What were my intensely vivid June dreams about? they were multi night dream sagas in shamanic dream space where we had to achieve certain rest places before I'd be waking back into the day world again. I've had other iterations of this in other years that things align, but I don't have them every summer solstice -- just the ones with the new moon before it with enough travel time for the stages of the dream journey. It was about the travels from when a door opened on the path at the Cancer new moon to get to the only harbor and then sail to a specific isle for the solstice ceremony -- and it's a specific path can only be taken some years but not others depending on when the new moon falls relative to the solstices but it's considered imperative that all fair folk and allied souls who are in the incarnations make the journey for the ceremony whenever the path of the journey to get there is open. It has to do with life giving creation on earth renewal; if the celebration isn't performed or too many miss it choose not to make the journey then the destructive forces of the planet are less held in chains and there is far greater instability at the seismic, inner core magma movement, and atmospheric levels than have been seen not just in recent historical lifetimes but in more lifetimes than most walking the incarnations have ever experienced.  It can be missed intentionally, but that takes a great vote of all the types of unincarnating shining ones to loosen the bonds allow cataclysmic forces reshape the planet and destroy most of the human experiment -- and the bonds of taming into life giving can't be renewed until the next opportunity to make the journey to the sacred summer isles with the path between a Cancer new moon and the summer solstice that take you over land and through the air and under ground and over the water to reach the islands that exist outside the planes of time for the ceremony of renewal of vows/promises of the fairfolk with Gaia herself. Taking that journey during my dream time with the portion of the host I traveled with was the vivid dreams I was having in June.  There's a winter journey as well when there's enough time between the new moon and the winter solstice and that is to hold the frost giants and the great cooling forces of Gaia moving even a little further out in orbit or wobbling her axis in check -- but that's somewhere else entirely, not the sacred Summer Isles ceremony. And there are dream time fée equinox ceremonies but they require only you go inward under the earth to the still point of everything and they don't take dreaming of distances traveled or specific paths that only exist when things align properly -- they're nowhere and everywhere all at once for the equinoxes. Anyway. It was a lot of traveling with faeirie folk in these sequences of dreams. They were full of adventures and deep meaning across time and millenia/eons of lifetimes. We're all back from the island now and dispersed back across all the different parts of the shamanic dream lands -- it was only a three day ceremony but you couldn't start out early and you had to arrive right on time for it. So the dream seeds are the seeds I planted for this most recent new moon -- and the dreams were all finished by the time I drove up to join my sister and her family up at Kalahari on June 23 (when I found out my maman had sweet talked the front desk into an extra free wristband for me for the parks.) those were what my vivid multi night saga dreams were about in June.

If you were hopeful for more polar bear dreams, I'm sorry but that's not what I was dreaming about in June.  Sorry. It's not personal, I just didn't dream of him this month -- not even those frustrating labyrinthine dreams. I guess that to me, it still feels like the ball is in his court and he's on his own journey to figure out what it is he wants -- and since nothing I can see has changed I'm not certain I believe there is a place for me in his life or for me to join on that path with him. I could be wrong, and I'd very much like to be wrong, but still I don't see it. I just don't. I don't claim to see everything even with all my gifts, I never have, but I won't lie to myself with hopium of what I want to become truth when it disagrees with the reality I see of how things are in this time. And I still see no place for me in his life or among the people/structures most foundational and central to his life as he has built it and it all goes back to the choices the girls made in 2018 and the choice made in the band's name on their instagram to play female bullying via ostracism games and to block me there -- the consequences of those choices and the refusal to even acknowledge they happened when i tried bringing it up to talk about it is that to the best of my ability they do not exist to me and anything he creates or does or builds with either of the girls or with the band as a collective does not exist to me -- and the only consequence of him working on new Delta Rae songs and to plan a show isn't to make me want back in the group but for me to pull further away from him and to accept deeper into my psyche that I need to let him go for his sake due to his choices and the choices made in his name that he continues to stand behind. *shrugs* I can't unblock me, nobody replied or did anything when i tried communication about it, so as I see it the ball is in the court of anyone who can affect change to the situation created in the band's name before they will exist again in my world or I will ever willingly choose to listen to any of the band's songs (even the songs that are his, if the band is involved, those are songs not for me and I won't choose to play them or listen to them at this point.) I don't actually know much or anything at all about what he's doing with himself -- I don't follow him on insta any longer since last year when he shared a post that was unavailable to me that was him sharing something from the band and he hasn't shared anything via his email list since the email that he had moved back to Raleigh -- and while I still get the band emails, I only skim them and delete them and take no further actions so they can go back to not existing to me until the next month's email. So i have no idea what he's up to or trying to build or do with his life or even where in the world he is or if he's moved somewhere else or fallen for yet another girl he hopes will be the one and that's why he stopped working on his album release project he was so keen on at the start of the year. None of it is known to me, and I'm not trying to find out -- I'm accepting his choices as he makes them as being his choices for his life for himself but I have no expectations what they are or should be or that there's a place for me with him on the life path he chooses. I'm not dating anyone else or actively seeking anyone else, but there are options I wouldn't say no to that are on the table and I don't consider myself under any obligation toward him not to pursue those if they pan out -- because I'm not actually in his life and he's not in mine at this point and I see no present/future place for me in his life when I'm not welcome in the core pillars he has built his life on and around. So why would anyone be hoping/thinking I might have had polar bear dreams when nothing has changed since I walked away from him in dream space because I saw no reason even for hope that there would be anything real between us outside of dream space 5d encounters within this lifetime? *shrugs* So I am going to continue going about my life, building into the people and places and groups and things that choose me and desire me and to make those spaces brighter and to not think on anyone who makes other choices. Not from a place of blame or anger, but just acceptance of free will choices will lead you down your life path and as it's each individual's path, it's that individual's choices that are of greatest importance for their own life path -- so if he doesn't want me isn't choosing me, then I will let him go to pursue what he is choosing. And if I'm wrong in my choices here from the choices that seem open to me, I hope I discover my own wrong headedness or wrong heartedeness before things diverge too far to be healed -- but for now I am open hand loving him by letting him go to pursue whatever or whoever he chooses to build his life around this lifetime. I hope to be proven wrong in these assumptions about his choices for himself and his life not including me, but I don't expect it and I don't even really believe I ever will be. Because I mean. I just. What's the point of trying to do anything other than let him go if there's no place for me in his life or life path as he has chosen to build it or allowed others to choose for him? What's even the point then if that's his choice? Especially in the light of *gestures broadly at the environmental collapse and societal collapse into christo-fascism with a technocrat control mechanism that is starting in the US but spreading globally faster than people realize* that we are collectively living through right now on the fast track learning curve for the souls who never incarnated here before. 

I've had lots of fairfolk dreams and lots of other shamanic dreams with old gods walking in them, but no polar bear dreams in recent months.

Unrelatedly, but back to me focusing on what IS in my life. I did have a lovely time for first Concerts on the Square last night even if my Kahlo polar bear bracelet broke right off my wrist while in the bathroom. (I think I collected all the beads. I definitely got the polar bear bead, but I may have missed some of the darker gray/black beads. It was apropos of nothing, the cord just broke under its own tension/age.). Crissy had gone to Trader Joe's to pick up some things for her dad (she drove up to take him to an appointment today is coming back tomorrow afternoon/evening) and was inspired to pick up all sorts of tasty things for Concerts on the Square picnic and told me not to bother to bring anything but myself and my books. I DID stop at Leopold's for their book happy hour (got the last parking spot in the lot when I pulled in so I knew it was meant to be -- lack of parking at an indie bookstore when I try to stop by is my sign I'm not meant to buy books that day, lol) and I'm very proud of myself I only bought three books. The guy (who was rather shy and far too young for me but was very flirty smitten with me all the same) rang my first order out as two separate transactions so he could pour me two glasses of champagne and when I came back with a third book I couldn't pass up while I was browsing (since I was by myself in a bookstore/bar) he shyly asked if I wanted another glass of prosecco and I laughed told him, "Now that's a dangerous game. Thank you, but prosecco while book shopping is how I ended up with a third book. I should head down to Concerts on the Square now, my bestie is waiting on me, but I'll probably stop in next week on my way down."

Speaking of books. I didn't share a combined two months book list I know. I was going to but because of all my focus on family with my sister's family in the area, I still have a pile of newly acquired books that I need to input in my catalogue and add to the list.  Mostly what I read across May and June is Cassandra Clare's Shadowhunter books -- like 10,000 pages or so of it, lol. I haven't even made much headway in my purse books because I've been super busy everywhere I've had my purse and haven't finished them at home because I've been so immersed into the Shadowhunter universe. I'll have time in July for reading though so hopefully the end of the list should be more interesting. This weekend I'll read the next couple chapters of Ron Chernow's Washington for my monthly history book club with the Erin and Debbie and Crissy, we zoom meet on Monday. I'll probably read a lot of single books for a bit though not get into any series until after Irish season is past. I WILL post end of July (maybe a little early so it's up before Iowa Irishfest which is the first weekend of August) and then I'll roll August in with Sept and Oct because Aug is usually a very light month for me on reading due to so much time consumed by Irishfesting and all the musicians/friends in the Celtic music community and then trying to fit in work hours around it all. But for now, the booklist is mostly Cassandra Clare. 

 Tomorrow (today now) my only certain plans are to go into work in the evening to water my outdoor plants after the heat of the day. And I won't be celebrating our nation given the state of the regime running it and the world more generally (but especially the regime running the US at this point in time.) Saturday I'm thinking I will farmer's market (Crissy will likely join me unless she gets back too late form her dad's is too tired to go with) and then later in the day go to Fitchburg Farms to get the last of my herbs for the herb box and some 50% off annuals to put in pots to help entice pollinators to my nightshades and veggies/herbs. But we will see how Saturday pans out with the weather patterns and if not on Sat then Sun for Fitchburg Farms 

P. S. 4:31am addendum: 

I'm busy not sleeping -- reading and drinking tea and balcony door open listening to the thunder and rain of the storms rolling through. (Though once past the gloaming hours around sunrise when I can't sleep, if I reach a good chapter break and the rain looks to continue, I'll probably lay down to sleep for a bit. Falling asleep with the windows open to the sound of falling rain is one of my favorite ways to sleep -- the only way to improve it is to be curled up held by someone I love who loves me and have their fingers running through my hair gently untangling the curls. Best of all is to have all of the above. But falling asleep to the windows open as the rain falls is the best I have in my life right now, so I shall seize the opportunity while I can once past sunrise.)

I will say that while I don't typically write in publicly published posts here about current events, the characters and plot points in much of the Dark Artifices series I didn't find realistic as too fanatical a pendulum swing in the modern world during the first time I read it (end of first dump-truck presidency or early Biden) now seems too prescient and close to home. Here's quotes from the last of the trilogy (which I had wanted to finish in June before my sister's family being in town took up all my time, paused at a good plot pause point just before 100pgs in when I was going to end up at Kalahari and knew I would not have time to get sucked deeper into the nearly 900pgs of the concluding book of the trilogy) that hurt a bit reading it yesterday, and not in the good hurt way that leads to healing but the hurt of truth speaking you didn't want to face as truth: 

Excerpts from a conversation in Chapter 9 (for context, both of these characters have strong LGBT+ ties as well as strong sympathy/love for members of the fair folk and other Downworlder communities): 

""I fear so," Jia said with a rarely expressed bitterness. "They are focused so much on their fear and hatred that they don't even see where they are injuring themselves. The would eat a poisoned banquet if they thought Downworlders were feasting beside them.""

""The world can change so quickly," Jia said, "One day the future seems hopeful, and the next day clouds of hate and bigotry have gathered as if blown in from some as yet unimagined sea."

"They were always there, Jia." said Diana, "Even if we did not want to acknowledge them. They were always on the horizon."

Chapter 11: 

""I have seen a great deal of history," said Gwyn. "Terrible laws are usually passed before they are repealed after much suffering. Small-mindedness and fear have a way of winning out."