Sorry about all that in the last post...

It's all still true.  It's just.  I try not to dwell too much on the past. But,  Candle in the Wind was on the radio today on my way back from picking up lunch.... It made me pensive having it stuck in my head and I was singing it all afternoon and then got really sick some form of food poisoning after lunch....  So I spent all afternoon/evening curled up on the futon at work with my dog feeling so miserable and alone and sad that even listening to my "Happy Banjos" playlist didn't help.... (We Banjo 3 and their solo albums;  there was a time not so long ago it would have been Delta Rae and Eric's voice I turned to while I was upset/hurt and not David's.)

It was a horrid afternoon/evening of me having the melancholies and physically feeling shitty and just wanting someone to hold me or sing to me or stroke my hair tell me how miserable as those hours were today,  this too shall pass. At least I have my faithful puppy who adores me who was curled up with me through it....  💕

Also.  My past selves always overlay this life strongest in the days approaching my past death days.... And so until Aug 4, which is that death date, I'll likely find myself pensive easily drawn back into the head/heart space of that past self. That's not the only past life that I get overlays of my previous life as I approach the death day of that past self,  but it's the most recent.  And the most recent or most emotional end months/years of that life are the ones you remember and relive most vividly....

And that one was both.

I'm physically feeling better now though.  And I not only got hungry around midnight,  but I've held down both the houijacha green tea (a twice roasted green,  it's the most common "good sushi place" green tea - as opposed to cheap places that use Bigelow green tea because it's cheap and they figure Americans can't tell the difference) AND the bowl of midnight instant miso soup I made. And 2 hours later still no nausea.

So I'm heading to bed now.  Will try not to dwell on the ghosts of the past.  Bonne nuit.