O I'm so annoyed at Blogger and I've been annoyed at it all day since like 3am!!! It ate my entire post and I didn't think to copy it into a note on my phone before clicking post because it's been ages since it's done that and then it did and it was just blank and I literally just threw my phone away I was so over it... (at the other end of the couch to land in a hoodie on some throw pillows that I'd put there after coming in from taking the dog out. So I mean, I made sure the phone had a soft place to land, wasn't gonna crack the screen or anything, but i did throw it at the other end of the couch in complete disgust and frustration at it, lol....)  And it's not like when I set a post back to draft where I can still read it, it still exists just nobody can see it unless they have access to the blog as an author. No, this is just gone. Disappeared. Fucking blank post...

So frustrating...  Between that and the changes to Blogger coming up end of the month (I don't remember all of them, but Google is axing their subscribe by email service to blogs so like, if you want to still get updates to people about new posts in blogs you need to import everyone into your gmail contacts and set it up as a list serv manually... i didn't look that deep into it to figure out actually doing it beyond the basic instructions as I don't follow anyone's blogs and I mostly use this as a journaling stream of consciousness thing to help me see the form of my emotions so I can't imagine why anybody would want to be email notified about that as it's a very niche narrow bandwidth of interest.... But anyway, they are doing that at some point soon and notified blog authors.) 

I'm too annoyed at Blogger for deciding to eat that post to even try to rewrite it all, tbh. The first part wasn't too important -- it was mostly all about how temporally out of sync I get as a precog waiting for the penny to drop in the mind of the person who has to make the choice that determines WHICH fateline we land on while I'm constantly flipping back and forth between future fatelines as they go back and forth trying to decide.... The last couple weeks have been all over the place for me as a result and I've been REALLY out of sync with current time until yesterday morning when things solidified around every juror having made up their mind. It's also really hard to sleep when fatelines are that fluid and unknown... I actually ended up FINALLY sleeping yesterday all afternoon/evening once I got the precog flash once the last juror made up their mind -- so i actually missed the official announcement entirely as I was FINALLY sleeping deep enough to dream for the first time in weeks, lol. Didn't see  the official announcement on it until like midnight or 1am when I finally woke up rested and decided to eat some "dinner" or whatever you call a midnight meal breaking your 16 hours since you last ate because you were sleeping for like 12 of those hours should be called, lol. As I've said, I process things out of sync with everyone else -- even if it's only a little out of sync still my joy or pain tends to hit me before anyone else has surety/clarity and by the time everyone else gets the wave, I'm already on to processing fallout repercussions of what will/is/has happened....

But that was merely personal and unimportant. Unless you were trying to reach me without being physically present in my life -- I can be a bit hard to reach even if you have a strong bond to me when the penny's in the air on fatelines/choices yet to be made... Even I have a hard time reaching me at such times when the two paths hanging on any single choice are so very different.. 

The second part WAS important though. It's REALLY REALLY REALLY important. And I need people to be aware of it and ready for the eventuality so we can truncate it as quickly as possible....

So. As I mentioned in a previous post about 4-3-21 and my precogs/discussions with my da about what was coming, I still believe that the very BEST outcome of this tragedy and the subsequent trial is that qualified immunity gets struck down as a defense of extrajudicial murders and is no longer considered a valid defense.  It was an absolutely TERRIBLE Supreme Court decision and precedent with incredibly far reaching consequences they didn't foresee in 1967 that is foundational to how/why the racial violence in the US continues to be committed by the police force...  You cannot hand ANYONE power over others (especially not life and death power) and then tell them there will be no system of accountability for how they use or abuse that power -- because it will be abused if there's no real accountability.  This NEEDS to happen to get accountability back into policing and the justice system. I'm so incredibly happy that New Mexico recently joined Colorado in explicitly removing qualified immunity as a defense and that Connecticut and New York have limited its applicability and there's currently a state legislature house bill moving forward in Illinois to limit/reform use of qualified immunity. (I got a text from ACLU Illinois asking if I supported the bill in the Illinois legislature and had a good chat with the volunteers there about qualified immunity and the current battles about it around the nation but nobody quite knew why I was on their illinois list given I don't live in Illinois and never have, lol. But I told them I was glad to know that was being put forward -- especially because Chicago. I mean. Because Chicago. So it was a hella weird text from a random umber for me to get, but also I was glad to get all that info/insight)  This is the precedent I WANT to come out of the Chauvin trial, the removal of the qualified immunity defense for flagrant and obvious murder by police officers.  Accountability for extrajudicial murder needs to be upheld. Period.

But see. Here's what I'm afraid is going to happen due to how this case was prosecuted and presented. Instead of bringing back to the center the sanctity of lives, especially BIPOC lives, and requiring police officers to respect them as humans and to have accountability brought back into the system for when they don't, this trial didn't focus on how wrong it was THAT a man was murdered, it focused on the brutality of HOW the man was murdered. You can't tell me that if Chauvin had taken the time to think more clearly and pulled his gun to shoot him there would even have been a trial, let alone the guilty verdict. The guilty verdict isn't because a man was killed, it's about HOW the man was killed and the intentionality and brutality of that method. So I'm terribly afraid that rather than a reaffirmation on the sanctity of the victim's life, what we have is a police training and legal precedent that what matters is HOW you take the life as opposed to the rightness of taking that life.  So kneeling on a man's windpipe to suffocate him, that'll send you to jail but pulling a gun and shooting someone will get you on paid administrative leave while it's investigated and then once your case is no longer in the media you'll be back on the force again. I'm very scared that the precedent will be made that there are "not okay" ways to kill suspects and "okay" ways to kill suspects. And honestly, I don't want suspects killed without trial by guns or drones or remote controlled machines or any damn "quick" or "painless" execution without proper representation and trial. 

Yes the WAY George Floyd was murdered was horrific -- but by focusing on the WAY it was done as the legal reasoning of this trial, we have completely sidestepped the ethics issues that extrajudicial murder is the true wrong committed.... And I'm very afraid that as far as the court systems and the police training go, the outcome will be a precedent that the WAY an extrajudicial execution is committed is what decides if the cop goes to jail or not rather than the fact it was an extrajudicial murder.... The sanctity of life is what needed to be upheld and I'm very much afraid that this will become a precedent that it's the way the life is taken as opposed to the respect and right to a fair trial that life was due.... And not enough people are talking about making sure this verdict sets the CORRECT precedent rather than starting a debate over "what's an excessive use of force intention to kill" as opposed to pulling a gun and shooting someone...

This is my biggest concern about the trial and the verdict and the way everyone is celebrating it. It's not the cynical "let's wait the 8 weeks to see what the actual judge sentences before celebrating" concern, valid as that is. It's about worry that this will set the wrong precedent and actually lead to MORE officers murdering by shooting innocent black people because that gets a slap on the wrist whereas a physical use of force to try to subdue them might send you to jail. Better to shoot them dead than to end up in jail will be the rationale I fear will take over their woefully short training programs.... And that would be even worse than if the verdict had come back innocent if we make this about the MANNER of murder as opposed to the FACT of the murder... That's the precedent we need to make sure doesn't come from this verdict. It's important.

And that's important to me people think about it. And losing the way I'd written that out to get clear in my own words what I'm so concerned about with the future potentials from this verdict and which fatelines we want to NOT choose from it is why I got so angry at the post just disappearing after I clicked on the post button. Because this realization and distinction actually mattered. Not just to me, but as a general warning and concern about this moment and the continuing move forward and HOW accountability is demanded and WHAT we want to be held accountable. 

P.S. Tonight is a night to make wishes. well, by tonight I mean in the wee hours between midnight and dawn they'll be brightest/easiest to see. It's the peak of the Lyrid meteor showers. Not the greatest number of fireballs, Lyrids only have 10-15 an hour, but some of the most brilliantly colorful in the northern hemisphere...  So if you have clear skies tonight, look to the constellation of the Lyre (should be toward the northeast) and watch for falling stars to make wishes on. There will be some either side of the peak (there should be some visible til Sunday-ish I think)  as with all meteor storms, but tonight you'll have the most opportunities to wish upon shooting stars. At least until the next major meteor shower, lol.

Whenever I get a new calendar, the very first thing I do is write in EVERY single meteor shower for the year and the phases of the moon if I bought an art calendar without moon phases.  (I like physical calendars I can write on, digital calendars I swipe right on the notifications and forget/miss shit, lol) I also circle important holidays/birthdays. And the next thing I put in is the Packers football schedule as soon as it's available. A girl has priorities. But first the shooting stars -- because whenever I can see the stars in all my lives I feel like I've come home no matter when or where I am. Honestly, just sitting out under the stars watching them with me and feeling that I'm right exactly where I belong is one of my favorite things in the world.  You don't have to buy me things, just sit under the stars with me and know that right there in that moment is right where you belong and that everything is right and you're home... That's one of the best things you can ever give me is to just relax with me under the stars and share that feeling with me.