So I have decided not to do anything, to grow or diminish the connection, because Eric is not currently enough in my life for me to be giving myself such heartache and worrying my pretty little head over like this.  He can play along with the asinine juvenile head games and power tripping that the girls have made of the band's instagram account (and for all I know other socials to other people who were honest that the country radio was a no go red line) while getting off to whoever hot girl of the moment he finds on tinder or insta or wherever or was introduced to by his sister trying to play matchmaker throwing her friends at him in the hopes her brother will give her a sister of her choosing not his.  That's no part of my life path and he can pursue such a course as long as he damn well likes, he's completely free to make that choice if he want - but without me being any fucking part of that hot mess.  I'm not here to control him, no more than I am here to follow the will of anyone else - I am here to serve truth and justice faithfully, to love and to be loved as I am, to fight demons of all varieties, and to  heal whatever I find that deserves a chance and my gifts can help give that chance.  

I'll just go on soaking in the joy of my hygge life in my hermitage flat that's like a cabin/treehouse/library/art gallery/tea shop dancing through my time in this life with my menagerie of animal friend familiars and collection honest empath family/friends who don't play games and who love me gor me qua me.  As long as bullshit emotional manipulation strings are attached to having him in my life,  he's better off pursuing whoever or whatever else he's tempted by. I don't belong in a relationship with anyone who will ask me to accept toxic behavior patterns they refuse to even acknowledge. I want a healthy positive relationship with him wherein we help each other be our best versions of ourselves or I want nothing at all from him.  When he grows up enough that me qua me, with all my sparkly warmth and overflowing ideas and intense emotions and strong gifts, is of enough interest to him to choose me instead of playing middle school popularity clique games,  then he can try to find me.  And maybe at that point there will be a space in my life he fits in and maybe there won't - I guess that depends on his timing and luck.  But it starts with him deciding the version of himself he chooses to be and what matters to him personally in how he constructs his life and the future he desires for himself.  

A toxic half relationship codependent karmic bond is not on the table moving forward.  Something healthy for both of us or nothing at all until such a time as the connection can be made healthy. 

That is my choice and my joyous epiphany this morning while my soul is full of sparkly snow giddies and firelight. 

It actually is right now.  It started snowing around 4am so I planned to get out of bed when I awoke for sunrise then romp with my dog onas long a frolic as we desired in the fresh snow until coming home to change into fuzzy warm pjs, warm up with a cuppa twa while I light a fire in the hearth and then coffee/brunch. And then spending the rest of my day/night feeding the fire,  getting my linens washed for snuggling down under clean fresh bedding tonight, tidying up things around here so I can put up my tree/holiday decorations on Thursday,  and reading.  Oooh and Dave has a live stream on their Patreon (so unlisted youtube livestream linked from their patreon)  at 7:30 tonight - gonna have some dinner and whiskey and enjoy his songs by the crackly fire in my hearth! 

But I definitely woke the dog up from a VERY sound sleep just a bit after sunrise by excitedly whispering by her ear,  "Guess what?!  It's snowing!!!" she started wagging her tail then snorted in disbelief closed her eyes again.  So then I started hopping up and down excitedly told Audrey Anne Pupburn, "But it is!!  It is!!  It IS snowing pupkin!!!! A real snow!!! A frolicsome perfect snow!!!  Just look!!!" Then I bodily picked her up carried her to the window and as soon as she saw it, her tail started thwacking me full speed and she started yipping in excitement.  And THEN I asked her,  "You wanna go for a walk? Play in the snow?" and she started scrabbling yo be put down and ran to the front door where she began excitedly spinning in circles like she's a puppy not a 13.5 year old lil old lady.

So then we went on a 3 hour frolic walk in the fresh falling snow,  skipping and dancing and throwing snow for her to catch and me making snow angels with her making dog wallows rolling and snorting in a soccer field and catching snowflakes on the tongue.

And that level of exuberant joie de vivre to play in the snow for 3 hours then be all productive zen by the fire is probably why I'm single.  😂 At least my dog and cat love me! Even if Spock thinks that the cold wet white stuff we bring in 4.5 months of the year is an illogical abomination he must hide from until it has all melted or else chunk of it will be tossed at him by the ape child in this household.

Mmmmmmm,  brunch and coffee o'clock now!  I'm ravenously hungry after all that time playing in the snow with my doggo.  Maybe some snow and fire pics later.  Maybe not.  On verra.