O, right. Random point of clarification. (which probably maybe doesn't need clarifying at all, but in my head it maybe did so here it is.)

I refer to him as the polar bear because in dream space he often IS in polar bear form. I don't actually KNOW if he would refer to himself as a bear most specifically a polar bear, I just refer to him that way in dream space and I called him many many lifetimes ago when the Vikings first encountered native tribes and I also told him as kids this lifetime in dream space that he's a polar bear when he's protective or sad or angry. But just because I have seen the polar bear in him for so long doesn't mean he does or anyone else does or he would ever refer to himself that way. Or maybe he does. And maybe it's all just the biggest coincidence or maybe it's a synchronicty or a gift from the Universe or maybe something even bigger or maybe it means nothing. I don't know.  I can just tell you why it is I refer to him as the polar bear or my polar bear. 

And my reason why is that in dream space he IS often in polar bear form whether he would self define that way or I just define him as such. Dream space is like that, only true natures show so if there's a strong spirit animal attachment or affinity for a soul, entities can show up that way as their own truth. But he's not ALWAYS or JUST his polar bear form. Sometimes he flickers between it and his physical self it just depends. I would say any time I've seen him incredibly protective, hurt, sorrowful, angry, looking for a fight in spirit dreams he is ALWAYS ALWAYS in his bear form. And when I've had spirit dreams about what is going on in his life that he is choosing paths we cannot walk together or he's choosing to be with someone else, he's always in bear form. But dreams like the one from the other night... He was in bear form when I first got close enough to see he was the source of the reversed shooting stars, he was a big white blur of singing bearness. But then when I got there and landed and he saw me, he started the flickering switching between bear form and his physical everyday form and by the time I got to where he was and had dropped all the song star sparks I'd collected on my way to him because I cared more about hugging him than holding them when he was right there in front of me, he was very much him as himself who he is NOW who wrapped his arms around me not in his bear spirit form. And same for the whole rest of the dream of us laying in the flower meadow watching the shooting stars and dragons and him singing his long song.

In that recent vision dream, he was only in bear form BEFORE he saw me running toward him and we embraced. I will say that in spirit dream form he's been only himself as his living self or the bear form for like four or five or six centuries now (I process time weirdly, always have, for me the image I have of time is a giant golden sphere that rotates; the only way I can process linear human time is when I have music playing providing me a metronome of the swift passing now, otherwise I tend to exist in constant flow state of isness) and when he's polar bear in dream space he's been the same bear form in the spirit dream world no matter WHICH living body life self he is. So for many centuries now, his polar bear form in vision dream space has endured ACROSS his lifetimes and his bodies -- but he's not ALWAYS in polar bear form in vision dream space, if that makes sense. When we were kids meeting up in shared vision dream space, he tended to only flicker into polar bear form when he was sad or angry or protective or while waiting for me worrying I wasn't coming while his body still slept. 

Vision dream space is a place where only truth shows, even if it shows in symbolic ways. So I call him the polar bear in dream space because while it's not the only form he takes when we share paths in dream space, it's a form that for many recent centuries has never shifted no matter what age he is or what lifetime he is. I think... I have rather naturally taken to calling him by his name when I'm talking about his CURRENT life and his choices as who he is in life he has lived this time around so far BUT whenever I refer to his soul or what has been consistent about him (and especially his relations to me) across lifetimes I refer to him as the polar bear. It's a bit more fluid than that because it's been more of a subconscious distinction and both are always him, but that is more or less how I decide whether to refer to him as Eric or as the polar bear (or "my polar bear") even though when I refer to him I mean all of him as he is now and as he is always is and who he has been and who he could be. He's always him, whether I refer to him by his name or as the polar bear or just talk about him slantwise referring to the bond given the bond exists between his soul and mine so all that I say about it is always about him/us/me and nobody else.

Does that make sense? 

Also. Mostly who I encounter in dream space are not human spirit forms -- he's one of the only incarnating humans who can always find me or (apparently) call me to him in vision dream space. And he always can if we are both sleeping at the same time, as long as he is free of attachments chaining him somewhere else and he WANTS to find me reach me in dream space -- he's even entered himself into other dreams that are just in my head not  the fey/gods realm world of shamanic vision dream space.  It's on the list of "just him" things. Which is a significantly longer list than you might realize.

Also also. When Mikaela (bonus little sister/cousin unrelated to me) was a child, like 4 or 5 years old, she started referring to me as "Lady Polar Bear" even though she knew nothing at all about Eric or him showing up as a polar bear in vision dreams. When I asked her why, she would shrug say I just am. Later she would explain it as I am a lady polar bear seeking my polar bear wherever he is, but that was her later addition. She also as a child would glare and send away random guys including waiters and friends hitting on me when I took her to public spaces by telling them, "Go away. leave her alone. YOU'RE not her Prince Charming. That's her polar bear. And YOU aren't HER polar bear prince." It would make me laugh so hard when she sent off men hitting on me that way because she was right but also only a six year old child Taurus with Mercury in Aries and moon in Leo would ever be that blunt and stubborn about it to strangers. To this day she doesn't know about my dream space polar bear from anything I've ever said or hinted, but her childhood insistence about me being a Lady Polar Bear opened the door for literally everyone who knows me best to associate me with loving polar bears for the last 14 or 15 years or so.

I slept quite a long while last night/this morning after not sleeping for so long and woke up feeling very well rested and settled about NOW and what is coming. Also, today was one of grandma's good days, she was all singing gratitude and smiles and jokes today; so it was very happy and pleasant to see her spend time with her taking her to her podiatry appointment. I've got more than 40 hours in for the week now so I'm going to head home as soon as I finish this cuppa tea (Maharaja Spiced Oolong Chai from Churchill's) and then either bed or curl up to read with herbal teas til I'm ready for bed. Tomorrow I don't have to work and so I may not head in until late afternoon so I can spend some time with the doggos and hand off Waffles to my parents since Crissy and I are going to go see the Wisconsin Chamber Orchestra (with a guest French fiddler) since Tim (who plays with symphony, chamber orchestra, operas, and many other local area performances in need of a violinist) has comp tickets for it that he gifted Crissy and me. Then Saturday is a bit of girl's day (didn't have to be, just ended up that way) heading to Milwaukee Art Museum for Art in Bloom (where they celebrate Spring by pairing florists with paintings in the collection then display the floral art piece in the museum right in front of/near the painting that was the inspiration/muse; every year the paintings and floral arrangements and even the florist teams change throughout the museum collections) -- Crissy and I have gone before but this is the first time that my mum, Sarah, and Mikaela will attend Art in Bloom.  So that's more or less my upcoming couple days around the normal life things. Some music, some art, some flowers, some good food, some friends/family/chosen family.