I had a really great day today, spent most of it outside or driving (to/from Madison to Waukesha County, antique heirloom apple orchard in New Berlin.) I'm very much loving the nice camera on this phone!!! 

I don't really have much to say right now. Feeling restless tired don't know what to do with myself. Thinking about heading to bed early tbh. For some reason, ever since leaving Westons apple orchard the closer I got to Madison the more intensely I felt myself missing Eric. Which is random and stupid and utterly completely illogical. Like, it just hit me hard as I got ever closer to home that sense of phantom limb "but he's not there, I'm not coming home to him tonight” overwhelming feeling. Which is random af, because like he's never here. This is my home, not his. And last I saw/knew anything about him or where he was, he was in NYC for his solo show. And I mean, maybe that's not where he is, modern world with planes and highways and all. But I can't find any logic or sense in my internal overwhelming emotion of his being further from me tonight than this morning missing him and that I was coming home but not to him. 

And it's so fucking illogical. But I can't shake it. And it's the root of my restlessness and inability to focus do anything. And nothing is making it better. And the fur babies are asleep and I'm thinking I should just call it bedtime to not feel this completely senseless and irrational but unshakable feeling of distance and missing him. 

Grumph. What a weirdly frustrating end to such a sparkly sunshiny happy day..... yeah. I'm just going to head to bed. Hopefully whatever this illogical moodiness of missing him making me restless will be improved upon waking next. Because it makes zero sense and I can't settle myself to do anything since getting home. So I'm going to just call it a day and try sleeping since the only other solution I can think of to solve it would be to find him or see him - and that isn't actually anything I can do right now tonight, lol