I did used to have precogs involving Eric you know. All the time. Tons of them. Both contingent and immutable. I also used to always get overlays of what he was experiencing when he had strong emotions as well as feeling his emotions in my inner stillness and shared dream space interactions. I've even been known to get precogs about people/events that matter to him and I remember telling him some in dream state when younger, long before our real life paths crossed. I still feel his strong emotions echoing inside me and sometimes he reaches me in my dream space, but the precogs and overlays dried up.

All overlays of his moments of intense emotional experiences and my precogs involving him and possible fatelines with him in my life stopped quite suddenly following the choice/events of October 28, 2018. All of the contingent precogs were just gone like popped bubbles. 

But for most of this life, I've always had precogs involving him and overlays from his life when he has strong emotions. Statistically speaking the time of our potential fatelines and life paths being separate is less than 10% of my life.  And so it's less than 10% of my life that he has not been in my precogs. The other 90% he was often in them, especially the contingent ones and long range probable fate lines for my life path.

It's weird. I'm still not used to it. And I miss so many of those contingent precogs and potential fatelines......you have no idea how much I ache over their loss.... I've spent all this time since the choice in 2018 that erased me out of his life path trying to accept that's how it is and I've spent since late August 2019 trying to accept that this is truly what he wants based on the evidence of his choices and (in)actions when I told him directly in 2019 about what had occurred in 2018 on the band's account in the name of the entire band. But it's still weird. Some things stay weird no matter how hard you work at accepting it as the new normal of existence. Like amputations and TSA and Alexa and social media and targeted ads and your phone mic constantly wire tapping you if you're not careful about permissions granted to apps.... You learn to accept things as new normals, but also they seem really fucking weird if you look at them objectively through the lens of before they changed some aspect of your life into something unrecognizable to how it was before.  The things that make memories and old movies/TV/songs/literature seem so surreal bizarre because the before is so incredibly different from the after. 

I'm still in the "this is weird, I'm not yet habituated to it as my new normal" stage of the complete absence of Eric in any and all of my precogs. Both contingent and immutable precogs. And I know that nothing short of a free will choices that brings our life paths back into a collision course again will bring him back into any of my precogs. And thus far, no such free will choices to re-align our life paths to meet again has been made. It doesn't mean such a choice can't ever be made, it just means that it hasn't been made and thus no precogs involving him. Those fate lines are blocked from manifesting and have been since the free will choices and action taken Oct 28, 2018 made that rivet point and no choices have yet been made to change things back to the life paths where those fate lines are possible. 

And it's still incredibly intensely weird to me not to have him anywhere in any of my precogs, contingent or immutable. For all we're getting near to 3 years 5 months since the choice that cut off all those fate lines and 2 years 7 months since I faced accepting the bitter hard truth that he was fine with losing those fate lines and it wasn't a set of consequences that mattered to him. 

It's still so fucking weird to me, his complete absence from my precogs and from everything I see in all the potential fate lines before me on my life path..... They're just gone, all of them. As if they never could have been. Even though I remember them all and how all the probabilities favored at least some of them until that choice in Oct 2018 cut them all off from ever manifesting from possible fatelines into walked life paths..... And that absence is still so weird to me and so unlike all my life experiences with my precogs that came before the ripples made by that one choice. 

I can't say I like it and I can't say I'd have chosen it if I could have chosen. I can only say I'm working to accept the absence of him in my precogs and glimpses of possible fate lines as my new normal. And I can only say I miss when he was in my highest probability life path glimpses. Not all accepted new normals are better than the normal that existed before.... And some take longer and more internal adjustments to accept than others. Nobody chooses to have a limb amputated, but when faced with the reality of it as the only option to keep moving forward with, you just learn to accept the new normal of it. It's like that in my precogs and the possible fatelines that touch my future life path, he's just been amputated out of it as a consequence following the choice made in his name (as well as for everyone else in the band) on October 28, 2018. It's that total an absence from my precogs. And that intense a sense of phantom limb over all the fatelines that used to be there....

Unrelatedly related. Don't ask about my world wide immutable precogs. You'll sleep better not knowing until they happen in typical linear time normal people experience. Most people, most of the time, prefer not to know about the devastating traumatic things they can do nothing to avert or soften. Facing them out of sync with everyone else is my own cross to bear - it isn't yours unless you also possess the gift of precog. 

I should head to bed. But the world fate lines are in such flux when it's daytime in Europe that it is extra hard for me to sleep in the wee hours of my own time zone. It's like trying to sleep where the tide is coming in - unless you're too exhausted to function, self preservation keeps you awake watching as the sands and tides shift until you can find a more stable space to sleep. 

Still. I miss so much when he was woven through my probable future fate lines and I glimpsed him in my many precogs. I'm working to accept this new normal as I have been striving to accept it for nearly 3.5 years. But to me, it's still fucking unnatural and weird. It just is. It might be the modern reality of how it is now, but it still doesn't FEEL normal to me yet.