This decision isn't really about one or the other,  nor is it about punishing Eric. It's about right versus wrong,  it's about the matters of principle surrounding what happened a year ago. And by that I mean Britt and whoever blocked me on the band page and what that means has been done in the name of the entire band.  I don't mean the show they did at The Majestic here in Madison that I didn't go to because it was presented by Q106 (a country radio station)  and I was still hurting about the decision to block me on the band page. Didn't go despite being half a block away having a coffee and no other plans for the night and Crissy swore she saw Eric walk by. Being blocked on the band page is also why I unfollowed and forced Eric to not be able to reach me via the bond from November til March last year until I decided it was unfair to punish people who hadn't done anything wrong and may not have known.

I did warn him there were two things poisoning everything between us - the country music and me being blocked on the band account.  I did warn him back in April/May that both had to be addressed and fixed if he wanted things between us to heal.  Because both are about him not caring about causing me pain.

Now they do know but have still done nothing about it.  And I know they know because I decided to be very open publicly about the block when Eric decided to end their kickstarter by going live on the band's instagram. And then he did it multiple times and nobody from the band even once responded to me on facebook or twitter saying that insta live was unfair and a form of ostracism due to fans being blocked for saying they didn't like the country music.  I had other fans attack and victim blame me,  but nobody from the band had the courage to address it.  And Eric chose to continue going live on the band's account,  including just him playing his piano and performing by himself which he used to do on his own account and him doing it on the band account right at that time frankly felt like an intentional passive-aggressive slap in the face for being vocal about what had happened and intended to be certain I and anyone else blocked on the band account couldn't see it. And those were all his choices,  his free will. He has nobody but himself to blame. He did that. Nobody else did it,  he did.

I have been unable to listen to any of their songs since he did that,  I don't want to.  And I haven't liked any posts from the band except the video of Leo because he's adorable and he's done absolutely nothing wrong is no part of the matter of principles that upset me. Also the one encouraging the use of non-plastic straws because it's a separate issue.  But I've spent a lot of time considering all of this since late August and early September when Eric chose,  in free will and multiple times even after being told why it was a form of ostracism,  that he wanted to be guilty of joining in the relational bullying.  True he hasn't done it since then,  at least not that I know of,  but it remains a matter of principles and of what he showed his nature to be and what he thinks is acceptable ways of treating people and whether or not he cares about being intentionally cruel and intentionally hurting others.  And all that thinking is what has brought me to the conclusion that there is no truth, only a venal desire for money,  when they say they care about their fans - especially when it's Britt or Eric who says it.  And,  I genuinely feel that a year to make this right,  a year in which you were told about it privately and publicly,  and you have done NOTHING about it, not even responded to it or acknowledged it, but instead continuously and intentionally made things exclusively available where you had created a system of ostracism and bullying is long enough. Everyone fucks up makes mistakes,  and everyone deserves a chance to make right from their mistakes if they're mature enough and not too  much of a coward to acknowledge their own mistakes.  (only a coward refuses to say,  "I was wrong,  I did wrong" to a person they hurt.  That's just a lack of basic compassion and a surfeit of pride if you can't admit you were wrong.)

But it's nearly been a year.  A year is more than sufficient time to figure out how to say,  "we fucked up.  I'm sorry.  Let me make this right." They've had nearly a year's worth of opportunities and nobody has addressed it or done anything about it. Eric only made it worse on himself. And a year to the day of me having been blocked on the band account is what I'm counting down to.  A year is the point at which I am done waiting or hoping for anything from any of them.  A year is the point at which I accept,  this is just who you are and you condone and take part in bullying via ostracism and then completely ignoring and gaslighting any attempt to talk about it or fix it.  Coming to grips with the fact that Eric not only condones that sort of bullying but willfully chooses to take part in it was the hardest part of the last year, last couple years including all the painfully bad country radio selling out choices.

Deciding that a year is long enough opportunities to make right this wrong was easy compared to accepting that truth about who he is and who he allows himself to be under the influence of Britt and Jessie encouraging him in it.  A year is far more time than almost anyone else would have given.

As for Dave. He only fits into any of this because he still is there still wants me even though I consciously chose no, not to give him any opportunities or chances, for all these years because I didn't think it'd be fair of me to date anyone else with such an active karmic bond and desire as there is between me and Eric.  I have stayed single a very long time now because it's not fair to whoever I would date if I'm strongly attached to someone else.  I still don't think it'd be fair of me to do to men whose fault is to not be Eric.  But now,  after the ethical lines Eric crossed in late Aug/early Sept, I don't think it's fair to me to allow that bond to keep me from seeking happiness elsewhere,  with someone who cares about if they hurt other people, who cares if they do things that hurt me. Even if I had precogged and knew that putting that bond to sleep would mean a lonely life that was empty of love,  I'd make the choice as a matter of principle at this point based on what Eric showed me by his actions in free will back in Aug/Sept to be his character at this point in his life.  He has allowed the toxic choices that Britt made to poison him into making toxic choices of his own.  At this point, Eric has nothing to offer me that isn't poisoned by all of this and now his part in it - and he has done nothing to try to fix it or clean up the mess so things could heal.

I ought to cut the bonds completely.... But instead I'm putting it to sleep again.  Indefinitely. Certainly until he has atoned and made right what he did wrong. Until he has chosen to be a person worth knowing,  one who wouldn't take part in any form of bullying or ostracism. And not til I'm at a point in my life where there's nobody else more deserving of a fair chance with me.  It'll stay asleep this time for as long as the Universe is giving me other options to pursue and as long as Eric chooses to be a person not worth knowing, a person capable of taking part in bullying and intentional cruelty.

That is the path we're on if nothing is fixed or addressed to change my mind.  And in four days,  it will have been one year since this was all set in motion. 4 days.

On the 27th is the one year point at which I am done and will send the bond to sleep with the help of the Sidhe and I'll unfollow them all on social media - even Mike and Grant and Ian who have personally never done anything wrong toward me except what was done in their name by being done in the name of the entire band.

Now I'm gonna go rest take a nap.  I have a minor cold/flu (mostly normal cold symptoms, but achey with chills) that's been going around work and I'd rather sleep to heal this last bit to be done with it in 36hours than prolong it by trying to force me do anything productive right now.