction that I didn't tell them sooner -- but it's very hard to know when and how to share about these aspects of my isness. Most men don't understand or don't believe it until they witness it and then it typically freaks them out or they put me on a pedestal which I've never liked (but especially after my last life I can't stand it and anybody who tries to do that, I react by dragging my own self down into the mud to remind them I'm human, merely human, same as them and everyone else as long as I'm embodied in a mortal form.) But it's not a thing most people have to deal with in dating, but I always have. It goes beyond just "I'm a witch and a pagan" and into the realm of "I have powerful gifts to know and do impossible things that defy modern science." And when in dating are you supposed to have THAT conversation?!?! Hell if I know. 

 Anyway. Also. the benadryl IS helping Waffles with her allergy symptoms (which I'm like 99.5% certain now are grass related -- especially since even on benadryl, her feet get red and swollen and itchy when she goes outside in the grass. The untreated grass -- my mum won't use it now because I get migraines from the chemical ones but also I get very upset when the pesticides/herbicides are used and it kills my bees and fireflies and butterflies and dragonflies and bird friends and the toads.)

Speaking of allergies.... My own petrol products related allergies (especially to polyester fibres) have been AWFUL since my most recent sunburn.... I got burned badly at Twin Cities Irishfest (not one of my 20 worst sunburns, probably not even my 50 worst -- but everyone tells me that is worse and it was a burn bad enough to blister and took nearly two weeks to heal the redness/warmth/peeling.) Ever since then I've been breaking out in terrible hives EVERY time I wear or brush against polyester again. It's really fucking miserable. i hope it settles so I don't have to purge all polyester from my wardrobe. I mostly wear natural fibres because I prefer the feel and my skin doesn't react to it, but I also own things that are poly or poly blends, especially band shirts. And it would make me sad to have to stop wearing them... It's also why I don't wear sun shirts -- the more heat/sun the faster the hive reaction to polyester happens with me. So I can't wear polyester sun shirts so I don't get sunburned (and I'm fair skinned enough I get 7.5 minutes cumulative of sun per day before the stabbing  needles in every cell feeling of start of burning begins.) And natural fibre sunshirts are REALLY spendy for my budget....So I just burn when I forget to reapply my sunscreen. Which, given ADHD time blindness, happens more often than not if I'm in direct sun can't find shade. Like on Harriet Island for Twin Cities Irishfest. Anyway, right now, I can't wear ANYTHING with polyester in it without breaking out in itchy hives wherever it contacts my skin. Except my shoes, but that's mostly because my feet are calloused and calluses don't get hives. Most of my allergy reactions are petro chemical reactions or food related (pork is a gi protein lack but I do get hives if it touches my skin, certain West Coast hops but not European hops in beer make my throat/Eustachian tubes itch so no IPA beers for me. And sometimes coconut also makes my throat/inner ears itch. Also, for reasons nobody understands, all beers/drinks bottled in Colorado Springs and all coconut/pistachio products from Starbucks specifically (but not anywhere else) cause a throat closing anaphylactic reaction which is scary so I just avoid them now.) Petro chemical derived products also tend to give me bad migraines or causs me syncope spells, and as they poison Mama Gaia more and more, my reactions to them seem to be getting worse.... So anywhere, I'm currently not allowed to wear or have touch against my skin except on the soles of my feet any synthetic polyester or my skin is breaking out in bad hives (even where I didn't get sunburned so badly more than two weeks ago now in Minne/St. Paul.)

Also. My mum gave me a birthday gift today that she'd ordered for me because it came in from the Kickstarter even though my birthday isn't until Oct 2. But she wanted me to be able to use it sooner, though I'll still wait for cleansing it the next full or new moon once we're beyond the eclipse portal. It's a gorgeous tarot deck hand painted by a South Korean artist called The Cat's tarot of Wondrous Journeys. And it's absolutely stunning!!! I did look through the entire deck, but I haven't shuffled it or worked with it yet. And I won't until after the eclipse energy is past and I can meet it at the right time of the moon in the right head/heart space for introducing myself to a new tarot deck. But she's a gorgeous deck!!! I'll have to try to remember to take pictures and share it here!

 

 Um, in case you want them, here are alllllll the Libra and Pisces astro poet horoscopes since last I shared them. I lost the thread of them dancing together like they were for so long. But I had an intuitive hunch that maybe it's still there and I just didn't see it. So I continued collecting them. Just in case they're there and I want to come back to them to find them or anyone else can find the thread I lost binding the two of them together like it had been doing for over a year before I lost the dance of the two signs with each other. But. Maybe it's still there and i just didn't see it across the intervening months. Looking back through them now tonight after collecting them week upon week, I see it again though it got more distance in it and sometimes it danced between weeks like reactionary not so much dialoguing in the same week or subsequent weeks. But tonight now, I can see the dialogue and the dance between them again after like 4 months of thinking it gone and lost and maybe was never there except in my own mind pattern seeking. So here they are. In case maybe anyone else can see the pattern more clearly than I have recently.

 

Astro Poets Horoscope:

"Week of 4/26 in Libra: Nothing is dread. In fact joy is here. Curling up it could be. A party or more. Holding a sweet forgiveness."

"Week of 4/26 in Pisces: The ocean. Will you go there. You do not need to see any of it. You hold the parts in. Sing it again." 

"Week of 5/3 in Libra: The sun was bright and yellow. You bit it and out glowed these words. Love is what calls to you. It is a book. It is a beginning."

"Week of 5/3 in Pisces: Nothing was the difference. And yet you remained. Because you could. Because you didn’t want to do anything differently. Be there now."

"Week of 5/10 in Libra: Love echoes. It sings with words that are shown. It can’t be again. Green everywhere. A sight of love."

"Week of 5/10 in Pisces: Not a parody. Not a replication. But a new day. A new evening. Go walking in it."

"Week of 5/17 in Libra: There was nothing. And for that you knew it. Something held. A pink light. A friend off in the distance."

"Week of 5/17 in Pisces: Nothing so much. As the aqua-green glass. And a book. Lined with papers. That you had forgotten you wrote." 

"Week of 5/24 in Libra: Love holds on. To a yellow dream. That makes an imprint upon itself. You don’t need to focus. You know already. To dream the dream is the thing."

"Week of 5/24 in Pisces: There wasn’t a holding piece. And yet you assumed so. You held it with your own hands. And you landed gracefully. And you knew the divine."

"Week of 5/31 in Libra: Many of two. But are they one? As well as well. The number 8. Infinite love. Infinite relationships."

"Week of 5/31 in Pisces: It truly was not it. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth something. In the dark you knew. Could hear the humming. Your name." 

"Week of 6/7 in Libra: Love will flow to you. In the positive bath of it you will grow. Power is in the orange light. You are powerful within the blue. Within the neon pink."

"Week of 6/7 in Pisces: Something into infinity. And what you saw were stars. A beginning. Blue and gold velvet. A friend."

"Week of 6/14 in Libra: There doesn’t have to an ending. In fact there isn’t at all. Images that reflect. A mirror the distance. A mirror as a book."

"Week of 6/14 in Pisces: The place was closed. And yet you could get in. A key is round and large. You can go in it. You can see through it."

 "Week of 6/21 in Libra: Nothing can leave. You remember that in green. You hold onto the best parts. And with fervor. With a blue fever."

"Week of 6/21 in Pisces: The music of it all. Played in front of you. Do not find yourself there. Find yourself everywhere. With lemons and figs." 

"Week of 6/28 in Libra: A very light romantic air entered the scene. You for one did not stop it! Bluebells sat in repose. Then there it was. A light!"

"Week of 6/28 in Pisces: Cooling into emotion. Not that anything was cool. Instead there was a passionate light. A cup of roses. A sweet and tender silence." 

 "Week of 7/5 in Libra: If anything it all flows. That’s what poetry is. A violet. A flower! Be that one"

"Week of 7/5 in Pisces: It could be. That friendship is all of it. But what about love? You can’t forget about that. You won’t." 

"Week of 7/12 in Libra: In a dream you saw it. But it was not as it was. Instead the brightest part. Loving incessantly with green. Doing everything incessantly."

"Week of 7/12 in Pisces: Always a way into the thing. But you don’t want to go. You want to see it all as you wish. Grey-green. The landscape with plants and openings." 

"Week of 7/19 in Libra: Love is there. It is endless. Go forth with luck. Sing the flowers. Sing the words."

"Week of 7/19 in Pisces: In the middle of the trees you will see. A most real awakening. Bright pink and with laughter. You know the best part. You see the best part." 

 "Week of 7/26 in Libra: You have found exactly what you are looking for. So much that the teal birds have flown away. Don’t go after them. See into the celadon and spruce. Go into the trees like you need to."

"Week of 7/26 in Pisces: In the ocean the blue-green whirl. Do you hear the sounds it makes? Not water sounds the orange dots. The number 9. An opening." 

 "Week of 8/2 in Libra: Take a break from the blue painting. Go into the room with force. See it as if you imagined it there. In many ways you did. In many ways you knew this would happen."

"Week of 8/2 in Pisces: So it remains. A best friend. You’ve known that. You’ve said that so why not. And in the eve they are again." 

 "Week of 8/9 in Libra: So much luck abounds. Can it go again as it should. There’s nothing not to say so. Candy apple blue. Let loose the good parts."

"Week of 8/9 in Pisces: A rainbow again. Exited the stars. Did you see the stream? Be one again. Be one with everything." 

 "Week of 8/16 in Libra: Luck found you. And when you went looking, you found it again. Every magical part. Every part that found you. So true as it was again."

 "Week of 8/16 in Pisces: Green and blue. The sun wasn’t anything. And every lost match. And every bright thing. The very match as it was and as it could be."

 "Week of 8/23 in Libra: Some brightest light. Did go into itself. The snake and the emotion. With butterflies the sun is clear. With a sort of song there is everything to do with love."

"Week of 8/23 in Pisces: If infinity was this part. Then it could settle itself. Then it could be as it would be. Lying down in the turquoise stream. Blue and green and the parts that can be.' 

 

 

 

 Right. So it's been a minute...Ok, much more than a minute. Been rather busy recently. But also, I've just sort of checked out of social media because all the ai slop and the terrible algos have rendered them of increasingly low interest to me, so it's not just here I've been rather more silent than sharing of myself online. It's been a general trend with me. Like, if you're not in my physical life or not in my texts, you're probably not hearing anything at all from me. And that's just my current era is to be checked out from any desire or need to share about myself online or even to be checking in on socials other than using it as a means for checking in on very specific individuals (including things like my cousin's updates on her cancer journey -- not because I don't talk to her, but because having to tell multiple people multiple times is stressful and a lot of energy hard to do for people going through it, so it's easier for her to update in one place and if I stay informed there then when I text with her or we hang out, she doesn't have to start with repeating the same hard news she's already shared so many times. And, with something like that, it's about whatever is best/easiest//least source of extra weight/demands on her and nothing to do with anyone else or how they "ought" to expect to get the information as some sort of ego driven metric of their relationship. At least, that's how I see it. So checking in on her is a reason I go on socials and for other very niche specific things where it's the best way to get the information I seek, but otherwise I'm really not on there much these days.

Anyway. I had the smoothest 6a til close election official shift in years, everything went as close to perfectly as possible (hopefully that doesn't jinx me for Nov) and now Irish season is past (except for Fox Cities Irishfest in mid to late Sept, third weekend i think) and my sister and her family flew back to Seattle area today. O, and my precogs started up again, at least the little personal ones stopped being opaque, about a week or so ago. And I'm back to feeling that sense of anticipation that something bright and beautiful is just over the horizon waiting to surprise me (which I've not felt in a while actually) so that's good. I'm not sure what shifted, if it was in me, in the world timelines, in someone else's choices I don't (yet) know, in something galactic/astral that interrupts or facilitates my time/precog related gifts. I just don't know the why of it, only the isness of it. But it's rather a relief for me -- I always feel a bit...cautious?... trepidation?.. uncertainty?... when I disconnect from hearing my future self (even if it's just the little things like what I will wear or what I will eat on a future day or something I need to watch out for coming up that I can change or need to accept. I always wonder the why of the disconnect and if maybe there isn't a future path for me and that's why I can't connect to it.... So it's been a relief to me to have that back again. I've also had more of the large scale global tragic immutable precogs to carry. But that just is what it is any life you're stuck playing Cassandra amongst your gifts.

 It was nice to have my sister's family visit and the trip up to the Dells was fun -- as was them springing for the condo rental at Wilderness to have more options for people staying over (though we still had to take turns coming back to take care of the dogs.)  I got hardly any work done during the week though with them here, 15 hours total before coming back home on Sat so I've been at work since noon today and will be back at work tomorrow -- despite my cat Griffin freaking out lonely wondering where I am.... (I haven't been home since Thurs midday and on Fri there was some intense rain and tornadoes relatively near Madison and my cat is TERRIFIED of bad storms, this is the first since I adopted him that i didn't stay home with him to be able to take him to the basement for safety with me and the dog.) I really want to get home to him, but also, I do need to get hours in unless I want to use some pto this week which will make later in the year harder. 

There was some family drama, some where I expected it but one I didn't see coming (either via precog or  just logic of interpersonal behavior patterns playing out.) Basically, before she went to college, my sister left a box of her old Palm OS devices with my parents at work and she had sealed it taped it up left notes on it on every side withe her name saying not to open or use, all VERY clearly.  I had no idea that box was still here, hadn't seen it in literal decades and assumed my sister had taken it back ages ago. Well, at some point in the last 20 years, that box was opened and her palm devices were taken apart, some stripped for parts, and some including the hardest to replace is just completely missing.  My sister is devastated and gone through a massive series of emotions over it. I mean, every form of grieving over it: sorrow, anger, deep mourning, acceptance, buying replacement devices on ebay and she will have to decide if she's going ot carefully replace them with her old cases.... Just, a lot of feelings form her. My sister is a Virgo with a Pisces moon (yes born at a full moon) and Pisces rising -- she is very type A and where she cares she cares deeply and it can be VERY hard from the outside to know what she cherishes feels sentimental about but otherwise she frequently purges things gets rid of them when she's done with them (and sometimes she will get nostalgic about something she decided ages ago to get rid of.)  So I can understand assuming across 20 years that she may not care anymore, though given how pivotal and defining her early love of Palm devices and how it helped her get her first job hired at Microsoft, I can't believe my parents would have opened that box without consulting her.... My parents don't remember claim they don't know who did it and there are two past employees they think it could have been (both sold an stripped dead old parts to sell on ebay) BUT my sister says one of hers that had been disassembled had a note on it in my mum's handwriting saying it was MEL's old device, now belonged to the store and something with the initials of one of the two techs they expect harvested through her old palms for parts to sell. It's a fucking mess.... My sister is completely devastated, sees it as a huge trust fail, that she had entrusted a box of some of her most important things and my parents didn't protect it so she doesn't feel like she can ever again trust them with anything that matters deeply to her -- and I don't think my parents understand how deeply hurt and upset she is by this. And I don't even know what they could possibly do to make this right start healing this unless they can find her an Acer s10 palm OS that was an import and not many made back in the day but was the first palm os in another language (specifically Chinese, which my sister studied in high school -- she was so excited about it and of course this is the one device completely missing and that she can't find on ebay or anywhere else to replace hers that is just gone....) But if my parents can find it to replace it, I'm sure my sister and Jon can -- they' had already spent several hundreds of dollars to order replacements online from the moment she received the box back like that -- opened and with things missing and town apart missing critical parts of them. This is a huge fucking mess, and my sister does NOT forgive and forget, she dwells and ossifies and remembers what hurt her long past the point everyone else forgot something ever happened.... I mean, there are several on my mum's side of the family who hold lengthy grudges about ways people have hurt them and my sister is among those who hold onto it the longest. And this was a huge thing for her... Absolute. Fucking. Mess.

Anyway. So that happened. And is happening. And I have no idea how it can be healed or made better. Genuinely no idea. And I'm a Libra sun and Mercury with a Pisces rising, even with my Scorpio stellium and Sag stellium you have to try REALLY fucking hard to corner me into an interpersonal relations where I can't see a way to improve or heal things. Like, the worst I can think of before this is that I don't see a way to change or heal it UNLESS specific other parties apologize or act to make right where they did wrong -- I can usually figure out HOW it could be healed and repaired even if I can't force others to choose the path that leads to that. This is the first outside of people needing to leave abusive situations that is so broken I can't find any way or thing my parents could do to heal it if they ever even realized how much damage they did to my sister and her ability to trust them with anything she cares about in the future. And that's just heartbreaking, especially since I don't even know how or when this happened, only when my sister discovered it and how it affected her.... It would almost have been better if the box had completely disappeared or been accidentally taken by the electronics recycling people than for my sister to get the box back in the completely broken condition her palms were in when she received them back....

*le sigh*

Is what it is. And I know I can't fix and heal everything and people have to make their own choices on their own journey of growth and I hold free will sacrosanct as the source of meaning to anything that matters... But this one hurts me to feel like I don't know what to do or how to make it better. 

 And this one is incredibly devastating and I don't know that my parents realize how deeply my sister took it....

Anyway. Other than lots of working this weekend and spending time with my cat reassuring him, this coming week is a little busy but nothing like recently busy with plans. Tues I will be taking my grandma to an appointment, Thurs I have APT tickets with a big group (Two Gentlemen of Verona), and then Fri I have plans to meet up and catch up with one of my best friends from high school/university but who I haven't seen in years. Between my time blindness and her being busy (high school art teacher with two kids living on a farm) and her being a very early bird no longer interested in concerts or theatre late nights, it's just been years since we last actually got together. But apparently she was having lots of dreams about me (interestingly, just over a half dozen people have told me directly that I have been appearing in their dreams over the last month or so) and she was hoping we'd just naturally cross paths but we didn't so she reached out to make plans and Fri was the only time that worked with my busy August and her school schedule starting up again.  I'm actually very excited to see Michelle again after so long! I've missed her and didn't realize how long it's been since we really connected until she reached out and I realized, 'O shit! it's been sooo long..."

 Anyway, that's this week. And then the week after that, on Tues I will have a work event in Chi with my mum and Sarah that includes tickets to a Cubs v. Brewers game and then also tickets to see Sueno at APT that Thurs. And the week after that tickets to a brewers v. Cubs game in Milwaukee on Labor Day and tickets for a Punch Brothers show the following weekend. And then the week after that is a midweek Bailen show in town, then Fox Cities irishfest followed by a Skerryvore concert in Madison (and I need to clean everything, but especially Spare Oom, by Sept 20 since I told Keito she could stay over after that show so she doesn't have to drive back to Milwaukee between working merch for the Skerry lads in Madison and their next show in Galva IL that she's working merch for them.) And that's about it in the calendar coming up for me in Virgo season other than Packers games started back up and fitting my work hours in wherever I can/choose to fit them in.

 So a little busy but not "OMG busy" to overwhelm my introvert recharge time and completely derail my work and sleep schedule in ways I can't do anything about other than waiting until I have time for disappearing into some much needed hermitting.

 I'm going to finish up soon and head home to my cat. He must be so very worried.... Crissy was maybe going to stop in on Fri but with the storms she didn't make it and I knew I'd be coming back on Sat I just didn't intend for it to be so late until I came in to unpack some things and water my plants but then I added up my time card and went, "O fuck! I played hooky WAY too much this week and now need to do my best to get 25 hours in across the weekend?! Shit shit shit!" 

 Anyway. So there's a bit of a life update from me now my life is slowing down again for a bit. Currently still single again, still living just me and my fur baby familiars, still spending most of my time with my books and tea or out hiking with the trees and flowers when I'm not working or taking care of my own plants or at cocncerts/theatre or watching sports I care about. Still an impulsive magical af fée elf witch who knows things she shouldn't possibly know and whose ADHD and spiritual gifts combine to make me a sociable introvert.

O also. I think Waffles is allergic to grass (my dog Waffles Fionnuala O'Whoofigans, not the kind of waffles you put syrup on)  She's always shown mild allergy symptoms seasonally, but this year she's been really bad every time grass pollen gets high.... Watery eyes, super itchy skin (especially her feet after she goes outside to potty) that she licks/bites the itchy feet so bad they're irritated and inflamed red swelling when it gets bad... We've been trying Benadryl doses for her when it gets bad because it's dog safe before trying vet prescriptions for her since the canine allergy relief drugs can have some not great side effects.