I accidentally tore my left thumbnail yesterday. 

 

I had spent Sunday evening taking down the hundreds of snowflakes at work (I wait until the equinox to call an end to the last of my winter decorations, I took down the icicle lights with Ian today) which meant removing lots of suction cups from the windows. And one of them got caught under the edge of my nail polish and pulled slightly to chip off and then today the edge of the nail where the chip happened got caught pulled off on the grommet while I was lacing up my combat boots before heading out to work and meet up with people to figure out APT tickets with everyone. So then I trimmed the edges and put antibiotic ointment on it and a bandaid all day. I need to repaint them black again (still my mood, still in the hollows of grieving) but I wanted to let it heal at least a little before painting my nails. I trimmed all my nails down short because I don't have strong feelings about how long my nails are provided they are the same length across all of them so any time I break a nail, I trim them all down the same length. Although in this case, not quite the same length, just as close as I could without, y'know, cutting the rest down til they bleed. 

My thumbnail hasn't felt this bad since I used to bite them short while overthinking in middle school when the precogs were chronic, over petty stupid things as well as big deal world shifting events, and I hadn't yet learned to tell contingent precogs from immutable precogs so they all felt equally weighty and unchangeable fated...my gifts got even more intense and feral and hard to control from going all Carrie controlling me when puberty happened. Especially when I got angry like the time I got cold angry over injustice/bullying told off the new queen bee who had replaced my former best friend after Nikki moved -- Jesse was being unnecessarily bullying cruel to Paula who was new and so I told her that was an unacceptable way to treat other people and what her fate would be if she continued down the path she was on didn't change her behaviors. (Spoiler alert: everything came true; she actually contacted me in our.mid 20s to apologize and ask me to lift my curse and i had to tell her it was never a curse, just her fateline i read but that if she had learned her lesson chose to change and became kinder she could shift her own karma and fateline. She told me I sounded just the same, but this time she would take my advice with no threats and please not to tell her any glimpses of her future as long as she promised to change for the better and kinder.) But between calling her out in front of her inner circle and the guy she had a crush on asking me to the dance, she ended up elevating the girl she had been bullying to her second bestie (and Paula was actually even worse than Jesse for how treated people lower than her) telling all the other girls at my small middle school that I was a most bitch who though I was smarter and better than everyone else and after the first of my prophecies for her future came true she told them that I would curse anyone who angered me so if they wanted any social standing at all they weren't allowed to talk to me unless teachers made them. Thankfully, the guys all refused to play her mind control games and told her they liked me better and were my 6th and 7th grade friends and they all refused to date her or take her to dances so she had to always bring a guy from the bigger middle school. Middle school female bullying bullshit is stupid and cray, and the issues with Jesse would probably have blown over faster if the guys hadn't chosen to side with me and hang out with me and ostracize her over her freezing me out ostracizing me. It's probably why I'm over protective and reactionary quick to call out the bs about when girls play middle school girl bullying games of "you can't sit with us" and call it out whenever I see such behaviors even as an adult because I e seen how toxic it gets when you let female bullying get away with such behaviors. After I won the city spelling bee and came in the top 10 at state, I started getting picked for all the academic competitions and clubs so I had some crazy smart intellectual friends as well as my handful of outside the popularity heirarchy misfits who had been ostracized for pissing off Jesse and all my art class friends and the girls  from the Crestwood Girl Scout troop I joined after my grade school troop disbanded -- so 8th grade was better on the social front with a balance of eclecticly curated female friends as well as all my popular jock and musician male friends who had stood by me through the year and a half of ostracism by all the girls Jesse manipulated/controlled/dominated -- but the biting my nails got worse with some of my world event precogs I was having that year and me getting stomach flu 6 times in 6 months and migraine both from all the ascension sickness.... 

Luckily both my hair and my nails grow fast -- and if I eat a lot of eggs and nuts and cheese and other proteins they'll grow even faster and stronger. Guess I won't be having any citrus or anything and probably shouldn't cut up any extra spicy peppers until that thumbnail grows out further.

Why is it that stupid little not serious skin ouchies hurt so much worse than major things like accidentally putting a hole in your leg and bone breaks even when you fracture multiple ribs on one stair bannister? (Actually I know the biochem and biology of why it's like that and don't need it explained, it's just annoying.)

Ugh. I need to head home. I stayed at work all night because I was finishing up a deposit and lost track of time when it suddenly got to be rape o'clock so I figured I'd just stay put getting hours in until first light.I also got a lot of hours in over the weekend since I know that I won't be able to get any in this week on Tues, Weds, or Fri....(Tuesday is an Aoife Scott house show in Hartland -- I'm so excited for Aoife and Andy hugs tonight because I miss those Dublin darlings so much, Wednesday is Aoife again at Irish American heritage Center in Chicago, and Friday night I have plans for a 2 hour beer and chocolate pairing at Starkweather brewing over on the east side of town.) I was thinking about making and bringing puppy chow for the show tonight, but I should probably prioritize sleep and a shower before heading out of town at like 4ish. I'm also super excited to get to see Bailen again next Friday night in Milwaukee!!! They're playing at Colectivo Back Room, which has surprisingly nice acoustics for back room of a coffee shop -- last I saw there was last month Scott Mulvahill again with Ben Sollee.  I'm pretty dang excited to close out my March with a Bailen show!!!! They're soooo good!!! I've only seen them a couple of times, but I'm very excited for it even though that show is one I'm going to solo because everyone else is busy that night and that's never stopped me from going to a show I want to see just because I won't know anybody there.

Anyway. Right. Home now and some sleeps once the sun is fully up. because sleep is important to heal anything, major or minor, including accidentally torn to the quick til it bleeds thumbnails..... Laters.