Honestly, I genuinely don't even care about any of the songs Delta Rae has recorded for the light or they're currently recording for the dark. I was happier NOT letting myself watch any videos or acknowledge their existence than since I slipped up on Friday and started allowing me to let them play.

I don't even want to know what he shared, but the fact that two hours ago Eric popped up on my insta stories with a story that I can't watch  and thus I KNOW is him sharing something from the band's official account pisses me off. I don't WANT to see the content at this point of the constant bullying from him and Britt, I'm angry I can't see it. I'm angry at the injustice of that. It makes me angry all over again at Brittany for creating this situation and constantly poking the bear these last 13.5 months and it makes me angry at Eric for CONSTANTLY posting to the band account and constantly sharing things posted to the band instagram account since late August and him not even caring about him now being as much the bully of the band as his sister has been.

The chances of me unfollowing Eric, personally, in the next 22 hours is EXTRAORDINARILY high. And it is100% due to the fact that he shows up in my unwatched stories and I KNOW it's just him being the fucking bully that his sister made him into sharing something from the band account that I was blocked from and still nobody has ever once addressed at ANY point.

I was happier treating him and his band as if they don't exist. I didn't get angry over the injustice and the hypocrisy of who they CLAIM to be and the very real world bullying they have constantly engaged in for over a year now. And that's how it's going to be until he and his sister and the band as a whole heal what THEY broke and the poisonous bullying behavior they have engaged in.

And I don't have the patience or energy to put up with their bullshit and lack of accountability for what they have done and are still doing any longer. I prefer to treat them as if they simply don't exist. And the songs they've recorded and the songs they are currently in the middle of recording? those don't exists to me either and it doesn't matter what they record or how good they try to make it sound -- they simply won't exist to me and they are INCAPABLE of giving me any joy even if they did due to the blocking and the ostracism and bullying that have occurred since -- primarily perpetuated by Brittany and Eric. There's nothing I want from them without them fixing what they broke. I prefer them and anything they do to be dead to me if they refuse to take responsibility for the wrong they've done and ARE doing and they CHOOSE to make it right -- I'm happier if they and all their music and anything else they do simply don't exist to me if they're going to be bullies and not even acknowledge their ostracism and bullying behaviors.

It's not even a question of what I'm more excited about -- at this point,since the end of August/early September, I literally don't want any of them and have no desire to even listen to them.  And there's no reminding me of "how much I have loved them" without reminding me of the extent of the ostracism and bullying from Brittany over the last year and especially from Eric in these recent months since August 28. Reminding me of what I'll be missing is just another way of relational bullying, it's still an aspect of the ostracism that YOU created and YOU refuse to acknowledge and YOU refuse to fix -- and all it makes me do is get angry then push you away further and desire NOTHING to do with you or to see you or anything of yours again.  It has the exact opposite effect of the intended bullying. I don't think you're cool or desire to have you in my life -- I get angry at you for being a bully and treating people like shit then rubbing their faces in it. You're not cool, you're a fucking bully.

No contact with the band or anyone in the band was better. Then when any of the guys' stories showed up as unwatched, I would never even know if it's because I could or couldn't watch it if I clicked on it -- I was choosing not to click on it at all. I'm going back to no contact. And I refuse to alter that without any real change or healing on the mistakes that Brittany and Eric have made and CONTINUE making by engaging in relational bullying behaviors.