Yes I saw the e-mail from Delta Rae's Kickstarter about the Live album. Yes I downloaded it. No I haven't listened to it. (I mean, Out of the Badlands being on it was tempting... I did love that song so much and bring such joy and hope into my heart before everything got so fucked up...And I saw Surrounded was on there too, and that's the one made me decide to pay more attention...And Morning Comes which is a forever favorite. And a lot of others that had me tempted to just listen the once..But if I did, it would just set back any healing I've managed these months and getting accustomed to not letting myself listen because listening hurts more than it brings joy.....) It will keep til whenever I can listen to it in the spirit of hope with which I contributed to the Kickstarter and the spirit in which it was created -- and that's not now. That's not yet. And I can't tell you when it will be other than it won't happen until the poisons related to the band are cleared out. (And those are different from the poisons from Eric breaking my trust in him to even give a damn about whether he hurts people or what's ethically just versus what is morally bankrupt taking part of a system of bullying and injustice. There's two things broken, one with my trust of Eric and his character. And the other with me giving a damn about the band or their music and finding them hypocrites for standing by the decision to build a system of ostracism because they refused to hear honesty and then be bullies as a result of it and how behaving that way AND refusing to rectify it (or even respond to it) when it was brought to their attention undermines everything they ever claimed to stand for about issues of injustice.)

Relatedly. Yes I saw the emails about Behind The Door. Yes I have to admit curiosity. But I'm a curious person. That said, I'm still not intending to let the band back into my heart or my ears so long as they bring me more pain than joy. So no I haven't bought it. And no, I don't intend to spend any money on it (nor spend any further money on Delta Rae period in any form so long as I do not believe in their ethics as being real due to their behavior and their refusal to fix the system of ostracism that was created in the name of the entire band and thus colors EVERYTHING to do with the band.)  And I can quite easily shrug off whatever I'm missing because I won't know what I'm missing. And even if I knew what I was missing and thus I was hurting over missing it, why would I want it if having it brings me greater pain than joy into my life? If I'm going to hurt either way, I'd rather hurt over what OUGHT to hurt than hurt over what ought to bring me unalloyed joy if a less fucked up set of choices had been made.

So what reason would there be for it to tempt me at this time to let you back in or go deeper to learn more given the way things are broken and poisoned by choices that were not my own? What makes you think you could ever make or do anything that would tempt me that it could give me more joy than it could hurt me without first fixing what you broke? Y'know?

There were other things, but I'm tired and I don't feel like there's anything else belongs here.... This is more a.... reassurance as much as I could give any form of reassurance over the anxiety I feel inside me along the bond...I've not yet been given reason to try to mute the bond again, so I've just left it be. So yeah, I know. he's been anxious and upset not getting traction where he thought he would. So I just wanted to say that yes I saw it, yes I did download it -- but no I've not listened to it nor do I intend to for as long as it would cause me more pain than joy. And that's the response you should expect from me toward anything you might try to make or do to entice me to have an interest in you once more if you won't do the work to fix the hurt you caused, heal what you broke, and make it so that it's no longer a situation where any reminder of you causes me more pain due to the poisons you created than it could bring me joy......

I don't know why you'd expect anything else....I mean, why would anyone knowingly choose to invest time, energy, or money into something that causes them more pain than it brings them joy? If you have a choice in the matter, would you?Why?