I know nobody knows, Where it comes and where it goes. I know it's everybody's sin, You got to lose to know how to win. Half my life's in books' written pages, Lived and learned from fools and from sages. You know it's true. All the things come back to you. Sing with me, sing for the year. Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear. Sing with me, if it's just for today -- Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away.

 So, we did visit Madison Cat Project's Kitty Palooza today, but much to the disappointment of my dog I did NOT come home with a cat. (I do have a new litter box for whenever I do find the right cat AND I bought a new feliway (plugin of comforting cat pheremone) to help the transition because I felt I should have those ready at home just in case so after farmer's market stopped by the new Mounds location to check them out.) Part of it was that Kitty Palooza was running 10a-4p and had 72 cats/kittens available for adoption today with all adoption fees waived. We got there right before 11a and I was #16 for the adult cat rooms (kittens get lonely so I would need to get a pair of them and I would worry about the trouble they were getting into with nobody home but each other in my absence) and they were at #10 for cat speed dating the adult cats and said they only had a couple left. by the time they texted me, there was only one more adult cat remaining. (they did allow our whole group to come in.) Alley was a tabby-bengal mix recent mother just weaned her babies from an overcrowded shelter in Kentucky originally -- she was gorgeous but also a bit spicy (she full on bit Crissy) and was a bit of an escape artist needed a bigger home than I could provide for adventures and catio time -- and we knew she loathed other cats but there was no idea about how she would do with dogs and it would break Waffles' heart to have a cat copletely reject and hate her. Alley and I got along but after I'd given her two treats told her that was enough wouldn't give her more, we studied each other a bit longer but we both reached the mutual conclusion, "I like you but you're not meant for me to live with" around the same time and then she gave me a last couple head rubs and licked my wrist while purring one last time before she went and sat in the window ignoring everyone inside so we left about 30 seconds before our time was up because we had reached that mutual recognition. And of the 72 cats/kittens they had for adopting, they actually had all 13 adults cats and all but 7 of the kittens homed by 1:30pm which is absolutely FANTASTIC! 

Waffles was disappointed when I told her I hadn't met the right cat today (you should have seen/felt her excitement when she saw me put the cat carrier in the trunk just in case!) but I convinced her to go on an adventure with my parents this afternoon (a walk along Lakeshore down by the Union and hamburgers for all of them) while I get some gardening things done at work. She was excited by the adventure and burgers but then didn't want me away from her so it did take some convincing but then she got excited to go with them for it. 

So no cat yet. We did buy some things from the vendors -- I got a t shirt that says "Leave me Alone I'm reading" and a necklace (a gorgeous moss agate with aventurine beads) made by a very nice black/green loving Wiccan who didn't say anything about it to my mom or Crissy (who were both buying jewelry as well) but when I asked her about the price on the one I'd been wanting she specifically told me, "And I smudge all of them every time to make sure no negative energy is attached to them from me and my home to you or from anything before they come to me." And then we started talking about it and she admitted there were some pieces, especially estate/antique pieces that she won't even physically touch or take apart anymore and has her son (who isn't energy sensitive) do it for her so she can cleanse them before ever touching them herself.  But this is the one I picked out for me (it called to me first thing we got there after I got my name on the list to meet the available kitties, but the vendor at Green Dolphin jewelry wasn't at her booth right then but was back later after we met the cats and I spent a while holding the piece to be sure it was right for me as I explained to her that jewelry or crystals not meant for me always disappeared or broke so I wanted to hold it and browse til we were all three done before committing to buy it just in case it didn't feel quite right for me after all despite how much I liked it and it called to me today) -- and my mum and the artist who made it both made a point about how it was greens would sit right over the heart chakra and I said, 'O I hadn't thought of that consciously, it just called to me as what I need right now -- but you're right." then added for the artist/vendor who had already established was energy sensitive gifted Wiccan, "We're here today because my cat died end of May and I'm looking to find the right next house panther to guard me and my dog." And she was like, "O good luck! I hope they find you soon! And yes, heart chakra healing is exactly the right choice to have called to you right now for what you need."

 

 

 

 

Also bought from a very cool nature/fantasy/faerie/art nouveau artist, Meredith Dillman , that before I even got there my mom went, "O no. Dani. Don't look, you'll spend too much money here!" And then just as I walked in to admire her artwork, I got the text for my cat speed dating lol. We did go back and I bought too many prints (6 medium and 3 small -- but they were buy 2 get 1 free with no limits on the multiples of 6 you got; curiously three of the large prints were from her tarot series -- The Star, Page of Wands, and Strength were the ones I chose which is quite the spread) and her art book because I was being indecisive about trying to put some of the medium one back and could get me down to 4 but then for $18 more might as well have 6 because of the deal-- and really I have so much art I haven't even put up on my walls yet because I need frames. 

 

 Books and art and crystals/rocks and tea and music (I still own a lot of physical CDs, but I don't like streaming services and if I own them, I can always put them onto new machines) are the physical baggage that comes with me and you better be willing to make a lot of bookshelves space and space on the walls for artwork if you want me in your life, lol. 

 My mom also got some surprise gifts for my sister's family when they come visit, some Kahu collar bow ties for both dogs and my sister's cat, and  birthday gift for her mom which is gorgeous we all think grandma will love. And Crissy bought a mug, earrings, two necklaces, and several art prints from Meredith Dillman. 

And then at my mum's suggestion, the three of us stopped by Stella's bakery (right down the road) for some spicy cheese bread and Wisco-Pops because we were thirsty and some other bread/pastries as long as we were there.

And then my parents wanted to take the dogs on a walk down along Lakeshore and get them some hamburgers at the Union so I made waffles go with them on the adventure because I told her she would enjoy it more than watching me move dirt and plant flowers, lol. I think she did even if my da forgot to bring her back to me until nearly 7pm. And I got some of the soil changing taken care of and the flowers planted despite the terrible headache from the air quality (but it's not getting better any time soon y'know?)  I'll likely sleep a LOT tomorrow (today now?) to make up for it. So it goes. And I feel better getting the petunia planters taken care of at least even if I still have the box out front AND the veggies to sort out.... (Did buy some more of the herbs I need for the veggie out back though.) And I bought myself some cut ranunculus and anemones for this week because one place had them and they make me happy even though I don't grow them in my (rather feral) flower bed at work.

And then I came in from playing in the dirt until the air quality from the Canadian wildfires made me so headachey and tired I called it a day and I learned about Los Angeles and Minneapolis today.  Not surprised, because you raised a generation on the ptsd of school shootings and then take everything and every hope away from them having a better future than their childhood memories -- and you think they give a flying fuck if you threaten to shoot them with anything? It's not like they have anything to lsoe or any future world they can envision wanting to live in or to be able to afford a home or kids or even pets or to even be able to feed themselves while the world burns around them. Like, if you push people past the point of hope in the future AND they feel they have nothing further to lose AND you raise them on daily horror risk ptsd -- history is VERY clear what those masses of humanity will do and how they will react. How are you surprised? It gets worse before it gets better because it's a generation that feels they have no future and they have nothing left to lose and your threat of force is utterly MEANINGLESS because they have grown up under the nihilistic sword of Damocles ptsd of school shootings and mass shootings in every "safe" space they thought they could trust so they learned nowhere is safe and you can be gunned down anywhere and nobody in charge will care enough to do a damn thing about it or protect you -- so what does it matter who holds the gun when the threat is one you've grown up spending your whole life living with expecting any moment of any day might be your turn....  

Anyway. I should finish this cuppa tea and pack up to head home. Getting hours in early over this weekend because busy week ahead. Thurs night my mam and I have an hour and a half long French wine tasting. Friday afternoon taking my gran to her optometry appointments. Saturday maybe in Chicago for Scottish Highland games. Sunday in Milwaukee area for Skerryvore show at JJs (not sure if da will want to do something for Father's Day earlier in the day or anything....) Got somewhere around 12 hours in today though which is good. Even if I do end up sleeping a lot tomorrow after all the smoke exposure today. (Farmer's market at 7am was aqi of 86 and that was the best all day.... Kittty palooza (except the cat speed dating) was all outside as was prepping/planting flowers. And yet today was considered "better" air quality because it's been under 100 all day... *rolls eyes*)

P.S. Astro Poets horoscopes for the week just landed in my inbox. So before i forget, here ya go:

"Week of 6/8 in Libra: The sunlight on the mountains is how you see life. You remember it all with light happenings. Crystal lenses around what you seek. You know the mystical world. It knows you." 

 "Week of 6/8 in Pisces: Some other horizon. That is what you are after. You do not need to know. It knows you. Speak that truth into existence."

[post title: lyrics to the Aerosmith song Dream On. One of my favorites of theirs, close tie between Dream One versus Kings and Queens. But I have heard Dream On more often in my life as it was released as a single so it's often a happy surprise on radio roulette.]

 I'm so tired of constant migraines and having to be careful standing up or especially after I've been laying to sleep. Like, it's only been 3 maybe 4 days, but it's meant sleeping a lot of those days away.... I know that both are a constant Sword of Damocles over my head between the migraine triggers and my history of syncope with low blood pressure as the only testable cause (but probably undiagnosed Ehlers Danlos related given my hyper mobile joints and easy bruising and known since middle school that most of my joints have half to 2/3 the amount of cartilage they should) but between the electrical storm type of the recent solar flares AND the air quality from the wildfires in Manitoba having all of Wisconsin under air quality warnings (even during the cold front bringing tons of rain and potential bad weather and adding barometric pressure related migraine trigger into the mix) I haven't been without at least a low grade migraine since Fri --Mon and even parts of Tues were so bad that I didn't trust trying to stand based on how bad trying to sit up to get out of bed was.... Air quality is even worse today than Tues (I did go into work for a bit in the evening to get the deposit done and water my seedlings/planter flowers I haven't put in yet) but I haven't gone outside yet today, I'm hoping it will improve (it's been in the 160-180 range for <2.5m all day and others in the yellow) but I really don't know...it takes hours for the sun to get high enough in the sky for it not to all be hazy like cloudy/foggy and for the sun to burn through make shadows. Inside, I have the windows closed and all the air purifiers running full tilt and they claim less than 04 in my condo.... But still I find I keep yawning and have migraine headaches whenever I stand up or go to do something or even turn/move my head too quickly. (My migraines are always movement and light sensitive, but never sound sensitive ; sometimes when they are their worst and all I can do to avoid the shrapnel mobile exploding within my brain is that I can lay as still as possible in a dark room with a sleep mask on so there's no light at all, at those times music is the only thing that helps and gets me through it. Those aren't often, but I know if I don't baby the early warning signs, they do get that bad sometimes.). Before the air quality deteriorated due to the smoke descending from upper atmosphere to surface level, I had aspirations for today of trying to meet my parents for lunch outside with the dogs and then to spend the afternoon getting my plants in the dirt now the risk of hail/tornadoes/strong winds have left with yesterday's storms -- but the air quality ain't improving enough for me to trust that if I were to try to do something outdoors, even just planting and watering the newly planted seedlings, I would t end up with a migraine so bad as to render me nonfunctional for extended hours/days. And I'd rather be semi functional with mild constant migraine from the air quality exposure of the wildfires then render myself useless for 14-30 hours of me sleeping to heal not getting up til I can do so without the movement inducing pain. Maybe once the air quality is back down below 50 I can get those plants in...or I'll just deal with it then suffer afterward. Hopefully air quality will improve sooner rather than later though!

When I was a kid, my da used to say my body just doesn't handle pollutants well that it's like trying to transplant a wild forest tree into a city (and the things that cause me migraines or syncope spells are all things that cause cancer for everyone from long term exposure, I'm just a canary in the coalmine reaction to it before those levels) but it's not an ideal thing for trying to survive the modern world and global climate collapse and the next big apocalypse which some say will be fire since the last was water -- but I think it's more air than water. But both are accurate and technically the last was earth as much as water.... But anyway, my body reacts so negatively and I wilt like a dying flower when exposed to chemicals and pollutants that it makes it easy to believe in changelings even if you set aside all my wyrdness and gifts. My mum used to say she always knew nobody had exchanged me in the hospital mixed me up for another baby because being born in Jerusalem I was the only one in it with pale skin blond hair and blue eyes and she was shocked when I told her very seriously as a small child, "It's not a hospital mixup you should have worried about, but a fair folk changeling exchange. Fair folk always go for the fair skinned gold haired blue eyed changelings." And she finally just said to me, "Dani, the people under the hill aren't in the desert, their legends are in the UK and France." And I just shook my head told her, "No, they don't LIKE the desert so well as the lush green forests and so the Seelie and those who exchange changelings are mostly in lushly wooded lands of greenery and flowers, but they have their exiles and the fair folk are everywhere especially wherever the let lines and earth powers are strong. That's why the desert people have stories of djinn. And a good changeling exchange can go far to help you regain your place at court."

I don't think I'm ACTUALLY a changeling fairy child, I'm sure it's just a combination of genetics, but it's rather curious given all my wyrd, and nobody else in my family on either side has anywhere near the gifts and second sight I have though some have smaller versions of some of my gifts, and all my life everyone has always called me an elf or dryad or fée my whole life, and nobody in my family have ever had angels and dragons as their invisible friends dream space tutors/guardians, and while lucid dreaming world walking is common in my family nobody else of them regularly walk the fairy lands in dream space have a standing invite to join Seelie with a requirement to be there in dream space at the cross quarters and important rides/missions, and while three's a lot of curious medical quirks in my family nobody else gets so incredibly sick from pollutants/chemicals as I get.  I often seem to run on pure raw light energy and I'm only frail or sickly when away from nature too long or when I can't see the stars at night or when exposed to anything that poisons/sickens the natural world. 

Honestly, the AQI numbers didn't even go over 200 (yet) this time but the air laden with the wildfire smokes is almost as bad as the days/weeks people are spraying their lawns for how badly I get affected by it, that makes me so sick with migraines and light headedness that I can't function can only sleep (with the most vivid dreams, most of them within the realms of the fair folk in dream space) until I'm better or the pollutants are no longer in the environment however long that takes....  It probably part of why I love winter so well -- the wildfires stop and nobody is spraying their lawns/fields with chemicals that make me so sick.... 

Anyway. I've just been a bit useless for days now due to the solar storms electrical overload and the wildfire smoke pollutants causing constant low grade migraines that turn into full blown migraine if I spend too much time outside or exert myself too hard. And it won't improve until the wildfire smoke is no longer over us. (I'd rather have the Saharan dust storm over the east coast than wildfire smoke.... Sand is abrasive but it's natural. It's not the pain of the ancient ones burning and the terror for the furred/feathered friends and all the plastic toxins of the homes/cars/roads/refineries/factories that burn  within the "wildfires." If it were just classic pre-industrial age forest fires it would be one thing, it would still carry sorrow and terror on the wind but not the deadly toxins of modern wildfire, because right now manmade things are burning with the natural world and it's so much more than the natural floral and fauna that burn in these conflagrations -- and it's all carried by the wind in what we call "wildfire smoke." Bonfires and forest fires and prairie fires don't give me these migraines, it's all the human made toxins in the wildfires are the problem.

I also have sore throat and easily develop laryngitis from wildfire smoke exposure -- but that just makes my voice sound rougher. it's an annoyance and a discomfort but it's not like the migraines and light headedness which can force me to lay me in bed for long hours until I stop having pain every time I move and/or everything starts to black out around the edges whenever I try to stand up. 

Not the end of the world, just not my shiniest self and I've been dleeping a lot (with VERY vivid dreams) to try to let my body deal with the migraine and toxins. 

Um. I know I said I was not yet thinking about getting a new cat quite yet, but Waffles is so depressed and only seems to get out of it when I promise her we WILL get a new cat but first I have to meet the right one.  Also, right now is right after the first wave of kitten season, so all shelters/rescues are trying to mve the cats through so they can keep kittens and mamas and elderly owner surrenders from being unnecessarily euthanized due to seasonal overcrowding. So if I can find a cat that feels right to me, now is the best possible time to free up a berth within the adoption/foster systems. So I've been looking through cats available for adoption. And there are some options but nobody who I've met in person or felt "THIS is my cat" quite yet. MadCat is having their Kitty Palooza on Sat, which is a big live music festival with a raffle to earn them money and lots of cat related vendors, and a speed dating style adoption event with all adoption fees waived. Basically, you have 5 minutes in a room with 3-6 cats/kittens and you have to decide if you feel you matched with any want to take them on or they will guide you to the next room of potential fur babies for 5 minutes. Cat adoption speed dating. I've never tried it and it will help me see how I feel about it. I don't KNOW that I will find me the one right cat that way especially since that won't give me much of an idea if the cat in question is good with dogs or has past trauma with them, but worth going and seeing and starting the process to help with my dog's depression. There will be more free adoption events coming up and the available animals changes pretty quickly in the local shelters and I haven't even met any at the local indie pet stores or adoption events -- but Spock won't even consider moving onward while I don't have a feline protector of my home and Waffles is having such a hard time missing her feline friend. That said, NOT for free or reduced adoption rates at this time, but there are two from Underdog (who place all their rescues in foster homes) who I like who I KNOW are good with dogs and are listed as loving their canine family in their foster homes so are not likely to have post traumatic reactions to Waffles due to past dog interactions.

The first who I've been eying since Sun or so is Juan Carlos (who I would nickname/rename Don Juan Carlos de Miawco an nickname Lord Byron as well) and I've been talking since Spock's CKD diagnosis about wanting a black cat for my next cat.

The second I only noticed tonight (which I admit is because I didn't scroll past Juan Carlos the first time I was looking through their available cats for adoption) and that is Comet Orrin who is unexpectedly gorgeous who has lots of potential names to accrue onto him.

 I haven't started an adoption form for either of them to initiate the process but I've come VERY close to it for Juan Carlos, I just want to at least explore other options to meet in person especially for reduced/waived adoption fees and/or help move animals on through the shelter systems to make new berths for other cats in need during kitten season. Also though, I don't want to pressure myself to get a cat/kitten just because I want a new cat -- I want to make sure it's one that feels right and clicks for me and the dog.

Anyway, so Kitty Palooza is apparently an annual event and I'm planning to go this year since I am looking for a kitty and so I may as well go meet them to find out.  That said, next week I have plans for a french wine tasting with my maman on Thurs evening, grandma has an optometry appointment next Fri, next Sat is Chicago Scottish Fest Highland Games (if we decide to go to it), and then next Sunday night (Father's Day) Crissy picked up tickets to see Skerryvore at JJ's in Racine. Oops. I'm sure I'll figure it out to spend time with da or do dinner with them that week.

I feel like I had something else to share but I don't know what it was...  Eh, I'm sure I will figure it out though if it was important.

O also, this is your catch up for recent Astro Poets Horoscopes since I haven't shared in a while since Spock was my biggest concern: 

"Week of 5/18 in Libra: If you see into the light. Then there remains a pink that can be tamed. So be it is exactly how you feel. Let it hold itself in the light. You will find friendship there."

"Week of 5/18 in Pisces: There you stay as it were. So you fill it all up and go beyond. What bright lights might you fill it with. What things might you find there. Some bright pink water."

"Week of 5/25 in Libra: So much love and romance. That’s exactly what you wanted from the afternoon. When you walk into the space with everything that is floating. That is the way that reality cannot bend. That is the way that time itself is the opening."

"Week of 5/25 in Pisces: You rest into the space where everything is an emotion. That’s not just how you get your power. There is a source of the green butterfly. Take to it. It’s yours."

"Week of 6/1 in Libra: A very purple night has seen itself. You rise into the same morning with butterfly wings. It cannot be that all there is is a way that it can recede. It cannot be that the code is there. There is love and forgiveness"

"Week of 6/1 in Pisces: Every last bit that flies. Flies with you or so you say. Every season that remains is your breadth. A time or so ago. A light or so it seems with every last bit."