I heard on the radio then looked up to read a study tonight that said it takes,  on average,  5 new good things to undo the damage of 1 bad thing. If a person apologizes or shows genuine remorse for the bad thing,  it takes 2-3.5 good things to counterbalance it (depending on how quickly they apologize)  but if they NEVER apologize or address it,  then it takes 8.5-11 good things to counteract the painful interaction depending on the severity of how the bad thing was received.

The data was consistent for rebuilding the broken trust REGARDLESS what had come before,  and it has to do with the stress hormones released by the negative eventand how they rewire your memories so even thinking about the person/thing that upset you releases the same stress hormones visible on an fMRI that shut down logic and heighten emotional flight or fight response.  And it takes multiple good hormone release situations to undo the damage of just one negative interaction.....

It was a fascinating study proving what we all knew intuitively.  Still,  hard data is good to have.  And.  I reckon it's good for everyone just to know that fixing things after a fuckup that hurt them will take time and consistent effort and doing good things over and over and over  without getting upset or defensive reinforcing the bad emotional responses from before. Especially if you never will willingly apologize or admit you did wrong.

Anyway,  the hard data on it was fascinating!

Back to drinking wine and tea and watching the snow fall outside while the candles and hearth fire burn inside all while reading my book..... It's so hygge in here,  you have no idea! All I need to make it perfect is a man to cuddle with,  preferably shirtless but it's negotiable. 😉 Because cat and dog snuggles are all well and good,  but they're not the same as having someone's arms arpund you and curling up into the warmth of their love for you. Ah well,  some other fire on some other snowy night perhaps..... For now. Time to put another log on the fire, put the kettle on for a fresh cuppa tea, and go stand by the balcony door talking to my hawk roosting in the tree and smiling at the  snow falling under the white lights of our condo complex.