Sirius & Orion

O.   I mentioned a few posts ago about the song Sarebear wrote for me 13 years ago, about what she observed of how I personally deal with letting go when I must no matter how much I love the person I must let go of and leave. Sarah has known me across multiple lives,  she is one of my students on the ancient paths - as well as a dear friend.  She has seen me make this sacrifice even when it kills me before,  any time I must do it for the karmic paths and eventual healing that a person's choices/actions require. And she has watched me do it,  no matter how deep it hurts,  when I must bow to the sanctity of free will and release those whose choices require I sever cords til they learn the lessons and if we're lucky enough they can follow their karmic paths back to me someday.....   I said somehow it reminded me of No One Will Miss Me when I'd heard that on a youtube video from a show.  I stand by that.  I suppose something in it also reminds me a bit of the opening verse of Enjoy My Song....

I can't give you a copy of Sirius & Orion to hear it.  Only a handful of people have it from the ep she did just for her friends with each song written specifically for a close friend. I could play it for you if you were here,  but it's nowhere online, and it's not mine to post her recording of the song without her permission.  But she has given me permission to use/share lyrics from the song she wrote for me.  So I can give you the lyrics if it will help you understand me (an old soul empath warrior-priestess-healer with extensive psychic/magickal gifts and past life memories - a Libra sun,  Pisces Rising,  Capricorn moon,  Scorpio Venus,  and Sagittarius Mars) and how the choices other people made brought me to a point of accepting I must let them go and leave no matter how I loved them or how deep it hurt. Still letting them go was necessary and I could fight it or accept it but still it must be if they wouldn't change their toxic traits that were causing harm/pain, if they wouldn't face their shadow work to heal their ego and grow to be better versions of themselves...

Would you like that? I can gift you the lyrics to help you understand.

~*~*~*~

Sirius & Orion
By,  Sarah Smogoleski

"I sailed away, from your golden shores,
The promise they held is there no more.
I sailed away, on seas of green,
Longing to forget the beauty I'd seen.
I sailed away, under skies of blue,
Same shade as the tears I shed for you.
I sailed away,  into the sunset,
All shadows of doubt not cast aside yet.

Ravaged by lesser men,
Another means to an end,
The story only repeats,
If you keep letting them in.
Why don't you stand up and fight
For what you know is right?
I could have saved you from them,
I cannot save you from yourself.

I sailed away,  beyond the moon,
Hoping I didn't leave you too soon.
Yet I sailed on,  into the night,
Realizing this time it is your fight.
I sailed away,  through the Milky Way,
Never gave you the chance to ask me to stay.
I sailed til I met the sunrise,
Tears from your loss still in my eyes.

Ravaged by lesser men,
Another means to an end,
The story only repeats,
If you keep letting them in.
Why don't you stand up and fight
For what you know is right?
I could have saved you from them,
I cannot save you from yourself.

Those men will do whatever it takes to survive,
They'll break down your walls,  they'll burn you alive
They'll take all they can until you have perished
They've already destroyed all that I once cherished.

I sailed away, on a leaky boat,
Indifferent to whether it stayed afloat.
I sailed away,  I could not stay,
And bear to watch your dignity decay.
I sailed away,  nothing in hand,
Except the knowledge one day you'd understand.
I sailed away, left you behind,
You were far more beautiful in my mind."

~*~*~*~

So those are the words to Sirius & Orion,  a song that a friend and student whose soul has known me for thousands of years wrote for me about how I leave when a person's choices in free will demand I cut cords to let them go down the karmic paths their choices require. It's sad and stoic and full of deep grieving but also an unspoken current of hope that if you learn the lesson, we can find each other again. And it's a clear sight into my soul and how I face these cruxes in my lives.....  it's called Sirius & Orion because those are my constellations, the first ones my eyes are drawn to in the night sky and I always automatically face first.  The dog and the warrior - the best beloveds of my Goddess Artemis-Britomartis-Danu-Birch Moon of all the legends placed in the skies.... Those have always been my constellations in all my lives as far back as I can remember - the Priestess swears promises on Sirius and hunts under the eyes of Orion.

I wish you could hear the song.  It's beautiful.  It's finger plucked acoustic guitar,  piano,  and a strings arrangement.  But,  now you have the words of the song she gifted me written for my lonely wandering way and how I take leave when another soul's choices made in free will and karmic lessons require it of me.

And it's what I've been going through since Britt's choices in Oct 2018 made me realize I was going to have to let Eric go this life if he chose to follow her ego-driven lead, didn't find a way for him to clean up her mistakes and heal her fuckups..... The mess she made predates the recording of The Light - it's why nothing he could create with Delta Rae, no matter how beautiful or designed to appeal to me, could bring me back to him without first purging those poisons Britt buried inside of Delta Rae.  You cannot grow healthy good things from a poisoned soil, no matter what seeds you plant  - first you must clear out the toxins to make the soil healthy again....

It's the song in my heart this last year and a half of making myself let Eric go every time he makes the same choices that he will take part in her created system of injustice and ostracism - making it done by his direct actions not just done in his name.  Sirius & Orion is my song in my soul for Eric across lifetimes and now again in this life due to his choices.... It's a song I've sung for others as well,  and I've sung it before in other lifetimes for Eric,  but right now my soul feels it and sings it for Eric - as I have since Oct.  27, 2018 except for the reprieve in April 2019 to end of August 2019 when I was full of love and hope that he had learned and would fix all that was broken by choices made in the name of the band....  It's what was in my eyes in November when I let myself look at him to say my hail and farewell at those 3 Delta Rae shows in Ann Arbor,  Chicago,  and Minneapolis.  And my soul has not ceased singing it for him since late August 2019 - even when I'm in the midst of other songs for other people,  this song's thread is woven inside and through me as well.

My song in my soul for Dave is a very different song - it's a song of love as a healer and forgiveness for past sins and second chances now you've earned it to become better than you were.  And it's a song of my yearning for a place to land, where I can rest and heal and grow good things - my yearning for a love I can trust to cherish me as I am and not to cut me this time.   It's another facet in my nature - it's the eternal trust of love earned welcoming you back, rather than the acceptance of karmic justice of ma'at leave taking.

Perhaps,  if he chooses aright and learns the lessons he must,  then in the fullness of time,  I can sing in my soul the song of love and coming home for Eric.  But that time is not now.... And I don't know when it will ever be. I can't see that from here.  It all depends on him and his choices....and I can't do that for him.   So I'll set my course to wander by Sirius & Orion for my lifetimes, til I find myself in a safe harbor of love or a place of battles for me to fight depending on if it's a reward life or a warrioress life.

And for now,  I'm heeding the song in my soul for Dave as it guides me like a beacon brings me joy and peace, rather than leaving me adrift at sea cold and alone.