Yeah. Dave is definitively NOT dating Diana and hasn't been for a solid 4-5 months months -- as everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) felt the need to tell me over the weekend. Nobody would tell me how it happened,  but even people who didn't have any idea seemed to think I knew or I'm part of it...  Even when there was completely no context for telling it to me, EVERYONE just sort of felt the need to be certain I knew....

My opinion still stands: his relationships past,  present,  or future are none of my fucking business unless/until Dave makes them my business - I just hope for his sake that his choices always bring him the happiness,  healing,  and lessons he needs.

He's also VERY clear right now about what he wants, and not willing to let himself be distracted again. (He is intensely relieved,  grateful,  and overjoyed that his rebound turned into an impossible to leave trap didn't lose him what he wanted.  And he's lucky it didn't - if not for Britt's constant sabotage and burning all his bridges,  Eric would have had nothing in his way once the country music causing me pain had been dealt with.  Dave ONLY has his current opportunities due to Britt sabotaging everything Eric or the band as a whole has done for the last year and a half and continues to do without fixing what the girls broke.) For Dave at this point,  there is no other answer to his seeking except to love and be loved by me.  He wants and needs that and he recognizes there is no substitute or alternative for him he knows of at this time.   He just wants to make sure he gets it right, so he wants to make sure he's done his own inner work so he won't be the one who fucks it up. And he feels like he's looking for certainty I'm certain, that I'm willing to trust him. And he also seems like...he knows he's impatient but that he has the time to be patient enough to be sure he gets it right.

And he's done a LOT of inner work. He has more than earned his place in my heart and if he asks for it, his place in my life.  I do have karmic bonds to him too, not as old as some of my other karmic bonds, like what ties me to Eric,  but still there are karmic bonds there that are quite strong.

As for Eric... I dunno... I can't really hear him on the inner bond right now. Maybe I'm just not wanting to tune in to listen to him because all it will do is hurt at this time and it wont get us any closer to healing or bring us anything good at this point unless he drastically alters his way of dealing with things and confronts what is truly poisoning everything for him. But what I hear, he's hurt, demoralized, didn't expect to end up so far behind no matter what he tries to create for the band - that's despite me having been warning him for over a year that the mess of his sister's making was only going to get worse til it destroyed any chances he had if he didn't deal with it. And so he's kind of giving up trying, though not giving up wanting, and thinking that he can "other fish in the sea" approach it via dating apps and trawling bars. Which to me means he doesn't really want ME, he currently just wants someone (anyone) to stop him from hurting and feeling so empty hollow inside. It won't fix the hole in him, but he might find someone he likes well enough to pretend with for a time. He might even find someone longer term than that if I can figure out how to successfully put the bond to sleep for this life.

At this time, Dave and his band have done everything right within their power to listen to me and foster a truly loving caring environment and build an honest authentic relationship. And it's darling, they do nothing but make my heart shine and make me transcendentally glowingly happy about seeing them or seeing anything to do with them.

Eric and his band have spent years doing the exact opposite, and even now trying to build something that's genuine they still are approaching it the same way they did then and still expect the same unthinking slavish sycophancy they desired before when they were selling out everything they ever stood for and they're doing nothing to make right the bridges Britt deliberately burned trying to defend that selling out. They would do it over again in a heartbeat if they thought country radio would take them and get them famous. There's nothing genuine whatsoever in any way that Jessie and Britt are handling the diehards just to pimp numbers not foster a community, it's not organic -- it's false and contrived and manipulative (like everything Jessie does or touches) and I don't see a way for it to thrive without something genuine at the core of it.

I don't feel any joy when I see anything from Eric or from his band anymore, I cringe like I expect there's at least a 50:50 chance I'm going to be smacked where I look for something good from him and it makes me hesitant to even open it -- because that's what the behavior of the girls has taught me to expect any time I see anything from them now. And that's not a healthy response. That's a trauma response. And that's reason enough for me not to wait to give The Light the chance I promised myself I'd give it. (and that I deep down genuinely believe it deserves in its own right.)  I still will, but deep down I know that I really shouldn't and I should just let go walk away due to everything that has been done in the band's name these last years. It's not what I want to be, but that's a brutally honest assessment of the result of Britt's behaviors over the last several years and the damage it's done. None of which has even been acknowledged, let alone any attempts to purge or heal it.

And in contrast, everything in my response to Dave and We Banjo 3 IS healthy, it is bright and shining and joyous and full of light and love.  I just want to snuggle up into him and everything the band has grown to stand for like they're a cozy fire and they make me feel warm and safe and loved and right where I should be when I'm with him and surrounded by his band brothers (one of which is his actual brother.)

And that's an honest assessment of my current inner state. If you asked me to pick right now today, I wouldn't hesitate even a moment before choosing Dave.