O I don't blame him for being so upset - he's contributed his fair share of fuckups to getting us here same as me but he's been trying and fighting so fucking hard to fix where he went awry.  And the current situation is none of his making though it is of his perpetuating.  It was created by someone else,  done in his name and in the name of everyone in the band making them all guilty of a cruelty they never intended or initially condoned - and since then he's been caught between his sister's boundless ego-driven pride and my inflexibility on matters of principle.  And he'll continue to be stuck in the middle and everything he does will make things worse, and even if he does nothing his sister will continue in acts of intentional bullying cruelty that will destroy whatever progress he achieves, for as long as he's caught in the middle of two stubbornly unyielding wills. And unfortunately, I do not compromise on matters of justice or truth.... I'll seek common ground make peace on most things,  but never on an issue of fairness/justice or speak the lie on a matter of honest truth.

So I don't blame him for the intensity of all his emotions right now....

And I don't want a lie from him.  No matter how painful the truth is,  I'll always prefer the truth.  Even if he could lie to me about his inner state,  and he can't no more than I could lie to him about mine anything he receives via the bond, I wouldn't want the lie.  I want his truth,  even when it's intense and he's full of a mess of emotions trying to drown him.....

I just don't have it in me to knowingly heap more hurt on him with what I hear from him reaching me.... If I could,  if it were in my power,  I'd heal it in him and make him all alight with joy and hope. If I knew how to do it,  how to get there, that's the path I'd choose.  But I don't know how to get him there from where he has been brought to.... But I do know that me doing something stupid impetuous leaving him to destroy his chances of fixing this would make it worse.  So if I can't see how I can make him better,  I'm going to choose not to make him worse.