Soooo, I know I'll get to see them again in June, and that honestly it's really not THAT far away.....  And that publicly I did the "it was the right call and I'm excited it just means I'll get to see you again when I wasn't expecting to" to spin a bright side from a disappointment.  And I will, get to see them in June in Milwaukee now as well as July in Chicago.

But tonight I found myself missing Dave. Missing the way he lights up whenever he looks at me and how much he feels but can't ever seem to say when he sees me and even how embarrassed and flustered I can make him sometimes....  And missing the way I just want to hug him to make him feel better about whatever has him overthinking or feeling too much.

I know he's quite certain in himself now what he wants and quite determined. Same as I know he was frustrated as hell that he had FINALLY got himself to a point in his head and heart and life circumstances and had a plan for how he was going to make things work, but then it all got scuttled due to covid-19 and having to social distance and cancel shows and all....

And all day, the further and further he drove away from being physically near to me, the more I just felt in myself how much I didn't want that..... Which is new. Normally it's a bit of a sad bittersweet thing when it will be a bit of a while before I next see them, but the fact that him driving away felt wrong somehow and made me so very sad the further and further he was from me -- that's new.

I wasn't expecting that..... Maybe i should have been, but I wasn't.