Last night I had contingent precog dreams about Dave again...they were really sweet and beautiful.  I haven't had any about Eric since the one I mentioned that made me cry. And it'd been a long while before then.

As we reach the 1 year anniversary of Britt blocking me and then someone doing so on the band's official insta account (it's easy to remember, I was blocked the day after The Tree of Life Synagogue shooting..... Which is easy enough to remember since I was alone dogsitting with my Audrey Pupburn and my parents dog Sophie while my parents were at their cabin in Montana,  just me hugging two dogs as tight as possible,  feeling bereft and scared at the tangible proof of how bad antisemitism had become in trump's Merika,  and all I wanted was to listen to Morning Comes and All Good People to help me find some comfort with how much I was hurting - and I couldn't listen to them because they only upset me after what Britt had done by blocking me the night before for the honesty that I loved Hands Dirty but was sad I'd not get to see it live since the country music was causing me enough pain to keep me from shows.) I can feel the door swinging shut on any opportunity to address this and fix it.  He (and all of them)  are running out of time....  The one year anniversary of nothing being done by any of them to fix it isn't just a closing door - it's a locked sealed welded never to be reopened vault if they let this go undealt with past that anniversary.

One year is a lot fucking more time than anyone should have needed to figure out how to respond from compassion and fix this major fuckup someone did in the name of all of them. Past a year,  even the most optimistic soul must admit there's simply no interest in fixing it from any of them.

Part of the closing chapter right now is accepting that.  And accepting the proofs this fiasco has shown me that when they say they care about their fans,  as people,  they really mean they only care about the money and the revenue stream they represent.  And that is what this last year has taught me - and what I read as subtext in Eric's posts claiming their fans are their lifeblood or how much they love the VIP shows meeting people....  Naw,  you just love the extra money that brings in and the ego boosts of being told the sun shines out your arse - you don't actually give a fuck about your fans qua humans. If you did,  you'd give a fuck about fixing a bad situation that was created from a lack of basic humanity and compassion on the parts of Liz,  Britt,  and whoever made the decision to hit block in the name of every member of the band.  I will never believe there is any truth,  in any of them,  stating how much their fans mean to them as a result not just of that occurring, but of the complete silence and gaslighting from all of them whenever it has been brought up.

And the chance to do a damn thing about that is nearly over.  There's only a week and a half left before your window of opportunity to repair this is shut and locked forever. And if this isn't dealt with,  isn't repaired,  there is no chance whatsoever of fixing anything or healing anything with me in this lifetime, because I don't believe you or trust you if this is the sort of behavior you will condone and let represent you.  Period.

It's that simple.  It's that straightforward.

And Eric is nearly out of time.  He doesn't have til mid November to win me back or at least convince me to stay and give him a chance, like he thinks he does - he has til one year of apathy and silence on righting this wrong done in the name of the band makes it canon that they all support and condone it.  Because once that is made manifest,  there is literally nothing he can do to even begin to repair the trust that was shattered nearly a year ago now.  And without trust,  there is nothing real he can have or build with me.  Now or ever.....

We are at the point of only ten days left. Nine days til the anniversary of the shooting in the synagogue that as Jewish American shook me hard - and happens to be the same day that Britt decided to block me for my honesty the country music was painful enough for me to keep me from seeing Hands Dirty live, as much as I loved the song and what it stood for.  10 days til the anniversary of the decision to block me from the band's official account and making that band policy for how you deal with a fan's pain that they created by their choices and behavior.

It's not that I call them liars per se.  At least not intentionally so..... It's only that I am a firm believer that in any discrepancy between words and actions,  you must always believe the actions for setting your expectations and how you read their character. This is especially true for actions (or inactions) that have been continuously repeated - especially when repeated across months or years.

So I'm believing what the actions (and inactions)  of Delta Rae and whoever they let represent them tell me.  Nothing more and nothing less than their actions.

Ten days.  That's it.  That's the time limit on fixing this fuckup the girls made.  He gets nothing more.  And without fixing it,  there is such a fundamental breakdown in trust and my belief in sincerity from him or anyone in the band regarding their fans that I see no way to ever build anything better than me walking away and leaving them and cutting him off from reaching me via the karmic empath bonds......

Ten days and then it's done.  A full cycle of seasons closes the book on righting this wrong they did. Ten.  More.  Days.