Also. I'd be a liar if I tried to claim that there isn't an incandescent joy inside me that I have decided to let me see Eric next week when Delta Rae is in town instead of making me stay away for ethics reasons that aren't even about boundaries he created.... Just going to acknowledge that coming to that decision was as much a part of my exuberant joy the other night as getting soaked in the rain and the fiddle and cello music. It took a superseding moral argument for me to make that choice to go despite the blocking/ostracism/bullying/boundaries issue, but once I made that choice, my heart felt so full of light and hope and joy in a way it hasn't in all these many years of me trying to accept what ethics demands of me letting him go based on the choices that were made..... Like the little burbling spring of joy inside my heart finally broke through the dam. It's all champagne bubbles and shooting stars and sparkly snow and glittery disco balls inside my heart since I decided that I needed to go and that I was going to let me go see Eric while he's in town.

And I wanted to acknowledge this truth in its own right before I try to get at least a few hours of sleep. I'm not currently particularly tired, but given the drive to and from the ICHC in Milwaukee tonight, it behooves me to try to get at least some small amount of sleep before the driving, if I can.