That was a very interesting experience. It wasn't clear cut any way, all over the potential fatelines throughout and afterward... Though I did feel gratitude and desire from all of them to not have this be the last time but not necessarily a desire or promise to right what set everything awry down paths where we arrive at the place where this could be a last time farewell. So I walked away unable to resolve the issues of being blocked on Instagram that is the root cause instigation of me feeling that I am unwanted/unwelcome to the band at their shows and as a fan. And I'll be honest, I still can't tell if this is a place of love HAGL wish you success but closed chapter farewell or if this was a step toward returning to a renewal of the old "every time you're driveably close let's have a love fest energy exchange." i still feel very much that I'm standing at the crossroads waiting to know which path will be chosen and which will be erased as if it never was.... It's a crossroads where knife edge could go either way where this for me is a new beginning renewal or a farewell for this life. (Cue Erykah Badu, Next Lifetime.) And like these aren't about my choices, it's about whether or not anyone steps up to taking accountability for past choices and acknowledging the blocking boundary issue to alter it thus opening up present/future paths to healing 

I was able to cut all cords and remove all hooks out of Britt, her reaction was an immediate, "I don't want this, I never wanted this, I didn't ask for this. Please help me and remove this." Which is the exact same reaction Crissy had when I offered back in college after her gifts first awoke (that was my fault; she was around when some shit happened and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of her life and being there while I dealt with something that targeted her as having no defenses is what awakened all her dormant gifts with no training whatsoever; and since it was my fault because "any soul seeking me be able to find me" is broad and was disapproved by many deities/archangels much less reckless than me, I felt it my responsibility to crash course train her spiritual gifts if she desired when I offered) but I gave her the same question, "Do you want this or do you want me to extricate you from this entanglement?" to cut the cords that a vampiric entity at St. Paul's in Madison that was energetically feeding on her in college. And a complete certainty desire to remove the cords is all that my respect for the sanctity of free will choices requires for me to act -- so I was able to cut the cords and remove all the hooks out of Britt. Verbal telling me what you want and it aligning with your inner truth is preferred, but in a pinch when I don't know if I will have another chance energetic permission/desire that I act is good enough in a situation like this. I did as much as I could for Liz to cut cords for her but couldn't remove the hooks into Liz, especially the deep ones. Which means those are points of potential future reconnection with either this entity or other entities in other contexts. I tried but every time she stepped forward close enough for it, she wavered. She was in a place of conflicted, "I don't want this but I want it in the name of the temptation it promises." And that doesn't meet my free will sanctity requirements to cleanse cords/hooks from an unincarnated entity out of an individual. I have to know that they completely desire no hesitation want it removed or to extricate from the entanglement if the opportunity offers. I can only help those who are ready and wanting my healing catalyst of opening fatelines.  She has to want it for me to heal her remove those cords/hooks/open paths into her soul and right now she doesn't have certainty when given the choice..... 

I will deal with this Minne entity on Sat and she won't have it able to reconnect with her because it will be gone -- but those openings into her from the hooks I couldn't remove because she didn't know if she did or didn't want them removed will be there for any other entity she encounters to connect to. And unless we're under attack and it's instinctive protective, I can't protect or heal anyone without their directly asking me.... And I certainly can't protect or heal anyone from what they are choosing of their own free will.  Because of my stance on the sanctity of free will as giving meaning to everything that could be. 

As far as Delta Rae goes.... I love what I love and will always love what I love for the esse of it and that will always bring me great joy to know it IS. That said. Choices need to be made to heal things. If that's desired. But they aren't my choices to make. And I am standing at the crossroads waiting to see what is chosen.... If healing the blocks that were created is chosen, I will be overjoyed welcome with open arms any rapprochement choice to heal this breach and my reaction will be the whole-hearted unalloyed welcoming joyousness of regaining what I had written off as lost. But if the choice is pride and defensiveness and doing nothing leaving the block, I will accept that as free will choice, walk away with no ill will but never make another opportunity or come to another show again or open paths trying to heal the boundary not of my creation. What I love, I love unconditionally -- but I will not cross a defensive boundary of personal free will choices maintained by pride and ego, especially when any choices regarding that boundary are not (and never were) my choices to make since it's not my boundary. My choices are to decide if I will respect that boundary or not -- and me even showing up last night, which was important to my sense of personal responsibility and karmic debt, required that i chose to disrespect and ignore the boundaries the girl's willfully created and chose to defend and that nobody in the band has ever been willing to even acknowledge.

And yeah, I recognize there is a vast difference between welcome with joy and simply accepting.... I never said I don't have any fucking preferences and desires for what I WANT for myself here, but my preference doesn't mean I have the ability to act and make my preference here shape the future reality. Because, this situation and whether or not I ever attend another Delta Rae show in the future isn't about my choices or my accountability or what is within my power to change/fix because I can't unblock myself and i can't even have a conversation over how/why that happened when there's only ghosting lack of responses to my past efforts to bring it up. So yeah, i can accept that things were improperly dealt with in the past and there was memory erasure from a vampiric spirit entity involved -- but recognizing that third party involvement that has led to this crossroads and rupture is a place of understanding but doesn't empower me to do anything to fix the source of the boundaries issue and me feeling I am unwelcome/unwanted by the band as a collective. I am empowered to remove the third party entity because fuck that bullshit entity and its manipulations, but I am not empowered to make choices or take accountability for others or unblock myself.... So my crossroads is not to know if action will be taken to fix this and to be in a place where I can at least accept whichever path is chosen as the genuine free will choices of the band and the members of it and what they allow to be done in the band's name.

Now. After much introspective existential car chats about something else crazy esoteric but not about the band just me questioning my choices and future choices regarding changing rules/fatelines sitting in the car park (that's not how we say it stateside... Parking garage, twas a parking garage) and my all night wandering between southern accent and Irish accent the entire many hours before the show at Vintage and pre show pretty suddenly settled into just an Irish accent (with occasional deep south idioms/exclamations) before we walked to Ian's Pizza at the top of State St for some post concert second dinner.

P. S. I adore Raye Zagaroza.  I categorically, unironically adore every single dang thing about her she shared of herself onstage tonight. Thank you. I don't know that she would have crossed my path otherwise. And she is darling. So thank you! 

P. P. S. If you can't surpass ego and defensiveness.... Take care of Adeline. She was a young soul darling at the show tonight, and she saw me shining through my bubble and took pictures of my shininess during certain moments and songs and came over after the show to share with me the pictures she took of my glowing joyousness. If you don't choose to keep me around, protect her. Please. She is young and doesn't yet know how bright and true her second sight is.... 

Okay. Pizza eating. Time is flux around me, I burned lots of energy, for reasons I stand behind. And Crissy is being patient but is tired. 

P. P. P. S. Somewhere in the course of the evening between taking my Detroit Zoo souvenir rose quartz polar bear paw print crystal out of the car where it hangs and wrapping it around my wrist so nobody did a smash and grab for it and when I got home, the rose quartz fell out and the metal almost completely oxidized from silvery to copper colored every exposed surface that touched my skin... 

I didn't notice it til I got home and realized the chain was still wrapped around my polar bear Fahlo bracelet (holiday gift from a family friend who is a bonus auntie unrelated to me; the bear that it tracks and helps supports is named Ella.)

No idea where the crystal is or what happened to it. Not sure if this was to keep me from going in all empath sponge forgiveness and hope or if it portends something bigger.... All I know is that the rose quartz part of this souvenir necklace has brought all it could to me and has now moved on to find somebody else to help and heal.... And that is as it should be if it is no longer meant to be mine.