I just had one of the weirdest creepiest things of my life happen to me.... And I have long history of wyrd and creepy and downright dangerous "I should be dead what the fuck was I thinkong?!?!" stories in this life.....  And this one was really fucking weird......


I'm home,  door is locked and dead bolted. And I NEVER dead bolt except in hotel rooms.....   But I'm still shaken - I wish I had gotten around to buying new blinds for my room and the balcony as I've been meaning to since I installed the new windows/door...... I best find replacements or suck it up put up the old yellowed ones I hate......

I'm so hackles raised by this one though.....  Let me go change into pjs and make a cuppa yea and plug my phone in then I'll tap out on my phone this fucking bit of a wyrd night.....  You have no fucking idea just how shaken I currently am - and I'm not even sure of what precisely.....  I'll explain what happened to rattle me.  After I cozy myself up....  But right now,  I feel the urgent need to hide, like from a predator.... And...  I can feel that I am cocooned and protected inside energy shielding that isn't my own - the kind where nobody can find me or recognize me unless they physically touch me or have a VERY strong bond with me. And I still have goosebumps all over every inch of me,  just wanna curl up and hide and feel safe.

P. S.  I bought more stuffed bears at rhe zoo today. And the only pics I took at the zoo not of fiery leaved trees?  Of Nuniq,  our male polar bear.  He followed me all around the enclosure til a zookeeper had to call him by name to come eat.

He's a good bear.  And,  I like that one of our two polar bears is the son of the polar bear we had at our zoo here when I was growing up. (our female,  Berit,  is in her den snuggled down for the winter and the hope is the artificial insemination from the Chicago polar bear will be successful and there will be polar bear cubs here in the Spring!)

P. P. S.  Changed into pjs.  Both  my animals are laying on me guarding me.  On top of everything else....  May not get to making that cuppa tea after all.....

Tonight,  more than anything else in the entire fucking world,  I just want to curl up into Eric for comfort and to feel protected and at peace.  Both in my inner space and if it were possible,  in real life.... Honestly,  whenever I'm hurting or sad or scared, all I want is to curl up into Eric for comfort.  Not Dave,  not anyone else, just Eric.  Every time.  Doubt that'll change.  Even with the bond asleep. It hasn't ever changed in any of my past lives. It's just an instinctive thing,  even after the broken trust and all.  

And that's why it matters so,  even in little things.  Because my instinct IS to trust him,  no matter how he's shown me, in this life or any life,  he can't be trusted not to cave to peer pressure instead of having an ethical core.

P. P. P. P. S.  Still haven't written up about last night.  Having lunch and watching Howl's Moving Castle with the 14 year old.  (we watched Labyrinth before,  she'd never seen it before)