"When the Master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists. Next best is a leader who is loved. Next, one who is feared. The worst is one who is despised. If you don't trust people, you make them untrustworthy. The Master doesn't talk, he acts. When his work is done, the people say, "Amazing: we did it, all by ourselves!""~Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

I didn't post as I'd promised I would - Mikaela and her mom stayed and hung out withe and Miss Audrey Pupburn til 9:30. In part because Mikaela misses me,  in part because Sarah has quotes to get done for customers,  and in part because Chris (her dad) is in a bad phase right now as well as a close friend of hers having family/depression/suicide issues and for them I am a source of calm and strength and light.  But mostly because Mikaela missed me a lot and our recent attempts to hang out keep being thwarted by one or both of us getting migraines.  She was more than happy after her homework was done and I helped her with some beginner French (her high school only offers it online) to sit on the couch at work with me and the dog snuggled up between us,  drinking tea and reading books (she's reading the Harry Potter series for the first time right now,  and I just started today one of M's favorite YA series, The Looking Glass Wars, that she insisted I buy the first one at HPB Clearance. It's not particularly great imho,  but super quick read under 400pgs, and it's $1 and 3.5hrs of my time makes her happy. I'll probably pick up the rest now because I'm a completionist.)  And then we ordered Pizza Hut for dinner, had an impromptu Pizza party.

Anyway.  Short version of my reasoning for taking me out of leading the fight choosing a rewards life on the sidelines.  I have spent about 2,300 years of lifetimes setting up the chance to even HOPE to win and recruiting and training and inspiring souls who could be healers and lightworkers and chose to take up this mantle as a part of their soul's path. Ever since I got outvoted as only 1 other of the ancient souls who didn't choose ascension in the last one  sided with me that the ant colony expansionist colonialism of enforced rules of the Imperial Roman model was a pernicious disease that would lead souls away from their duty of stewardship and empathy for all creation until it potentially destroyed mankind and the entire planet.  I was outvoted by the other ancients and I lost my battles in the incarnated lives I spent trying to stop or temper the worst effects of what was wrong at the root and basic premise of it.  I lost,  I lost badly,  and I died for it as did other souls who followed me.  My lives in Europe and the Byzantine,  I spent either fighting or changing its nature from within and my other lives I came over to this side of the Atlantic and in my backpack to my backpack (Australia/New Zealand) to work within the tribes to save what I could, to prepare them for the most important fight for humanity's soul, and to imbue as much protections and seeds of hope in the land itself as possible.  Why did you think the Americas, especially in the north and west and down in South America, has so many places where you can go and find peace and connect up to the Universe? It isn't by chance and it isn't because of the remaining natural spaces.  I spent lifetimes crwating them and removing the dark nephilim and evil spirits. I've failed the south of the US - I sacrificed it as I never really liked it so I never ptotected it ptoprrly.  but ehst it became wasn't my doing,  it was what the children of Rome did and the atrocities and evil blood magic spilt across the South of the US and all the suffering they put there.  It'll take me lifetimes to cleanse it and realign those blood curses they brought here, if I choose to bother healing it.  I should, at some point,  before it grows worse.  Instead I just contained it within its own borders.

I did what I could where I could to setup the board and nudge things down better paths and kick the confrontation down the line til there'd be a chance of changing course from the worst I'd seen. In Greece, in Italy,  in France,  in England/Ireland, in Russia,  but the bulk of it in unrecorded lives in the Americas.  For 2300 years. And I sought allies amongst the gods/goddesses/debas/elentals/fairfolk who serve the light of creation and individuated from the Unity of All-Spirit but didn't choose incarnations for their path.  I found a lot of allies amongst them,  their sense of time being even stranger than mine.  ..

Last life, I knew I could stall it no more.  So I chose a life path of loneliness and fame and to burn like a shooting star across the psyche of the world to be certain everyone who needed to saw me and found me and knew.   This life, for my life path,  I chose a reward life (I've got plenty accrued)  where I could do my little bit to make the lives of others better for my touch upon them AND any soul seeking me could find me AND i'd get to live my entire life surrounded by the love of those who can love me just as I am.  No pedestals or worship,  just to love me as I am, me qua me.  I was told what I asked was nearly impossible and offered I could be allowed back to France early.  I was stubborn about what I wanted and said I'd wait til it could be done.

About 14.5 or so years ago,  the course of humanity was that greed and materialistic expansion  had concentrated power in the wrong souls and most of the rest were oblivious or caught up in the lies and seductions of ego-driven materialism so humanity was going to destroy all life on this planet.  All future paths were truncated.  The only way to stop it was to get rid of humanity as the means of the individuated soul's lessons about the Creation as a failed experiment.  The ancient souls voted unanimously that it was failed and better to end it before it destroyed everything. And when I say unanimously, that means me as well.  We all voted humanity was a failed experiment despite all our best efforts.

Six months after that vote, I was wrestling with my conscience on a point of fairness. MOST of the souls incarnated right now are young souls,  under 3 lives ypung.  (most even under 10 lives.) These young souls were no part in the collective decisions that humanity made that brought us here and MANY of them never agreed to the Roman cancerous ant colony paradigm.  It was unfair to punish them for what they had no part in.  I raised this issue and 7 others of the ancient souls agreed with me it was unfair,  but they saw no way to make it fair because the young souls didn't know what they didn't know just followed blindly the experiential life they were reveling in and the corrupted lost ego-driven souls outnumbered the old souls to be able to teach them better.

So I proposed one last effort,  in the name of fairness,  to redeem humanity as the incarnating vehicle of spirit.  I proposed that we lay out all the information,  bring everything into the light, unmask it and force everyone to face all the hard truths and decide which side they stood on.  And the fate of mankind was to rest on that decision BUT for this decision,  the ONLY votes to be counted were those who hadn't created the mess - only souls younger than 3 lives had the power to choose between shifting the paradigm or self-annihilation. EVERY soul would be tested and have to choose and if they chose ego-driven old paradigm,  then after their current life they would be held in stasis between lives for however long it takes for tge new paradigm to establish then slowly one at at a time reborn back into the cycles to heal but never again outnumber the healed/healers. Everyone was to be tested in the unmasking, and every soul can fight in the present,  but ONLY the choices of those within their first 3 lives would choose the future path.  We ancients would abdicate our earned right to guide humanity through the time of unmasking and the time of deciding and the time of the young souls taking the reins, because it had to be the choice of the innocent ones given full knowledge to have a say in their own fate.

That was my solution.  I spent centuries working on it,  with a lot of help,  to try to work out how to be fair.  I was able to convince 2 other of the ancient souls (1 of them having sided with me 2300 years ago) this plan was the only fair solution. 2 is outvoted,  3 is enough of a holdout to override the rest on ending the experiment.  And without that option,  my solution was chosen as the young souls making the wrong choice brings us back to ending humanity as failed. (there aren't all that many of us you know.)

So my crazy chaotic good free will loving solution was allowed to move forward and the unmasking began and what I call "the stepping stone path" through was created.  It's tricky,  nearly impossible, and may well fail - but it is a path through instead of simply ending the failed experiment. All the craziness,  everything coming into the light,  all the posdible fate lines being drawn into this bottleneck,  all the impossible to see future paths,  all of the ego testing.... All of it is leading up to the rivet point of wgen the final vote tally of the under 3 lives souls is taken.  And it's entirely my fault, all this time of chaos bringing things to the light. And it's why balance of ma'at for me to do that REQUIRES I can't tip the scales any further than what I've set in motion bern working on for so long.  It REQUIRES that I pass my tests (same as any/every soul of all ages)  while enjoying my reward life on the sidelines of history and fixing in me my own lessons where I need work.  It requires of me that I NOT try to step forward to lead the good fight but that I let others do it.  It requires I trust in what I've done and I trust i. The innate goodnesd of souls still so close to the well of creation and complete unity.

It's a big fucking gamble.  And a big leap of faith....  But I did my best yo set it up not to fail against all the odds against me. And I believe it was enough.   And if I win this gamble,  then the souls making wrong-headed ego-driven greed choices believing in the imperialistic paradigm get put on a timeout til the next paradigm is created (there are 2 paths,  and I don't KNOW which wins. That's too hazy in tbe future pethapses for me to do more than see what that fork will be.  If we get there.  If we can get humanity across the difficult time of the unmasking, deciding,  and fighting for survival.....  But if the young souls choose in full knowledge as I hope and believe they will,  then one by one as the ego-driven souls die,  they'll get dealt out of the incarnations until this crisis is past.

If the young souls don't choose as I believe they will, then we go back to ending humanity as a failed experiment and hope my little insistence on fairness/justice doesn't mean complete extinction of all life entirely on this planet....  My dad this life,  also an ancient soul but one of laws and believes greed the fault not the basic issue of Imperialism as a model for mankind, thinks I did wrongly.  And he's pretty constantly trying to get me to stop being one of the three holdouts from ending the human experience.... I disagree with his solutions,  they rely on conforming to what is best for the whole (he calls it orgacentricity instead of egocentricity and thinks humans need to view themselves as an organism - he doesn't understand why I say that just metastisizes the root of what's wrong in Imperialism by grafting utilitarianism onto it.) It's a bit of a relief to me right now they're in Montana,  right before they left he was giving me a VERY hard time about how this too late stage to save.....  But it had to be left this long,  so the consequences could be part of the choosing and there could be no other way......

Anyway.  That's why my ethical lines are unwavering and I know precisely where my moral lines are and what I stand for BUT I have to sit this one out on the sidelines as far as active work goes and limit myself to my small individual life.