So I was thinking about it last night while sitting on the couch watching the fire and sipping from a glencairn of Highland Park Spirit of the Bear. And. I think. Given the nature of the bond, he probably knows and can feel something is off whenever I've doubted and pulled away from him in the past. He may not understand what's wrong or why I'd be feeling that sort of way (sometimes I don't know the why of me feeling some sort of way either, especially in the middle of feeling it) but he can feel it inside him strong as his own feelings. Because that's how it is for me whenever he's feeling some sort of way, and the stronger his feeling the more intense they echo inside me. And if we accept my theory/analogy (the best I have) that the bond is like a taut string which pulls with equal tension on both attachment points and that's how the emotional vibration/sound wave pattern can be formed on it when plucked, then the fact the plucking of his heart strings resonate to be heard within me means that mine must resonate for him to hear inside him. 

And I was thinking about it because... When he gets to feeling a lot (and last night he was feeling a lot of sorts of ways) then if I'm not sitting in a nihilist space of questioning if it's even real or if it's wrong by him somehow to encourage him (I'm not in either of those headspaces right now at all) then I will often reach down the bond to send him waves of reassurance and love, heart to heart and soul to soul, until the feeling some sort of way is soothed. It always works, it generally works for me when I get to feeling some sort of way and he just floods the bond with his love for me and reassurance of its isness. Because the truth of an emotional response is louder than overthinking making you feeling some sort of way second guessing or giving an ear to fears or guilt or regrets.... like propagating soundwaves can amplify each other or cancel each other out or even erase the weaker with the stronger depending on how their curves align. (O. I hadn't thought about it too much because it's been so many lifetimes since it happened about anything other than the yearning separation but, imagine how intense it would be if we were both feeling the exact same sort of way so our emotions were augmenting amplifying each other's mirrored back and forth crescendoing...)  but anyway, when I'm not trying to make myself believe that the best thing for him is for me to give him up, whenever he's strongly feeling some sort of way, I do try to internally reassure back to him, especially if he feels sad or scared/anxious with sending him an intense wash of love. And it works, I don't know how to explain it but I can tell that it reaches him and soothes and calms whatever he's feeling that has him unsteady by reassuring him that the bond is there and no matter anything else or any mess that happens, there's always strong love in each of us at the root of everything between us.

Also. And I don't know if this is true for him because it's like my precog flashes time loops which is a gift I don't know if he has, but it has been true for me in the past.... It's worth remembering. When the bond is strong and not being weakened by either of our choices/actions/inactions, strong emotions can create what I call overlays. Which is where I would literally experience the linked emotion AND what he was experiencing when it happened. Not all the time, just the most intense feelings and moments. Which was awkward enough for a bit while he was with someone else that in dream space I went to Seelie and asked the fée king to take away the overlays and he said he could only do that by cocooning the bond making it go to sleep and that if he did that for me it would never wake up again until I wanted it to awaken and he would never again for any reason be willing to cocoon it again for me after I awakened it again. (That was the first time I tried to silence or weaken the bond between us this lifetime, and it was about the inappropriate nature of some of the overlays I was receiving.) And I would expect that nurturing the bond, rather than trying to weaken or put it to sleep, means that the potential for overlays when the other has strong emotions would increase. Which isn't a bad thing necessarily, just something to be aware could happen again -- it only bothered me when it made me feel like an unwilling voyeur peeking in where I didn't belong any time he had strong emotions.

Anyway, last night I just had a cozy hour or so contemplative setting my book aside wanting to watch the fire letting myself just feel and think about whatever came up while meditating watching the flames. And what came to me as I sat in that stillness sipping my scotch watching the fire crackle was a lot of him feeling all sorts of ways and curiously I kept intermittently hearing some piano during all his emotions he was feeling and it got me thinking about the way that emotions resonate down the bond itself, the stronger the emotion the louder it comes through that way. And it probably means, that when either of us gets off balance by anxiety or overthinking or fear or second guessing, it destabilizes the other as well because of the way it resonates any emotion in one of us reaches the other. Especially when the overthinking etc is about the other one so we have them clearly front of mind focused. But. I think. It also means that if the other one just stays steady in a place of love toward the one feeling unsteady destabilized, that can help balance out the over thinking of the other. 

And I was reminded of it because just now there was that rush down the bond there was that thing he sometimes does which feels a bit like a forehead kiss on the third eye and a rush of emotions from him like, "Hi. Just wanted to be sure you know, I love you. And I miss you and I'm going to find my way to you." I'm not certain how else to describe it, but it's something that he does and reaches me strongly down the bond whenever he does it. It's what I mean when i say that sometimes he floods love down the bond and it's very heady drowns out everything else so it's all I can hear/feel with the strength of it when he does that. (And yes, like so much else, this is a just him thing. When I connect to Source/Divine and to unincarnated angelic beings/old gods/goddess/fée, it's all crown chakra, the energy cords to other people I care about in my life I feel pulling in my heart area and subconscious -- but everything via the bond to and from him and when I intentionally send him love and emotions, it flows through the third eye center of my forehead area.  I don't know why, I just know is. But the bond to him is different from normal energy cords to other people in my life this life, whether they be karmic cords or  emotional attachment cords or sexual attachment related cords (those tend to be root/sacral cords if I'm honest about it) and I've noticed that familial child-parent cords attach between the solar plexus but siblings/cousins tend to be heart chakra cords, but nobody but him reaches me that way so directly right through the third eye whether waking or sleeping. It's a just him thing to always reach me open anja chakra. It's always been that way with him, definitely always in this life but also something I do remember in at least some of our past lives -- it's how we've followed the pull of it to find and recognize each other before. Maybe I should look into what a third eye chakra relationship is and how/why it's different from the ways I connect to deities/angels/Source via crown chakra and how I connect to everyone else but him from heart chakra energy cords....I've never liked any of the terms for connections across lives, they all have a lot of layers of baggage and projections from other people's fucked up karmic patterns and that's why I always refer to it just as "the bond" rather than giving it a more commonly used label... But I'm curious if there's information about different relationship connection points that might be useful for me to look up given I just realized that the chakra point of connection IS different with him than the cords to any other soul I've ever known or forged a connection with. He's my only third eye chakra connection with the bond even if I don't put a label on it. And that is a just him thing....)

P.S. I was right! It is a thing but harder to find than some of the westernized new age concepts of soulmate/karmic/fated/twin flame (none of which labels I like because of assumptions/projections/usage reasons) but here's the site I found most illuminating about Vedic concepts of relationships originating from different chakras.I will look more into it later, but I'm intrigued that this is actually a concept in Vedic traditions, even if I just now noticed this aspect of how the bond to Eric is fundamentally differentiated from my other connections to other souls/spirits.