You'll have to answer, To your own Pressure. I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale. But here you are in the ninth, Two men out and three men on, Nowhere to look but inside. Where we all respond to Pressure.

I'm still alive.

And yes, I'm still pissed as hell at Britt for her behavior and the rest of Delta Rae for enabling it -- and this time there is no getting back on my good side, not even by Eric, except by addressing this issue and actually fixing it. It would have been different if she'd mentioned all social medias, but same as at those three shows it was ONLY Instagram she brought up and the phrasing on it was VERY deliberately female ostracism of, "just so you know everyone but you is invited to the party and I'm going to make sure I ONLY put content where YOU can't see it and rub it in your face that it's there and you can't access it." And she can deny that all she wants, but there's no other logical explanation that explains WHY it was specifically ONLY Instagram that was mentioned and it was phrased the way it was. It was deliberate female bullying and cruelty. And if you accept any rationalizing she can POSSIBLY give for phrasing that as she did AND her refusal to even acknowledge or respond to reminders for 13 months that she HAS created a system of ostracism in the band's name on the BAND'S official account by blocking fans for being honest they did not (and do not) like the country music thing, then you're complicit in her cruelty or you're really fucking gullible.  And whether complicit or just that gullible, I refuse to have anything to do with anyone who chooses to KNOWINGLY be involved with that sort of bullying behaviors.

Which is why I'm done done this time and will not even let you in to reach me in any capacity to try to weaken my determination by you reminding me of all the things there that I love and why this is so perfect and should be so easy. You're out of your get out of jail cards and one more chances and do-overs if you don't confront this and fix it. It's that toxic and intentionally cruel and downright EVIL what is happening on the Delta Rae band account and you are guilty of the same cruelty for allowing the behaviors to continue right under your nose and in your name.  There is no making this even a little better other than confronting this mess of Brittany's making, Brittany's perpetuating by poking the bear, and making the conscious decision of fixing this not letting it happen again to ANYONE.

And this is now an ethics issue. The one thing in all the world I will NEVER let my anger burn out over are ethics issues, especially ethics issues regarding how someone treats another living being....  So I'm not willing to bend on this. Not now, not ever. I've never, in this life or any other, backed down when confronted with a bully or someone playing games of master-slave dialectic control issues -- and I don't intend to start now. Not even for Eric. Right is right and wrong is wrong. And if you choose to blur those lines, then you become guilty of the wrong just as surely as the person whose wrong behaviors you're excusing and condoning.

I didn't make it this way and I can't fix it other than to refuse to stand for these behaviors any longer and to stick to what's right even if it hurts instead of allowing a wrong because of how I feel about Eric. And remember it's his sister acting as a bully --it's why when she first did this I said, "Fuck it I'm done!" until I realized I might be punishing him and the other guys who didn't know about it to understand why. Now they know, now they are complicit for letting it continue, but ultimately this is on Brittany's immaturity and her deliberate intentional acts of cruelty.  This breakdown isn't about Eric or my desire to be with him or anything he's done recently or me running from him -- it's about his sister's bullying behavior patterns and what's being done in the name of the band on their official accounts that everyone else is condoning and complicit in at this point by their silence and unwillingness to confront and fix these very real issues she created and continues to perpetuate. He is losing me from his options this life BECAUSE of Brittany's games she's playing and no other reason. There is no other truth but that at this point -- anything else is just rationalizing and bullshit spin. This is about her bullying behaviors on the official band instagram and now their email list. It's about her actions and the other members being complicit in their silence ignoring her bullying and thus condoning it.

And that's my final word on this.

~*~*~*~*~

Yesterday I had Thanksgiving meal with my parents, grandma, Crissy, Pete, and Gleen at Essen Haus. (for about 30 years they have provided a full Thanksgiving meals for students and people who can't cook/host or with no families or whatever. Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, yams, cranberry, mixed veggies, then choice of 4 kinds of pie (apple, cherry, pecan, pumpkin.)  It was great fun!!!!

Then I went to Crissy's to meet her new cat, Henry. Before ending up discussing the family business I mentioned (and getting a more complete story of what happened) with many people for about 3 hours. With more of the story, it's even worse....... But at least it's been dragged into the light now so the healing and dealing with the fallout can happen.

Today Mikaela came over since she's still off school. So Alana came to hang out with us by the hearth (I laid a fire, we kept it burning all day) til Alana had to leave at 10:30 for work. Miakela and I had a How to train Your Dragon pizza party for lunch. AND!! scored free breadsticks!!! The manager asked if I had gotten any good black Friday deals and I laughed said, "O no! Just coming this close to the mall to pickup the pizza I nearly got killed a half dozen times. I'm looking forward to going home to eat pizza with the kid off school, watch How To Train Your Dragon, and then put up the Christmas tree." He laughed said, "Yeah. The mall iz a zoo. I've had to deliver several orders for employees there and just dealing with that parking lot was insane." Then he turned around and grabbed an order of breadsticks, knocked on the counter then pointed at it lifted his finger to tell the kitchen staff to box up another for that order, and gifted me free breadsticks with a wink and a, 'Happy Black Friday!"  That was fun. And very very kind of him!!!!

Then Mikaela and I spent the rest of the afternoon setting up my tree and putting on all the wood cuts and bears and dinosaurs and cute woodland critters and wintry themed ornaments and white/silver/gold baubles I've amassed

And then, because I need to buy new storage containers to reorganize my holiday kitsch so Halloween hadn't yet been put away, I moved Halloween from taking over the dining room table and piano (the pumpkins actually on the black keys are foam, didn't weigh enough to hurt the keys) to putting it under the tree. It's my homage to Nightmare Before Christmas. I LOVE IT!!! May make it a personal tradition to ALWAYS store Halloween under the Christmas tree until midnight of Christmas Day, lol. I love it so much!

Then in exchange for her daughter, Sarah brought my gorgeous square wooden table I salvaged from being curbed by someone else (could use a little woodworking tlc, less than some of my other antique woodwork pieces though -- legs are a little loose on this one) that's been sitting in shipping at work because it couldn't fit in the back of the Scion.

Then dropped my dog off at work while my da and I went to Fuji for dinner. (I had a birthday coupon that expires tomorrow for $10 off with the purchase of 2 hibachi dinners. And my mum has a headache and a bit of a cold isn't hungry preferred rest over joining us. We're also going there for company holiday dinner next week. AND my mum has a birthday coupon for her expires Dec. 31. AND my papa will get one for his birthday that will expire end of February. So she'll have plenty of hibachi dinners in her near future, lol.)

Then I came back to my dog and asked my sister to call me once the kids were put to bed so I could fill her in on the more information about what's going on in the family. Since then been listening to Billy Joel on randomize (what I had put on for my dog -- he's one of the favorites for me and my pup. My cat always prefers George Winston best of all, but for Audrey and me when we want lyrics nothing beats out Billy Joel) and drinking tea and gif warring with my sister who's been on my case to buy tickets pick a date for my next Seattle visit. But in a super cute bombard me with gifs make me laugh at how relentlessly singleminded she is about missing me and my next visit. (My sister is very type A. She wants this planned and in the books. She also knows me and that I can lose track of time and if she doesn't remind me in ways that make me laugh (as opposed to ways that make me stubbornly contrary) I can kick along without realizing how much time has passed between visits. And they genuinely love having me visit them in Seattle area. And I love visiting them, and the kids. Jack and Monroe are incredibly good kids!)  We're somewhere down the rabbithole of Addams Family gif memes atm.

So that's the last couple days.

Tomorrow, I have girls day plans to go to a winery with a groupon my mom bought for tasting and cheese pairing with my mom, Sarah, Crissy 9and maybe Mikaela will join us.) Then after that we're going to all go see Downtown Abby movie at the second run theater in town where tickets are like $2 any time of day. And then likely leftovers for me and watering all 100+ plants of mine at work and putting up all the indoor holiday decorations at work. (Still need to put up the icicle lights outside at work, but that's a two person job and it's been too crazy busy around here to get to it.

So likely not going to write here next til after all that, lol. No promises if I need to write or vent somewhere. But most likely.

[Post Title: Lyrics to the Billy Joel song Pressure.]