I got home last night, lots of stories, mostly entertaining anecdotes but I don't have the words to untangle all my complicated emotions right now to write them out proper. I may remember to tell the stories here, especially the one about the neo-nazi cops outside Bismarck and me never feeling more grateful for my super pale skin and freckles as I did when they pulled alongside me to see if I was worth pulling over for going 5 over while passing a semi that didn't believe in maintaining lane position.... Gave me chills the way they were to have my arms eyed up so obviously (not my boobs, not my face, not my hair glowing all golden-red haloed in the sunlight -- my bare skinned pale dayglo befreckled arms) to determine if i was white enough or if they should pull me over and then as they backed off from alongside me getting a weird salute from the younger one that was very 1940s... That story still gives me the creeps and I haven't told anyone or talked about it because the right time to do so hasn't cropped up. But I have to admit, my snarky arse dark humor inner jukebox decided right after they pulled back and got behind the car behind me that the proper response was, "Never made it up to Minnesota, North Dakota man Was a-gunnin' for the quota. Down in the Badlands she was saving the best for last, It only hurts when I laugh. Gone too fast." I snort laughed at my jukebox brain for finding the single best lyric choice then said, "No. That's too soon. Even for me, that's too soon." But I love the song and had Dani California stuck in my head all day yesterday and I certainly ain't going to complain about that. I effing love the song so much!! I mean, for a girl who never thought she would have a song with her name in the title, to get a female bandit rock song by Red Hot Chili Peppers with a music video that has the band showing the history of rock music iconography?!?! How could a girl ask for better than that to have a song that shares her nickname? (Also, there's a lot of random weird lyrics in that song which fit me uncomfortably Nostradamus level prophetically true...not the back story start of the song, my dad's side are the hippies and there are no coppers in my family and nobody in my family is from Mississippi, but a lot of the rest does. Like, I am a gifted animator after all, had a full ride to SCAD and almost ended up in Savannah for college for a degree in animation with the intention of working for Disney until I learned how soul killing in betweening used to be before animation all went digital to fill the frames seamlessly.)
Waffles did incredibly well with me in the car and at the hotels and all the rest areas and gas stations of the long drive. better than a lot of other "well behaved" and "well trained" dogs would have handled such a long roadtrip while their entire world was upended.... I mean, she's very happy and full of love and gratitude just to be with me. Well. Other than her terror at the spitting hissing hair on end Spock which literally scared the shit out of Waffles last night even though she'd been on a walk before I brought her inside to avoid that happening, As a result, she slept back in her kennel last night after a serious yelling about not pooping in the house even when scared/anxious while I cleaned up. But she can't jump up on my bed without stairs/ramp (it's too high) and given Spock's intense hissing growling meowing reaction to her and how sad his eyes were when he asked me, "How could you replace Audrey so soon and with THIS?!" and he spent all of today curled up on my bed and the pillows he prefers, snuggled up with the polar bear stuffed animal that now wears Audrey's second Packers jersey, not the OG one she picked out for herself at the pet store the first time and that she died in and was buried with her, but her newer one that I had washed. The cat settles while the dog is kenneled but they're definitely NOT besties now because the cat wants nothing to do with her last night/this morning. But for now, given she can't leap all the way up onto my bed because it's too high for her so she can't bedtime snuggles with me and have her weight displacement let me know if she goes off on a wander to eat cat poop or make other destructive trouble while I sleep, she will be sleeping in her kennel as she is accustomed until the two of them settle so they can both be on the bed AND I feel she can be trusted to be loose while I sleep. And then I'll look into getting her pet stairs/ramp. (Correction: she does not need stairs or ramp, she can make the jump onto my very tall bed, she just didn't her first night/morning at my condo out of fear/respect for Spock.) She and Spock will make their own peace, but until they do I may have to invest in some baby gates to allow Spock to have his own space other than on top or under my bed until he warms up to Waffles. I may also have to consider buying some more Feliway diffuser for him.
She was so good today at my work both kenneled while i returned the car ran errands and loose in admin with me since I returned. She's been on a long lead for the yard when outside and on leash entering in and out because I don't know yet what she will do off leash without walls/fences to define her boundaries because that's all she's ever known when off leash because fenced in backyard. But the three most important things in her world are: tennis balls, food, and snuggles. So playing fetch today with her old tennis balls made her a very happy pupper, even with the ongoing threat of the hissing spitting yowling monster in her new home that only seems to chill when I hold him and she is in her safe space kennel away from him. but at my work with nobody there but her and me, she's perfectly calm and well behaved and other than trying to make friends with the cat who wants nothing to do with her, she's doing well at my flat as well.
Also. So many ravens/crows and eagles/hawks (especially bald eagles!) all throughout my Seattle area visit and flying along with me checking in throughout my drive days back home. Because of course there was. No signs or energies of the entity driving back through Minneapolis and I DID check and traffic was L.A. level of congested not moving from Lake Elmo onward due to the construction on 94 in St. Paul. So if it was lurking, I had ample time to seek it out and feel its presence and would have gotten off the highway to figure out handling it. I felt no echoes of the entity. Oddly enough, as we were approaching and then especially near the part of U of M where I wove my net across timelines to contain the entity, Waffles got all excited insisted we must be nearing home because of how concentrated my energy was right there. And it was, that whole area just rings and resonates my energy net right now like churchbells ringing could be heard for miles before autos drowned them out. I asked the hawk god/Thunderbird about that last night in dream space, if I should be worried that the entity was only contained in my net waiting to break free not dealt with. That ruffled his temper with me and he told me he'd dealt with the entity himself and separating the parts to send them the right places so to doubt if it was still there was to doubt him and his powers as a god. I then apologized for the unintentional insult and then asked in confusion, "but then why is my energy net still there if it's no longer trapping anything until you deal with it?" His ruffled feathers soothed and he was clearly bemused by my logic I had used and said, "That's the sort of question you only started asking after choosing to incarnate within the cycle of souls. You never asked such time based questions before/after your time incarnating in mortal bodies, my sister." Then he laughed at my continuing confusion and added, "Well why not leave the bright circles you draw? They do no harm leaving them as long as they last and they keep the harm out from taking up an empty lair. Nothing but a powerful archangel or old god or old goddess aligned to Creation can pass your bright circles and nets, path finder.* If anything, they bring brightness to heal the scars because light calls to light. The light you leave from your circles draws those seeking light and peace to those places of protected space and time, even long after you're gone and moved on." Which I reckon makes a divine sort of sense, I just hadn't realized how bright and strong my energy still sits in that area after the net I laid around the entity for Thunderbird to bring to proper Judgement. I guess I hadn't even considered or expected it until Waffles called my attention to it so I felt my energy in that net so strongly she thought we had arrived home because why else would my energy be so bright and concentrated in one place? Which from pupper logic makes sense. (*thunderbird/hawk god isn't the only divine being to call me path finder -- other gods/goddesses, angels, and fée have also referred to me that way. I can't tell if it's a title or a role or just what my functions was/is before I chose to enter the cycle of incarnations because there was a correction needed to protect this Creation unfoldoing and my reaction ot learnign that was, "if not me then who?" I don't know why they sometimes call me path finder in dream space, or if it's more accurately Path Finder, or even what language(s) they use to convey that concept as a name/title/role. But it comes up a lot in my interactions with old gods and even the Goddess has called me path finder among the other old titles she names me because she remembers all the iterations of me across my incarnations. Even those she didn't approve of my free will choices like my last life. Sometimes it's closer to "Path Maker" or "Path Creator" than "Path Finder" but the translation from dream vision speech to English is always inexact....)
Also, Audrey was my Pisces pup, and Waffles is my Cancer doggo. Makes a lot of sense actually about some of her behavioral protectiveness issues... Anyway, Waffles birthday is easy to remember because her half birthday is on Christmas Day.
More working now. I dont' have the words to write about anything that is all a tangle of emotions in me until I untangle them. (the neonazi cops interaction on the outskirts of Bismarck still gives me chills of raw terror for the pulse test it gave me where evangelical maga mob rule is at amongst the racist christo-fascists....the fuse is far closer to the powder keg of the worst fatelines unfolding than even I had realized... And I have a policy that I don't lie to myself about the realpolitik of the world we currently live in -- no matter the monster, you stare it in the eyes and recognize it for what it is to find the weaknesses to bring it down. if you run from any monster or if you try to ignore it, they only grow to have ever greater power over you. Monsters must be faced and looked in the eye to be defeated with minimal damage, no matter how ugly and complicated and hydra like they are.)
[Post title: Lyrics to Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers.]
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