I'm pretty close internally to the point of acceptance of letting go of Eric this life, and most of that is because his sister IS his sister and there's no getting around that and she's the one who has literally destroyed everything and is actively getting in the way of any chance of healing it or making it right. And I'm not going to put him in the middle of that or ask him to choose or anything like that. I'll just let him go until another lifetime when she's no part of the equation.

And I've been quite close to the acceptance of that as the best possible outcome I can manage for everyone in light of her choices over the last 15 months.

And I've also made up my mind that if I can't have Eric, then I'm not going to turn down Dave if/when he finds the courage he needs to ask me. And once he does, I will find a way to put to sleep or shut out the bond completely so I can give Dave a real chance.

And I'll be seeing Dave again in under 24 hours. And right now, it's all I can do NOT to unfollow Eric and be done with him every time I see the notification up that there's a story he JUST posted tonight that I can't watch -- meaning it's another one from the band account and he's actively taking part in the bullying via ostracism system created on the band account. And I'm just done with those games. Him playing them once again, and tonight, makes me want to wash my hands be done with him for this life.....

I'm going to focus on working now, and then I'll be driving to Cincinnati.... But if it's still showing up like that once I get there, I make no promises I won't decide in a fit of pique, "Fuck this. I'm done with all of your stupid power games and bullying." and just unfollow Eric. My patience is worn so thin by nearly 15 months of this bullying bullshit from Brittany on the official Delta Rae instagram account and the rippling effect of bullying it has created on the boys' accounts whenever they share anything from the band account that I'm near ready to snap and just be done with them all over this.

And don't expect anything from me to discourage Dave if he's made up his mind about me. (And he's made it very clear he's made up his mind about me. if only he can get his anxiety under control when he sees me....)

Also. I'm really REALLY excited for 2 We Banjo 3 shows the next two nights!!! And tea shopping! And book shopping with Erin & Rebecca (friends I know because of the band) in a 32 room bookstore in Columbus!!!!!