Another airplane ride, another meet cute with the aisle seat boy and an empty middle seat. 😂 (I tend to have exceptional luck with getting empty middle seats or empty rows, apparently the system often shows them as claimed/occupied even though they're not, especially when I'm feeling antisocial at the time I buy my ticket/choose seats.) This one, Jake, had the most gorgeous gorgeous blue eyes. But when we stood up, he's not tall enough for my heightism, taller than me but only just a little bit taller than me. But dang he had the prettiest bright blue eyes. And a book to read. And drinks his coffee black. And could hold intelligent deep meaningful conversations, even with a strange girl he only just met. Still, though he wasn't as tall as I typically go for, he was tall enough I gave him my number and my name so he could find out how the rehoming a dog driving cross country alone story goes. (We both agreed we had no time while out in PAC Northwest for making other plans because of so many other humans we're juggling but I did give him some hiking recommendations for while he's out here.) I just wish he was taller. But that's a me problem, I'm a heightist and a guy has to be taller than me even in my heels for me to feel any strong physical attraction at all, and if he is but not enough, then it's there but not much if we're too close in height.

Aso, Rainier was out!!!! Beautifully clear out and visible!!! Which is great because Im driving the long way home and so won't have a flight out for a second look at my mountain from in the clouds. (That mountain and I have some wyrd karma, she likes to prove me wrong in my assumptions so I now try to be cautious what I say about her ever since the grizzly bear incident. Everybody was fine, bear just wanted to munch his pre hibernation salmon berries at the trailhead. But also, yeah, closer than anyone should be to a wild grizz. But still not quite as close as the time at Glacier where the ranger who happened to be right there as it came ambling over to say hi told everyone to stay perfectly still, no flash or reflective cameras/phones to spook it but if it came any closer whatsoever we all had to run fast as we could to the nearby shelters.)

I've been pretty well whirlwinded since getting here, everybody wants my full undivided attention all the time when I'm out here, lol. My first night here, there was literally a moment just minutes after putting the kids to bed and I was sat sitting on the floor petting Waffles through the baby gate when Chicken (the cat) climbs in my lap and Jon looked up from his tiki cocktail making and just started laughing goes, "Hunh, well that didn't take long for you to be reclaimed once the kids went to bed." Chicken has always been fond of me let's me pick her up hold her and goes to purring goo mode in my arms despite her general skittishness fear of stranger danger and I told Waffles that this time she will be leaving with me for a very long drive back to my home and she has hardly left my side. It is a little weird right now because Miche told me yesterday that I should act and behave as if Waffles is my dog allowed here on a visit but still has to obey house rules. Which feels like a recipe for disaster with a Virgo little sister who dislikes dogs, but we're muddling along and I'm doing my best to navigate it and to work with training Waffles and various positive reinforcement consistently.  

Also. My last couple visits happened to cross over school breaks Jack had so he's struggling a little with not feeling like he's getting as much one on one with me and that he's always having to share me with his sisters, but especially Monroe. Balance has been hard, especially because Monroe loves her pink tea (apple strudel herbal from Churchill's tea shop in Cincy) and so afternoon/evening tea making ceremony is our ritual thing she and I do every day but other than some reading time competitions or making sure to play tennis/badminton or soccer or basketball or throw the football with him while outside, Jack doesn't have anything like that with me. Of my entire stack of books, he has fixated on wanting to read the N. K. Jemisin duology The Dream blood which I packed to read, or at least the first book of it, so I'm thinking what I might do is read ahead when he's not here and then if the content doesn't seem questionable let him read chapters to discuss. But it's hard because contemporary female black scifi writer, and so there's a lot of sex and violence themes in her other writing I have read that I don't know if his parents would want him reading. He also really really wants to work with me to train Waffles roll over, and she's very good at belly baring for scritches so I think that's a better idea of something he and I can do together as a just us thing. It's just that a Virgo mom, a Taurus dad, a Scorpio eldest son, a Leo middle daughter, and a Gemini youngest daughter (turns 11 months next week) is a lot of opinions and egos and personalities in one household, lol. 

Tomorrow we have May the fourth Star Wars parade and laser light show plans for after the kids are done with school. Friday is Cinco de mayo, Saturdays are crazy because that's the day that Mo has gymnastics and Jack has soccer.  Also next week, my friend J (we met at a week long farm to table intensive program at Quillisaacut Farm that I attended with a group of Seattle Culinary Students after my grandma won an Organic Valley contest and was able to transfer it to me) wants to steal me on the 11 so I can meet their baby who is a couple months older than Elliot. My last visit, they got COVID and my visit before that they were pregnant and my sister was pregnant so we all chose excess of caution. But it means I haven't seen J in a couple years now.  And then on the 12, Cath Cath (my mum's high school best friend who is a bonus auntie godmother friend to me) will be back from her Portland trip and is going to steal me for the day to spend some time in Edmonds and for me to spend some quality time with her cat Morgan who is the sweetest cuddle love of purr ball with me and who I haven't seen since before Finn (Cathy's other, younger, cat) died last fall. Then Cath will bring me back here for dinner with my sister's family. Saturday the 13 we pick up the rental car and I'll take Waffles on some practice car ride errands and hikes between then and when the long drive begins on the 17..... 

O, and in addition to tiki cocktails from the book Jon got as a Christmas gift, our adults TV show this visit is Pinata Masters (actually called Dale Dale Dale) and it's a Mexican game show for pinata making. Also the French version of Nailed It -- though it's a little weird that I laugh before they get the joke because I'm laughing at the French and they have to wait on the subtitles.

Also already planted over 150 bulbs they bought for me to plant and finished 2 books. 

Ciao bye, it's almost time to find out what this morning's laugh a lot wakeup song is my 5mins warning for when the kids alarm light turns green and they get to leave their room to play until breakfast time which is when they descend upon my guest room in the office/craft room. (Yesterday morning was Disney's Tiki Room because I was singing that on Mon night while sitting on the floor with the dog and the cat in the time when the first of our tiki cocktails was being mixed. (They bought a Costco sized pineapple juice because they wanted pineapple juice and knew I was coming and had been wanting to play with the cocktails in the book.))

A little bit, a little bit of love, Goes a pretty long way. Take a look at where you started from, And where you are today. You climbed mountains, Swam oceans, You got knocked down, And kept goin'. In the end you know you got to say, A little bit of love goes a pretty long way. All your wounds are healing fine, I'm so glad I got you in my life. Now the winter frost is gone, Now is our chance to live the life we want. A little bit, a little bit of love, Goes a pretty long way. Everybody, everybody's lost, And that's okay. Some show it, some hide it, But there's a battle, We're all fighting. So if you're looking for the words to say, A little bit of love goes a pretty long way.

 I was successful on Saturday, that entity was encircled and marked and ensnared and Hawk god/Thunderbird dealt with it and it is now eradicated from this plane of existence across all the alternate universes it was in (and it didn't rain at all the entire time we were in Minne, so Thunderbird will hopefully stop flooding the Twin Cities so frequently and in ways that meteorologists can't explain for why certain rain/snow cells just sit right over the Cities and drench it these last five or six years.) It was significantly harder than I expected it to be because of how this entity hides and obfuscates and it required some wandering routes across Universes while in the car where literally streets would change as we drove them or re-drove them immediately after hitting dead end turn arounds of extra strong loops of energy laid down, but after the fact I realized that it was necessary to travel the way I took the car to properly lay the net to ensnare this and then trust in my allied deities to clear it out across all the planes/universes it had hidey-holes in (which if I had confronted it myself the night I discovered its lair, I don't have the skills to do in an incarnating body so it could back from the other Universes it was in and if/when I slipped Universes it would still be there for me to face again and again and again -- and this is one of the many benefits of me now working with certain deities always on call always watching over me protecting me instead of just channeling to Source to stream all that raw energy through this mortal body and force whatever I discover to face the white light of Judgement in that timeless space where soul review and destruction for those who work against the Creation unfolding happens. I don't do any judging, I just send them to Judgement when I deal with unincarnated malevolent/vampiric spirits I encounter. Only now, I hand them off to old gods and archangels to escort them to the light and unless I'm surprised I don't even have to be the channel of the energy to force them and I only have to connect up for healing or because I want to hang onto a radio station until a song ends or things like that.)   It WAS a damn sneaky tricky entity, and the way to ensnaring it and marking it very winding When we accidentally ended up with a road turning into a one way entry into a parking garage, and I looked at the map and I asked Crissy once more if she wanted to accompany me or have me drop her off while I dealt with this and she said she was sticking with me to make sure I didn't do anything too reckless lstupid, I told her what route perimeter I'd need to travel to close my circle, but while tracing the boundaries, everything was so Wonderland-y Universe shifting that she reached a point of, "Dani, i can't help you with the maps because of how quickly things are changing and not matching the streets around us -- you're going to have to do this your old school intuitive energy work  guiding you and hope you can stick your planned route." I did, even though I did doubt if I could even do it in the car and questioned if I had to get out of the car track it down on foot and lay a tighter circle when we were part way through the wandering ways I couldn't find my way to Old River Rd which I needed to get onto..... But I managed it, the snare was closed and when I went back over to U of M area after the concert was done in order to check energies and look for it, hawk God/Thunderbird had done what they told me they would do and there was no residual energy trace whatsoever or the heaviness of that entity. It is dealt with and done, and I'm grateful for taking care of it because it was sneaky and backstabbing and treacherous once I broke through its memory burying..... And a hidden enemy is far worse than the enemy you know....

But I was successful! At least, I successfully closed a trap for it and was told by the old gods who assisted on the end part after it was trapped that they finished their job once I had enclosed and marked it for them and they swore both parts of the entity were separated and taken to the light for their Judgement in soul review for the part that was Pig's Eye Parrant and dissolution back into the void for the other entity -- and when i checked the area, there was no trace of its corruption or anything. but I still plan to double check the area again on foot when I come back through with Waffles on our way home from Seattle -- as long as she's doing well enough with leash training and socializing for that. So I was successful with this one! It's the hardest job I've taken on to do since changing the rules and using allies rather than putting myself in risk of harm's way if I fail or burn out my body by having to channel too much raw power from Source through me.....

If i was as successful as the gods and I think we were (and I will verify again in a few weeks and keep checking just in case it did something unexpectedly sneaky) then this entity is gone won't be able to access or bother anyone now, not either of the girls and no other victims I don't know about. And I cleared the hooks it left inside Britt, so she won't have to worry about any other entities using those hooks -- only if she chooses to allow anything in or to put hooks into her will she need to be concerned. The hooks are still in Liz, because at the last minute she couldn't decide to want them removed and I have my own rules of ethics and won't go against someone else's free will even in the name of their own good. BUT, while those hooks are in her, even with this entity gone, they are openings for any other entity to get in to Liz easily with minimal or no defenses because they are pathways she has already opened and channels she didn't want removed. They can still be removed, but only once she is certain she wants them removed -- and be cautious about who you have remove them -- not all energy workers are the light workers they claim to be and some leave their own hooks in even when they remove the ones they promised to remove..... And you don't want someone who doesn't know what the fuck they're actually doing to do a halfway removal and then think you're good when you still have weaknesses in your energetic defenses you don't realize are there.... That's among the very many things I can teach to those with active gifts who choose to be my students and I agree to teach my ways of energy work, but not everyone's techniques for cord cutting/cleansing can handle and find the insidious hooks that this entity used and be able to burn them all out and then heal over where they were to make the defenses whole again.... But there are plenty others out there with hooks in them because I don't know who they are and thus can't even offer them the chance to remove the hooks and heal where they were... And that's always a risk that happens because I can't know every victim that any unincarnated spirit hooks into, y'know? Liz is just in the same boat as the others who it had wormed its way into and left hooks in -- whether they allow any other entity in and those hooks provide easier access/corruption into their souls is something I don't know and can't control and have to accept that I did what good I could but beyond that I will have to trust the fates and free will to see them all through.

And now that I know this karmic debt (for if it hadn't been chasing me after I found its lair and then defied it to enter my hotel room once it broke through the wards I placed on it til I could come back to deal with it, then it never would have taken interest in the girls the way it did) is cleared, I can go back to what I feel is the ethical necessity of respecting the boundaries that I didn't create and from here forward I will never reach out to Delta Rae or attend another show or listen to any further music they release (now that the contractual music from the Kickstarter I paid into have all been met) and I will do my best to act as if they simply do not exist which is the demand THEIR instagram account placed upon me by blocking my account infinitefacets back on Oct 28, 2018 and them collectively refusing to even respond or acknowledge to every attempt I made both publicly and privately to talk about me being blocked from the band's official Instagram account. Blocking anyone digitally is an act of ostracism, it is a statement that they are not welcome or wanted and it is an action on the wish the other person/group does not to exist to the person you block -- and since it's not my boundary I can't alter that and so I will respect it from here forward for as long as the block stands and remains unaddressed. 

It's not that I'm sad that I went on Thurs, I'm not. I'm actually very glad I went and I did very much enjoy myself and am grateful I was able to have for my own memory pearls now of that concert that comes full circle in the place I first saw a full band concert of theirs so very many years ago. It's not that there weren't times that I felt the music and being there with all of them would crack open my heart with joy and light, because that definitely happened -- especially during my most favorite songs or when they made musical choices I didn't expect that delighted me. But, what kept happening was that just as I'd be letting myself settle into the joy of being there sharing the energy of those moments, I'd suddenly remember that I wasn't wanted there by the band to be counted among their fans, that my presence was a direct violation of the boundaries imposed and asked for in the band's name that they did not wish to even exist to me, and then it would just all sputter out go dim again as that knowledge and guilt about me transgressing the boundary created in the band's name (even though I did so for a purpose) fell upon me. For how could I let myself light up in the joy of being there when I wasn't welcome or wanted and knew myself to be acting directly contrary to the stated action-desires of the band? It's why no matter how bright the joy and love sparked in me about being there and how great the show was, it never took hold the way it should have to reopen a path to renewing the band-fan energy exchange to bring me back again as someone who will buy tickets show up for all driveably close shows. How could it when showing up at them would mean knowingly and intentionally disrespecting and crossing what the bands actions and inactions had established as their boundary of not wanting me there, not wanting to exist to me? 

*shrugs* If I am ever unblocked and it is acknowledged and dealt with from their side, then I will reassess and try to figure out if I genuinely feel wanted and welcomed as a fan of the band and how I feel at that hypothetical point if I trust and want to invest further into the band after the bullying way I was treated for simple honesty of my own truth. But without that? With how things are now with me being banned by the band's official Instagram account? Not even muted or restricted comments, but blocked so nothing posted from that account or shared to the story of any account I follow will show up?!?! No. Blocking is a boundary and it took a conscious action to create it and deliberate inaction of ghosting unresponsiveness to me trying to address it's existence asking if it was intentional or accidental.... All of that is free will choices made many times over in the name of the entire band as a collective. So I will respect the boundary and for as long as I remain blocked on Instagram by them, the band as a collective will not exist to me to the best of my ability to respect that boundary. Similarly, now that I have balanced out the karmic debt from this entity having hunted me by cutting cords and destroying hooks where I could and destroying the entity entirely, I will henceforth behave as if the girls do not exist to the best of my ability and will only give polite civility if/when our paths cross until I can respect once more the boundaries of their creation since both girls blocked me on their own personal accounts for my honesty that the country music choices before their sets was causing too much pain to my synesthesia so I would not be able to attend future shows while that was a thing -- Liz in May 2018 and Brit at the end of Oct 2018 on the day before I was blocked on the band account for stating my truth about how the country twang of the music before their sets was affecting me as far as future shows go.

So. My choice given where we are now (since we can't go back to anything before this moment and undo or redo it) is that I will respect the boundaries created and not allow any more of my heart/energy/time to be spent on my one-sided wanting to repair what was broken between me and Delta Rae the moment that "block account" was clicked by someone logged into the band's Instagram account and that was broken further every time I tried from a place of hope that it had been a misunderstanding to bring it up and I was ignored/ghosted. I am going to respect the boundary and accept based on the actions and subsequent inactions taken in the bands name that I am unwelcome and unwanted as a fan and at shows -- and nothing short of direct action taken by the band and/or in the band's name to address the blocking on their Instagram account will ever convince me to even consider allowing anything from the band as a collective or involving the girls as individuals to exist to me so I can respect the boundary they created when they ostracized me told me I was unwanted and unwelcome and that they are not as inclusive towards their fan base as they always claimed to be... And I am at peace with whatever happens from here because it is not anything in my hands to take action to be able to alter or heal the breach and all the pain that the act of blocking me boundary created.

Now, I have watered all my plants at work and need to write a note for their watering schedule in my absence and do a couple other things and then check that I meet at least 20 hrs of work in so that I only have to use 2.5 ptso days. (not sure I can meet 24 hours and still have time to finish things at home before Crissy comes to pick me up drive me to Mitchell Airport for my flight to SeaTac -- thankfully a direct flight!)  I'm mostly all packed and ready except my laptop bag and my travel purse and the things that I can't pack until after I've showered and gotten ready for the flight. Also need to double check the weight of my checked suitcase see if I need to transfer books into my laptop bag or if I'm good. I also need to water my plants at home and consolidate them for Crissy to more easily water everyone in my absence -- she's not got a very green thumb and killed my bloodroot plants while i was gone in December not realizing they needed more water than she gave them -- but everything else I have right now is fairly drought tolerant so hopefully she shan't kill them by neglect in my absence.

So finishing up here, then home and my home plants and some last minute tidying/readying and remainder of packing things, and some sleep perchance, and then in the morning will be showering and last pack of toiletries and breakfast and taking the garbage out and then just reading and spending time with Spock until Crissy comes to pick me up at 9ish. Then dropping the shipping scale back off at work and saying bye to my parents and Sophie (who I won't see til June now because they leave for their cabin right before I get back with Waffles.) And then the drive and then security (which even with precheck gives me anxiety about time passing until I'm through to the other side of the bottleneck of the timelines. And after that just hanging out with coffee and some sort of lunch and reading books and maybe buying books and seeing if I can find/buy some cheese curds for my sister's family and then settling in near the gate with a book until the "last pee before boarding because fuck airplane bathrooms" time. Also!!! Quite serendipitously, Starbucks assigned me tomorrow as my triple star day! So yay for happy synchronicities because if there's one thing I should be able to find at SeaTac while waiting for when my family can pick me up since they voted they want to come get me instead of sending me a Lyft, it will be a Starbucks, lol. Then two weeks with them at their house (including gardening time and being pampered on having all my physical needs met on the precision schedule of a Virgo sister married to a Taurus brother-in-law) before I start the drive back with hotels booked in Missoula and Bismarck (which weirdly, kept resetting to 2 people and 1 pet and since it wasn't costing me anything extra I said, "eh fuck it -- it costs me nothing extra and I'll leave it that way because they charge you to have unexpected people, not when the number of guests is less than expected.") 

And yes, it's time for me to release back into my many facets the emo Dani and show up with blue sparkly nails (still dakr) and return to wearing colors. because my nephew and nieces have never seen me while I'm grieving and not my sunshine-y light giving self. And they're too young yet to understand, especially my almost 5 year old Leo niece who is a strong empath with night terrors and idolizes me as her fashion icon and life idol to emulate. She is so sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and flowers brightness and it's not for me to break that by showing up in a grieving emo state and teaching her other ways of being from what she reads in my energy and what she sees in my fashion choices of all black clothes and black painted nails and dark emo eyeliner and the sad sometimes hitting me so hard that mu curls can't even and my hair goes straight and nothing can bring back the curl pattern until the next wash day revives it.

I may not write much here while at my sister's or while traveling to bring Waffles to her soon to be new home in Wisconsin. I tend to just focus intensely on family time while I get to integrate into their family because they are loved ones far away so I only see them infrequently. In general, how I handle having so many beloved family members and dear friends scattered all over the globe is that the times I get to see my far flung loved ones, I devote every possible moment I can to spending time with them and making memories of joy while we have it. Similarly, when I got back from my sister and brother-in-law's back in December and I knew my time with my sweet dog was almost run out, the reason I chose to stop writing here and set this all private was so I could focus all my remaining possible unclaimed hours on making memories and bring joy to my dog for as long as I was able. Because it was so precious and finite and it was all I had and it was disappearing so fast...and it was all the time I was ever going to have with her in that incarnation and I couldn't bear to waste any of it so I decided to just cut off this connection point and box up all the complicated mess of feelings I tend to use this space to write out and put all those feels on a back shelf of my heart to sort out deal with later once I ran out of the moments I needed to be fully present giving all the joy and love I could to my sweet Audrey Pupburn in her last months... When I know how short the time remaining is with any given loved one in my life for this lifetime, I always prioritize it above almost everything else other than have tos and if I have any spiritual battles I'm needed to fight during that time. So while I may check in or write if anything bothering me comes up, you should EXPECT silence from me here while I focus on my family time while I have it. If anything bothering me comes up that I need to write it out to purge it in words so I can better re-dedicate myself to family time then I will write here, but without anything prompting me to need to write here, you should expect not to have anything written form me here until the last third of May.

 But I really am good, and I've released a lot across the last week and done more spiritual fight work as a lightbringer and more energy clearing in the last handful of days than most people do in a lifetime, lol. (though I have a hunch that eclipse season isn't yet done with me and there's going to be more swift shifts of course orchestrated by the Universe and free will choices between now and May 5 when the eclipse portal closes with the Scorpio full moon eclipse.) I do promise I'm in a good space right now, even if I'm not writing here to reassure you across the next couple weeks. See?

And it's only a short while of time I'll be gone. I'll be back here with all my too many many many words soon. Maybe not soon enough if you find yourself missing all my words, but soon. Certainly not so long as the time I just cut this off so I could put all my energy and time into what I had left with my dog as she descended into her dying days/weeks of her last 2.5 months in that body.

[Post Title: Lyrics to the Weezer song A Little Bit of Love. I adore this song, the first time I heard it, I didn't realize it was new Weezer and my heart just opened up went "O but I love everything about what this song is saying and doing! I'm so glad to have found it and want to keep this in my life as a ray of light to let in!"  And whenever it comes on, I just start grinning and it turns a key in my heart that makes me feel like all the weight lifts off my shoulders and I just bubble over with love and joy and gratitude in those moments.]

"Honey I love you." That's all she wrote. Oh, Ophelia, You've been on my mind girl like a drug. Oh, Ophelia, Heaven help a fool who falls in love.

 I woke up with the Lumineers song Ophelia playing in my head. And all morning it's being growing in me that I need to walk down to Tiedemann Pond (and maybe Strickers Pond too) and so I'm gonna go now and do that. It's the last place Audrey Pupburn insisted on going for a walk, and she actually reached the end of her strength (never walked again) halfway up the hill of Gammon Rd and I carried her cuddling her trying not to cry all the rest of the way home.... Probably gonna cry over things lost to time can't have back and acceptance of that.... But i feel I need to go do that today before whenever I next make that walk with Waffles, after I drive back from Kirkland with her next month. 

So I'll listen and go walk down to Tiedemann and cry if I must and make space in my heart around the grieving for the joy once Waffles is here....

 

[Post Title: Lyrics to The Lumineers song Ophelia.]

 That was a very interesting experience. It wasn't clear cut any way, all over the potential fatelines throughout and afterward... Though I did feel gratitude and desire from all of them to not have this be the last time but not necessarily a desire or promise to right what set everything awry down paths where we arrive at the place where this could be a last time farewell. So I walked away unable to resolve the issues of being blocked on Instagram that is the root cause instigation of me feeling that I am unwanted/unwelcome to the band at their shows and as a fan. And I'll be honest, I still can't tell if this is a place of love HAGL wish you success but closed chapter farewell or if this was a step toward returning to a renewal of the old "every time you're driveably close let's have a love fest energy exchange." i still feel very much that I'm standing at the crossroads waiting to know which path will be chosen and which will be erased as if it never was.... It's a crossroads where knife edge could go either way where this for me is a new beginning renewal or a farewell for this life. (Cue Erykah Badu, Next Lifetime.) And like these aren't about my choices, it's about whether or not anyone steps up to taking accountability for past choices and acknowledging the blocking boundary issue to alter it thus opening up present/future paths to healing 

I was able to cut all cords and remove all hooks out of Britt, her reaction was an immediate, "I don't want this, I never wanted this, I didn't ask for this. Please help me and remove this." Which is the exact same reaction Crissy had when I offered back in college after her gifts first awoke (that was my fault; she was around when some shit happened and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of her life and being there while I dealt with something that targeted her as having no defenses is what awakened all her dormant gifts with no training whatsoever; and since it was my fault because "any soul seeking me be able to find me" is broad and was disapproved by many deities/archangels much less reckless than me, I felt it my responsibility to crash course train her spiritual gifts if she desired when I offered) but I gave her the same question, "Do you want this or do you want me to extricate you from this entanglement?" to cut the cords that a vampiric entity at St. Paul's in Madison that was energetically feeding on her in college. And a complete certainty desire to remove the cords is all that my respect for the sanctity of free will choices requires for me to act -- so I was able to cut the cords and remove all the hooks out of Britt. Verbal telling me what you want and it aligning with your inner truth is preferred, but in a pinch when I don't know if I will have another chance energetic permission/desire that I act is good enough in a situation like this. I did as much as I could for Liz to cut cords for her but couldn't remove the hooks into Liz, especially the deep ones. Which means those are points of potential future reconnection with either this entity or other entities in other contexts. I tried but every time she stepped forward close enough for it, she wavered. She was in a place of conflicted, "I don't want this but I want it in the name of the temptation it promises." And that doesn't meet my free will sanctity requirements to cleanse cords/hooks from an unincarnated entity out of an individual. I have to know that they completely desire no hesitation want it removed or to extricate from the entanglement if the opportunity offers. I can only help those who are ready and wanting my healing catalyst of opening fatelines.  She has to want it for me to heal her remove those cords/hooks/open paths into her soul and right now she doesn't have certainty when given the choice..... 

I will deal with this Minne entity on Sat and she won't have it able to reconnect with her because it will be gone -- but those openings into her from the hooks I couldn't remove because she didn't know if she did or didn't want them removed will be there for any other entity she encounters to connect to. And unless we're under attack and it's instinctive protective, I can't protect or heal anyone without their directly asking me.... And I certainly can't protect or heal anyone from what they are choosing of their own free will.  Because of my stance on the sanctity of free will as giving meaning to everything that could be. 

As far as Delta Rae goes.... I love what I love and will always love what I love for the esse of it and that will always bring me great joy to know it IS. That said. Choices need to be made to heal things. If that's desired. But they aren't my choices to make. And I am standing at the crossroads waiting to see what is chosen.... If healing the blocks that were created is chosen, I will be overjoyed welcome with open arms any rapprochement choice to heal this breach and my reaction will be the whole-hearted unalloyed welcoming joyousness of regaining what I had written off as lost. But if the choice is pride and defensiveness and doing nothing leaving the block, I will accept that as free will choice, walk away with no ill will but never make another opportunity or come to another show again or open paths trying to heal the boundary not of my creation. What I love, I love unconditionally -- but I will not cross a defensive boundary of personal free will choices maintained by pride and ego, especially when any choices regarding that boundary are not (and never were) my choices to make since it's not my boundary. My choices are to decide if I will respect that boundary or not -- and me even showing up last night, which was important to my sense of personal responsibility and karmic debt, required that i chose to disrespect and ignore the boundaries the girl's willfully created and chose to defend and that nobody in the band has ever been willing to even acknowledge.

And yeah, I recognize there is a vast difference between welcome with joy and simply accepting.... I never said I don't have any fucking preferences and desires for what I WANT for myself here, but my preference doesn't mean I have the ability to act and make my preference here shape the future reality. Because, this situation and whether or not I ever attend another Delta Rae show in the future isn't about my choices or my accountability or what is within my power to change/fix because I can't unblock myself and i can't even have a conversation over how/why that happened when there's only ghosting lack of responses to my past efforts to bring it up. So yeah, i can accept that things were improperly dealt with in the past and there was memory erasure from a vampiric spirit entity involved -- but recognizing that third party involvement that has led to this crossroads and rupture is a place of understanding but doesn't empower me to do anything to fix the source of the boundaries issue and me feeling I am unwelcome/unwanted by the band as a collective. I am empowered to remove the third party entity because fuck that bullshit entity and its manipulations, but I am not empowered to make choices or take accountability for others or unblock myself.... So my crossroads is not to know if action will be taken to fix this and to be in a place where I can at least accept whichever path is chosen as the genuine free will choices of the band and the members of it and what they allow to be done in the band's name.

Now. After much introspective existential car chats about something else crazy esoteric but not about the band just me questioning my choices and future choices regarding changing rules/fatelines sitting in the car park (that's not how we say it stateside... Parking garage, twas a parking garage) and my all night wandering between southern accent and Irish accent the entire many hours before the show at Vintage and pre show pretty suddenly settled into just an Irish accent (with occasional deep south idioms/exclamations) before we walked to Ian's Pizza at the top of State St for some post concert second dinner.

P. S. I adore Raye Zagaroza.  I categorically, unironically adore every single dang thing about her she shared of herself onstage tonight. Thank you. I don't know that she would have crossed my path otherwise. And she is darling. So thank you! 

P. P. S. If you can't surpass ego and defensiveness.... Take care of Adeline. She was a young soul darling at the show tonight, and she saw me shining through my bubble and took pictures of my shininess during certain moments and songs and came over after the show to share with me the pictures she took of my glowing joyousness. If you don't choose to keep me around, protect her. Please. She is young and doesn't yet know how bright and true her second sight is.... 

Okay. Pizza eating. Time is flux around me, I burned lots of energy, for reasons I stand behind. And Crissy is being patient but is tired. 

P. P. P. S. Somewhere in the course of the evening between taking my Detroit Zoo souvenir rose quartz polar bear paw print crystal out of the car where it hangs and wrapping it around my wrist so nobody did a smash and grab for it and when I got home, the rose quartz fell out and the metal almost completely oxidized from silvery to copper colored every exposed surface that touched my skin... 

I didn't notice it til I got home and realized the chain was still wrapped around my polar bear Fahlo bracelet (holiday gift from a family friend who is a bonus auntie unrelated to me; the bear that it tracks and helps supports is named Ella.)

No idea where the crystal is or what happened to it. Not sure if this was to keep me from going in all empath sponge forgiveness and hope or if it portends something bigger.... All I know is that the rose quartz part of this souvenir necklace has brought all it could to me and has now moved on to find somebody else to help and heal.... And that is as it should be if it is no longer meant to be mine.

Uffda. Ain't nothing like the moon moving into Cancer to hit my heart with a massive tsunami of tears and to make me  feel all the grief to drown in like it's fresh and new and I've not spent any time at all or made any progress in learning not to drown in it.... All water moons always get me deep in my feels (whatever my feelings are, when the moon is in a water sign I feel them extra deeply but there are subtleties as to which are amplifies the most; Cancer moons make me feel all the grief and loss, Scorpio moons make me feel the stinging pain of unhealed hurts (which is why Scorpio moons is when I'm most likely to pull away distance myself from Eric down the bond, because I feel the unhealed hurts of all the choices made in the band's name toward me since 2018), and Pisces moons make me feel the deepest wells of love and compassion and forgiveness.)  The last year of me grappling with running into all the "last times" with Audrey Pupburn, but especially the last 6 months as her end crept closer and the "last times" got more everyday mundane of our life together across nearly 15 years, every time the moon is in Cancer I just feel such deep grief and I spend so much time crying until the moon moves into Leo and my heart breaks over what is lost and I cannot have back again.... And then if I have to be around people but my grief is feeling a bit raw, I get pretty snappish defensive at being needled (even if it's meant to be teasing, it's not funny) so as not to start crying in front of them when the grief hits me hard.

The funny thing is, most people are sensitive to phases of the moon affecting their mood -- but I've always been highly sensitive to what SIGN the moon is in and how it affects the seas of my emotions... Fire moons make me reactionary active doing mode impulse to start new things, earth moons make me really good at getting things done checking them off the lists of adulting and homebody chores, air moons make me highly energize and sociable, water moons make me feel all the things down to the deepest core of my being.... There are some subtleties between the different iterations of fire/earth/air/water signs, but that's mostly how they hit me. But if you want to bypass my overthinking and reach my heart most directly, reach out to me during water moons and earth moons -- and water moons are better if you want me to feel it all intensely whereas earth moons are best for nurturing seeds of slow growth from the heart. If you want me to really think about things from the head and logical space and want quick responsiveness from me, fire moons and air moons are the time to reach out. 

But yeah, water moons hit me deep to drown in whatever emotions I'm in. So my grief of missing my sweet emo Pisces pup drowns me to crying anew over it every time theses last months when the moon goes into water signs. Especially Cancer.  I mean, usually when you see me out about these recent months, even when I look more emo than you would have seen me in any many years, I'm doing the best I'm doing with moving forward through the absences where her presence was. I expect I'll be clsoer to my non-grief me while at my sister's because my Audrey Pupburn's presence was never a part of my life while visiting there, y'know?  The hardest times for me are every time I'm going out or in my own front door (and also sometimes coming and going at work) when she's not there for me to get puppy kisses while I wipe her feet and clip/unclip her halter/leash from around her. Also whenever I'm trying to sleep but there's the silence where my dog's breathing presence should be so I'm having the damnedest time sleeping until I reach a point of sheer exhaustion and again it hurts deeply when I first wake up and go from her soul walking dream space with  me when the Morrigan brings her to visit me in my sleep but then I awaken and she's just gone again. (I don't like drawing her soul to mine while I'm waking to feel her presence because I don't want her to get stuck by my grief missing her, excess grief in the living can cause a dead soul to get stuck forget their way back to the light and to cycle into their next life or to move on their spirit guide roles. Even if she keeps telling me she intends to hang around until I get married have children for her to be reborn or when I'm looking for a puppy to raise from puppyhood and she can know she will be with me again without too many trials between reunions. But she's got her heart set on being my son as I promised her she could be if I can find my way to a path where I am happily married ready to bear children. Which, that future is still possible, those fatelines are still out there shining brightly with promises, even if I can't see from here a way to get to there.

This transit from moon in Gemini to moon in Cancer has been no exception of going from giddy Tigger energy happy on Sunday/early Monday to suddenly when the moon moved into Cancer Monday afternoon starting to feel like I'm drowning in grief over the absence of my sweet Pisces pup. I'm looking forward to the moon moving into Leo in the wee hours of Weds into Thurs.....  To deal with it, I stayed to work until sunrise last night to help me get hours in then slept across the daylight hours and plan to stay at work til sunrise again tonight. I may work late on Weds into Thurs morning to get hours in but I think it's only like 8 or 9 hours left to get in for the week since I'm planning to stay til sunrises again tonight -- even with me needing to take my grandma to an afternoon doctor's appointment on Thursday and now planing to go to the Delta Rae show at High Noon Saloon. 

And thinking of which... Thunderbird accepted my original plan and promised to let me leave him marking the venue while I lured the entity out to some neutral grounds to face it. (A shit stupid reckless plan to do while incarnating in a mortal body as it required channeling a lot more energy through me than most bodies can take, but the sort of thing you should expect of me while I'm in the hollows of grieving and have the "eh why not sacrifice this body if need be to do the right thing?") Anyway, Thunderbird didn't LIKE the plan and thought it shit stupid but accepted it as best we could do without knowing where the lair is to mark it leave it for hawk god/thunderbird to handle. But then after I dug down to find the memory of when I first encountered the energy signature of the entity, I discovered I DO know where it lairs, at least I know it well enough to circle and make it for an ally to cleanse and send it back where it belongs rather than risk so much spiritual source energy channeled through me to damage a physical body. And so after I realized I DO know where the lair/place it's tied to is, Thunderbird decided, "You are canceling your stupid plan and we're going back to the way we do things since you changed all the rules and just to be certain you do this in a way I approve, Minneapolis WILL be flooded to hold the entity in place so you can't lure it out disobey me and it will be constantly raining from Thursday through Sunday across the time you're here. So find the location, circle and mark it, don't engage, and let me deal with this." Which, given the protectiveness of both hawk God and Thunderbird doesn't surprise me at all, they both call me reckless and stupid and don't quite trust the crow/raven deities to watch over me because chthonic deities have a different relationship with the living/dead boundaries of the soul than their protectiveness approves. 

So okay, I'm still planning to use the moon in Leo energy to burn out those cords/hooks and try to burn all the way back and down through the entity burn out EVERY damn cord/hook it has into EVERY incarnating soul because fuck that manipulative spirit bully bullshit and after I burn all those cords out, I intend to cap them from the entity's side so it can't reconnect them and then let the Thunderbird rain and flood Minneapolis to hold it where it is until I can encircle it and make its lair and hand it over to the Hawk god for justice and try to keep myself from getting involved in an energy channeled battle. I can't unbury all the buried memory rewriting it does though with those whose path it crosses and with everything dealing with it and its actions... It was a damn hard job uncovering it within myself that I had found the lair in Minne between the varsity and our hotel is what started it trying to hunt me down all the way to Iowa tracking me.... Even after I remembered, Crissy kept trying to slide away to other memories until I pinned it and projected to her the time I meant. As I understand how it works, those memories are THERE in any person who the entity encountered/used/fed on but they're buried and hard to get to but if you delve inside yourself you can and will find those memories if you want to reclaim them. Depends on if you have healing or responsibility taking or cleanup from anything related to this entity that would be best served b remembering.

But I've altered my plan from the questionable one to listening to Thunderbird (who is just going to inundate Minne flood it to make it safe for me to be there on Saturday not allow me to lure it out because it won't cross running water.) I mean, Thunderbird isn't really giving me any damn choice about changing battle tactics to a more sensible, less sacrificial one. But also this is a better plan, significantly less reckless and stupid, and when I looked at the forecast and saw what Thunderbird was planning I just laughed and said thank you, this is a better plan than my reckless one.

I will be the first to admit that sometimes I come up with a reckless impulsive self-sacrificing way to deal with things and the archangels and the gods/goddesses and fae who watch over me go, "Um what the what?! No. No no no no. Did deciding to incarnate make you stupid or something?! You are living in a mortal body while you are in the incarnation, you do actually need to think about what a mortal body can and can't survive. By all the stars that shine, that plan of yours is the damn stupidest thing we've heard from you recently. That is NOT what you're going to do, not on our watch. What if you just don't. Here, I have a better idea for you. Maybe try this instead and keep your idea for backup plan, yes?" Not just in this life, in past lives too. And like, Thunderbird is correct -- any plan where you make your mortal body the bait to lure out the enemy is a plan where a damn lot of things can go wrong beyond your control and you should try to find something that's tactically a bit more certain. 

I didn't say it was my BEST battle tactics ever....just that I had one... It was just the best plan I could think of for finally dealing with this entity when I didn't realize I knew the location of the place it lairs and is tied to..... And like, when I encountered the place it lairs. that was before the gods and I setup our current understanding for how to handle entities like this when I find them, to mark and encircle and summon a deity to deal with it rather than risking the amount of energy coursing through a mortal body that connecting up to source and me channeling all that energy would entail.... 

I deserved to have Thunderbird shut down my original plan by flooding Minneapolis with rain from Thursday through all of Sunday to keep the entity's anchor point stuck within flowing water.....

O. And. 

I really loved Song 9 Let Down. I'm not certain that I fully understand what it's about letting go of trying to accept, but I love the song and it's probably my favorite so far of the 100 Songs project. I'm glad he shared it even if it was written from a hard heavy heart place needing catharsis.... It makes me want to give him a big hug though. I think it's beautiful, but it does make me want to give him a big hug -- and I might be biased in liking this one because as a recovering ballerina I'm always a sucker for a slow waltz.  It's at least tied with Come Back Home as my two favorites and the two songs that resonated most deeply with me of the songs/stories he has shared in this project of 100 songs. 

And what he said in the story about the difficulty of acceptance and letting go, I get that. All of it resonated with how I handle those moments in existing.  Especially right at the end. I also have to put my emotions into words to make them stop being such stormy seas and freeze them into a snapshot form to see the shape of them and all the faceted angles of them. I actually only write poetry when I'm feeling things heavily trying to get the feelings into word form. Dreams, grief, death, breakups, identity across lifetimes -- I write poetry to make the form of all those things and to hold onto them. I rarely write poetry when my heart is dancing with joy overflowing happiness -- it's only when my emotions go deep in me that I need to put them into a word form to look at. I also tend not to write here or journal about all the beautiful wonderful things, only about the things I'm grappling with trying to come to terms with -- the bright emotions stay inside my emotional seas but the deep and heavy and difficult ones need to be grappled into a word form for me to look at them. 

Also, in the course of writing this, my third eye and crown chakra both just got super wide open full of love and light pouring down through me and i don't know why. But it's cozy and it's nice and something deep to feel that isn't grieving over the absences of my sweet pupper who died on Jan 21. Thank you for that flood of love and light into me. I'm not certain why I'm receiving it right now, but I'm so very grateful for it! And Cancer moon still -- I feel all the love light in it as deeply as it's possible to feel it.

 So the unincarnated types of spirit that I encounter with and deal with spiritually, it's not so much an assigned task or anything like that. It's just more self-appointed. I didn't know what to do with myself and my energy and my gifts and if I don't exercise my gifts enough, I get bad migraines with intense electrical auras and the power builds up inside me until it slips my control and weird things happen around me that I didn't mean to happen -- and that's a really bad idea when living in the modern electronic age..... And I don't seek them out or advertise or anything, it's only what I encounter in my wandering that needs to be dealt with that I bother with. I only help or force to exit this plane those who I wander across or who seek me out. Also, my rule is that I won't touch any angry Native American tribal spirits because I side with them believe they have every damn right to their anger against those who invaded their land committed genocide against their peoples. Leave the native dead alone in their holy spaces to protect and go find somewhere else to build and live -- the USA ain't lacking in land! I will work with native spirits when they invite me, but I never presume and no matter how malevolent their actions toward living souls I will not do anything against them.

Most of what I do is helping trapped souls, standard ghosts, reconnect to the white light and return to it to face soul reflection and if they choose reincarnation to be reborn within the cycle of souls and the lessons it teaches. That's how I first realized my gifts as a medium. I encountered a child ghost that was scared and said it was lost and couldn't find the way back so I just opened up a way for it and wished it well on its way and only later when someone asked me who I was talking to did I realize they hadn't seen the other child talking/playing with me.. Sometimes I encounter spirits that are stuck because of something they fixate on need to see righted or made known before they can move on, and that is trickier depending on their fixation. There are also some who feel they serve a purpose by staying stuck, like the girl who was raped and murdered in Owensboro by confederate soldiers and who stays to protect the park camping grounds there from any women being raped in her territory.  There are also some that get stuck out of sheer cussedness and cruelty and meanness and who ENJOY their cruelty to the living -- and those are the ones that I don't give a damn if they want my help or not, I'm done with their shit and forcing them to face the light of judgement whether they want it or not because they're breaking the rules of the covenants between incarnating and unincarnated spirit. 

I don't seek out unincarnated spirits to perform chthonic medium gift duties -- but when I wander across something that needs to be dealt with or if something comes hunting/seeking me I won't back down from dealing with it if I must. I also have a tendency to agitate and awaken them when I come nearby until I make them understand my "if you don't harm the innocent, mild mischief games is fine but nothing that is malicious or could hurt living incarnating souls; if you can keep to that rule then I won't mess with you unless and until you want my help." This policy means that there are several haunted places, especially haunted concert venues and old theatres and churches where whenever I show up the activity gets extra intense and lights/electronics don't work and often my hair starts dancing around without any wind or static lol. And when I stay for a while in haunted houses, especially ones with child ghosts who like to play games, I have a habit of finding hidden things in secret forgotten spaces and of having things disappear then reappear somewhere else completely random and nobody knows how. If I gave up helping trapped spirits and cleansing away malevolent ones wherever I wander, I wouldn't miss it -- it's not a mission of any sort. It's just something I do to fill the time and because I am one of the few with a skillset to be able to do it. If you are able to do a small kindness for another or to clean up a mess others couldn't handle, why wouldn't you?

The one in Minneapolis is a strange hybrid..... Part of it is what was once Pig Eye's soul based on my research but another part of it is something else that he let in and that clung onto him after the body died. (The body that disappeared was never found nobody knows where he went.) Whatever the entity clinging on through Pig Eye's stuck soul letting it in, it obeys the rules of Catholic demonology as far as I can tell. Which is interesting because most don't but this one does as far as I can tell. Which means that whoever called it through to them did so as a believer with knowledge of Catholic demonology. (I tend not to delve too deeply into demonology and don't research or own books of names/attributes. I consider meditating on them and especially naming them to be opening a way for them in past your defenses. So I will study what I encounter to be prepared for whatever is needed to deal with clearing it  out from where it doesn't belong, but I try not to casually read up out of curiosity on the subject.)

I have many layers of plans regarding the one in Minneapolis that I am not going to share here -- but I want it to know that I have remembered where I found it's lair hidden and I'm pissed as hell at it and will be coming for it next Saturday when I'm in the area... And I want to personally clear out every vestige of its cords and hooks in the girls because I consider it a karmic debt since it only found and used them because it had been tracking me after I angered it by seeing through it's hiding and then scared/angered it that I could be powerful enough to defy it entry when it tracked us to the hotel room. I'm not saying I won't enjoy the show as much as I am able given I am knowingly breaking a boundary imposed and defensively maintained in the band's name, but in the name of justice I want to make certain I clear my karmic debt by cutting then capping those cords and burning out the hooks from it. 

*yawns* time for me to get some sleeps now this coffee is kicking in. (ADHD + caffeine = sleepiness when overtired physically; oftentimes if i make coffee when not well rested, I'll fall asleep about halfway through the French press.) Crissy and i decided to buy tickets and head up to Green Bay for David Howley's solo show up there so she can listen and decide for herself how she feels about his solo songwriting. So I need to get at least some sleep after staying up all night after post show hangs and stopping halfway through the drive back from Milwaukee to Madison so I could stargaze and wish upon some Lyrids when the clouds cleared out for a bit. Didn't go to Farmer's Market because very cold and snowing at 6:20am when Crissy and I were texting to see if we were still going to meet at 6:45am. And somehow I managed to use Dani logic to convert the premise "not going to Farmer's Market" into the conclusion that we should go to Green Bay for the concert and Crissy bought tickets before going back to bed. 😆 Also, there was definitely the bribery of Cheese steak Rebellion for dinner if we went up to Green Bay and have Philly cheese steaks and cheesecakes in a Star Wars themed ambience as one of my main arguments for it being a good idea..... 

 Also. I'd be a liar if I tried to claim that there isn't an incandescent joy inside me that I have decided to let me see Eric next week when Delta Rae is in town instead of making me stay away for ethics reasons that aren't even about boundaries he created.... Just going to acknowledge that coming to that decision was as much a part of my exuberant joy the other night as getting soaked in the rain and the fiddle and cello music. It took a superseding moral argument for me to make that choice to go despite the blocking/ostracism/bullying/boundaries issue, but once I made that choice, my heart felt so full of light and hope and joy in a way it hasn't in all these many years of me trying to accept what ethics demands of me letting him go based on the choices that were made..... Like the little burbling spring of joy inside my heart finally broke through the dam. It's all champagne bubbles and shooting stars and sparkly snow and glittery disco balls inside my heart since I decided that I needed to go and that I was going to let me go see Eric while he's in town.

And I wanted to acknowledge this truth in its own right before I try to get at least a few hours of sleep. I'm not currently particularly tired, but given the drive to and from the ICHC in Milwaukee tonight, it behooves me to try to get at least some small amount of sleep before the driving, if I can. 

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down, By the enemy. Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing, Bow down to the mighty. But don't run, stop holding your tongue. Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live. Maybe one of these days you can let the light in. Show me how big your brave is! Say what you wanna say, And let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave. With what you want to say, And let the words fall out. Honestly I wanna see you be brave.

So. 

I know that I said I would not be attending any of the Delta Rae shows this tour, not even the one here in Madison, despite the promise Liz got from me outside of the Old Rock House in St. Louis that I would always come to shows driveably close so long as they stayed true to their ethics and I was wanted and welcome to the show. And I have felt that was right because while they reclaimed their ethics after selling out for Big Machine, I do not consider myself welcome at their shows since October 2018 when I was blocked on their official band instagram account, especially after I sought opportunities across the summer and fall of 2019 to do the simple click and accept that it was a management thing and not a bullying ostracism exclusion act. I approached the shows in 2019 with hope and belief that bringing it up once they were under their own management choices would get it cleared up. And when it didn't, when the band members continuously ignored and ghosted me whether I tried to bring it up publicly or privately but then the official band account LIKED the victim blaming attacks saying I must have done something to merit it, I decided that no matter how deeply it hurt me I needed to accept the boundaries created in the bands name that I am NOT welcome at their shows or as a fan and that the ostracism and bullying is an intentional choice on their part as a collective and the best thing for me to do with the options available to me was to accept their choices and boundaries and to treat them as not existing to me as that's what they asked of me.

I didn't like that conclusion. It hurt. It hurt a damn lot... But I didn't see any other way for me to come to terms with the information I had at my disposal and the silent ghosting and rebuffs of every attempt I made to communicate or make peace and to fix what had been broken.

I don't say it's a wrong conclusion, because the thing with boundaries is that when someone else creates them it's not for you to decide what to do with them by how they make you feel but what is yours to do is to respect the boundary as it exists and to only engage in communication or energy exchange if you can do so by being respectful of another's imposed boundary. 

But despite that, I have failed at the cord cutting and taking Baltasar Gracian's advice that "the best revenge is to forget and bury them in the dust of their own nothingness" the Universe refuses to let me forget them and ignore them.... For weeks now, every time I am on facebook, 1 out of 3 of my Sponsored Content posts are about the High Noon Saloon show -- either the tour image or a video about the tour. EVERY time I scroll down my facebook. And while my dog was dying and refusing to eat, my youtube randomly decided to play a mix of Delta Rae songs starting with My Whole Life Long from the Tarquin Sessions videos they did and it broke my heart more than a bit because it was joy mixed with sorrow over what was sacrificed by that choice made in the band's name in October 2018 while I was already dealing with knowing I couldn't save my little girl and I had failed and we were in our last days together -- but before I could cry or turn it off, my dog who was curled up in her bed near me gave the happiest sigh and lifted her head with the biggest love eyes watching the video playing on my monitor and started licking my ankle asking if she was finally going to get to meet for real life (and no, now she never will; at least not in the form of the sweet Pisces pup she was) and it made her so happy to have those songs again.... She would have been so happy and so pleased and so full of the brightest joy at getting recordings of new Eric demos every week. So I left the playlist on for her while I worked that night because it made her happy and the time remaining so short that I would have done anything to add more joy to her life for those last 10 days she refused to eat.... despite everything still being messed up and me being blocked and trying to do what I felt right regarding the boundaries created in their name, it didn't actually matter to me more than the joy in the music and me letting us listen to it again.

I still don't have anything I can do to unblock me or heal or fix the brokenness created by that action done in the band's name. And I have lost all faith and hope that me trying to reach out communicate to the band as a whole or to any members of it will ever lead to communication/healing or even acknowledgement from them because that's what their past ghosting and inaction taught me to expect from my efforts. And I do still believe that as long as that block stands on the band's Instagram account, the ethically right thing for me to do is to respect it and let Delta Rae cease to exist to me....

But. That said. I had a lot of realizations about some things unrelated to them and did decide on the drive back from Minne, when we stopped at the Kwik Trip in Chippewa Falls and I held talks with the spirit shaman who leads the ghost warriors that protect that area, that I would buy tickets for the Madison show at High Noon as a nice closure of a cycle since that is where I first saw them play a show. (The time I was walking by on the path at Summerfest while they were filming  an a  capella of Hey Hey Hey that stopped me in my tracks to watch and listen before continuing on my way to go meet up with friends holding space for me at the stage i was there to see that day/night.) It feels a right close of a chapter to have it be at High Noon and not the last show I saw of theirs in Minneapolis where I decided I was done and never coming back because Britt kept hammering down on the "just find us and follow us on Instagram message" from the stage while ignoring my every attempt to tell them that was the one thing that I could not do because I had been blocked by their official band account for me being honest that the country music played at shows or as openers was causing my color-timbre synesthesia so much pain I didn't think I could attend further shows and so I was sad that i didn't expect I'd ever get to see Hands Dirty live though I loved the song and the message. It feels better to close karma where it started instead of walking away in hurt and bitterness and anger at the injustice of her standing up there preaching about wanting everyone to follow them on instagram specifically (where I was blocked, by her, in October 2018) and shoving the knife in to twist deeper in the cut she made and refused to even acknowledge whenever I brought it up. 

It's not anything the band or any member of it did that made me come to this choice and that tonight I bought two tickets for the High Noon Saloon show for me and Crissy. It's because I came to the realization that there is karma there that needs closure and that there are things in the spirit realm that have contributed to this mess that are my fault. I. Their Minneapolis show many years ago, we were staying there and Crissy's high school friend Jaime who was raised a witch joined us. And on the walk back from the venue to the hotel I unburied something hidden in plain sight and woke him up troubled him (bit of a woman hating spirit, especially spiritually powerful witchy women) when I stopped in my tracks and said, "WHAT are you?! You don't belong here! Why are you hiding?" and then I was poking at it to figure out what it was, it was buried in a vine covered marble something set in the ground and the spirit entity was underneath in there. Jaime was ahead and i had been lagging behind talking to trees when I discovered the lair of this spirit and Crissy came back when she felt me poking at it waking it up and she asked me if I needed to deal with it and I told her, "No. Not tonight. Not at night time when we have with me someone whose defenses I don't know, this is too malevolent for me to be distracted from offense to try to have to protect her and there isn't TIME for me to teach her proper energy defenses not to let this in if it pushes her. This is a bigger fight than my current skillset and allies here tonight. But it can't just be left like this. I'm going to put it back to sleep as much as I can and then do what I can to ward and bind it here until I can come back and deal with it properly." Only here's the thing, that was before I had changed some of the rules and had as extensive a set of allies among old gods/goddesses and archangels. At that point I really only dealt with The Goddess who is omnipresent around me as one of her ancient longest lasting High Priestesses and Gabriel who answers my questions keeps an eye on me as my guardian angel because I'm too much chaotic good mischief for any other angels and the Seelie Court and only occasionally Raphael whenever I lost myself in the stream of time and needed to be brought back to when/where I belong. Anyway, I didn't ask any of those unincarnated powers to help me, and the rule for those aligned with the Creation unfolding is that they can't intervene UNLESS a mortal asks. Around the dead of night witching hour that entity I found dug its way out of all the wards I put on it and I insisted I couldn't sleep that night because what was trying to get in outside the door was too strong if I I wasn't active guarding and let me sleep. So I stayed up all night sketching wards and symbols of power. It left at sunrise (it tends to follow Catholic demonology rules and patriarchial morals) and then I let me sleep briefly because I'd be needing to drive to the Iowa show and while I slept the Hawk god/Thunderbird/Michael came to talk to me about it and offered me his protection and allyship given what I'd dug up and I accepted. And then the entity in Minneapolis hunted and followed and tracked all the way down to Iowa and the brief time we lost it tracking me, the Hawk God cloaked me in his energy shield so that my own energy completely disappeared except if you physically touched or if you had the pull of a soul bond. It actually didn't stop tracking us until Thunderbird deluged the area and we crossed the Mississippi. (it seems to be contained by floods and large bodies of rushing water.) 

But now here's the strange part. Me discovering it where it shouldn't be and intending to come back to deal with it in the light of day.... That's not the thing that should be forgotten. EVER. But we did. Both Crissy and me, we FORGOT that I had found its lair and that's when it all started. We remembered it tracking the "three" witches to the hotel room (Jaime had come back with us til her husband came to pick her up) and me having to stay up to defend against it getting in and we remembered everything related to the drive to Iowa, and me being cloaked, and the moment of Britt not recognizing me until she touched me and then not wanting to let go because she didn't understand and Liz observing it all happen and we remembered the rain chasing us back across the Mississippi when we suddenly felt safe and suddenly Crissy could feel my presence next to her in the car instead of the Hawk God's cloak hiding me.But somehow, both Crissy and I FORGOT about me finding its laid and me promising I'd have to come back to clean it up under better timing/allies than what I had that night. And I had to dig and dig and dig to uncover that memory when I was trying to remember where I had first encountered and recognized that energy signature. And when I brought it up and asked Crissy if she remembered it, she could only think of a time in Chicago I found an entity in a basement but it wasn't actively harming or preying on the living so I warned it not to or I'd come back and force it back into the cycle of souls and to face the light of judgement. But once she DID remember because I forced her and kept digging and digging it out until she remembered, she was aghast wondered HOW either of us could have forgotten it, let alone both of us....

And that's when I realized that it protects itself and its actions in making people forget, in burying memories and covering them over deep and hard to find under layers of shadow work and vines grown over it.... It was able to make ME forget finding its lair and while I've known I need to deal with it and I've asked the Hawk God/Thunderbird to do what it can, all it has been able to do is contain it with floods of water try to drive it out into the open to deal with it BECAUSE this entity has hooks in incarnating souls and the rules don't ALLOW unincarnated beings aligned with the unfolding of this Creation to intervene with mortals unless act of free will asks them to.... It's one of the ways to tell those who are trying to unravel the Creation and those who serve/protect the unfolding, if they're willing to transgress the sanctity of free will or intervene in incarnated soul affairs without being invited/asked. Suffice it to say, I'm pissed as hell that it buried that memory from me of the location where it lairs and I have every intention of coming for it guns blazing now -- and I have a lot more gifts and skills than when i first stumbled across it.

But now here's the thing. That entity in Minneapolis got its hooks into Liz and from her Brit when it was hunting me all the way down to the show in Iowa where i was cloaked under the Hawk God energy It does, I followed up and SAW those cords shining and those hooks in them and how much stronger they are when they are in Minne. And because of that, given what I now realized about how this spirit buries and distorts memories..... I genuinely don't believe that Liz even knows or REMEMBERS blocking me on her personal instagram account in May 2018 or Britt remembers blocking me on hers in Oct 2018 and 24 hours later blocking me on the band instagram account. And they don't REMEMBER it because the hooks in them made them do it and it has made them forget whenever I have brought it up or if they've said they would take care of it, they never did and they forgot or claimed they did while never dealing with it. It also explains why the show in 2019 at Stevens Point where it poured and we were by the running water on our western side, Brittany was the old Britt I remembered and she said how she wanted to stay there in that magic forever and when the band came down for a picture with everyone she came straight to me and hugged me tight and said to me, "Thank you. For being here tonight. Please don't ever give up on us." Which surprised me and confused me and I didn't know what to say or do because she hadn't been like that toward me since the middle of nowhere Iowa show and she still had me blocked and i was blocked on the band instagram and it's literally a one click thing to change if you go to the banned accounts list so why was it still a thing if that's truly how she felt? It was just, very beautiful and etched deep into my memory -- but I was so confused and didn't know what to do with it or how to make it make sense with the blocking and the ghosting every time I brought it up to try to address it.... But, it may have been one of the only times that she and I ever crossed paths while the Minneapolis entity COULDN'T have any hooks in her due to the running hour.  And if memories are buried and you don't REMEMBER blocking someone or REMEMBER to unblock them even after saying you would take care of it or even REMEMBERING that you never replied to them or addressed it, just forgot all of it.... Why then I can't say I've ever given a fair chance to make this stupid thing right. And if it could bury so I had to dig so hard to find the memory of when i uncovered its lair and didn't have the resources that night to deal with it -- then how can I blame anyone for anything they have done while its hooks are in it twisting their memories and burying these interactions surrounding the blocking and my attempts to bring it up? And it's not fair of me to cast blame or fail to give an opportunity to make things right if I've never given a TRUE opportunity to make this right because of how this entity works once it gets hooks in.....

And that also makes it my karmic responsibility that it ever took any interest in the girls and was able to get hooks in past their defenses because it was trying to track and hunt me after I found it saw through its illusions to its lair AND then defied it all night from entering past my gridding and energy shield so it followed as far as it was able and when I was briefly visible from Britt hugging me then recognizing me and grabbing my arm in confusion asking me, "Wait. It's you. How did I not know it was you?!" and then as soon as she let me go not being able to see me anymore it pounced on those it could reach who were without proper energy shields and not under a male protection it recognized. (as far as I can tell, it's only interested in getting hooks in dominating women, and only those who are not properly under the protection of blood family/marriage male figure in their presence -- if you don't have strong gifts or if you have a dad/brother/husband with you it won't attack to reach past your defenses. The Goddess has told me this is also why she was okay with Hawk God/Thunderbird taking on the protective mantle for me with this one as opposed to her normally doing it, because this spirit reveres and recognizes male authorities differently than female and her presence made it more angry wanting to hurt me/her more whereas the hawk God/Thunderbird makes it back off see me as properly chaperoned....)

So before I try to take this entity out, it's my karmic responsibility to close the cycle with what it's done with its hooks in the girls and for me to cut those cords between them and it. I could cut them now, but it would only seek them out regrow the connections as potentially useful when the girls are in Minne next week and that show is sold out so I couldn't even go and grid the whole damn area so it can't get in to them or anyone there without a fight...but here in Madison, here I can close the cycle and cut the cords to the girls and remove those hooks into their souls and make sure that entity can never reach anyone on that stage ever again.... And if I'm REALLY good, if I can channel through me enough power, I can grab hold of those cords and even across the distance shove pure raw Light source through back down the cords and burn the damn thing out. Whether I can truly burn it make it face the light and judgement of its actions and the part of it that was Pig's Eye Parrant get folded back into the cycle of incarnations and what he has fused into destroyed folded back into its point of Final Judgement or if I can just damage it badly and sever all the cords possible is an unknown.... I'll find out on Sat 29 when I'm headed back to Minne for a Frank Turner show. 

But it tried to bury my memory of finding its lair AND it used me to find and target innocent others AND it tried to keep me from facing it and thus fulfilling my self-appointed duty this life of cleansing out unincarnated spirits that harm the living incarnating souls (because I have the gifts and knowledge from past lives to do it, and few do and this nation is riddled with energetic scars and unincarnated evil vampiric spirits that the white man brought with their colonialist expansionist misogynist colonialism -- if I don't do it, who will stop these things preying on innocents?) AND it's fucked up everything between me and the band and the karmic bonds and soul bonds between me and members of the band -- AND I AM FUCKING PISSED WITH IT! So, I need to clean this up, because it's something only I can do, and it's time to close this chapter and end this fucking cycle because it has gone on for too long.... And now I am fucking pissed as hell and I'm in a state of emo grieving given my sweet dog's death that I don't mind burning down a path to take out this entity. I came to these realizations at the opening of this eclipse window and one way or another I am ending this chapter with this entity in Minneapolis before this eclipse window closes. It's time and past time. 

And so. I will be at the Madison Delta Rae show as part of clearing the karmic debts and doing what needs to be done regarding this entity. Whether it will be my last Delta Rae show is an unknown thing to me, because I am still blocked on the band instagram and the only reason I'm transgresisng that boundary imposed in the band's name is to clean up this mess of a malicious spirit that predates the creation of that boundary. And as I see it, there's nothing I can do to unblock myself from their account and for as long as that block is in place on the band account, outside of my spiritual warrior work of taking out malicious vampiric unincarnated entities, the ethics of me respecting the imposed boundary made/upheld in free will supersedes any desires of mine....

But here's the thing, here's how I see it. Free will exists in every moment, the past free will choices don't have to be the present or future ones. And there is, quite literally, nothing EXCEPT the defensiveness and the ghosting surrounding that ostracism and blocking and boundary of not wanting me to be able to see or be a fan of the band that is in the way of me coming back to the music and the shows and believing in them supporting them again. It was a free will choice that blocked me, it is free will choices that maintain that boundary of the block -- and it is free will choices that can remove that obstacle of the block and open up a path to making things right and healing what was broken. It's not my free will choices that can open that path by unblocking, but the path is THERE and can be opened by any singular act of free will to remove that boundary.

I tend to incline to wanting to be fair and understanding the perspectives I didn't consider and to forgiveness and giving more chances than I should and to finding the paths to healing so long as I believe there's a sincere desire for finding a better way. I'm a Libra sun/Mercury with a Pisces rising -- the only thing stronger than my empathy for the suffering of others is my sense of justice. It is within free will choices to open up a path of reconcilliation and healing rather than having this High Noon Saloon show be the last time the band ever sees me or hears from me, in the same place I first came to their shows.

Because people hate endings. I do too. They hurt, even when they're necessary. but the important thing to remember about endings is this: Every ending is also the beginning of something waiting to be born. And the REASON free will is sacrosanct is because it only takes one single act of free will to plant the seed of that new beginning and to nurture its growth. Every story, every cycle, every chapter that needs to end, in the moment of it ending there is the great potential and power to exercise your free will and decide WHICH new beginning storyline the new chapter will open into. It doens't have to be the one you most fear or have been trying to make yourself accept as inevitable -- it's an ending and a beginning -- what's ending is beyond your abilities to alter with any act of free will but what's been born.... o what's being born is always yours to choose what your actions will feed and nurture, whether it lets weeds and poisons grow or whether it plants and creates beautiful gardens of your dreams. It all depends on your free will in the crucible of the present moment, where you decide what actions/inactions you will take as one chapter ends and a new chapter begins.

That's why free will of those inside the cycle of souls incarnating is sacrosanct. because it is only things done in free will that has meaning and it is only free will actions that can trump the fates to shift paths by making a conscious choice deciding which new chapter we start as the old one ends.

I don't blame anyone for the way the closing chapter has played out. If it's strong enough to have buried the memory of finding its lair from ME then it's incredibly power and burying memories is one of its specialties and it will take a very concerted act of will to fig back up whatever memories it wanted buried regarding it or its influence.  So i can't hardly blame anyone else for anything this entity has done or the memories it buried so deep only your subconscious know they're there.  And I genuinely don't know yet which of the chapters beginning will be chosen from amongst the tangled fatelines.... . But I do know that I'm choosing to use this eclipse window as a time for clearing the karma to the best of my abilities that this entity's interference created and I'm cleaning up the mess of hooks and cords it has sunk in innocents whose defenses it got through and I'm going to go in guns blazing against this motherfucking entity that DARED to bury my memory of finding its lair and use me to find others it could use to get to me and try to hurt me....And when I get angry and decide to go in sword swinging guns blazing, I either die in the fight or I am victorious in the end no matter how many battle plans and tactics I need to consider -- I do not allow any other outcomes.

But I bought tickets for the Delta Rae show at High Noon Saloon next week. And while I have to take my grandmother to a doctor's appointment earlier that day, I will be there for the show that closes the chapter. And while I told Crissy that my plans and battle tactics don't leave her and me and my car Buddha because I don't know who this entity has it's hooks in.... I want it to know that I have unburied the memory of its lair and I'm pissed as hell and I'm coming for it -- starting with cleaning the karma and cutting the cords of those it found and put hooks into attached energetic cords and buried memories in BECAUSE of it tracking me when I first defied it. And if those cords aren't there for me to follow next Thursday, I have other paths and other cords I have found that lead back to it that I can use to burn it in the Source light of its own Judgement come due. I don't care if it knows I that I defy it trying to use others to impose boundaries on me to block me from the band to hurt me and protect it -- and I am going to start there to burn the damn foul thing out of this plane of existence where it doesn't belong. Do I tend to prefer to be underestimated and do I know full well this might be me tipping my hand? Hell yes. But when I get angry, I get impulsive and will charge in against worst odds than this entity (which is a different entity than the far more powerful nephilim I'm playing a long chess game across multiple lifetimes who lairs in the Dark Forest and tries to take me out when it gets strong enough.)  Perhaps I shouldn't tip my hand that I will be at the Delta Rae show and I remember what the entity buried and I'll be coming for it.....but I wanted to acknowledge my realizations and my change of heart that I will be at the show to close a chapter (and we'll see what chapter begins on the other side of the ending; I genuinely can't See it.)  And anyway, I may have tipped my hand about next Thursday but I'm pissed as hell at the entity in Minne and it's played fuck around and find out with the wrong ancient soul elf witch and I don't care who knows that I'm angry and ready to hunt it down make it face me... And once you rile me up to action, the fire of my anger burns bright and far reaching -- I am after all a Sagittarius Mars in this body. 

But also. You had every reason to take me at my word that I would not cross the boundary of that block telling me that I am unwanted and unwelcome as a fan of the band and thus I would under no circumstances be at the Delta Rae show even though they came to me, in my home town, to the place I first ever saw a show of theirs. That IS the ethical backbone head/heart space I was in AND articulated even on my drive to Minne. It is only all the epiphanies and realizations I had while driving and communing with the Thunderbird after asking it WHY it keeps trying to flood Minneapolis full of running water every time I come there for a concert in screaming defiance of forecasts and basic rules of meteorology and it reminded me that it doesn't know where the entity lairs so the best it has been able to do is to protect and contain with running water since the rules this entity follows don't allow it to cross fast flowing water. And it was only after all the epiphanies started tumbling out after I asked the right question to unlock so many answers and make the pieces fit that I recognized I HAD to go to the Madison show, to clean up what is karmically my fault and to create a REAL opportunity to heal what is a petty stupid middle school reason to have created the wedge of alienation and ostracism that it has between the band as a collective and me. And my midnight decision to change course regarding the Madison show was only made a real tangible path forward tonight at 10:46pm when I completed the purchase of the ticket. Because, until the purchase made it really possible, there were always fatelines that it sold out before I even realized that i OUGHT to be at that show and to stop ignoring the signs and all the dang sponsored content reminders/ads about it flooding my sponsored content on Facebook.

Now I'm still at work til sunrise to get my hours in because it's been a busy week and I still need to water my plants here before I head home because they can't wait til Saturday and tomorrow night I'm headed to Milwaukee to see David Howley solo show at ICHC.  ((I would have done it earlier, but I had to finish the pages for Flat Stanley's visit to Dairyland so my maman can mail back the book of Flat Stanley's to my nephew's class It's pretty adorable, basically the elementary kids all sned Flat Stanley to family far away and they send back Flat Stanley and write back about his adventures and send pictures and flat souvenirs as stories for the kids and then the kids all make a big map together with pins of everywhere Flat Stanley visited. It's been a thing for decades, and my nephew sent it to my parents, his grandparents.)

[Post title: Lyrics to the Sara Bareilles song Brave. If you tell me that you don't turn the volume up and scream sing your agreement and defiance whenever this song comes on, I call you a liar. And if you say that you don't feel a tiny wee bit brighter and braver and ready to face whatever battles are in front of you whenever you hear it, then I'm gonna go ahead and call you a double liar.]

 Safely home from Minneapolis, despite Thunderbird screaming at us that it was time for us to get back across the river before Minneapolis flash floods itself again. It was a delightfully cleansing cold pouring rain to be out getting soaked in on the walk back to the car, perfectly fitting for leaving a show of Scottish tunes (because even when trying to explore and respect other musical traditions, both Alasdair Fraser and Natalie Haas have very Caledonian anti-syzygy composing styles flowing through their hearts blood.) also, if you know me well or have ever seen me outside when the sky is precipitating anything except hard pellets, you have seen just how laughing giddy transcendent beaming joyous aliveness I get as I get soaked to the skin in rain or I'm snow. So for me, unless i have unprotected books/electronics, a walk in the pouring rain is puddle jumping frolic of a dance opportunity spent laughing at the rain on my face and grinning at the lightning. (My birth chart is as balanced as possible between the four elements and cardinal-fixed mutable if you consider the sun/moon/planets/ascendant/chiron/north node as a set, which is surprising given I have two stelliums in my chart, EXCEPT that my chart inclines ever so slightly toward water of the elements because the Scorpio stellium plus Pisces ascendant. Technically, my bff Crissy who shares a birthdate with me, though we were born half a world apart since I was born in the Holy Land, is ever so slightly fire element inclined because of our Sagittarius stellium coupled with her being a Sag rising. But given I have 4 water placements among the major 13 placements and only 3 of every other element, it should come as no surprise that being outside in water falling through air make me feel intensely joyously alive, especially when the weather is warm enough I can be barefoot grounded dancing in the rain.)

And I'm so so so so delighted to have seen Fraser and Haas tonight!!!!!! I just adore them so!!!!! I love their compositions and their techniques and their energies and their playing styles and their anecdotes and their twinkly bright soul lights!!!! And just, quite literally, their music and their energy while playing it is such a wee dram of scotch sipped by the fireside hearts glow warm you up feed your soul with light and music and energy exchange vibe!!!!  Granted you have to a) love instrumental compositions b) appreciate brilliant fiddle and cello playing and c) have an abiding love for Celtic lilting mélodies and rhythms to appreciate all the reason I adore them!!!!! And o but I get to see them again on Sunday!!!!!!! A day at the Milwaukee Art Museum with the special exhibit of art made of real flowers and then Fraser and Haas at the beautiful converted church acoustics of the ICHC!!!!!!! I'm so excited happy for my Sunday plans!!!! 

I am in such a delightedly happy inner space after that show and the frolic in the rain to get to the car and the chase back to Wisconsin ahead of the rising waters and the driving back during the opening of the eclipse portal!!!!! Also, the Lyrids are this week and next with the peak Fri-Sun AND it was a new moon around midnight so the skies will be nice and dark with only the thinnest mostly invisible crescent moon to compete, so if the weather gods cooperate and you have clear skies (without excessive light pollution) this coming weekend, make sure you take some time to watch for shooting stars and make you some heart and soul wishes. Shooting stars during an open eclipse portal on the Aries-Libra axis AND Mercury going retrograde to give you a chance to heal and cleanup miscommunications from the past!!!!! This week and next week are divinely gifted opportunities for healing and growth and soul path corrections -- be watching and ready and certain in what you most deeply want while open to however the Divine must flow to unblock what has been blocked and it promises to be a life changingly magical couple weeks between now and the full moon closing this eclipse portal. Don't try to guide or force your way, be certain of where you want to get but open to the unfolding of how the path wanders to get there in Divine timing but go ahead and wish upon the falling stars of the Lyrids meteor shower for some extra luck as long as your wishes are for a hearts desire and not an ego imposed plan.

Make wishes but not plans, speak/act from the truest place in your heart/soul instead of from ego, and trust in the Divine timing to open and guide a path. That's how you make the most of these next couple weeks of the eclipse portal. And o but go star gazing and wish on some beautiful shooting stars!!!!! Especially if you're a musician or a songwriter or if you have strong connections to Apollo because the Lyrids originate from the constellation of the Lyre!! This is a good one for Orphic wishes on the shooting stars of the Lyre!!! For wishes of love you felt lost and divinely opened paths and the hearts pull to find a way through. Just don't wish for demanding your timelines/plans or from the ego during an open eclipse portal -- unless it's divinely inspired your plans will fail in the flow of unfolding and if it's from ego the Fates will laugh and give you what your karma earned to humble you. So don't presume the path or how to get there and don't ask for anything tied to ego driven goals or identity in these weeks. But do trust Divine timing and Mercury retrograde healing second chances and making soul wishes from the heart on shooting stars of a meteor shower (not just falling space junk) during the dark of the moon.

And now. I am going to sleep, perchance to dream. Bonne nuit! 

P. S. My hair and all my skin that was uncovered like my face and hands are so soft from the rain water soaking me to the skin!!!! Both my hair and skin love rainwater or snow and get a softness to them that nothing else ever has or could achieve, like the way you imagined the softness of clouds at sunset should feel before you learned that they were mostly just cold and wet! If you ever get the opportunity, I highly suggest running your hands through my hair or against my skin after rain/snow soak and letting me air dry.