For the record, the reason my shoulder blade starts aching after long drives isn't from being in a car or van qua sitting in a moving vehicle that long. if I'm a passenger in a vehicle, no shoulder pain. It's the way i drive. You see, hyper flexibility in my shoulder joints means that for turning and steering the car, I can do all of that one handed without ever releasing the wheel by slightly dislocating and relocating my shoulder.  It was very funny in drivers ed on my last day of behind the wheel, the instructor congratulated me and asked if I had any questions remaining for them. I said, "Yeah, when exactly am I supposed to switch to hand over hand? i know how to do it, but I don't actually know when in the turn to initiate it." He laughed and said, "Well, you just do it when it starts to get uncomfortable and hurts not to." I made a face and said, "See, that's the problem. There's no point at which it gets uncomfortable to me or hurts. And I know I'm not supposed to do this on my driver's test."  At which point I demonstrated a flawless right hand turn without ever letting go of the wheel. He just blinked and said, "Wow. That is straight out of exorcist. And it doesn't hurt?' Me, chirpy, "Nope! I can do it the other way as well if you'd like to see."  He shook his head, "No. That's alright. Once is enough. That's creepy your shoulders do that and it doesn't hurt you. Um. 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock. When either hand hits 10 o'clock or 2 o'clock on the opposite side from its normal 9'oclock and 3 o'clock position for driving, then you switch into hand over hand. ESPECIALLY on your driving test!" I grinned and thanked him.  But in normal driving settings, I'm more relaxed than that, often just one handed driving and so the muscle memory for when to switch to hand over hand isn't there the same way since I'm starting differently. And so I have a tendency to subluxate (i.e. minor dislocation and put it back into place again) my shoulder joints while driving. and that can cause some minor bursitis in the shoulder blade until I put the shoulder fully back where it belongs in the socket. I've also had times where I subluxate it out as I fall asleep and then wake up with bursitis under the shoulder blade. That's rare and didn't happen last night, but it really sucks when it does happen and usually reminds me to be better about doing stabilizing shoulder exercises to minimize the minor dislocations.

None of that involves the painless crepitus (i.e. clicking) in my shoulders every time i roll them forward or shrug upward/forward or why the right one is noisier than the left, I just had brought up how long drives can start my shoulder aching if I'm not careful and thought I should explain better when and why that is.

Also worth better explaining.... When I say that I don't get any precogs of Eric any longer. It's because I don't. The last one I had was on Oct 28, 2018 and it was seeing the consequences for him of the choice made in his name (as a member of the collective in whose name it was made) unless he chose to stand behind his stated morals of inclusivity and acknowledge the ostracism committed in his name.  I did try once to peek just in his fate lines even though they didn't touch mine any longer because I thought it would be easier to let him go if I could just be certain he'd reach the happiness he seeks -- and I got yelled at by an angel for it.... Raphael, that's the one who mostly deals in time and sets me right whenever I get a bit lost in playing up and down the time stream. (I fidget with time and do a lot of weird things with it, very fae things, not things most incarnating souls do. It's a just me problem -- nobody else in my family does it except in emergencies. I just do it pretty constantly as an ADHD fidget sometimes.) Anyway. Raphael was very annoyed at me trying to look down the future fates of someone else who currently doesn't affect my future path -- apparently it's alright to get glimpses when their life paths touch mine, but it's not appropriate once their life paths don't touch mine.  I got a very stern lecture on the improprieties of what I was doing and was told if I was caught behaving that way again just to satisfy my own curiosity, I'd have some of my time related gifts stripped from me until I could show I deserved them. Which is about the most serious threat an angel will ever make -- and they do mean it.  So I haven't even tried and I won't unless or until Eric makes choices that cause our life paths to cross again so our fate lines touch.  You don't play fuck around and find out with angels, they mean exactly what they say with no ambiguities and even if they are fond of you, it's their purpose to enforce boundaries and rules so Creation can unfold as it's meant to. So a warning like that is one I personally heed -- I will only peek at fate lines that involve me or touch my life and while I can glimpse the fate lines of those whose life paths touch mine, I'm not allowed to go seeking through them when their life paths DON'T touch mine. Got it. That's straight forward enough.  

Definitely an angel, all fire and light and seeing in all directions/dimensions. It's the one I recognize as Raphael since that's the name it used with me as a child the first time I got lost playing in the stream of time's flow. Technically, the lines between angels and old gods/goddesses and fae/deva are a bit blurry. They're all unincarnaing individuated bits of spirit/essence and they all serve a purpose. Most of the angels have purposes that deal with making sure the Creation is unfolding as intended and that nobody is breaking the important rules or trying to work contrary to the unfolding -- they also aren't very good at and don't see any point in dimming their Divine light that radiates from and through them so they're just blindingly luminous.  They shine brightest. Old gods and goddesses have personalities and deal best with humans as they focus mostly on the human world and they come in as many versions and ethics as there are human desires and motivations -- there are good ones, bad ones, amoral ones and they all function by their own rules and relationships. I would advise to always be cautious with any unincarnated spirit that asks you to sign a binding contract with them or tells you they need to feed off of life force (yours or others through you.)  These are beings that are disconnected from Source for some reason or other and so they require to feed on it secondhand and they are generally energy vampires will bleed you dry. You should always question why anyone is blocked from direct connection to Source and why they won't face the block to heal it -- especially the more power they offer you in exchange for letting them feed on/through you. Any unincarnated being that can't just connect to Source should raise all your defensive hackles and your suspicions -- they are looking to prey on the living rather than face whatever they did that is blocking them from reaching Source/Tao/Creation itself.  The Fae/Deva are unincarnated care takers of specific planets and ecosystems and they generally care more about plants and other creatures than they care about humans -- especially since humanity started down a path of wanton destruction of the environment and the natural way of things.  They are helpful if you are tending to nature and they are only tricky if they think you intend harm to the planet or ecosystems they protect -- but their motives and goals are always based in wanting to serve all that is living in a holistic way, never to help out any individual incarnated soul. Make things grow, heal the injured, help the whole and they will help you, do wrong to the natural order and they will fight you and trick you and manipulate you. A fae/deva will always choose the green world and the natural order of the planetary whole over any human lives. Always. At least, that's my experience of the distinctions between all three types of unincarnated spirits I've ever met and encountered. And it's my encounters with them all is why I'm a pantheist you see. My conception of El or G-d is closer to Taoism than typical Judaism -- I find G-d as the Universal Spirit of Unfolding Creation Light that Weaves Through Everything that Is. Both Old Testament and New Testament concepts of a personal god (be it jealous or redemptive) are just more avatars of gods that interact with the human realm, more limited human concepts of a power that focuses on them if they call on it. It's not the great light behind the powers itself, just those who serve the light and as such are no different than any of the other pagan gods and goddesses. Many of whom are allies of mine in my wandering work of cleaning up those unincarnated spirits that would prey on the living and their life force. (This is what I do with my life, it's a job by choice even though i don't get paid for it, between the joy and the wandering. It's why I'm given as many gifts and as much grace as I am. Because there is work that can only be done by an incarnated soul and when the purpose was seen I volunteered to enter the cycle of incarnations.)

So anyway. I'm not necessarily banned from precogs about Eric and his future path -- I just can't see it right now while his fate lines don't touch mine. And since it was a choice of his, or made in his name and affirmed by him, that caused separation of our entangled fate lines it is only through choices of his that our fate lines will touch again in this life. If they ever do. Free will and all -- it's really about his choices.  And the best thing I can do for him is to love him and trust him to make his own choices for his own life path because I don't know better than him what he needs for that. Which wasn't an easy internal place to arrive at, but it's where I am at this point. Also a very important angel who usually smiles on me and helps me out told me that I couldn't meddle or peek into his fatelines so I just have to trust him to do what is best by him and will eventually bring his soul the healing and growth back to the Light by whatever path he chooses. But I would have gotten to this internal point anyway even if I hadn't been chastised. Probably. I mean. I'm very curious. And I just wanted to be certain that his choices would bring him to whatever happiness he chooses and sets his heart on... I just wanted to know he'd set himself a course to bring him that happiness he seeks, eventually, before I let him go to find his own way.  But apparently I'm not allowed to do that unless/until our fate lines touch again. And Raphael and I are on good terms still. I've seen her/him/it since then, it was only a warning reminder of what I already knew after all. 

Also. When I say that I won't say no to dating anyone else if the Universe gifts someone to me, I mean just that. I'm not actively looking -- not on any dating site or social media. I actually haven't properly dated anyone in like 6 years and haven't even had a good hookup in like 2 years. I genuinely don't dislike being single, empath and psychic and a medium and an introvert -- people think/feel loudly. I have to really like you to invite you into my space for long periods of time. I'm not casually dating and I don't desire to casually date. I'm not even looking for an infatuation or a fling. The only really serious competition so fr for someone that I would allow into my space that Eric has ever had or still has to worry about is David. (Dave and I do have past life ties, though not as extensive and the karmic cords to him are ones I can cut or put to sleep at will. It's only the bond with Eric that I can't sever.)  And during the pandemic he shacked up with Siobhan who uses hypnotic suggestion in her music to prey upon the life force of others. Which angered me and when I realized she as doing it uninvited and preying on innocent animals as well as unsuspecting humans, I demanded the Goddess intervene to protect the innocent and only allow her (or whatever she lets feed through her as a conduit) feed on those who offer their life force to her never on those who she can just find a way in and never ever ever on innocent animals/plant life. She got really sick right after that but I don't feel bad about it -- you don't play fuck around and find out about preying on the life force and light of others within my sphere of protection and within what I can see. And she never would have been unearthed crossed my path and found out if she hadn't thought to use him to expand her net and prey on those who trust him. But it was really adopting a puppy to try to hook him to stay and then watching him share a video where she was energetically feeding off the dog that crossed the line for me so I had to do something. The adopted dog had no choice in the matter and so it was just wrong and unjust to allow an innocent to be used that way. Technically, I don't know if it's her doing the feeding or something she has forged a soul contract bond with that feeds through her -- but she is complicit and allows it and it's wrong and feeding on an innocent pup was a line I couldn't stand by and keep my peace. Because it was wrong, just ethically morally wrong to do that to an innocent who doesn't have a choice! The reason I had the Goddess do it is because she always protects the innocent and she is much more ruthless than me and she is not as distractable -- for her maintaining this enforcement of the karmic rules isn't something that she even has to pay attention to once set in motion.  Anyway, as long as Dave is in anyway connected with her, I have severed the empath soul bonds to me as a precaution and he can't have them back while he's connected to her. And I told him that there is nothing he can do or create that involved her in which I will be interested and when he saw me he felt the difference and wanted back what he used to have. But I won't budge on this -- you don't let energetic leeches feed on you or through you. If she wants light and power, connect to source. And if you're blocked from connecting to source, work on healing and making right whatever the block your past/present choices formed. But again, I'm not actually looking for anyone right now, I actually enjoy the silence and my conscience is clear enough that I can face my own company.

Anyway. I'm at work with my pup right now. Will be for a very very very very long while. Trying to shove in all 40 hours before I fly out westward on Thursday. Also will need to do laundry and  pack. Which is why I'm here working for like 17 hours straight today. It was going to be longer, but my cat was cuddly and that's important too right before I leave. Especially since he's 12 years old now.

Also. Yes I do intend to eat leftover curry tonight and probable coconut allergy be damned.....  Look if an archangel of light and flame told me that I needed to stop eating coconut because it's going to kill me, I'd listen. But Gabriel isn't here right now and he's the one who typically looks after me. Especially in matters pertaining to healing me after I do something particularly stupid. What's a little stomachache so as not to waste my egg korma with carrots, red pepper, chickpeas, and peas? 

Speaking of something particularly stupid, I accidentally sliced open my right middle finger last night on the lid of the can from my chickpeas (I realized that I never soaked or boiled up any beans or lentils or chickpeas so I cheated and used some of the chickpeas I'd bought for making falafel. I tend to avoid canned foods, but canned chickpeas make better texture of falafel than dried/soaked/boiled chickpeas.)  Anyway, I cheated because I was too hungry to wait to boil up the lentils and I sliced up my finger. 

 

Yeah I know, I have to trim my nails again, they just grow stupidly fast. They were trimmed down to the quick not even 2 weeks ago, right before painting them green on St. Patrick's Day. So I'm waiting to trim them until right before my visit to my sister. Typing for inputting today is great fun with that cut on my middle finger.... Great fun I tell you.... Oy. Good thing I don't play guitar on the regular, just to get random melodies out of my head when they're rattling about my inner silence. And the thing is I KNEW I'd slice up the finger, precogged it happening. And I still did it anyway despite being as careful as possible. Damn immutable precogs. They're so annoying when they're right. And the immutable ones are ALWAYS right.... It's only the contingent ones I can alter the course of fate lines in motion before they manifest. It did mean that I already had the Simply Neosporin and Wonder Woman band-aids in the kitchen with me though instead of having to go to the bathroom to deal with it after the paper towel pressure had mostly stopped the bleeding. I still cussed over it though. Both when I saw the precog as I reached for the can of chickpeas in the pantry and again when I sliced open that finger. And it still twinges a bit while I type every time I hit a key with that finger.