For what it's worth, it would have worked you know, just exactly as Eric had planned it all and intended it, if not for the way he handled being told about me having been blocked on the band Instagram account the day after Brittany blocked me on her personal account, in both cases for having been honest that the country music was causing me enough physical neurological pain due to my color-timbre synesthesia that it would keep me from attending further Delta Rae shows and that because of me having been blocked on the band account going live on the band Instagram account exclusively was unfair and ostracism to fans who'd been blocked for nothing more than being honest.

Everything else he did, EVERYTHING else, was exactly right. It's why even after me ceasing to go to shows or listen to the "trying to be country" sound they were guilty of pursuing while they were on Big Machine, I came back to the band, despite having been blocked in October for my honesty about hating the country music decision, once they were independent just exactly the same as I had been before that detour. It's why all through that June, July and early August everything was right on track even if neither of the girls could really reach me connect with me due to the boundaries THEY imposed in blocking me on their personal accounts for being honest that the country music was a problem that would make me stop listening to the band. It's why everything was going right for him up until he ignored me telling him, "this is wrong and unfair, please don't do that this way without making it ethically right." and in his choice of ignoring that he shattered my trust in him caring about ethics or whether he caused hurt by his own actions -- and it's that broken trust in Eric which created all the poisons that are why I had to go. That choice, that action, and the inaction of doing nothing to make it right after the fact or help with the hurting of it, that's what hurt me so bad I realized I couldn't heal it on my own without letting him go from my life path for as long as it would take to heal up this hurt and keep it from being repeated in the future.

Because you see, there are 3 ways you can deal with hurting someone, and only 3. And it depends on how deep you want that hurt to go and how alone you want to leave them in processing the pain into healing.
1) You can acknowledge the pain you caused, acknowledge if you didn't intend it, and apologize. And then you can be there to help heal their hurting. This is the easiest path and the path of greatest empathy and compassion and sharing the pain to make it less on each of you..
2) You can ignore it and deny you did something hurtful to another soul. And then you leave them with their hurt unhealed but you haven't added further pain on top of the original hurt. This is the path of avoidance and cowardice and it leaves all the hurt for the other person to heal on their own.
3) You can ignore/deny the wrong and continue repeating it. This heaps further pain and hurt on the original pain you created until the weight of all that pain breaks the other person or breaks the relationship between you.  This is the hardest path -- and it's the one that requires leaving the situation to heal it slowly and painfully by yourself and know that you can't come back as long as the old patterns keep repeating.

And that's why having chosen the third path for how Eric was going to deal with being told that him using the band Instagram account from which fans had been blocked for being honest about the country music, I was left with only that 3rd hardest path for how to deal with the pain of shattered trust and how poisonous that is to love.

But if I'd never been blocked on the band account or if he'd chosen the first path and dealt with the wrong that had been done NOT by him but that rippled to affect him and all the members of the band in whose name it was done. If instead he had chosen to help heal it, then I would have shown up happy and full of light and love to the November shows in Ann Arbor, Chicago, and Minneapolis and the connection would have been strengthened rather than me being in my process of saying goodbye letting go. And I'd still have kept Dave at a distance,  especially while he was in a relationship with Diana.  And in the pre-release of songs and all the tarot cards tied into it, all of it would have enchanted me and I would have excitedly shared each and every one of them in a state of complete giddiness. And I'd have spent the last little over a month listening to The Light on repeat and it would have made me so incredibly happy and drawn me in closer......

Because everything done in the choices made in the creation of The Light itself was done right. That wasn't where or how it broke.  It was a different choice, a different set of choices, that have brought us down this path instead of that other......

And the thing is. One of the hardest lessons to be learned, in any life and across all lives, is that you can't make choices for other people. You have to accept their choices as what they chose, even if you can see how much better it would be for them and everyone else if they could just choose differently.... But you can't force that. because, free will, the choices the individual makes, that's HOW the karmic paths are made and how we learn the lessons our soul needs for its journey. It's all about choice, all about the choices a person makes. You can tell them the consequences of their choices, you can try to make them see, but ultimately each of us must rise or fall by our own individual choices.

And you can break your heart over some choices, but you have to allow those choices are theirs to make and all you can do is move on from the moment that their choice has shifted the path and the fatelines.....


All of it, all of it comes down to free will and choice.

And I can no more change the choices he made in not acknowledging that hurt and wrong the band is guilty of and instead choosing to take part in it himself and then continue to repeat it than I can change anyone's choices ever. Do I WISH he had acknowledged it, dealt with it, fixed it, and helped heal it instead of making it worse? Yes. yes of course I wish that. But that's not the choice he made, so that's not the path we're on. And wishing it was isn't going to help me deal with the path we have now.

This is the path I have to walk based on past choices, so this is the one I'm going to focus on. And on this one, I still haven't listened to The Light nor have I seen anything from Delta Rae or any member of it since they went live on their instagram for the release of the album on March 20  -- and I won't until I have purged out all these poisons from the shattered trust so there is only a pure place of love inside me for me to accept the gift that The Light was created to be.

Does that mean we have a fate line that we're stuck in where we'll never see each other again in this life and that one choice has ruined everything forever and ever and that was the only chance to end up on the path(s) we wish we were on? No. It just means that an easier path to get there sooner isn't open to either of us at this time. We still have present and future choices to make. You have to start with the moment of the path you're on -- but your choices now and in the future can determine how long or short the time you walk through the hardest parts of it or how you use the path(s) you wish you were on to guide your choices to bring you back into alignment to reach those paths....

It's all about choices. That's how you create your own karmic paths. Once you realize that, you can hack your path to take it where you want, knuckle down to learn whatever lessons it is you NEED to learn, and finally get yourself to the karmic path you desire for yourself.

And anyway, precogs are all just flashes of what is going to happen ONCE a choice has been made. So I have no precogs of the choices not yet made nor of exactly where/how the paths will take us. Even though I'm one of the strongest prophetess precogs I've ever encountered, there's nothing I can see til the choices are made that determine which path we go down. I can't see anything except the paths to choose between until the choice(s) are made.  It's the difference between a contingent precog and an immutable precog. Contingent ones are me seeing future paths that choices can still change -- the immutable ones are the ones where all the things that will bring us to it have happened and nothing can change the course that those choices have created....

So I can tell you that the choices made have taken us down this path to where we are. But my precog abilities don't tell me how long Dave and I will be good together (though I have always known from the moment our paths crossed again in this life that I don't want to break his heart because it isn't mine to break given the karma that binds us; which is why I kept me from his options so long as I felt I'd run to Eric if he were an option for me, even if I chose to be with Dave and I'd do it even knowing how it would hurt Dave terribly by doing so -- I've only ever considered Dave in a scenario where Eric has been entirely removed from my options by Eric's choices and the consequences thereof), how long Eric's wandering will take for him to learn what he needs to learn so he won't repeat this mistake, how long it will take for me to heal up this hurt from the past choices, or when our paths will come back together how long it will take.

There's only so much I can see. And I can't see THE path til the choices are made that will determine it, I can see the infinite number of paths that are open which it could go down depending on the choices to be made. And I can warn people, "pay attention to these choices because they MATTER and the consequences are dire if you don't" or I can nudge to try to achieve "better" paths created by better choices and easier lessons and more fulfillment and more joy -- but I can't make those choices in the clutch. I can only make my own choices on the path I'm on.

But for now, the path we're on is Eric chose the 3rd response after having been told about why going live on the band's Instagram account was hurtful and ethically wrong, so I had to let him go to heal the poisons of that shattered trust once I was left to have to deal with it on my own recognizing he was only going to continue making it worse and worse so long as I stayed. It's the path where Dave has made his choices and realizations since early October that I'm what he chooses at the same time that the biggest obstacle to him achieving that with me has now been removed from Dave's path - and now he's pursuing it wholeheartedly tenaciously full of hope and light and I'm choosing to find the joy and light that he always gives me and heal myself somewhere that has been an option for me since 2012... Dave is a Taurus sun with a Leo moon, once he's set his heart on something and made up his mind, he's not the sort to allow himself to make mistakes or get distracted until he achieves it.

I genuinely don't know how long or how good what there is between me and Dave will be in this life -- but I know for right now he lightens my heart makes me smile every time I see him/think about him and I love how kind and compassionate he is, how deeply he cares and how completely he loves.  Also,  he makes my heart light up and he constantly makes me laugh. And all of those things are things he does that nobody else does for me right now. I'm weirdly picky about who I date despite always having options and I'm fine with being alone -- I've never installed any dating apps or even signed up for any form of online dating.  You have to earn my admiration for me to even consider you because I'd rather be alone than waste my time with someone who doesn't add to my happiness by having them in my life. (I also do know who Dave's soul was to me in the past though -- he's the bishop/judge condemned me to burn as a witch about 500 years ago though he did his best to be fair and just with me by the standards he had at the time, but I'm also the witch who got pissed off and cursed him to stay even if he must remain a ghost til he saw everything he had believed turned to ash and saw me a sainted heroine. And I'm also the one who released him to return to the cycle of souls when he stayed stuck as a ghost longer than I had intended and i came across him and felt bad because I hadn't even given a thought for 300 years except that he'd moved on somehow.... Those three events comprise the entire karmic link between Dave and me. We each did the other wrong,  I did what I could to fix the wrong I did him,  but he has yet to give me his gratitude, right the wrong he did me, feel my forgiveness and know he can be loved for who he chooses to be NOW despite what our past selves have done.)  I know that for NOW he wants me and he's been steadfast that he's in love with me since he first set eyes on me, even when he's dated other women.  But how well we actually complement each other and what we may build together in this life? That is unknown to me.  It all depends on if he's in love with ME or if he's in love with his IDEA of me and how well he can handle the intensity of truths of who/what I am in this life and how it can be as frustrating and scary as it is surprising and joyous.

I genuinely don't know if somewhere past whatever I build with Dave in this life, there will still be life enough in this life that Eric and I will be at a point of healing where I can give him another chance with my trust and my love no longer poisoned by the broken trust and he'll have learned not to keep making the mistakes of his past.  I can't promise that hope, but I can't destroy it either. there are too many variables still for me to know that....


The choices for me to know that haven't been made yet......

I can see them in the infinite of possible paths this moment can bring us to -- but I can't say with any certainty it WILL be the one we walk. not til the choices have been made that will determine which of the paths we walk.

I do know that in the scheme of all my lives, Eric's soul and mine are tied in an old enduring karmic bond of the type that can never actually be severed -- not by either of us and not by anyone or anything external. even if we've both had a lot of wandering away from each other along our karmic paths, still the bond between us is beyond any severing. You can try to deny it but the pull will still be there, you can try to drown it out or get an unincarnated powerful being to mute it so all the noise and pull of it won't reach you  andit's not so insistently loud, you can decide to pursue someone else but you'll always feel the undertow of that pull no matter how wonderful the other person is, and you can accept that the pull is there but you can't follow it to ease that tension of wanting -- but it can't be severed while we're here incarnating. Which is why it always pulls, why it hurts so deep when we do each other wrong -- but also why there's always the opportunity of healing by returning to each other, even if that will take some time to get to it. He and I will always find our way back to each other and always feel pulled toward each other -- no matter what either (or both) of us have to learn or heal that keeps us apart for a time.  Which is why I know that I have to heal this and I will heal this and I'd just as soon get the healing done as quickly but thoroughly as I can -- even if I need to heal it all on my own without any help from him and he'll have to heal what in him caused this so as not to repeat it. But I also know it will happen, it will be healed, at some point and at that point it will be like when you get two powerful magnets and there's nothing in the Universe that can stop our souls from seeking to find each other again. I just don't know the when -. but I do know what we both have to do to get there.
The karmic connection with Dave is only about 500 years old -- which sounds old to a young soul but it's not really in terms of how old my soul is and we only crossed in two of my lives before this and one of his. But there's a lot of reasons the karmic link is SO strong there because of how it was forged between us. And the karmic link genuinely, is one that may not stand beyond a life wherein we give each other forgiveness and the warmth of unconditional love where we both are givers to heal each other's hurts.  It could be that by completing that karmic circle, it ends future karmic bonds between us other than a well wishing or one to be sought out in times we need healing or if he needs a teacher/guru to guide him on his paths and chooses me.  But this isn't like the bond with Eric that across all our lives drives and pulls us to try to reach each other. My karmic bond with Dave IS strong, but it's not the same sort and when the karma is all worked out, there's no guarantee our life paths will ever cross again in the future unless he decides to seek his own self-actualization on a path where I become his teacher/guru. This right now in this life is a reward but also about healing and releasing our old karma so he can continue his soul's progress on his own karmic journey.
as for my karmic ties with brittany....she's made her own bed. She is no longer one of my students and the Goddess has actually forbidden me to intercede with The Goddess on britt's behalf from now unto eternity moving forward and after this life ends, britt's soul will have its ability to control or use the gifts she learned from the Goddess' path stripped from her and she will never again be born with them because she has shown by her choices that she cannot be trusted with the responsibility they represent. the Goddess is pissed af at Britt over her choices and actions towards me and The Goddess never forgives, never forgets, and she refuses to listen to me, her highest Priestess still on this plane incarnating, on the issue of britt.... That was a bad enemy to make girl....  Beyond this life and her being Eric's sister within this life, britt and I have no further karmic links now that me as her teacher is severed after her rejecting me 3 times in this life and The Goddess removing those chains we'd chosen in the past. She is no longer any concern of mine nor do either of us owe each other anything at all nor may I intercede on her behalf with the Goddess -- the Goddess told me straight out she will not listen to me on the issue of brittany's soul and her karmic journey due to britt's own choices regarding me.

But, the answer is, that in complete honesty.... if Eric had chosen differently in August and chosen the 1st path for how to deal with that wrong, then we'd be down completely different fate lines.  We'd still have a global pandemic and a time of forced introspection and inner work for everyone who has been evading it by focusing on external measures of productivity/achievement. But all of our personal fate lines would be COMPLETELY different dependent on Eric's choice back in August. And that's just the simple truth of it.... I dunno if that would have been better or not because the flaw in Eric that he needs to heal to avoid making the same mistake in the future would still be there and could have caused us both even greater hurt down the line if left undealt with and him not facing the inner work and lessons he needs to learn there...... It's possible that in a cosmic sense, him making that 3rd choice is actually the best path for all of us and what we each need to learn and it sets the possibility of a foundation without that major crack in it for Eric and me at some point in the future after he's learned the lesson he's been avoiding. So he will not keep repeating this choice.....

I don't know while I'm incarnated. Incarnating creates certain limits  of perception and ties you to this plane in ways you aren't while unincarnated or while between incarnations.... And the knowledge of what is the "best" of the fate lines in a cosmic healing and self-actualizing sense is part of what you lose except in bits and pieces where for a moment you can feel the rightness of a given choice or path or moment.....

But anyway, yes you'd have achieved what you hoped for with The Light if you'd chosen the easier path and you'd still have me instead of me letting you go and turning elsewhere for comfort while I heal up from that shattered trust of picking the third way to deal with it  and the hurt it caused..... But as I said, maybe leaving this flaw inside you that needs to be healed and your lessons learned and trying to build on that broken a foundation would have just caused us both even greater hurt and loss in this lifetime which is now avoided and the flaw brought to light so it can be healed and the lessons learned not to keep repeating the same karmic choices and mistakes of the unlearned lesson.

And none of that decides which of the future fate lines we end up on. You still have the opportunity to choose which path you'll take to get to your fate line -- as do I and as does Dave.

Where we are in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 50 years..... That's far too many choices none of us have yet made for me to see which fate line WILL be. All I can see from right here in this moment are the infinite multiplicity of fate lines that MAY be for all of us.  And they're a fucking tangled mess because ALL fate lines are a tangled mess and I literally peek at mine before I decide IF I'm going to the grocery store or when I'm going or WHEN I'm going to take my dog on our morning walk..... I mean, being a precog with the death sight does make it easier to avoid long interactions and paths where I can see me dying or infecting people I love with the disease. that's a gift most don't have. But the death sight also makes being around people or even watching live streams or the news hard -- because it means I can see once a person is infected and their life has less than 2 weeks remaining as their light dims to be snuffed out.  Sometimes I'll see an inner light flickering with the death sight, means that it WILL be snuffed out if the choices aren't made to prevent that snuffing out. And I've won some of those battles and lost some of them when the light flickers but isn't yet dimming down to death. Death sight is weird, y'know?

I've said it before and I'll never lie about it -- I'm incredibly fucking weird. Weird enough to be considered wyrd. And I have far more strong spiritual/psychic gifts than anyone else you will ever encounter, in any life. And they are a responsibility as well as a gift. And I only seek to be loved or hated in this life by being painfully honest about exactly who and what I am and what my character and nature IS.  And also.... the gifts.... There IS a genetic component to a body's innate ability to be able to harness gifts -- but the soul that chooses that body has to be able to awaken or control them as well. So any/all kids I have would have the possibility of the gifts in their genetics and the phenotype of how that manifests -- but it would entirely depend on what gifts had been previously learned by that soul that chose to be born into the karmic paths that a life I create would open as opportunities for that soul's journeys....  Which is why gifts can lay dormant in a family line for generations then suddenly you have someone who has all the gifts awakened and expressing from a very young age with no training in the current life....