So I spent a very VERY long time on the phone tonight talking out some things with my bff about mutual friends situations.  Like 4 hours.  But specifically I wanted to share that similar to the constant nudges from the Universe directly to give Eric a chance (like that random arse playlist my Youtube generated) it's not just me who's been nudged about it.  I actually mentioned to her about the playlist and she laughed said, "I mean, that sounds like a very tailored to you and your tastes playlist." And like me, since the time when the polar bear broke through the sealed door, she has also had Delta Rae all over her facebook feed despite not having any notifications or show at top of feed set, and almost always right before or after my own posts.  And then for the last week or so, her Twitter which she hasn't logged into for months (so long that she had to re-register it and confirm it) BUT her Twitter app suddenly started sending her push notifications about tweets from Eric's personal Twitter account and ONLY his Twitter account. For no reason. And almost always right before/after I texted her. I don't even know what the tweets about given I unfollowed him there after the last time he refused to respond to my tweet about it being unfair of him to go live on an account from which I and others had been blocked for being honest (the band insta where he CHOOSES to go live every week) but he decided to respond to other people's comments -- just ignored and gaslit mine.  Which made me angry and say, "Fuck it, fuck him. I don't need this bullshit." and unfollow his personal accounts on all socials. So I have no idea what he's been tweeting or doing in recent months ever since that... she wanted to let me know as it's so incredibly random the Universe nudging at her "don't forget this, come back to this and give another chance -- don't let her be stubborn to throw the baby out with the bathwater" this way for 2 weeks AND always in conjunction with my texts to her. 

Just keeping me honest. Also I didn't know about the random tweets from him pushing notifications from the app to her phone and only his  not anyone else she follows. This was news to me tonight -- she didn't want to get up for Farmer's market last Saturday so I went by myself.

It's curious. I mean, if I sit in my fears, there's a voice insists his actions/inactions show how little he cares about me or hurting me or doing the right thing. And also in my fears there's a voice that whispers to me that since he doesn't lack for options, he's trawling through his local dating apps and insta models to fill the hole in him with finding some random hot chick -- and if he's feeling that way then I'm not what he's seeking. But in my state of calm and waiting, my inner self says to trust and wait because he DOES know what he wants and he's not going to chicken out this time or allow anything to get in his way....

*shrugs* On verra. Time will tell me which of these is truth and which the lie to myself.... For now I'm happy enough just to wait and see. And not listen to the voices of my fears.

Also, this morning at brekkie, I definitely accidentally popped/scraped off the outer layer of the blister thinking it was a bit of egg on my face (literally) and now it hurts like fuck and is slightly discolored like it's trying to get infected... *sigh* so stupid of me....  On the bright side though, except while actively eating and drinking, the mask covers the spot I burnt my lip and blistered it so nobody can see it and know! (Libra sun Pisces rising, I'm ALWAYS looking for the silver lining optimist good thing to come out of the situation.).

Also. The brakes started squeaking slightly a week or so ago so I asked them to check the brakes for me just in case. The back ones have over 80% on the brake pads but the front ones are under 20% and the rotors VERY rusted.  So I need to replace them, preferably before my drive to Detroit to visit to see the polar bear cubs and Erin in mid May, because I don't want to grind down the calipers.  The estimate is $480 for the front brakes and rotors and labor and such.... Which I said I'd just take it back today and know I need to do it and take care of it. I shopped around and actually brake replacements have gotten wicked expensive and everyone else was more.... So tomorrow I'll call back and say I do want to do it and when will they schedule. It's just $500 I hadn't budgeted on spending right now after having to buy more contacts AND at some point soon I'll have to get the dog's puppy cut and take the animals to their annual vet appointments which is pricey AND end of May is the next installment for the property taxes on my condo. Yuck. Too much budget going out the door for have tos, not fun tos. (I just made up the word fun tos. I think want tos would be more typical phrase, lol.)  So I'll probably be on the frugal side keeping the house at hame for a bit -- likely much of late Spring and early Summer..... I should probably figure out a larger income stream tbh.  Maybe I should buy a Mega Millions ticket before Friday try for that $300 million. Because why not? You never know... But anyway. I do know that I oughtn't fuck around and find out with the brake pads so low and I'll call to schedule before my long drive. Probably later today or tomorrow. I just didn't WANT to spend that into the Scion right now. O well. It must be done and don't put it off speaketh my ever practical Capricorn moon.

 

O yes!!! And!!! Yesterday (Tuesday) this wand (which we believe is a budding trembling aspen branch, but took some digging to find that out) found its way to me specifically in a very strange intentional but random way at a gas station when I went to refill the tank.  I love it and it feels right in my hand and channels more power than any other branch or wand I've ever encountered!!  Aspen is also known as The Goddess Tree, is associated with victory, conquering fears, resurrection. And it's associated with opals (the October birthstone) specifically black opals and Persephone for some reason. 

It's also rather creepy af with how much those shiny furled up leaf buds look like claws/talons/beaks. But it's mine and I adore it!!!!

Not sure why I need an aspen wand AND my obsidian dagger -- but here we are. And everyone who's seen it or Mikaela got to hold it has gone, "Wow. This is a gift from the Universe specifically for you."