I'm not going to discuss geopolitics (or homegrown threats) here right now. It's too all encompassing going through this crash course of history lessons you may have missed, playing out in the stupidest most cruel ways possible -- we're all stuck in it living it and I don't need to write about it here since the only way to avoid hearing/talking about it is staying home in hermitage not seeing anyone or checking in on anything at all on my phone.
So instead, here's a post about the mythic and dream space and this week's astro poets horoscope with a title picked from a song I love that's been in my head a lot this week so far.
So I was thinking recently about the myth of Psyche and Eros. Specifically about the fact that my first time reading/remembering the old myths (side note: my introduction to mythology is Edith Hamilton's retellings which my mom owned and I read for the first time in kindergarten or first grade; I actually have strong opinions and theories about what sort of person you are and become depending on if your first intro to the myths are from Bulfinch or from Edith Hamilton. And in the last 200 years since people stopped learning Greek and Latin as part of core schooling and no longer read the original writings when they are children, before the more modern fictional retellings that are how many of gen z and later first encountered the classic myths, these are the versions you generally first encountered many of the myths. Both of them are simplifying into a canon what are messy multiplicity of myths, but the way they tell the canon is fascinatingly skewed by their perspectives. Anyway, my first encounter with the myths in this life were through the lens of Edith Hamilton's Mythology, not Bulfinch.] But anyway, I was considering the myth of Psyche and Eros recently and how this was my second favorite of all the myths even when I was a small child. (My first favorite has always been Atalanta, though in a weird way there are a lot of parallels between them.) because as a kid, I was so certain "this is your story this life" which made absolutely no sense to me I was just certain of it and the goddess confirmed it to me when i asked her as a child but she told me not to worry about it because it would take time/patience but would unfold for the best healing to come together finally in mutual recognition but only after doubting and jealousies had seemed to destroy everything and set off on trials to find each other again..
And now, so much later in my life looking back, I find it so interesting comparing that myth to how things have mapped out to get us to where we are now and me still not seeing the way from here to cross the distances that have grown from the choices made.
It's just interesting. I don't pretend it's an answer, or even any part of one, I was just thinking recently upon the myth and how it relates to my own soul's journey through this life path.
I also had a polar bear dream since my last post. a recurring one of the main part of it, though at some point this week it shifted because I got so fed up with night after night of it. But even once the dream changed the ending, it was more frustrating than illuminating and didn't really answer or promise anything. We were just both caught in a labyrinth of sorts made of mists and mirrors (but mirrors showing all wrong angles and fantasy could be versions of us not us qua us) and echoes, never reaching each other because we'd head off based on what the mirrors and mists lied to our eyes promised us would actually take us further and even when we were right near each other close enough to touch each other if we had just turned the right way, we got turned around by the mirrors and mists headed away from each other seeking the promise of the other or thinking an echo was the original. And there was always a turning way out right by everywhere that I was, but it was to leave, to give up, to not reach each other. It was such a frustrating dream.... And I just got so frustrated and felt it all so hopeless and I just had a temper tantrum like a small child and I just started smashing the mirrors until my hands were bloody but there were still so many mirrors everywhere, even where I'd already broken them, and after breaking every mirror within my reach then having them repair/replace the moment I turned my back, I just sat down where I was to bang my fists against the ground continue venting my frustration with how hopeless it felt. I didn't take the way out, I just stopped playing the game sat down to have a temper tantrum because I was getting so frustrated and angry and feeling it was all hopeless. When I did that I disappeared out of the mirrors and then the polar bear got convinced I was just gone gone, that I had given up taken the exit out, and he got so depressed that he stopped and sat where he was started crying. And then I couldn't see him through the mirrors and mists, but I knew he hadn't taken his exit out to give up walk away because I could hear the echoes of his crying from every direction of his crying and I got so angry that this stupid labyrinth had hurt him so deeply and I couldn't solve it and my anger just boiled over burnt up all my frustration and I screamed out at it and after I was done screaming I just shouted into the echoes from all different directions, "This. Is. So. Stupid." And the bear stopped crying stood up on his hind legs so I saw him again in the mirrors through the mists turning round and round as he shouted back, "You're not gone?" And I stood up again so he could see me in all the mirrors said, "Not gone. This just seemed hopeless to me. And it was all so stupidly hopeless that I got frustrated and sat down gave up trying." And bear just seemed so happy as he was turning around in circles in that same spot trying to find the original me through the echoes/reflections and he said, "Not hopeless because you're not gone. Just. Hold still. Let me find my way back to you." And I just snorted sarcastically told him, "We tried that already. It didn't work. The mists and mirrors and echoes are too confusing. What are you going to do? Close your eyes and ears, so you just follow the bond?" And he grinned then shrugged, closed his eyes, and said, "We haven't tried that yet. Close your own eyes so you don't let the mirrors confuse you again, and just stay there tugging on the bond pulling it in." And so I just closed my eyes and sat in the sensory deprivation and tugged on the bond trying to pull it in toward me and trusting that maybe this would work since the eyes and ears had been so confused by the mists and mirrors and echoes. And when I closed my eyes in the dreaming, I woke up into my waking world.
And that was it, no resolution about if that will work. No reconnection moment. Not even the promise of it working eventually. No idea how we get out of the damn labyrinth even if he can reach me find me that way -- or if it's just a shamanic dream space representation of this stupid hopeless mess and will just fade away as soon as it's "solved" or given up on.
It was such a frustrating dream. And I didn't even know when I woke up what emotions I felt about it because I was such a mess of so many emotions and didn't even know whether I was feeling more frustrated hopeless over how stupid it was that in seeking each other we were running away form each other or to feel hope that maybe this would work if I just held tight to the bond and kept tugging on that to pull him in to find me and reach me through all the mirrors and mists and echoes. Honestly, the strongest emotion I had even upon waking was just thinking it was so fucking stupid we were even in that labyrinth of mists and fun house mirrors and echoes dealing with it.
I honestly can't remember ever having a dream that made me feel so frustrated/hopeless/angry/thinking it was so stupid we were even stuck within it as that dream made me feel....
It doesn't answer or really solve anything, but I thought I would share it. I can understand how my dreaming self created it and appreciate the symbolism in it, but damnit it's such a fucking frustrating dream and I don't even know if it works or if I'm going to have more dreams about the stupid labyrinth of mists and mirrors and echoes and him giving up or me opening my eyes losing faith and us still being stuck there OR if it somehow works and we're able to actually find each other reach out hold each other after using the pull of the bond to find the way through when we just ignore the normal sensory guides that the labyrinth was making such a confusion from... I feel so unsatisfied by these dreams.... And they just upset me. Such a stupid and frustrating labyrinth and wtf are we even caught in it anyway?!
Anyway, here are the Astro Poets Horoscopes for this week, as you can see, once more the dialogue/dance between them continues:
"Week of 4/13 in Libra: Something exacting and wise. That’s what the landscape of air truly can be. You hold onto it. You let it in with love. Now let love in and expand. Heat and emotion are purple and kind."
"Week of 4/13 in Pisces: Beautiful and boundless. That’s the love people
feel when they look at you. Blue like the sweet air of dreams. You are
one. The sweetest song imaginable."
[Post Title: Lyrics to Arrow by The Head and The Heart]
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