For the record. I did try to let go of the bond between Eric and me and accept the necessity of that following the November 2019 shows I'd purchased back in July 2019 before the August 2019 refusal to respond or even acknowledge when I brought this matter up to Delta Rae (across multiple platforms, public and private and to personal as well as band accounts.)  I felt that was the kindest and best thing i could do for him in this situation and I would muddle through that absence inside my quiet space somehow. Because I do understand how integral Delta Rae is into every aspect of his life (family, friends, work/financial, creative expression) so I felt it was unfair for anyone to put him in the middle of these choices that were made in the name of the entire band and not dealt with or even acknowledged by anyone in the band or representing the band.  

I have done everything I possibly can to release him from the promises made so many lifetimes ago and free him from the seeking/desire for each other to reunite in this life because since what happened in October 2018 in the name of the entire band, I  cannot see a way for me to be any part of his happiness and his choices.  I have tried every way I can both by unfollowing on every social media platform his accounts and other individuals in the band I still had followed up til then and by literally trying to put barriers and blocks between our souls so that the bond won't tug at him the way it has/does. So he couldn't reach me and return to that place of love and comfort that the bond is for both of us, to force him to look elsewhere for whatever it is he's seeking for himself.  Not because I don't want to see him, but because I felt it was the cleanest thing i could do for him once I didn't see a way for anything healthy to be there after the choices made in the name of the entire band and perpetuated by them even once they were independent in complete control of their own accounts and pr. I haven't wanted to push him out or try to block his soul from reaching me via the bond and it's hurt me every time I try, but I've still stoicly done so because I felt it would be the healthiest and best thing I could do for him under these circumstances.

Every time I've tried, he's broken through and reasserted that the bond is ours, not just mine, and it's not something he's willing to give up. And it's incredibly draining on me to try to fight him and keep him out that way -- now I'm so exhausted that I really only do it when he takes active part in poisoning the bond by knowingly taking an active part in the bullying via ostracism of him choosing to go live on the Delta Rae instagram account. That's really the only time it burns that way, not when he's working on other Delta Rae related things or spending time with them, solely when he's doing stuff on the band's instagram account but it does burn acid down the bond EVERY time he goes live or uses the band instagram account where the source of the poison is.

I don't have a way to square this circle, of accepting that Delta Rae can bring me no pleasure or impress me with anything they create so long as this poison is there in their instagram account and having this strong soul to soul bond with Eric. I don't have a way to do what's healthy for him or for me in this situation or results in the happiness either of us seek. I'm doing my best, but I cannot stop the poison at its source nor cut the soul cord to him nor make other people's choices for them.  All i can do is fight him to push him out so he cannot reach me whenever he chooses to take an active role in the bullying via ostracism by him choosing to go live on the band's account where the source of the poison is.  And I do fight him and shut him out when he does it. Every. Damn. Time. Ever since August 2019 when I directly brought it up to him on his tweet about going live on the band instagram "to celebrate with all our fans and Kickstarter backers" and also in his personal account dm why that was a problem and not inclusive of all fans and all Kickstarter backers. he also chose not to respond or even acknowledge. Which is when I decided that the 3 shows in Novemeber 2019 I had tickets to attend would be my farewell to them and then I would do whatever I had to do to try to remove that bond from flowing between our souls since he'd made his choice. And every week he pushes me to try it again -- and for the last over a year, I really only know peace the times I've managed to block out the bond and the poison from it for long enough not to have to fight him over this every fucking week. 

And I genuinely don't think that's the answer, or even a healthy good cycle of behaviors, but I don't know a better way to handle this particular dilemma/pattern with what is and isn't within my options.

The simple and obvious answer is for someone to just to clean up this immature juvenile bullshit mess and stop the poison at the source. but to do that involves choices that aren't in my power to make. The next most simple and obvious answer for me to just wash my hands of all of them and walk away let them do what they want with the choices they've made -- but I've tried that and the soul bond between Eric and me keeps bringing them back even in the most random ways to remind me they're still out there and this is still a thing no matter how hard I try to just walk away be done with it/them. So I'm left having to sacrifice try to cut out of me something that matters more to me than anything else in my life just to make sure that the poisons of other people's creation don't fuck that connection up in ways that will take centuries and lifetimes to heal it... 

But neither he nor anyone else in the band should expect they can create or do anything that will touch me or impress me or get my support unless and until they clean up the poisons of their own make on their own instagram account that are perpetuated in their name.  It's simply never going to happen without honesty/accountability of what's happened and a choice to stop the poison at its source. 

I don't know what else to say about it other than to be honest about the fact that their choices to act as bullies and to endorse ostracism while claiming to make things available "to all our fans" despite having blocked fans for simple honesty is poisonous and destroys the good in everything they attempt to create and do so it cannot bring me joy or impress me or want anything to do with it. I don't know any other way than to  be honest about what happened and the consequences of it and why they can't expect any other outcome no matter what they create so long as the poison is there in their instagram account destroying the seeds from being able to germinate before you even plant them or try to build anything. And I don't see what anyone can expect me to do within the limitations of this set of circumstances other than what I've done to cut points of contact and my inability to have any positive reaction to anything they create or do as a result of the poison of their past choices and which they allow to continue even in the prsent.