So, at the Farmer's Market today, I randomly ran into my cousin Shauna (the cousin diagnosed with stage 2 triple negative chemo resistant breast cancer) and her mom Aunt Sondra! Complete accident unplanned, but the funny thing is over the last two decades or so of Farmer's Marketing regularly the ONLY people I know who I ever seem to randomly run into at Farmer's market are Sondra, Shauna, Sabra (Shauna's sister), and Vivian (Sabra's daughter) and it's ALWAYS at the same corner/intersection of the square. Well, also Hal (a friend from high school who I go long periods of time without seeing but then whenever we do see each other we pick up right exactly where we left off and are just as random and weird as ever) but it's usually he finds me unexpectedly and stands right behind me makes some sort of random commentary about whatever I'm considering/buying and that can happen anywhere around the square. But with my aunt and cousins and cousin-niece, it's ALWAYS at the intersection of the capital square right by Colectivo that we run into each other completely unplanned and it happens at least once per summer.

Anyway, it was very unexpected and exciting. I was crossing the road and noticed the people who had just stopped looking at plants reminded me of Sondra and Shauna and I grinned super huge at the interaction and suddenly hear Shauna's voice all excited, "LOOK! It's Dani!!" And that's when I realized it wasn't just a mother-daughter duo who from behind had reminded me of my cousin and aunt, but was ACTUALLY my cousin and aunt with their energy pulling me that direction making me insist on going all the way down to the corner for the last couple stops instead of the closer spot from where we had dropped stuff off at the car, lol. But my grin got extra bright when I realized it really was them and my aunt laughed said, "I'd recognize that smile anywhere!" and Shauna started happy dancing in place, "Yep! It always gets brighter when Dani's smiling! Dani! Dani! Dani!!" And then we were hugging and it wasn't until afterward when we were talking more seriously about how things are going and medical related that i thought maybe I shouldn't have hugged them because of immuno compromised (veen though she's not currently on chemo) but none of us thought about it until after I had -- and I've hardly seen anyone until today for the last week.  It's the first Shauna had been feeling up for going out since her mastectomy and the first she'd been to Farmer's Market since she moved back to Wisconsin, and she felt like getting to see me randomly was an extra special gift for her day. And honestly, it brightened my day to get to see them both in the flesh and get a read on Shauna's energy. 

Also bought lots of plants today between farmer's market and then heading to Fitchburg Farms BUT got a lot of them steep discount (like the nightshade seedlings and other veggies were $2 each at Farmer's Market and then $24 for 12 four-packs of annuals and $1 ea for the quart sized marigolds...) I know it's late, but also tonight the lows are down to 45 again (but then a high of 90 on Mon) AND we have another potential for severe weather on Tues/Weds and I'll wait to put the seedlings out until the hail/tornado/strong winds risk are past to plant them. because they're still pretty tiny and those extra couple days inside won't hurt them.

But anyway, it made me so happy to see Shauna and Sondra! But especially to see Shauna feeling good enough to enjoy the bright sunshiney day and to go to Farmer's market leaving home for the first time since her mastectomy. I mean, I definitely know my opportunities to see her are likely more finite than they are for most people I love knowing about her diagnosis, but it's also being respectful of her time/energy because battling cancer is fucking exhausting even just talking to the people you love who help brighten you can use up too many spoons of your energy reserves and I want to respect that not be selfish forcing my company on her unless/until she feels up for it (and frankly, while Spock was declining and I was pouring so much energy into him, my ability to be bright shiny energy for others was diminished because of how much I was pouring into him so he felt loved and in as little pain as possible.) And then all the happy plants and being surrounded by the plants made me happy! 

 

I mean, I'm still wearing black and my nails are painted black and my hair is still short (but bouncy curls) and I still miss Spock and my dog is still depressed whenever we're at home right now wanting me to get us another cat immediately -- but even when I'm emo version of me so it's HARDER to get me to light up in joy, it's just as shiny bright when it does spark and today my energy is all bright smiled sunshiney to get to see my cousin and my aunt alive in the flesh as a happy surprise on top of my joy in the plants and fresh organic direct from the farmer's produce and then being surrounded by happy flowers and shopping for things to plant!