Eufgh. I keep setting this to private then feeling like I haven't properly ended a story that I started in here... Which annoys me. So then I set it back public to close a story and then go back to private.... I'm really bad at this.... Too many side thoughts.  If you are ever "lucky" enough to be on the phone with me or receive my texts or just get me talking, I will very frequently just start a whole new tangent by stating, "Thinking of which" (something I've said since I was a small child because people would accuse me of complete non sequitors and my father objected to me using "speaking of which" to introduce random ADHD thoughts so without batting an eye I said, "right. Anyway. Thinking of which..." and it stuck as my segue into whatever random thought I have that I want to share) or in text form random thoughts are introduced "Also." frequently followed by "Also also." and occasionally followed by "Also also also." 

But here are the things I felt I hadn't closed and tied with a pretty bow ending and felt there was more I ought to write about them. 

1) My hand is almost entirely healed now except for the worst scalds which were blisters on blisters second maybe third degree burns 9the fact it hurts tends to rank it a second degree burn because third degree destroys nerve cells BUT there are also those who consider all scalds (wet burns) to be third degrees because of how the heat travels)  -- the one on my pinky is the absolute worst and most likely to scar. Or. Short term scar.... I've had bad third degree burn scars in the past but they have generally disappeared within a year. So not really permanent scars. Accelerated healing gifts mean that most of my scars don't last more than 6 months to a year, and if i get really sick or break something that needs healing even those fade and heal further every time. I have three scars that are "permanent" ones on me or that have at least lasted a decade or more. The first is on my upper lip, I have parallel scars from the time that while my sister and I were latch key kids, one afternoon I went to give our cat a kiss on his side while he slept and he woke up feeling attacked so he bit me wouldn't let go until he realized it was just me and then the cat felt really terrible about it and snuggled me afterward... Similar to my hand, I didn't yell out or do anything so my sister (who was in the other room) would know, I went and washed it with soap and water and because I knew cat bites could easily get infected I put triple antibiotic on it and then held tissue on it to staunch the blood. Which didn't staunch and when my parents came home 3 hours later they were FURIOUS that I had spent 3 hours bleeding and just calmly holding tissue to my face while doing my homework and my sister told them tearfully and truthfully she had no idea how badly hurt I was because when she asked about it I had told her nonchalantly, "Cat bite. It was my fault for doing something stupid. It will stop bleeding eventually." and then she never actually saw it or knew how often i was changing tissues to try to staunch it. then they dragged my arse to the ER because acute cares were all closed and they discussed stitches but instead surgi stripped it and gave me some intense antibiotics for it -- and then I wasn't allowed to move my upper lip at ALL for three weeks (including smiling or laughing or any expressions) because moving it split it back open and every time I resplit it open I was likely to increase chances of bad scarring issues. And it is very very hard for a 9 year old never to laugh or smile or make faces for weeks on end.... So that scarred.  And then the second permanent scar on me is from my bike accident when I was 13 when my bike wheel hit a raised portion of sidewalk on a corner that sent me straight head on into a fire hydrant that I then flipped over my bike handlebars (and the fire hydrant) did a somersault to land properly in the road. And I definitely stood up, checked over the bike and sent Sam Z on his way after he stopped because he saw what I had done but I told him I was fine, walked the bike back to the sidewalk and looked at the hydrant as I passed saw raw flesh on the top of it and recall thinking, "Eww. that's disgusting. I'm glad I didn't get any of that on me..." then  put my injured leg over the bike and my foot back on the pedal to start biking again before my camp counselor Jaime yelled, "DANIELLA! STOP! WE NEED TO CALL YOU AN AMBULANCE!! LOOK AT YOUR LEG!" And then I looked down at my leg and there was a huge gaping hole bigger than a fist on the inside of my right thigh that I later learned was within an eighth of an inch of nicking my femoral artery (a wound where you die in under 2 minutes if you hit it -- luckily a retired EMT lived across the street saw what i did and came running out with everything for a tourniquet got to me just as my camp counselor did) and which took 26 stitches (only 15 of them external) once the ambulance got me to the ER....The third permanent scar on me is one I did in college where I was making some late night nachos while working on a paper and I grated the knuckle of my forefinger down deep enough to expose bone. I calmly and without waking up my roommate who was asleep pulled my finger away to wash it and wrapped a wet paper towel around that knuckle while I cleaned the cheese grater and checked for blood in the cheese already grated, finished grating the rest of the cheese and got my nachos started in the microwave before going to the bathroom to properly clean my hand and neosporin it and put gauze on it and wrap around it with paper towel and tape. Then I ate my nachos and finished typing up/writing my essay and I didn't go in or do anything I should have for a wound down to the knuckle bone even though it still sometimes reopened started bleeding more than a week later..... So I have a heart/butterfly shaped scar on my knuckle from cheese.

And those are just the wounds that left scars -- I've done the same thing for every fracture I've ever had. Even finishing (and winning) a basketball game after chipping the knuckle on my right forefinger in the game and going to an intermediate-advanced ballet class three days after fracturing three of my toes (including my big toe) and getting upset with the teacher for not having noticed me falling off my demi point in pirouettes at the barre and grand jeté-piqué arabesques across the floor when that broken big toe gave out on me.... This trait in me and having been at home with the incident of the cat bite without ever knowing about it until my parents came home is absolutely the reason why my sister as an adult insists on checking over and checking back in whenever she's around and I hurt myself.... Because she knows from deeply personal experience that I just calmly accept whatever happened and hop back up without crying out and try to stoicly deal with it without worrying anyone and continue doing whatever I was doing before I was interrupted. She has good reasons to know about me that I deal with bad wounds as if they're no big deal... And that goes for emotional hurts as well as physical hurts. It's a good thing to recognize about me -- because even if badly hurt I likely won't tell you and/or I won't let on to how serious it is unless you directly ask or inspect it yourself.... It's just how I handle hurt -- which is that i don't call out or ask for help, I just deal with it to the best of my abilities and then try to keep going onward as if I'm not hurting at all.

So anyway. This is currently the state of my left hand:

It's healing slower than I (personally) expect of me when I'm already five days after the scalding burns.... But I was using up a lot of my healing energy to help my family while they were so sick (they got sicker after I left) but since getting home I've been able to sleep and focus on healing my hand. the only other healing detracting from me working on my hand is the healing I do on my dog to keep her stable and healthy despite her medical conditions due to her age. (She is 14.5 years old after all. My fur baby familiars have all lived well over thirteen years -- and that wouldn't happen without me doing energetic healing maintenance on them as needed.)

I mean, it's not the prettiest and all three fingers have areas that were definitely second degree burns and that burn on my pinky will likely scar for a bit and should have gone in to at least acute care for it (but what would they have done that we didn't do, y'know?)

2) I'm quite serious about not wanting him to reach for me down the bond if he chooses to be with anyone else. Not even in dreamspace. I've always been consistent on that score, in every life, and I've ALWAYS pushed him away EVERY time he chooses to be with someone else or in past lives marry someone else. He's allowed to choose to be with whoever he wants, but ethically I refuse to be complicit in any sort of internal disloyalty and faithlessness which is what it is for him to be reaching down the inner bond for me while being with someone else... It's ethically wrong and it's an emotional cheating even if physically you're not playing around. So I will CONTINUE to push him away whenever he tries to energetically reach for me down the bond and I always will any time he is interested enough in someone else that he is allowing emotional entanglement to occur. I don't have to know it factually, I just have to feel the shift inside HIM for me to react by pushing him away energetically and telling him not to reach for me down the bond or reach for that light inside him where the bond to me is. And that's how it is. he's free to choose whatever he wants -- but he's not free from the consequences of his choices. And if/when any overlays start, I will do whatever I need to do to stop them from occurring -- including if that requires something more permanent to the bond than just pushing him away telling him to leave me alone and not reach for me while he's with someone else.... That's a warning -- if you put me in a place of ethical dilemma, I will do what's right no matter what it costs me.... So stop reaching for me while making this choice. I've told you that since over the summer when the shift in him started and it's not going to change other than for me to get more and more intense in whatever it will take to keep him from reaching me so that I am not complicit in what I consider to be ethically wrong.....

This is my boundary, that I won't be complicit in lying or doing wrong by an innocent third party and so he can make whatever choices he wants to make for himself but it means that I will be pushing him away shutting him out from all energy exchange or light or love down the bond while he is emotionally entangled in a romantic relationship with ANYONE else.  And all he does by trying to reach for me via the bond while he's with ANYONE else is to make me look for increasingly harsh and permanent ways to keep him from making me complicit in the ethical wrong he's committing towards someone else who he has convinced they can trust him.

And if that door is closed... Well, then there ain't nothing stopping me from playing and flirting whenever I encounter any man who piques my interest. If you aren't ready to choose me, I'll go spend time with someone else who is if/when i encounter someone of interest to me. Even if it's a new meet cute on a plane. This is a direct consequence of his choices -- he's allowed to choose anything he chooses but like all of us he's never free of the consequences of his choices....