Dang but a conscience is a persistent motherfucker.... I don't LIKE having an internal "not my circus not my monkeys" approach and that's the truth of it. It just ain't sitting with me well....

It's not just because leaving dark things to feed and spread in dark places without shining the light of truth on them only makes them grow stronger more insidious. And it's not just the bond and the genuine admiration/affection that was there and would still be there if it hadn't been rejected and blocked. It's also just... I don't like a bully of any variety, I never have, and I particularly don't like acts of intentional cruelty. And a bully never stops bullying behaviors til someone stands up and says, "that is ENOUGH! You no longer have any power here!" and then forces them to face the consequences of their past choices/actions -- anything else and bullies just think they got away with it and keep doing behaviors to try to get away with intentional cruelty and emotional extortion and manipulative controlling of others.  Nothing changes with a bully until you shine the light on their behavior patterns and find the way to enforce that interdiction against victimizing innocents. Bullies of all types set off my defiant bird of prey protective/defensive need to reassert the balance of justice facet in my character. And vampiric unincarnated spirits are just fucking bullies and parasites who do what they do because they believe they can get away with it and nobody can stop them. And the truth is most people can't stop them from entering or feeding on them, and most people certainly can't cast them out to the white light beyond time to either return to the cycle of souls for further lessons within the cycles of incarnations or to face their judgement from Source, I mean most people can't even do the most basic healing/cleansing/blessing to clear out old energetic buildup of past traumas so as to create a blank canvas for the new without the psychic scars of the past tangling everything around them.  

And so it rankles in me to stand down and say "this is not my fight" when at least in this life I've made it my fight to deal with the vampiric bullying spirit entities that prey upon the living and to clean up the residual scars of the past that fester where the wounds were never healed. That wandering work I do to clean things up, it's the brightest thing I will leave to posterity beyond this life and it will be an anonymous gift to the future because only those who know my soul light energy signature will recognize what I have done and even they won't see how ugly and dark all the fate lines were/are leaving those things uncleaned and growing ever stronger beyond the crucible of the present. I've met others who can do the spiritual cleanup work I do to a certain extent but I have never yet met anyone who can read the strands of the shifting fatelines as I can, not even others I know with the gift of precog/prophecy.... But I also don't know anyone else who fidgets with the slinky give and take in the wave form spinning of time's passage like it's an invisible fucking fidget spinner to hide the ADHD fidgets that otherwise manifest in physical movement. But I do know that the fatelines without me taking on this chosen duty to clean things up because I can and if I don't who will are very very very dark ones indeed and often end in the complete truncating of human life and almost all life on this planet for several million years until the planet heals herself. The work I do for the greatest good of this planet and the potential future of humanity is mostly done in my wandering shining light on dark places and cleansing away the monsters hidden in the shadows -- but my greatest personal peace comes in holding still in a small little hermit life of books and music and flowers and trees and stars and fur babies and art and bird friends.... I understand why my da told me as a kid that I can't sit out be fool on the hill complete hermit this life because things will get dark and without my changes there's no path through to the futures he already lived before getting looped back to this life, but all my greatest inner peace and tranquility and strength building happens when I get to hold still in the small everyday joys and wonder in awe at how exquisite so much of the beauty that IS of this Creation as it's unfolding..... The future and the world needs my wandering travels to clean up energetically the psychic scars left in places of traumas past and fight whatever vampiric unincarnated beings to restore the balance of justice with the hand and feather of Ma'at, but if it weren't for my inner screaming defiance against the meanness of bullies and petty dictators and the cruelty of their imposing their will on others, well, I'd let the world burn by its own choices and hide myself in the tranquil hermitage of small joys and great awe at the beauty that IS and try to save as much of the good and true and beautiful so if it must perish at least it will burn last. So you should be thankful for that in me that screams defiance as my instinctive fight reaction towards bullies and cruelty, it's the only thing that keeps me here doing my best works of this life in quiet anonymity away from the glare of power-money-fame metrics striving to keep the course of time on the brightest fatelines that are truest to the unfolding pattern of creation, including the things I can't alter because they were choices made in free will. 

And it's that screaming defiance part of me that is taking issue with me deciding "not my circus, not my monkeys" as regards the shadow figure that used the polar bear to track down the bond to me to feed the beings that feed through her lamprey nature of attaching and twining herself around/through people to feed on their energies for those parasite shadow beings attached in her feeding through her..... I don't like turning aside saying "this is not my fight" when it come to vampiric/parasitic shadow beings and unincarnated spirits. If a bully crosses my path and mistreats others where I can see it, then the act of crossing my path so I see the behavior happening makes it my fight to stand up and say, "this is wrong and I will stand up against this wrong to stop it or go down swinging trying to stop it, damnit!"

And that's where it's rankling inside me right now to just wash my hands say, "not my circus not my monkeys" you chose this and welcomed this in your life and I ain't had nothing to do with those free will choices you made..... also, every dang day since I arrived at that ethics stance, my crows keep asking me in very raucous cries,  "what are you going to do about this now you know, path finder? Backing away from this pretending it's not your fight isn't your true nature and you know it as well as we do. So what are we going to do about this now you know?" And have you ever tried to argue with crows?! Most stubborn creatures ever when they fixate on something.... especially when they're right.

*Sigh*

I should at least go down the rabbit hole of finding out where/how these beings are getting in to take advantage of the vacuum of guilt that evangelical "Jesus just takes my sins away so I never have to atone or make right the wrongs I did" forms of Christianity have created. I mean, nature abhors a vacuum and in their way these shadow beings are taking advantage of a situation already primed for them.... But the how of them getting in like this, well now finding those cracks and filling them in welding them shut is something I can and should be fighting. I may not be able to change the collective social morality of all Jesurific savior-based true believers that they bear no responsibility in fixing what they break and making right what they do wrong, but I can try to figure out how the shadow beings are getting in to take advantage of that moral bypassing  in this root basic premise in evangelical Christian society driven moral code has created. 

I will sit more comfortably in my own skin and be able to meet my own eyes in the mirror again without shame if I do what I can in the fight to at least stop up however they are getting in..... Now I just have to figure out how the hell they're doing it and how to put in defenses so they can't get in that way any longer, and to create the defense network in a way it will exist in perpetuity without me maintaining it and most importantly be attuned to and allow for all of the created pattern of this Creation unfolding. 

Just a small wee little task I've set myself to finish, preferably before the seasons turn past summer's end.... I don't ask much of me at all.  They're neither fée nor angelic nor old gods/goddesses/powers.... So what are these shadow beings? I should start there on my side quest to figure out how they're slipping in to this dimension where they don't belong and to strengthen the defenses by closing those holes/tears that let them through. *yawns* guess that means I should go walk in spirit vision dreams now and spend the next while outside of when my sister's family is here and while Irishfesting to have some talks with divinities and archangels and take my place in Seelie for a bit to see what is known there.... 

O right! 

Also. At Art Fair, I only bought one piece of art that called to me insisted on coming home with me. A small canvas collage of a pair of ravens print of a painting.

 

Everything else I bought are things to wear, and only a few pieces. A pair of dyed box elder burl earrings with copper inlay (I love his wood jewelry, it's stunningly beautiful, both natural woods and the various stains/dyes to paint the wood grains and also the earrings especially are so lightweight) that look like starry night and distant galaxies and perfectly matched my raven painting. 

Apparently I didn't take any pictures of just the earrings. My bad. I'll fix that on the other side of sleep, lol. 

Also a new quartz crystal tree of life wire wrap necklace. I've been wanting a quartz tree wire wrap pendant for years but never found the right one that called to me and that's important with buying anything with stones in any setting. But this one the crystal sang back to me when I held it and I loved the workmanship and energy from the couple who made this one (much of what Innerwoven do is hand done macrame around crystals/stones they source directly on location working with local lapidarist stone cutters.) 

This piece of quartz attuned to me right away and I swear it color shifts depending on what I'm feeling and energetically doing.... also this piece of quartz has a lot of refraction prisms along the growth plates perpendicular to the hexagonal prism of the dual points, especially there's a lot of refractions at the bottom point on the back side against my skin right near my heart chakra, but they're sporadic natural inner rainbows of refractions inside the quartz and not the way heat fractured cracking to force them look. 

And then the first things I bought were two pairs of blown glass earrings. Which are amazing and I also wanted a Beetlejuice inspired black and white pair but thought three pairs in different colors was excessive for a first stop before even seeing any of my usual favorites at art fair. (My usual favorites had many great things, but all the pieces that they had which called to me were things I already own prints)

But apparently I haven't yet taken photos of them so I will have to come back to add those. Tomorrow on the other side of sleep. (I was really hoping the promised rain would come overnight as thunderstorms for me to listen to while I sleep. I love falling asleep to the sound of the rain and having it like a lullaby's through my sleep. The most restful healing sleeps are those while listening to the rain and storms. But alas it is 3:30 and no storms or rain yet.... Boo on that!)