O I'm not in any way contemplating severing ties or anything of the sort. Not right now. That conversation has just sat with me and made me tell myself that it's something I need to make certain I consider if/when it matters I remember.

If anything, right now I'm curious. And cautiously optimistic. But mostly curious.

I don't understand how/why the door was unsealed again for the bond to flow so strongly. I don't know when it opens -- if I'm feeling the ripples form before it's happened or if it's already happened now. I don't know if he can feel the change or if right now only I can.  And I don't know what changed on his side of the door to be ABLE to unseal it -- though I know the geas laid on it before it could be unlocked and opened.  But I do know what ever caused the shift and the change MATTERS, it's important. And I need to understand the who/why/when of it. I need to understand and find answers about that change to udseal the door the Morrigan laid the geas upon.

I have many unanswered questions and truths that I'm missing.... Which is why I'm more curious than anything else.  I don't intend to comment or react or bring it up again -- I have enough times that I see no good from me bringing it up yet again. I don't see how that helps bring any form of healing or closure.... I accept their choices for what they are and exactly what it says about them. So i don't intend to bring anything up or reach out to him (or anyone involved in the band) or try to press to get this acknowledged and cleaned up.  But I am curious and need to understand some truths I don't yet have. So I don't intend to take any further actions to create distance or sever ties or pull away.

And through all the hurt and distrust based on what happened (or didn't happen in the case of inactions and gaslighting and non-responsiveness) what i desire hasn't changed... Whether I have believed it possible has shifted and my current state of acceptance about what their words/actions/inactions has taught me about the truths of who and what they actually are and stand for, what I desire has not. Genuinely, all I want and all I've ever wanted is to heal this and make it right and be able to wrap my arms around the bear and feel the love flowing between us and know the rightness of claiming and having that energy exchange and growing/nurturing that love between us.

But I'm not intending to pull away or push away any further. And I'm not intending to do anything from my side to try to bridge the distances or to heal what they broke and refused to ever even acknowledge or try to make right. If they want to fix any of what's broken, it's on them to reach  out and actually acknowledge what happened and their guilt/complicity in it and how they're the only ones who can do anything to make it better than indifference from me and a lack of desire to hear or see anything they create.