Damnit damnit damnit damnit!!!!! 

I got the idea this afternoon for an entirely new shiny sexy novel I want to write, it's not related to ANY of my current manuscripts in progress or even the scraps of novels/series waiting patiently for me to flesh them into full form because I won't let me write in them til I have SOMETHING ready to try to publish.... And I want to write this new idea so badly (mostly because I want to read it) and the Kermit in my brain is reminding me that the way to get there is to work on finishing other projects to make room for this one and once I have something published to establish I'm an author not just a girl too full of words and stories never finishing any manuscripts, THEN I should have more budgetary room can write off as business expense the entirely necessary Italy research trip to write this the way it deserves.... But my inner ADHD Konstantin worlds most dangerous frog is already chasing after the dopamine hit of this new shiny idea and has the characters voice and is writing out chapters and I need to at least scribble these out.... 

Anyway. It's a historical fiction romantasy based on real Renaissance history/biography. About one of the Borgias. And the extremely jealous supernatural lover entity she binds herself to and the string of dead husband/lovers and illegitimate children it leaves behind her everywhere she goes, no matter who her father/brother/pope try to marry her off to or where they try to hide her. 

I want to write it because now I want to read it know what happens in the unwritten parts of the fictional filling in around the actual historical record. 

And this is why I never finish anything.... I get caught between the sense of responsibilities of living by myself and the shiny new ideas the fertile creative ADHD brain is always birthing and I never give myself enough time and permission to let me just sit down and write until i can't move my fingers anymore so I can get manuscripts finished and navigate the publishing world to do what I'm supposed to be doing with this life and putting the big truths into fictional to be found by those who need them and never twisted by followers after death like what happens when you give spiritual wisdom in ways people can call Truth with a capital T.....

Also. Worth noting: I never can write a damn word in my real writing whenever I'm disconnected from the bond or trying to make me give up Eric this life... I just stare at the blank portion of the page and it's like the part of my brain that has the next lines is completely cut off inaccessible to me... I only ever have the words falling like rain perfectly phrased demanding I get them onto pages when I'm sitting in a place of hope/faith/belief the bond runs both ways and we both want it so damnit we're going to choose it.... 

 I also can't write when I feel too weighed down with ought tos that make me feel guilty about dedicating the time to writing.  (even ought tos like "I ought to clean the bathroom because I haven't for over a week" or "I should clean up that stack of clutter rather than let me do the thing I want and need to do that will bring me joy.") I don't get like that about reading, I get to it about my creative joys, including my real writing. I need to work on that.

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Also, though, I definitely spent time today worked on the Borgia story and wrote out the opening chapter and the parts writing themselves.... Rather than other manuscripts in progress that I OUGHT to have been working on....

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On a completely different note, my parents are getting very concerned about the trajectory of the US socio-political structure and are talking about retiring and liquidating assets selling the business and making plans for what to do if everything goes as authoritarian Dominionist evangelical Christian as it's shaping up to potentially become, getting themselves and other family/friends to safer places in case everything goes pear shaped six months down the line. They're considering selling the business and buying a place up near the Boundary waters (northern Minnesota) in addition to or instead of their cabin in Montana. And if they do it will be faster than expected. My da directly asked me what, other than my family (specifically my grandma) is rooting me here and I told him, "I would ideally want time to pack and somewhere with enough space to bring my books and my rocks and my plants -- including digging out plants form the front bed here because if you sell the building, they're just going to tear it down to build a multi use of stores on the ground floor and apartments above and they will destroy my entire bed and all my beloved established flowers and the apple tree and there are osme I'd want to at least try to transplant if I can. That said, I know which books are greater priority, but I would rather bring my books and plants than not if I have a choice in the matter."  My da then offered that they could set me up to run a cafe/bookstore and land enough to have my plants and bees and a small distillery to make medicinal (and tasty) herbal teas and botanicals. Which are both lives I'd rather be doing for work than the paperwork that needs to get done and I can set my own hours to do whenever I choose which means I am freer to run off for concerts and roadtrips and last minute flights than most people. But it won't be here where I've been where you know to find me and look for me.

This means there may be a non zero chance that if your plans are to come to Madison after you finish the things you've already set in motion before talking to me, I won't be here. I may have disappeared off to Whitefish Montana (where they already have one cabin and some land; and it's closer to my sister's family) or due to the fire risk out west, somewhere up in the boundary waters of northern Minnesota but I'm not exactly where they're looking.... It's not going to be an immediate thing, I'd have to get my condo ready put it up for sale before uprooting me. 

But just know, that if you're expecting you still have time and then you can me here where I've been for so long, there's a non zero possibility of me uprooting myself to go somewhere else and setup a new life doing what I want instead of my current making enough to barely cover my bills and enjoy my life around my work rather than finding work to make my life. I don't know exact timing, but I do know if you keep putting it off, you WILL be too late because I will have moved myself and my fur babies and books and all my things and you may not be able to find the where. I'm actually relatively easy to uproot if I have a reason to do so (other than the packing/unpacking of moving all my books, lol.)

On verra. I'm still going to focus on the things I need to get done with my insurance because that DOES have a finite timestamp sooner than later. -- and it likely wouldn't be til after Irishfest season after all. Unless it were up in the boundary waters which is only an 8 hour drive from Madison....

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Waffles have lived with me over a year now and I only JUST discovered tonight that she absolutely loves raw cucumber. (Audrey loved a lot of fruits/veggies other doggos didn't, but she never liked cucumbers even when really crisp or small pieces. But Waffles LOVES cucumbers, as well as many other veggies/fruits I've given her.  I have yet to find any fruit/veggie that Sophie will eat.