Yesterday, there was a lengthy email that Britt wrote sent out to the band mailing list. I didn't receive it. I checked my trash, spam, and all various inboxes. It wasn't there. Not anywhere. Yet I knew it was sent ebcause there was a Ride Or Diehards retweet referencing it. Which means somebody, most likely Britt (but I suppose potentially Jessie, Ali, or any one who went in to the Delta Rae mailing List) decided to purge me out of the mailing list. Sure there may be an explanation, but hoenstly, my money's on Britt. Because when Jessie was in there I received the email and when whoever sent the one on the 16th was in there, I received the email. It was only when Britt went to go send her email that suddenly I didn't receive it.
Anyway, I went to go check with a friend about it tonight. And my friend confirmed that indeed there WAS an email sent and she'd forward it to me. (That is the most idiotic thing about the vindictive cruel bullying behaviors of Britt toward me, both on the band's Instagram and now their mailing lsit -- it won't stop me from getting the content, it just shows the ugliness hidden in her character and how willing she is to hurt others and to spite her brother tog et her petty vengeance try to control a narrative that is now out of her control DUE TO HER DEFENSIVE BULLYING BEHAVIORS. I'd never have outed this part of her nature or continuously been so openly honest about it if she hadn't acted out on it toward me.)
This was my most recent gmail search for Delta Rae. (note that I DID make an end of year order, despite everything, as I wanted the posters I never picked up AND Mikaela wanted the magnolia shirt onsale. The 14 year old Taurus does NOT know about any of this drama with Britt and I will never tell her. She doesn't forgive bullying, from anyone. And she would never forgive anyone in the band for standing by and LETTING this sort of behavior and treatment happen. And she would tell EVERYONE, as opposed to me telling one person, writing about it here, and seeking to get the block fixed on various band accounts but otherwise not having spoken/written about it anywhere thus far. It may feel like I've outed her, but actually, so far I haven't at all. Push me and try to bully me further and I will.)
Anyway. THAT is why I didn't respond the way Eric hoped I would with his genuine Twitter attempts at trying to find out WHAT he can/should talk about in his stage banter this coming tour AND his very honest description of how he's feeling about never even getting his chance after getting the encouragement he so desperately needed and how bright then dark that made his heart..... And the REASON he didn't get the reaction he expected form me last night is because literally just a little below his posts was the retweet from Ride Or Diehards account referencing Britt's email and thus I already knew before reading his two followup tweets that she'd made sure I didn't receive her email.... She had already undermined his every effort HOURS BEFORE he even made them.... And LOOOOONG before I ever posted my post early this morning.
Because he was trying. He was trying so fucking hard. And so fucking pointedly.... And it should have worked for him. And he was baffled and hurt and I've heard his hurt all day today even through my joyousness of every good thing the Universe has strewn across my path today... Because it should have worked. It should have. And the only reason it sank like a stone was because I did NOT receive that Delta Rae mailing list email -- a mailing list I never did any damn thing to take myself off of and had NOWHERE in any part of my e-mail. I was just purge off the list by someone with access to it and a personal vendetta and viciousness she didn't think she'd get called out on or caught at if she acted out on it there. But that singular act of hers is what made Eric's desperate attempts to try to regain some small part of all he's lost fail so completely.
Because it's not about his past choices or his attempts to fix them of showing me how much I could/should love him -- it's his sister's cruelty and vindictiveness and her continuous harassment and bullying and manipulating of the official band accounts that have cost him everything with me at this point. It's her poisons that have destroyed everything the band was and could have been to me. And it's what makes it impossible for me to allow him to be any part of my life while she's a part of his....and for this lifetime, she IS a part of his life.....
So there are the most recent receipts. That's why I made the choice I have to throw all my energy and opportunities to Dave and not give Eric any more chances. Because his sister is DELIBERATELY sabotaging him out of petty vindictiveness and bullying cruelty even while he is TRYING to make something out of so little (and I admire his determination and how desperately he's trying even as his options are nearly run out and he's lost the only war that mattered to him this life...... And it's not fair to him for me to give up on him when he's trying so fucking hard..... But she's his sister, and she matters dearly to him, and he has defended and been there for her no matter what she did her entire life -- and she has made up her mind to be a petty vindictive bullying bitch to me because she can't control me or manipulate me and she can't stand that as an agent of karma and fate I bring all truths to the light, especially those you most want hidden. And she will destroy his life and every bit of happiness he has ever sought for himself in this life and literally THOUSANDS of years of life rather than allow ANYONE expose the truth of the ugliest parts of her nature that she doesn't want brought into the light but she's the one who exposes in her every act of trying to bully and try to hide the parts of herself she hates most.....
And honestly, Eric is the one hurt the worst by this. He's the one she's destroying by these choices of hers.
But I can't be anything good to him in this life with her behaving and feeling this way and INTENTIONALLY poisoning everything before he can even try to fix a damn thing. And I REFUSE to put him in the middle of it, ask him to reject his sister, or ask him to choose between us. I will choose for him that this is toxic and thus he and I coming together again after so long is not a magic he can have this life. I won't stay beyond expecting what I have paid for and asked to receive -- but beyond that I will sever him from me so he cannot find/reach me again this life and I will pursue another path this life for me to live always surrounded by love so any seeking me may find me and I can live as long a a life as possible meeting these conditions I set for this my reward life between battles. And I will leave his sister and him and the band to PRECISELY the karmic fate that they earn for themselves and never think on them again. He will find me in a future life, when he has learned his proper lessons and the timing is right -- and until then I will love him but know it is impossible for me to be in his life due to his choices and I will find every bit of joy and fight every battle in the name of truth and justice I find along the way.
And both he and she will have to live with the knowledge of how/why this happened. And they can face it or not face it as they want. But nothing can change the facts of the choices she has made and the bullying behavior he (and everyone else in the band) have allowed and condoned from her.
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