I didn't see about the way the TN state legislature vote shook out for the protesting representatives until today, after my nap and finishing making the bed I decided to give myself a self-care social media detox and news break last night. Damn but a girl needs to be more cautious when she tells you not to break anything that can't be fixed and go Humpty Dumpty with the world until she decides to awaken again...... I have to admit that despite how closely everything resembles the playbook used here in WI (next step: try to intimidate shocked voters by threatening to cut their funding -- but the okey-doke is while they have their super majority they gonna cut your funding anyway because your community had the audacity to elect outspoken troublemakers, the good kind of trouble, so the best thing you can do is to stand proud in your ethics and your anger and stand behind the eff you of reinstating the representatives. Because the super majority of the gerrymandered power grab, they gonna cut your funding no matter what the hell you do so your only best choice even with the threat is the moral high ground where you continue to come out swinging even if you go down. That's my advice from those who are ten years further down the roadmap of what the GOP is currently doing in TN and what they're trying to do across the nation if they don't accidentally spark the powder keg of white supremacist Christo-fascist misogynists desperate to hold onto power turning this fight into an all out blood bath..... As a precog, on every single fateline for the last decade, it will get even worse before it gets better and unless you're hiding behind ties to family money of someone in the millionaire/billionaire class (which makes you a fucking coward and you will deserve what you get as you reap what you sow because if we end up down some of the worse fatelines which is what happens if we don't fight like hell to win relatively quick, that money ain't gonna mean any damn thing no matter how far you try to run and hide) if you're not ready for a fight and you don't have good survival skills then you will be fodder in the grinding mill of the gears already in motion..... What I've seen coming isn't good, none of the paths are good, but all the best fatelines to find a way through it REQUIRE that you stick by your ethics and you fight like hell to protect every damn soul on this planet, animals and plants as much as those in human bodies..... Because if you don't, what's coming is so much fucking worse than you've even imagined.... I am lucky enough to be under the protection of Gabriel, Horus, Michael, the great Goddess as huntress-warrior, The Morrigan and other corvid deities, and Nephthys/Thunderbird and even Raphael and Thoth and Apollo and Bastet and Thor are allies who are fond of me watch over me check in from time to time in gratitude for my battles in past lives and this life but even they can only make my path so easy to navigate me through the remainder of this reward life because so much hangs in the balance of free will choices not yet made..... There are fatelines where I get to grow old in a cabin in the woods with my books and music and art and garden. They're not extinguished fatelines, just gonna be a hell of a collective fight so they don't disappear into impossibility when I die before reaching them....)
Still. All that said. Despite my expectations from past and what I have Seen coming in the fatelines that can't be avoided even in the best possible futures, I wasn't prepared for how blatant the racism and bigotry in Tennessee..... It's just. It's not. Look, as a Jew (I am, though I don't attend synagogue or keep the Sabbath and never bothered with a bat mitzvah though I did learn Hebrew and memorize the readings for it among other Jewish/Hebrew prayers and blessings; I self identify as a pantheist Daoist elf witch spiritually/religiously and I remember more of my many many pagan past lives than my smattering of more recent Judeo-Christian lives; but genetically I was born Jewish and raised in a secularized accepting Jewish family and so I celebrate Yom Kippur/Rosh Hashanah and keep my own Seder read through the Union Haggadah if there's no family Seder and light the menorah and I wear my favorite Star of David with symbols for each of the 12 tribes during all the High Holy days) and especially as a Jewish woman born in Jerusalem who has spent this whole life grappling with the concept there are those who would hurt/kill me for the accidents of my birth body and I have been told to my face here in an enclave of progressive "blue walled America" in the north by a neo-Nazi in a coffeehouse that "you can't be Jewish, you're too pretty to be Jewish" (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) I know full well that when dealing with bigots and fascists that a visible enemy is better than a hidden enemy you think you can trust until they turn on you. You want them emboldened and cocky enough to make stupid mistakes but not so powerful they can set up bureaucratic machinery of oppression and death camps and a cowed populace. So yeah, I would rather know my enemies than not, but the racism in those legislature votes was so fucking blatant and Southern..... Growing up in the north, both Midwestern nice and New England WASP old money, the racism is always in what isn't said in the unwritten rules and the glass ceilings you slide off of can't bypass. The blatant cruelty and no more fucks to give bigotry in the open inherent racism in that TN legislature vote is just shocking to me..... And it worries me as to which fatelines we may go down if the young souls I summoned here to tip the balance of the fight and all the ancient/middle aged souls who have learned the importance of conviction in your ethics/justice can't find a way to break through the perimeters of fascism already in place....
As I said over on my Facebook sharing an astrology of the day post by Cosmic Owl (who I adore, she's one of my top four favorite astrologer and spiritual warriors, and I don't include me on my list of favorites because mostly I'm just an overly curious dilettante polyglot who's just doing the best I can with intuition and precogs and my gifts and bending the rules to call out injustice in the systems and spirit realm allies and chaotic good and past life/dream memories; I am the prophetess in the dark who finds the path through and keeps lit the spark of a firebrand, the chaotic good you don't see coming.) If you don't know of or follow Cosmic Owl, you should look her up for what she said about today but this was what I said when I shared her post:
"For those astrologically inclined or astrologically curious, this is a good take on where we are now. Also, I agree with every word of her politics. It's honest about the ugliness but hopeful for the future and finds the optimism in spite of the difficult aspects. As a reminder, America has been going through it's Pluto return these recent years and it happens to coincide with the longest duration Machiavelli believed could be allowed for any political system, however well thought out, to survive without falling into its shadow forms* or renewing via rebellion/revolution over the inequities the previous form fostered.
*Of the shadow forms that governments fall into, Machiavelli says that historically all democracies/republics fall into fascism of either oligarchies balancing shared power against mutual greed or mob rule elected demagogue cult of personality. He wrote his theories in the Italian Renaissance based on his studies of the ancient Mediterranean, especially Greece and Rome, but time and history have yet to prove them wrong. America is a battleground right now between these two (inevitable?) devolutions of representative government and the majority of people are caught suffering in the middle fighting to hang onto what rights and material well being they have slowly fought to gain for themselves. And no matter who comes out on top, the vast majority of people won't see improvement in their own lives from either the oligarchs or the demagogue factions that have so far presented themselves as options -- it will still be for the majority of people to fight for their own share or to slowly have it eroded to the barest survival by the greed of those in power. There's a better chance for some survival for the masses and traction against the vicissitudes of climate change and the current mass extinction with the oligarchs over the demagogue wannabes.
I have to say, what's been happening in TN had followed the CPAC and MAGA playbook that went down in WI with Act 10 and everything else Scott Walker and his cronies pushed through that it's taken over a decade of clawing back step by step every opportunity to regain what democracy there is in gerrymandered Wisconsin. What I didn't expect was the blatant racism slap addition to the CPAC playbook, I sometimes forget just how much more "in your face, keep em in their place" southern style racism is to so overtly punish only the Black men of the three representatives who stood with the protestors. Good on the white woman who was allowed to retain her elected seat for being so vocal an ally speaking out everywhere in interviews about the only obvious difference she can see for why she was treated differently for taking the side of the protestors. In the north, CPAC funded fascists would have stripped all three of them and snidely told the white woman the veiled racism that, "this is what you get for the company you keep." It's not that there isn't racism in the north, it's just whitewashed under Midwestern nice or New England WASP veneer of proper behavior. And while both places there are people who say the quiet part out loud, living int he north I sometimes forget just how loud and insultingly crude southern style racism can be....."
Which is very much how I feel about this current crossroads in time....
Also. For The record: I stopped dating "except if I can't see the end before the beginning" not because I had a problem with me accidentally cursing myself to only ever get asked out by musicians and singer-songwriters, I'm quite fond of music and those who create it so long as they are quality humans. I stopped casually dating when my precogs forewarned me of the ending because I got tired of causing pain and breaking hearts when the only thing the guy did wrong was that at the end of the day he wasn't what I wanted. I didn't think that was ethically right or fair of me to do to nice guys who genuinely liked me, especially when I already knew what I would be doing and chose to be selfish go into it anyway rather than continue to be alone. Thus why I eventually decided that to live with my conscience, I needed to adopt my ethical boundary of "no more dating if I can see the end before the beginning" policy. Which as a precog prophetess means something different than just knowing your personal red flags and non-negotiable traits in a romantic partner or letting fear override your desires.
But it's a stance that begs the question of what I want. I no longer want to have a popular song with my name in the title because I thought it would never happen as a kid because it's already been done; I don't want to be a muse you write songs about while you date and fuck model type moneyed manipulative girls because ultimately that path as your muse makes me feel used not loved; I no longer want to have someone immortalize me as they see me in a song that tops the billboard charts because that wasn't about me as I am, it was about his IDEA of me.... I've had those and they're hollow shadows not the real thing. What I want is what I came into this life putting in my soul contract that I want -- I want to be loved for me qua me. I don't want to be on any pedestal, I spent my last life learning the hard way how lonely it is to be worshipped by millions without ever feeling truly seen by anyone.... I want to be as honest as I can be about who and what I am in this life and to be loved for that collection of good and bad and virtues and flaws, all the new growth and all the scars. All the versions of me I have been and the best I can be right now and the versions of me I am becoming day by day and trying to make better than who I was before. I want to be seen for myself, not me as an ideal or me placed on a pedestal, and to love and be loved as equals on those terms of seeing one another as truly and clearly as possible.
That's what I want. And I realize that in a society built on money and status accumulation and name recognition and everything about the tinsel image you show the world, what I want isn't what this world teaches people to value. But still it's what I want. It's the only thing I want. And I won't lie to myself or anyone else that any sort of surface illusions and status climbing wealth hoarding will ever be enough for me to be happy. What I want is the depth and the honesty and the respect between equals and the raw gritty unpretty truths that for me shine the brightest because they ARE truth. I'd rather live a small honest life in obscurity but full of books and music and art and animals and flowers and trees where I'm barely but comfortably scraping by with wealth enough for my needs to cover expenditures and if there's any extra some money to give for the fights worth the fighting and to help the powerless that I focus my energy into helping.
This life, I am embracing anonymity of a small life full of joys and wonder, curated for myself and those I care deepest about. And while I still fight, a spiritual warrior fights even in reward lifes, I fight behind the scenes unseen let others step up to lead while I shift things in ways nobody notices but tip the balance of the battle. I am not here to lead this life, I am here to remember and to protect in rejoicing the good and keep the sparks alive to change the fatelines of humanity and the planet -- and my greatest success will be to die without history books or the world or posterity knowing my name or recognizing my hand in guiding a stepping stone path across the deadliest of shifting fatelines. The world has remembered my name and my face and my stories and my glorious triumphs and my abject failures enough fucking times across enough fucking lives -- it doesn't get this life to polish or tarnish as societal whims see fit. I want that fulfilling obscure life full of love for the truth/beauty that IS more than any big city dreams where the air poisons you and you can't even see the stars shine. More than any damn thing this society has and it's greed for money/power accumulation could promise, I want that small life that isn't about excess consumption/accumulation but is about having just enough to make beautiful meaningful things and moments, to love and be surrounded by love for me qua me but that doesn't need to be lived or sacrificed for the history books this time.
That's what I want.
That's what I'm fighting to claim for me this life.
And I ain't here this life to make any deals with the devil for any damn thing else.
And I'll just keep building that sort of life and nurturing the connections to help it grow within it's sustainable little ecosystems without compromising my ethics or boundaries along the way. And if that isn't something you want, then until you're ready to meet me as equals and honest partners, to be truly seen and loved for you qua you and to see me truly love me for me qua me, you should try to forget about me and pursue what you think will make you happy..... You let me know if or when what I want is truly what you want, I'll be here building it where it's hidden in plain sight and hoping some day you'll choose to find me and see me truly. Just, while you play with the lampreys bleeding you dry of the beat of your life force just to fatten them, don't expect me to wait forever and don't expect to have access to me at any level if you won't commit to me -- I'll keep going down the path that seems best to me of the fatelines that remain open and hopefully you can catch up and find me somewhere along the way if we ever want the same things on a shared path..... And if not, I genuinely hope you find the happiness you seek and have chosen, but in my experience lampreys and scorpions will always be the death of you no matter how infatuated you feel while you're with them. People only show up in spirit dreams as their truest selves, the fact she shows up in spirit form vision dreams as a lamprey should be setting off all your warning bells and the fact it doesn't tells me you deserve the lesson you've chosen for yourself in choosing to embrace a lamprey.... I'm not here to fight to save you from the consequences of your own choices, that's not my way because to do so is to fight the sanctity of free will and thus to serve the unraveling of this Creation's rules rather than to serve the unfolding of this Creation. I will let you pursue whatever you choose for yourself, but don't expect to find me where you lost me or for me to wait around for your lessons to come due for you. Even in a reward life of anonymity, I have places to go and things to do and battles to fight and tides to turn when everything seems hopeless - I don't have time to waste while you play fuck around and find out infatuation with lampreys bleeding you dry.
Now, I'm going to drink my wine (a Côtes de Rhône called Halos de Jupiter) and eat my dinner (somewhere between a curry and a lentil stew I made tonight; tasty but an unexpected savory-spicy complex beast that defies categorization but is filling and delicious and nutritiously a complete meal and a damn lot of leftovers even though I didn't put much in it due to one of my gifts that the way food always multiples when I cook. This is VERY spicy, though it balances all the flavors nicely, and I admit that it's spicy which means it's probably too spicy for most people. Which given my cooking always tastes like my mood says a lot about my current inner state. I didn't cook last night, didn't feel like it, I just ate spoonfuls of peanut butter while drinking Raspberry Cheret double radler beer brewed by Hog Head for the special exhibit of French poster art at Milwaukee Art Museum, and then I chose to head to bed early. So this is the dish I had been thinking to make last night.) And then I intend to finish this bottle of wine (red wine makes me feel extra cuddly and an agape love for humanity, so on a night like tonight keeps my anger in check so I don't ask old gods and archangels to help me burn down things before it's time) and drink many cups of tea and light some sandalwood incense and curl up with some candles and a good book until whenever I choose to go to bed.
[Post title: lyrics to the Regina Spektor song Samson. I adore this song, it's one of my favorites. It resonates with me and who I am this life at a core level.]
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