So. I still don't really understand the tides of his emotions on the bond and what prompts him to sometimes flood my consciousness with the powerful intensity and depth of his love. I appreciate it and it gives me all the warm fuzzies and it's far more intoxicating than actual liquor -- but I never know what prompts it or why it will hit me suddenly like standing where the waves break as the tide comes in. When the tide was further out, it was just the normal lapping in even ups and downs, rises and falls that you can float with or stand in but the water just changes levels calmly, but then suddenly the tide shifts the waves just enough that it crests exactly when it hits you and it's so powerful you feel like the force of it will knock away everything in its path right in that sweet spot. It's like that, like standing where the wave crests and all you feel is the power and intensity and force of it -- it's like that but a wave of raw emotions and love. I don't have a tidal chart for it nor do I have any idea what in his life he sees or does or thinks of that makes it happen. (Certainly not me in the flesh -- tonight it happened around 10:30 or 11 while it was just me and my dog at work -- my dog sleeping on my feet under my desk while I drank pumpkin spice rooibos tea and munched  on heirloom orchard apples while alphabetizing a stack of invoices before filing them later this week. And, I'm covered in dirt after spending my entire day wrestling with a severely root bound interwoven 12ft tall clump of banana plant into 3 separate pots and transplanting other green friends into new pots until I ran out of soil. But he's not here and even if he were I'm covered in dirt smudges, no makeup, and my hair back in a French braid, desperately in need of a shower, wearing a loose fitting tee and water resistant black pants I've had for literally over a decade.  I know it wasn't anything of me in the flesh that prompted that sudden intense rush of love from him tonight.) 

You'd think by now that I'd have some idea of the tides of his love and the reasons for it to suddenly get so overwhelmingly intense -- but the truth is I don't. It just sort of happens sometimes. I do know that it often happens (and by often I mean most nights) when he'd be heading to bed. But it can also come through early morning and really any time randomly throughout the day/night.  

O! Thinking of which! In addition to finding 21" diameter 18" tall pots for $12 today (at Home Depot -- my guess is end of season clearing things out rather than warehousing them over winter now that it's hitting holiday stock) I also finally found myself a plant rack that I like the balance of and that will actually help me with all my at home green babies  Most of them are over-priced and I don't love or the construction/design just doesn't look stable.... But I more than $70 like this one! And, I don't have the wood or the tools or the skillset to make it from scratch. So I ordered that and when it comes in, I'll put it together (I have skills and tools enough for that, lol) and I can get that off my plate before I have to bring my 3 shamrocks back inside and find places for them and all my expanding collection of African violets because they keep separating spawning babies....  Also though, if you decide to be in my life and have any sort of woodworking skills, please know that I will expect better than found at the curb bookshelves for my books and I'll be in need of more than just this one plant stand if I ever move into a real house and not just my flat with east facing windows.....

I also made my internal decision about deodorant. See, I don't use commercial deodorants because 1) aluminum is bad for you, breast cancer and Alzheimer's and all  2) my skin breaks out in hives from petroleum derived products (including polyester/acrylics in cloth/yarn) 3) palm oil also gives me rashes/hives 4) in the last year or so, sometimes coconut oil causes redness and itching on my skin. And have you EVER tried to find a natural deodorant that doesn't use coconut oil?! Or tried to make a natural deodorant from recipes that all suggest you use coconut oil and every suggested oil substitution doesn't set right?! I used to use American Provenance, and I can still use it occasionally, but if I use it regularly then I react to the coconut oil in it.....  Honestly, I've spent much of this summer just letting myself smell or putting isopropyl alcohol or hand sanitizer on my pits (basic chemistry: high enough proof alcohol kills bacteria that makes your sweat smell just as thoroughly as it kills bacteria on your hands that can make you sick.) Anyway, I recently had someone recommend Pit Liquor and then I started getting facebook ads about their limited edition pumpkin spice scent for the fall.  So tonight I decided to order myself some alcohol based deodorant and see what I like and how well it works for me. That said, in typical indecisive Libra sun Pisces rising fashion when I don't know exactly what i want and lack the data to weigh out all the pros and cons to the nth decimal point, I didn't know what scents I'd actually like, so I got 6 scents to try, lol. the trio of their 3 best sellers, the pumpkin spice, the whiskey pineapple, and the whiskey cedar. That last one is probably more of a man's deodorant/perfume smell, but I like the smell of certain types of wood and I was curious about it. That should keep me covered for the next 6 months to a year dependent on how long each 50mL bottle lasts (it said 1-2 months) and by the time I'd reorder, I'll know what I do/don't like of their scents. Unless of course I like it enough to have my curiosity piqued by a seasonal scent.... I intend to start with the pumpkin spice one so that I can know immediately if I'll want to order more while it's available, lol.

*yawns* I'm headed home and then to bed just as soon as I finish this cuppa French Macaron rooibos tea. But I'm le tired. (So take a nap. and then fire ze missiles!) And I have to get up early if I want to shower and have my hair dry and have breakfast before heading to my grandma's to take her to a 10:30am podiatry appointment. Then lunch before a much needed Target run. then some more working with plants (either transplanting the indoor ones or getting the garden bed ready for winter) until Crissy gets here. Then running over to the Halloween store and also to shop the fall/Halloween and plant sections of Home Depot as I only got a glance at them before when stopping by for the online order. Then back to work until whenever I head home tomorrow night. That's my plan. Probably will give myself Wednesday to just stay at home and clean and introvert recharge. Maybe read a bit. On verra. 

P.S. Here you go as evidence that I am covered in dirt and no makeup and not even trying to do anything with my hair other than braid it back because it needs a wash because all of me needs a shower and I'm very le tired... So le tired that my ADHD brain is quoting internet memes from 2003 at you and if you're not careful, we'll be entering Trogdor the Burninator territory soon....

(can't help that the end of the braid curl -- if I leave my hair in a braid or pigtail braids for over a day or if it gets really humid hot like when I'm in Florida, the braid itself will curl a corkscrew around itself....) 

 P. P. S. Also, for personal reasons, I shall be moving into this image at the first feasible opportunity:

Or maybe this one - it has a cozy fireplace and a wall of library for me to peruse (and you can't have a library without a Libra in it):

But with more books and music and dogs. Yes? Yes. Glad that's settled.