For what it's worth (and I genuinely don't think it worth anything to anyone except me but I wanted to be sure I was as clear and just as possible) I didn't reach my point of radical acceptance of Eric's choices/actions/inactions that led me to let him go this life because the penny dropped so the contingent fate lines disappeared and there remained only the immutable fate lines of me letting him go that I had to accept because it's impossible to change. The fate lines to get to where we choose each other can build a life together are still open, there are still life paths to get us there. Only, we can't actually reach any of those paths by walking the repeating same toxic circles created by limiting me from being welcomed or wanted in his life and the important pillars he built it around. There are paths to get to the fate lines we can heal and choose each other and build a future together -- there's just no way to reach them on the circular paths of toxic patterns where I am ostracized from what is central to him building his life around. 

*shrugs* 

I can't un ostracize myself from what his life is built around. I can't make myself welcomed where I am not wanted or allowed to sit at your table. I genuinely don't even want to sit at the table with people who want to play petty power trip mind games and lies like that. It's not worth my time or energy or love and there's nothing I want at a table where everything on it is laced with posions. 

So it's not a matter of immutable precogs that made me face and accept the need to let him go. It was the recognition that those aren't paths any act or choice of my making alone can get us to because I can't un ostracize myself to break the toxic cycles that are a consequence of the choices the girls made in 2018 and have defensively maintained ever since. I cannot welcome me where I am not welcomed or allowed to be included in his life as he has chosen to let his life be built for him. It was accepting that any step toward him while this is still a factor is a step where I can already see the end before the beginning as long as we are constrained by the toxic circles of the most important aspects of his life involving people and collectives from which I am blocked and not included or welcomed, aspects of his life in which I cannot take part in any healthy way. And I've told you, I swore an oath to myself not to invest in relationships when I can see the end before the beginning. And there's only one way it inevitably plays out if I try to let him back in while I'm blocked from taking part in what is of greatest importance to his life as he has built it. And we've all watched the cyclical heartache of how that pattern plays out.. and I'm tired of it, I'd rather leave and find a new path to walk see where it takes me than keep walking again the same circles and toxic cycles where nothing has changed beyond my willingness or unwillingness to let him reach me until the next time he hurts me by reminding me that I'm not welcomed or wanted in core foundational parts of his life.

It was a bitter thing to accept because it requires me accepting that either he likes it that way or he doesn't care enough about it, isn't affected enough by it to want to change it to break the toxic cycles. And that's not a healthy foundation for anything good between him and me if that's how he feels about me being intentionally and continuously excluded from his life.  I won't pretend facing and accepting that truth was EASY or that I liked it. But I also DID face it because lying to myself would cause more longterm harm than facing an unpleasant truth like this.

It was and is all those things. But it was NOT and is not a contingent/mutable precog turning to an immutable precog due to the penny dropping out of time for free will choosing different fate lines. It's not that sorrow stoicism knowing before it happens mourning out of sync with the flow of times as others experience it. 

It is many things, but it is not that. Those fate lines are still in existence that bring us together allow us a chance to try building our life paths together -- but they're all unreachable through any free will choices or actions I can make within the confines of the toxic circles we are stuck within as long as I am unwelcome and ostracized from being included in the things most central to his life. 

*shrugs* There are plenty of immutable precogs and death sight knowings I have to carry through my life playing Cassandra given my gifts. But accepting the letting go of Eric is not one of them, this was a radical acceptance of facing the truth as it IS and as others have chosen for it to remain for nearly 6 years now.  No investing in relationships where you can see the end before the beginning, it only results in heartache doesn't have to mean a precog flash of the ending -- sometimes it's just recognizing patterns that aren't changing only repeating and deciding you won't invest in those repeating cycles any further. 

That penny is still in the air, those paths aren't yet closed off from ending up on those fate lines -- there's just no way to reach any of the ones that get us anywhere better while lost going in the same circles of toxic patterns that aren't changing. And all I did since July when I was reminded those same toxic boundaries constrain us in the same toxic cycles still was I realized that I accept that truth and I'm tired of trying to fight all on my own to force a way out of the repeating cycles of these last six years... if that's all there is, and six years experience declares that's all there is, then my free will choice if that's all I can get out of this game is to close chapter walk away from the entire power trip games go find other paths where I am welcomed and wanted and invited and loved for me qua me.

But it wasn't the acceptance of precogs ossifying into the immutable and all I or anyone can do is accept that. And you shouldn't think those fate lines closed off entirely (at least not yet) or that free will choices can't get us to them -- just because it can't be done within the toxic cycles and patterns doesn't mean it can't be done, it means the boundaries and parameters need to change to allow for healing and the opening up of new paths out of the old circles. Just don't expect me to be fighting to get us to those paths -- I tried for six years with no help and no success and no way of breaking out of the trap of the toxic circles made circumscribing his life into those included and those ostracized excluded. I'm tired of trying to do it fighting by myself for something nobody else seems to care about, certainly don't care enough about to do anything to change. And that's why i chose to let him go this life and instead focus my time/attention/energy where I'm wanted and welcomed and chosen by the people I invest my heart into. 

Precogs have nothing to do with me giving up the fighting on this and letting go to look elsewhere -- I just got exhausted of being the only one trying and fighting for anything other than accepting the toxic recurring patterns as acceptable boundaries to keep within and somehow hoping to arrive at a healthy relationship. It stopped making sense and I got exhausted didn't see anything worth me fighting for putting myself through the same patterns by letting him in without changing anything about what poisoned it kept us in toxic cycles, especially if nobody but me cared. It wasn't the acceptance of an immutable precog, it was the acceptance of exhaustion realizing it only mattered to me and I couldn't make it healthy if only I cared about how/why it was made toxic and kept toxic. 

So I don't know that it's worth much to anyone but me.... But I wanted to be clear about that distinction between accepting what no power of free will can change versus accepting what nothing within my power by myself can shift and change and no signs that anyone but me cares or is willing to even try to fight for something different than the repeating cycles of the last six years..... Because those are very different reasons to accept closing a chapter walking away to seek a new path where you are welcomed and wanted, y'know?