It was most notable in Don't Let Me Down, because he's been very open about how that is about his own poor mental health and a love song to his past self when he's been in a bad place. And normally, it's fairly somber, all of them but especially his brother Martin just want to hug him during it while he relives the places he's been. But this time is the first time I've seen him happy and hopeful playing it (first song of the encore) and his inner state reminded me somehow of the music video they did for Don't Let Me Down - a music video which IS a message of happiness and hope. and a love story.
It was just striking. (especially since the last time I saw/heard it live, I was front and center, holding Erin (who has CPTSD and I know from the band and met at shows introduced by other friends in Crew) while she sobbed and had a breakdown during it, and just pouring love into her while singing along making eye contact with them. A lot of people I care about who have depression issues or have family who have depression issues cry and I end up hugging and holding during Don't Let Me Down and Hold Onto Your Soul (which the band wrote after a very emotionally hard interaction with a fan whose son who had been coming with her to shows for years had recently committed suicide. So they wanted to write a song for people to turn to for love and support and remind them to keep holding on through the dark time.) In fact, I think at this point, Dave and the other boys have seen me holding other people together hugging them and loving them and supporting them through that song at shows more times than they've seen me any other way during that song.) Anyway, it was a strikingly gorgeous rendition of Don't Let Me Down this time!!
Had a sudden bad migraine yesterday afternoon so haven't done much since getting back from the shows. Later today, Mikaela and I are going book shopping after school. Tomorrow my Aunt Geeta gets in town for SEAC (South East Asian Conference - brings her to Madison every October for a visit since the conference moved here about 8 years ago. Which means getting to see her every year and often Aunt Kath - though she's on a teaching fellowship in Edinburgh right now) so I'll be picking her up at the airport tomorrow afternoon. Then Thurs back to Chicago for Frank Turner show, then symphony tickets on Friday, then Friday night Geeta will be done with the conference staying at my parents house so I'll be spending LOTS of time with her/them rtil her flight back to Charlottesville on Monday!
Actually, I have a LOT going on the rest of this month.... Somehow, it got very full of concerts and plans. No Halloween plans, but tons of plans before then....
In addition to the migraine yesterday, I definitely have bursitis in the subscapular bursa of that right shoulder. I'm not going in, nothing they'd do for it. It just hurts. A lot. Under the scapula where the shoulder joint meets the shoulder blade. Where your wings grow. 😉 Anyway. I can take antiinflammatories and rest it and ice it (though it's a spot that is best iced while laying on your stomach and having someone else ice it....icing it by myself doesn't work as well. Turns out, my flatmates lacking opposable thumbs and being single means I have to do it myself. Downside of having a dog and a cat and a bird for roommates, lol.) So of course my idea of resting it is that I'm planning to spend today hauling around books (to resell at Half Price Books and buying new ones) and gardening and digging out sod re-edging the border and probably hauling bags of mulch if I finish edging everything.... That's definitely how you rest your shoulder when it's burning with bursitis right under ths shoulder blade.... But d I do need to finish in the garden before snow comes to stay..... And bursitis takes about 2 weeks of rest to heal... Better I make it worse and get the job done then let it fully heal.
And I'll get to see Mikaela around 5ish tonight and we're gonna go use my extra 15% off entire purchase coupon at Half Price Books! 😁 She's my favorite 14 year old!! And I have an iron on patch of a banjo puppy that the boys made randomly in the last month or so, looks exactly like my Audrey Pupburn!! I hadn't seen it til Sunday and got super excited for it - which made Enda (who designs all their merch) super chuffed!! And he definitely told the girl next to me when she was demanding the story wanted to know whose dog it is, "Oh that's my dog!" Then turned and brazenly winked at me. It looks nothing like his and Gillian's dog. Or Fergal and Ruth's dogs who are grey and black. Or Annabelle, Martin & Kiana's 13 year old Pomeranian they rescued as a stray in Galway, she has a tune named after her. Anabelle's Cannon, which just sounds like a happy puppy exploring and frolicking in the woods! (Dave doesn't have a dog. He also doesn't have a wife and family at home for the dog to stay with while he's on tour.) Anyway, this patch is absolutely and completely my Audrey Anne Pupburn! And I can't wait to see Mikaela's reaction to her patch I bought her of Miss Audrey in a WB3 hat, lol.
Tell me that doesn't look exactly like my baby girl little old lady 12yo bitch immortalized forever as their WB3 pup! Tongue lolling out and all!
Also. And this is unrelated to Dave or We Banjo 3. This morning, I woke up after my migraine passed. (one of the worst I've had in many many years...and my laptop was at work and so I had no music in my bedroom to help carry me through the pain.... And music is the only thing that does help....) and for the first time since end of August, it was quite in my stillness inside of me. I didn't hear Eric's sorrow and hurt and anger at himself echoing inside me. It was completely quiet. I didn't know what to make of it, to be honest. I spent most of September and early October trying to block it out and still being ambushed by it unexpectedly. It was strange not to hear his anguish over these last months inside me.... I genuinely didn't know what to think or feel. I guess, more than anything else, I wondered if the bond had been put to sleep again - though if it was, it wasn't my doing. But when I hesitantly said his name and thought of him inside my inner space, there was an absolute rush of love and tenderness from him poured into me and...he seemed surprised disbelief but happy surprised to hear me reaching for him along the bond... Soon after that the rain started and I just lay in bed listening to it snuggling with my dog and cat, trying to understand what shifted in him and why.... And I dunno. But all morning now, if I think of him, there's that same rush of love and tenderness and something determined but also like he's afraid of breaking it if he's not careful and gentle right now..... But no longer that sadness makes me feel like it'll drown me or angry with himself. Just an intense rush of his love and tenderness for me and a desire to just hold me and make sure I know this is in him....but less about his need, more grown up and focused somehow, about him being determined wanting me to know and feel how deeply and tenderly he does care about me... And only if I think about him or reach along the bond toward him to check in see how he's doing.
It's something new. And I'm uncertain what to make of it.....
P. S. I saw last week or so in a post that Liz Longley added to her tour dates that she'll be opening the Chicago and Minneapolis dates for Delta Rae. Which made me really happy - she's delightful and someone I go see just to see her! So that made me happy, and gave me a something to look forward to about those shows.
P. P. S. The more I see of Jessie and the more I get to know of her, the stronger my aversion grows. There is a deep corrupting evil in her that she hides behind a false facade. And it poisons everyone and everything that she gets close to. And the worst of it is that she hides her bad influence behind her falsely assumed good nature and laughter and only increases by small increments her cruel lack of compassion and rationalizing of evil actions so it goes unnoticed how far those influenced by her have strayed from any concept of good and justice. She is evil, an insidious toxic slow seeping poisonous evil. And the more I see of her, the more glaringly obvious it becomes. I don't know that it's a conscious thing, I prefer to believe it isn't and that it's just repressed unexamined tenets of how she was raised... But even if unconscious, a bad philosophical influence is a bad influence.... I will never welcome her or trust her or trust ANYONE who gives her their ear or lets her into their life.
She is evil, and she corrupts all she touches - I will not let her touch my life. And anyone who chooses to have Jessie Roesch involved in their life marks themselves as someone I cannot trust and will not allow any further into my life. Period. This is non-negotiable.
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