I learned tonight that George Winston died this weekend. I actually learned it on Twitter of all places, and because Eric tweeted about it while I was online checking in on the world in between watering all my indoor plants. (It FINALLY rained today! So I didn't have to water all my outdoor babies, so I used the day off pause from hauling water/sprinklers/hoses and tonight decided it was time to feed and water my indoor green babies at work.)  I would have seen it in my inbox later when I caught up on emails since I had an email of the public obituary from George Winston's fan mailing list. But still notable that Eric is how I first learned of it.... because I didn't expect it, it had slipped my conscious remembering that I still followed Eric on Twitter since it's the only social media I didn't unfollow him last summer over the lamprey's energy affecting his as he allowed her to twine around his life and it pushing me away from wanting anything to do with him because I don't like energy sucking souls. I knew that I never unfollowed him there, but he uses it so infrequently (or at least infrequent to the hours I check my feed there) that I forgot he had that means to reach me as well as his email list as his only current 3d real world ways to bridge the distances between us. Dream space bridging and reaching for me down the bond to let me know what his heart/soul is feeling is different.) But obviously, given my love of George Winston, that was not the sort of thing to make me unfollow or have anything but commiseration and acknowledgement of mutual sadness and gratitude for all the joy George Winston brought into this world with his gifts. And, given the news and how it would hit him hard, it does not surprise me to feel him reaching down the bond and flooding love and need and sorrow -- I opened it wide again tonight after I saw his tweet because I knew he'd need it. And my goal in minimizing contact isn't cruelty. It isn't to make him suffer alone, it's about ethics of right and wrong and consequences of choices made in free will. But of course I couldn't block him out from reaching me via the bond if that's what he needs for his own grieing when I KNOW he is sad and hurting and needs to feel what he loves that IS alive reaching him with the reassurance of aliveness in this moment.

 I knew it was coming soon, he'd mentioned over the winter when he played on zoom for my cat and dog so he could watch their joy in his playing and he commented on how Audrey was getting so skinny and I told him that Audrey was failing and I didn't think I could find a way that she'd make it past the winter and he told me quite seriously that he didn't think he'd out live her by 6 months. He didn't. She died Jan 21, he died June 4... I'm extra glad and grateful that I listened to my instinct and on Friday/Saturday while I was in a piano only mood and got some new video of Spock purring to his songs playing that I listened to my instincts and sent him an email I kept as short but heartfelt as possible with all the videos attached that I had taken over the years of how happy his music made my fur babies and sent him a short email of gratuitude for the gift of joy that his music has been throughout my life and for my fur babies, especially my cat Spock. He sent me a very short reply that just said "Thank you. This is everything to me. You don't know how much joy and peace these videos brought me."  For many years now, every time I shared about Spock and Audrey's joy in George Winston music, I tagged him so he had seen many of the videos, but I wanted to give him all of them again to remind him how much joy his songs gifted our lives.  I started doing it because one of the last times he came out after his shows to meet people, I told him that my cat and dog love piano music because of him and that he is specifically my cat's favorite musical artists ever, he lit up with the joy of a small child and he told me with tears in his eyes that cats are very discerning and to know he was a cat's favorite chosen music was the greatest compliment he had ever received. And it was after that that I started sharing the blissed out fur babies, especially my cat, reacting to his music so he could see and appreciate their joy in his piano compositions/playing. 

There are not many times you can return joy for joy, but I fully believe in seizing those opportunities whenever they present themselves to you. It's part of my philosophy of how I live this life. And, knowing how strange an introvert George was and that the only thing George Winston loved more than the piano was cats, I realized after our brief conversation after a concert that Spock in bliss over his music was the greatest joy I could give back to George Winston for the joy his songs have given me throughout my whole life. After that, he always remember me as "Spock's human" which always made me laugh.

I've known for a long time that his health is fading and that the cancer was winning, it made m much more focused on taking my annual opportunities to go to his concerts. (He used to live in Wisconsin and had many old friends in the area, so he made a point of coming through here at least once a year even years when he was so unwell he didn't tour anywhere except pop up dates in Wisconsin and Minnesota. Including this last Nov/Dec... I was very spoiled by that, but so incredibly grateful to know I'd get to sit in a room and hear George Winston play live on a grand piano at least once a year as a part of my post Samhain turning to winter solstice season traditions.)  I was one of the few people who got to see him in person this winter when he was here because one of my friends, her dad was George Winstons' best friend, and so she included me knowing how much I adore his music and always shared about his shows. When he saw me, he lit up said, "Ah, Spock's human!" which made Morgan laughed and she introduced me by my actual name as a friend of hers from dance classes. I mostly kept quiet and just enjoyed being there, masked and everything, because he was quite weak and sick. And that was when I learned he wouldn't be unable to travel further and that these Wisconsin shows were his last though he had never officially announced it. And it was at that time, when he asked about my animals and I told him tearfully that Audrey was unwell, probably a blood/bone cancer but it wasn't clear, but that my elderly Spock was doing well, that he offered that after he was at home and had recovered, we could do a short video concert of a couple songs for the animals and so he could tell Audrey (and Spock) his farewells in words as well as piano melodies even though he'd never met them in person. I told him only if he had the strength for it, but he did reach out for it and it made my animals so happy, Audrey licked the screen of his face in gratitude and Spock kept rubbing his cheek and purring right up against his hands playing on the screen.  It was one of Audrey's favorite last goodbyes of her last month and it was so sweet he insisted on doing that "because he understood better than I did how she was doing and wanted to give the animals one more shared joy while he could." 

It was incredibly kind of him, and I didn't ask because I'd never presume to ask for any such a thing but rather he offered. He was such a kind kind man.... Not just in his love of animals, most especially cats, but also he always gave where he could. He had said for the last decade or so of his shows that he had enough money for his needs and so at all his shows, he partnered with a local foodbank/charity and asked for nonperishable food/diaper donations and then gave all the sales of all his music and posters at any given show to be split between the charities. And every show he sold out because after intermission he would tell people that this was what he did and how much had already been made for the charities and then after the show the last of his CDs and posters sold out. So he always had an order made for each show to arrive at the venue for him over the last three or five years..... Just such a kind giving soul, at least in the years since I knew his time was limited and I needed to go to every opportunity and cherish every show and every song and every smile and every moment and every story that my short encounters gifted my life. And the time in which there last 6 years or so that I gave back to him the only way I knew how, to find joy in his music and to share that joy with my dog and my cat and to share with him the footage of their bliss form his music, especially Spock's. 

I'm sad he's gone, butthe music and the memories of his gentle kindness and goodness will continue to shine on every life he has touched and made brighter. And,I'm glad he's no longer suffering because these recent years he was so tired and it was physically so hard for him and he still wanted to give but he was running out of the energy to do so and he knew it. It was hard to see him this last winter. Just as December and January were so hard with my Audrey Pupburn as her life force was winding down.... It's funny how many of her favorite things will never be again now she's gone -- not just no more Aaron Rodgers/Lazard touchdowns or Mason Crosby field goals for a Pack party treat time for her (we danced and cheered and celebrated every touchdown and she got a treat, every Packers touchdown and half a treat for every packers field goal) but now there will be no more George Winston songs she never heard and I will never see his live shows in person again after the ones this last winter. 

And he was right when he told her he wouldn't outlive her by even six months....  Even then he knew, even if he was keeping it private to friends and family -- and animal friends who loved the magic of his hands on the piano keys. 

~*~*~*~

I will likely set this post to private later, now that I've written out my thoughts and anecdotes. these are personal memories and not for n'importe qui.Still, these things happened and his songs are such gifts of beauty and his gentle kindness was even more beautiful than his piano pieces, hard as that is to imagine if you've ever heard his compositions or seen him play a grand piano. And while I've known it was coming, still my love and joy that he EXISTED at all is tempered by my sadness that his body's time gave out even if he had been honest that the time was coming and he remained gentle and kind and giving and trying to pour into the world share the beauty in motion of the music in his head/heart/fingers for as long as he could.

And now tonight, I shall continue to listen to George Winston music as I have since I heard the news (other than radio randomization in the car and Billy Joel playing for Waffles when she's left alone until it's a song or break between songs  I'm okay to turn off/pause, I've actually only been choosing to listen to George Winston since last Thursday) and light a candle in his memory and I will hug my sweet fur babies closer and cry on Spock's side while I let him know that my cat's greatest admirer and the greatest musical love of my cat's life has passed on into spirit though his recordings of his songs remain with us. And if you ever want to give my cat the greatest possible joy and gift, sit down at the piano and start playing a George Winston song for him. he will run over chirping with joy and sit next to you on the piano bench and purr and purr and purr and nudge your hand/wrist with the top of his head when you stop to encourage you to play some more piano, especially if it's a George Winston piece or a piece inspired by George Winston.

P. S.  I told Spock first thing walking in the door (before even setting down my purse or taking the harness if the dog) that George Winston had died and like Audrey his body was no more though his soul like hers lived on. His immediate reaction was to shake his head side to side like saying "No no no no" and to start yowling at the top of his lungs. After getting the dog out of her harness, to stop the yowling grief of my cat, I picked him up and cuddled the poor boy like a baby and kissed his head said, "His songs live on with us and as soon as I set you down from this snuggle I will put his songs on for us and I will leave them on until you're ready to take a break, ok my love? He would love having the blessing of his life be remembered that way." Spock is still sad over the expected inevitable, but happy to have George Winston's music playing and curl up with meso he isn't alone with his grief.