Also. Truth doesn't ask you to like it, it asks you to accept it -- lying to yourself or anyone else about it don't change a damn thing. Changing things starts by accepting the truth, even when it's a hard truth or a potentially hard truth. Especially those truths.

Which is why no amount of subconscious reminders and no amount of my own longing or the pain that accepting the facts and fallout of the choices/actions made by Britt in 2018 and Eric in late 2019 has shifted me from a course of accepting the patterns of consequences that there's no place for me in Eric's life and accepting what I cannot change about their freewill, ethics, and principles of the versions of themselves they choose to be and what they'll stand for as individuals and as members of a collective they define.

It doesn't matter how much I hurt over accepting such truths -- it doesn't change any damn thing about the reality of their choices and the consequences of the actions/inactions those choices dictate.

Which is the nexus of the philosophical and intellectual place I arrive at about accepting their moral choices as evidenced by their actions -- and it's where I always circle back to no matter what my heart or soul tells me about why those life paths aren't the ones we should be walking.

What do you expect me to do? Lie to myself? Lie to others? How would that help me arrive at truths? And how can I hope to change anything if I don't understand the reality that I am currently dealing with? And how can I best understand that reality if I deny truth, no matter how difficult or unpalatable a truth it is? Truth doesn't ask me to like it. My opinions about the truth don't change the facts of the past and present..... So what's the point in feeding myself or anyone else on lies that provide comfort now but will only cause more hurt later when you're forced to face the truth and the consequences of the truths you denied and ignored?

And I don't like it. I hate it and it hurts and I'd give just about anything to find a way through to a better path. But I won't lie to myself or anyone else about it. Lying won't get me anything I want -- I won't get anything real or meaningful in this life if I try to build it on lies. And you can't choose your fate unless you're honest and truthful about the paths opened to you due to the past/present that got you to these crossroads.

What does it matter if it's the matter of principle of a man deciding to spend every week doubling down to support a system of injustice created and sustained in his own name or my dog deciding she won't eat because she feels nauseous because she's creating excess bile due to not eating? I can't figure out how to deal with either if I lie to myself about the past choices/decisions that got us to the present clusterfuck. And I can't find a best way out of the perils of the worst case outcomes of the clusterfuck unless I'm honest about how we got here and the worst possible outcomes if you ignore the root causes from the past so you perpetuate them into the present/future.

Being reminded why the truth isn't something I like doesn't help to untangle the mess created by other people's choices nor does it help me to stoic through the pain of accepting those choices and the consequences thereof because I can't make choices for them and only their choices can heal what their choices poisoned. I can try to tempt you with a different type of food you haven't thrown up -- but at the end of the day I can't force you to eat so you stop throwing up nor can I save you forever from the starvation and malnutrition that happens if you don't address the root cause of what's made you sick..... It applies to the freewill choice matters of principle as much as it does to convalescing a sick dog...