I brought up the past and the present not because I'm intending to do anything stupid (I'm not intending anything right now with the bond) or to publicly make a scene directly bring it up to them yet again (I've accepted they have no desire to fix this and they're okay with having the poison of their acts of bullying and lack of inclusion in the heart of their identity as a band) or that I've seen anything in the future that this affects.  I'm rehashing it to make it clear why things are the way they are in the present and why specific behaviors will receive specific reactions from me fighting him reaching me via the bond and why nothing that the band creates can or will touch me or bring me joy or earn you any positive feedback so long as these choices that create this poison are there in the band's instagram account. 

I don't intend to do anything about it except when energetically cornered and then I'll fight him so he can't reach me and drop poisons into the bond. And I don't expect them to do anything different than the version of themselves they've shown they are by allowing the bullying to occur and gaslighting it rather than acknowledging it when it's been brought to their attention.  

I'm out of solutions or things I can do to get out of this mess that my only part of the making of it has been to choose straight shooting honesty all along, including when that honesty isn't what the girls wanted to hear. I don't even have hope that anything will change here -- all I'm doing is my best with this hand I hold and the options I have within my own choices given that trying to be honest and talk about it communicate like adults not middle school wannabe queen bees got me nowhere. You can't communicate or work to make things right with people who won't even respond or acknowledge when you try to talk to them about it. So I give up on trying to bring it up to them and they clearly have no concept why it's an issue... And as a result, nothing the band creates or does will ever bring me joy or reach me or gain approval from me for as long as they choose not to face the bullying of their past and present -- and which I fully expect will continue for their entire future for as long as the band exists given their unwillingness to address it or even acknowledge it. 

I also don't expect anything to ever come into reality in this life from the bond between  me and Eric because even if I weren't having to fight him and try to blocking him from reaching me energetically every week, I don't intend to seek him out and nothing he creates or does with the band will reach me so what does that leave? A rom com expectation that somehow he'll do something beyond reaching along the bond to reach me and it will all magically work out without anyone doing the shadow work necessary to heal any possible relations between his band and me? I sincerely wish that were true. It's a beautiful dream to want to believe in. But that fantasy has too many plot holes in it for even Hallmark Channel to pick it up. There's no happy ending there without doing the shadow work to fix what has been broken and stop the poison at the source so healing can start. So i don't expect any such thing from him.... I just take each day as whatever reaches me from him or the Universe nudging me reminding me the band exists and I try to let it flow through me but not affect me and i carry on. Because i can't fix this with my options and nobody else who could fix it has ever chosen to eat crow to do the shadow work of admitting that this happened and is ongoing. So i treat it like moving through someone else's emotional spaces as an empath: I experience it, I react how I must to try to triage it if I can, and then I release it instead of holding it inside me until the next time I'm exposed to it -- and when it's super toxic, i do whatever i can to avoid spreading the contagion or making other people outside the dynamic suffer as a result of it

It's far from healthy, let alone ideal, but that's where things are at inside me and my level set of expectations regarding Eric's choices in this life and regarding anything the band creates at this point... Maybe I should have more optimism that it will somehow magically work out, but in my experience toxic behavior patterns don't get better without someone stepping up to do the work and muck out the stalls. And ain't nobody in the Delta Rae camp choosing to even acknowledge or talk about it let alone do the necessary things to stop the poison at its source thus far so I have zero expectations that they ever will. 

It's hard to have any hope things will change when you can't do anything to change it and the people who can do something about it rebuff honest attempts at dialogue won't even acknowledge the need for change exists, y'know? I'm magical af, but I'm not completely out of touch with reality based expectations.  Magic only happens with a choice to change things, and in this case even the passing of time doesn't seem to be changing the dynamics of what needs to happen to heal the mess made in October 2018 and all the poisons it created and continues to create.

But I'm also weak enough that if he won't let me mute the bond for his sake so he can be free to find another path without me tugging at him in his inner soul space, then when his love is pouring into me heady and strong I'll just enjoy it and snuggle into it and pour love back toward him.  Because I can't deny myself that much, at least not when the bond is full strength and in full flood. I'm magical af remember, that's not the same thing as being a saint. Even when more than one of your past lives have been canonized and are still worshiped by people....