Alright, I'm about to head to bed because I'm living on toddler/pre-k timelines til March 3 which means my wakeup call is around 7am. However, my sister and brother-in-law have set the Alexa in the guest room (aka office) to play the most random songs to wake me up tell me to set aside my book if already awake and come on upstairs. My favorite so far is "It's Raining Tacos" which earworms the fuck out of me, though "Pancake Robot" is a close second for the earworming randomly singing it after hearing it.....

That said, I have everything as ready as I can be for tomorrow except I need to wake up to shower and should probably do that between 6am and 6:30, especially with how long my hair takes to dry..... (Not that that matters too much because tomorrow is supposed to be the first rainy day of my visit. Seattle area is almost always mostly sunny and enough rain (often overnight) to keep the plants happy whenever I visit -- so they try to get me to visit in seasons that are typically grey and wet, lol.   Anyway, tomorrow Jack has gymnastics at 10am, then we're meeting Nancy for lunch. Then Nancy and I are driving down to Portland OR, gonna spend late afternoon and evening hanging out with my cousin Melissa, then Nancy and I are heading to the We Banjo 3 show (Melissa may come, but hasn't committed to a ticket yet in case she gets tired) then Nancy and I are driving back to her house in South Tacoma and I'll get to meet her doggos. Then in the morning at some point she'll bring me back to my sister and family's house. At which point I can (hopefully) get the remaining flowers/shrubs I didn't plant this afternoon into the ground that I have (the bulbs can wait, and Jack wants to help anyway) but the plants in containers should get in sooner rather than later....

Other than that, I don't have much more in set plans this visit.... Thursday night my sister and brother-in-law are having date night, so Matt & Amy are coming over for pizza and watch a movie and hopefully Monroe won't be sick like last time so I didn't get to watch any of the movie or help get Jack to bed because I had a fussy squalling mildly feverish 8 month old who'd start screaming at everything except while she was being a chest barnacle on me and would wake up start screaming if I laughed or talked loudly or shifted my position too much.  On the other hand, the incredibly adorable but very shy Mo adores me as a result of that enforced bonding night with her as a sick infant. Anyway, that's Thursday. And then Friday Matt & Amy are coming over again so we can all actually hang out. (Matt & Amy are two of Miche & Jon's closest friends and they're wonderful humans and for like 6 years now we've somehow always gotten together during my visits....)

Other than that, I'm just hanging out around their house or anywhere we go together til my flight back to Wisconsin on the 3rd.

But none of that is why I sat down to write instead of sleep.

It's because.... last night and again tonight.... Right between 11pm and 11:30 PST (so 1-1:30am CST) I've felt Eric get very active on the bond and just reach along it and strengthen it and just pull my soul in close against his. Without me reaching for him or asking. He's just been doing it. And, sometimes I forget just how strong he is when he remembers his own strength of spirit and that the bond is as much his as mine......

And. Also. The truth is.... I may be damn stubborn enough, especially when I think my reasons for martyring myself are good, to force of will make myself miserable and not let ME reach for HIM or pull him close to snuggle into his soul.... But my sense of righteous action isn't strong enough to be able to fight him once it's fait accompli and he's already reached me that way on his own. I'm tired and selfish and want it enough to not argue or fight him, to instead just snuggle into the bond that's already open full flood and he's just embracing me surrounding in his love, soul to soul. I'm not saying I'm in the right to accept it, no matter how much joy and comfort it brings me, but I am saying I'm too weak inside and love and want him too much for me to fight it when he does that. I have enough willpower not to allow myself to open wide the connection or try to pull his soul in closer to mine, but not enough willpower to deny or fight him instead of accepting and snuggling into that warmth in him and relaxing there when he's the one reaches along the bond with the full force and flow of his love and pulls at my soul to come closer to his.....

And on that confession, I'm going to go to sleep now.... Feeling surrounded by his love with the bond in full flood and me giving in just curling up into that warmth and love and sense of rightness and belonging......