That was a rather strange post after not writing here in a while, wasn't it? Sorry. Didn't mean to be weird. I mean, I can't help being wyrd, that's rather a state of being with me more than anything else I can't HELP the gifts, the way I use energy/spirit/magic/flow/chi/prana or whatever one wants to call it and how it manifests in me (and around me) is like breathing. In and out, constant cyclical flow but it's the same as breathing to me. I can intentionally focus on it and how I'm doing it, same as any intentional breathwork exercise, but it happens automatically without my control that I'm always channeling it in and shining it out through me like a filter. Like, I don't use rituals or spells or bother with moon water or crystals (other than I just have always had a thing for shiny crystals and cool rocks) or anything like that -- it's just raw will desire to shift something with a gift like reaching my hand out or it's just like any other sense be it sight or hearing or touch or taste or smell, you can deprive yourself of them but without some sort of physical damage or intentionally blocking them you can't turn off your sense and I can't turn off my clair- and intuitive gifts. So i can't help being wyrd, I don't mean to be I just sort of AM by my very nature isness. I don't desire to be a witch, I don't try to be, and I rarely even use that word for myself (even though the gifts do seem to come down bloodlines, some I only see on one side of the family and some only on the other) because I don't use rituals to try to make shit happen, I just AM therefore it DOES by either act of will or simply clairsentient sensory inputs. I've still never figured out at what point a girl is supposed to bring this up when dating, it's one of the reasons that I had paused on dating. The main reason was that it seems like a waste of time/energy and creates unnecessary heartache to date someone when you see the end before the beginning. Especially when it always plays out the way you precogged, no matter how hard you try to avoid that or to hide the wyrd gifts in you. So I told myself no more dating if/when I can see the end before the beginning. And, the thing about not bringing it up unless it comes up around them is that I don't like feeling like I'm lying by not being honest about my gifts -- how can you be intimate with anyone with a lie between you about your very nature and isness? I don't lie about it or hide it from any of my family or close friends -- couldn't hide it if I tried if you spend enough time around me. And not just because I tend to wake up gifts and shake to the surface past life memories that people are ready to integrate just as a catalyst by people being around me for too much time. 

So anyway. I didn't mean to make it weird, but I can't help the wyrd. And this morning was very much wyrd. I do think it was the feeling of such a massive hurricane heading northward, the desire to make sure not to be in its path at an instinctual level, in part due to old past life memories about tsunamis and volcanoes and the destructive power of such forces.  I'm actually better now that it's hit land so the variables of paths have narrowed down to a much narrower group of fatelines. Still destructive fatelines, but the "you need to get the fuck somewhere safe NOW" isn't in me like it was. I no longer have that screaming instinct inside me insisting to get the fuck to safety while you can because this is too big to stay where you are and it is deadly stronger than you. Normally that happens when I'm in physical peril by something like that or when somebody I love have a strong bond to is in imminent danger -- but in that later case I know who to call and to get them moving and my window of time to get them to safety which direction to send them. It felt like that, but I had no idea who was in the path of danger needed to get to greater safety and no way to reach them until it popped into my head to write it out here and it still took maybe an hour or two for it to calm but then it did the way it does when someone I love listens and gets themselves to safety outside the window of danger. This was just building horribly this morning even though I am nowhere near where any damage from it, or even weather affected by it could affect me. Sunny highs in the upper 70s up into 80s and not even a cold front moving in until Tuesday (I plan to get a lot of work done in the office garden bed prepping it for winter before my ground bees would be disturbed by what I'm doing.)

Could there be something else coming had me feeling that way? Possibly. I cannae swear it was or wasn't the monster beast of a hurricane or if it was geopolitical.... But for me it tends to be that this instinctive intuitive reaction tends to be about an overwhelming natural inescapable bigger than the human realm of power. If it's about human freewill choices, even serious geopolitical or political causes, it tends to be flashes of precogs, actually seeing or experiencing the fate lines that those freewill choices made THE future path. The instinctual animal brain need to flee is an intuitive reaction to physical natural world driven major events too big to stay put try to survive sheltered in place. 

Anyway. Sorry about the long silence (followed by such a weirdly wyrd sunrise post) but I just haven't had much I needed to get out of me in words until this morning overwhelmed. Lots of stories and lots of love and lots of music and theatre  -- as I said I've been focusing my energy and time being with people (and animals) who choose to be in my life and letting go, or at least letting be out of sight out of mind, those who don't desire or choose to be in my life. And I've just been in this really calm accepting zen place of gratitude for who and what IS in my life and not letting me worry my pretty little head or trouble my heart over anyone who doesn't want me or choose to be in my life. I'm also over halfway through living in two separate homes trying to balance two dogs and a cat watching Sophie while my parents are out of town. And then, last weekend I had plans with close friends Fri, Sat, and Sun (and a zoom watch party of the Packers game with family on the west coast) and then the weekend before that I had tickets to concerts or theatre every night Thurs through Sun. And introvert time with the dogs and/or at home with Spock as much as possible. (Mikaela has come over to spend time with me and the fur babies every week (and she has worn her Onoir shirt every time, she's been basically living in it since she picked it up in Milwaukee) while I've been silent here. Like I said, spending time with the people and animals choosing to be in my life, which is mostly family and friends who are like family -- and lots of shows still even through September. I have fewer shows in Oct, just a small handful, but family and friends who are family coming into town at the start and end of the month. Also my birthday is in there -- I don't really have plans (not even with my birthday twin) for my birthday and not even any shows near then. But also, the Universe seems to have fated plans for me having a solar eclipse to bring fated events in/out of ones life AND Rosh Hashonah to start a sweet new year by the Jewish calendar both happening ON my birthday this year and EVEN drawing in a short term second moon and all sorts of crazy astrological aspects. The heavens and the earth are doing plenty for my birthday this year, have you SEEN the aurora dancing over Wisconsin around this equinox window having the nodes on the Aries/Libra axis during a solar maximum?! Crazy gorgeous painted skies, nearly every night as the aurora dances visible even as far south in the state as I am many nights) so I feel like I don't need to make plans that will only be altered anyway to get me exactly when/where I'm meant to be. But yeah, my birthday IS next Weds, and no plans but damn the heavens and the earth have a lot going on for my birthday this year. 

No promises when (other than the booklist) I intend to post next here. I suppose I'm way behind on the astro poets, all of Aug and Sept behind now. But also, know that I am good and I'm not sitting in a place of overthinking or over feeling about what ISN'T choosing to be in my life or the people who make it clear they don't want to include me -- I'm just find the joy in dancing my way through the people and animals and music and magic and beauty of this world of all that are choosing to WANT to be in my life. (Even if from a distance.) The rest of this year is going to disappear fast, I realized at the Skerryvore show when I saw Maddie, Alan, and Keito for only like the second time of the entire fucking year that unless we prioritize making plans, I won't see any of them until next year. (In part because my sister and her family are stealing me out to Seattle area for three weeks of December to have Aunt Dani visit for Christmas. Two weeks always go by fast, but I don't know if they won't all be sick of me with it being three weeks this next visit -- but also my sister and brother-in-law bought the plane tickets for me soooo, yeah. Here we are then. Maybe I can find someone to steal me for a bit breakup the visit or something -- Cathy usually steals me for a short bit and sometimes J does but also I don't know if either of them will for the holidays. On verra. I'm going to miss the snow being in Kirkland though for three weeks of my Dec.... Maybe I should rent a car or hope someone wills teal me to take me to the mountains or something so I can have some snow time. Or maybe I'll just have to Elsa the greater Seattle area and sparkle that bitch up while I'm there, lol. My niece Monroe decided to skip right on over spooky season go directly to wearing all her winter time snowflake holiday Frozen  clothes because if she thinks like it's winter than it will sooner BE winter and sooner that she can hug me and have me back again. Even though I was out there in June as well as last Dec. But also, kids sense of time is different. But I expect even Mo bear will be sick of me after three weeks of Aunt Dani time, lol. Maybe not though.)

Anyway. Sunrise is up (didn't sleep last night, whoops!) so I'm going to make some coffee and breakfast quesadillas before I take both dogs to work at some point after 9am, whenever I can get my snuggle slugs moving, lol. And both dogs will go to work since Spock's annual vet visit is early in the afternoon today.