So. I think. That. Remember how I said what would help me more than anything is to know what he wants for himself this life? 

I still believe I would make fewer mistakes if I knew that. It would help me immensely. I always seem to go wrong when I assume things about what he wants. Which, I should try not to assume, I know, but also it's hard not to draw conclusions from whatever evidence you're given and yeah the conclusions will be wrong headed if you don't know or ignore crucially important things.... But nobody ever knows what they don't know and we all just make the best of what we can observe and what we've learned, y'know? Which is why knowing what he wants would be a better starting point for me than assuming about what I think he wants for his life.

But I think. What I actually want most to know is: 

What would bring you greater happiness in your life? And what (if anything) can I do to help that happen? (or at least what can I do so as not to hinder it or make it harder for you?)

Because. I think asking someone what they want or what they need for their greatest happiness is a big question. And there isn't always one answer to big questions. Often it changes. And sometimes what we think we want, we learn from experience isn't everything we hoped and thought it would be. And so maybe he doesn't know what he wants for his greatest happiness. Or maybe he can't put it into words. Or maybe it's contingent on too many things out of his control so he doesn't even know where to begin or how to get closer to it. 

But asking what would bring greater happiness than the current way things are, that's smaller more achievable. And maybe the question shouldn't be about happiness at all, maybe it should be contentment or meaning or the sense that everything is as it should be.... But I think all those things are also a part of ones greatest happiness and so if you know what is missing than you can get closer to greatest happiness. 

But the important part isn't just trying to know what would bring him greater happiness, it's the second part about wanting to know what I can do to help (or at least not hinder) making it real. So like, even if he doesn't know or care what would make him happier, it would help if I knew what actions or choices of mine would reduce his happiness as well as what I could do or say or choose to increase his happiness. 

Because. I don't have enough hubris to believe that my every action and choice affects his happiness, and sometimes I get so full of doubts that I question if ANYTHING that I say or think or do or choose could affect him. And maybe I ought to have a bit more hubris and a bit less doubts, but I'm just me and this is a little life not for the world but just for myself and those I love and who can love me just as I am. So I'm not going to pretend that I believe what I say or do or choose affects his happiness most of the time.... But I'd like to know when and where and how it does. So I can know how I can add more happiness and meaning and contentment to his life. And most of all because... I don't want to be guilty of doing things that snatch it away from him. I wouldn't want to knowingly hurt him, and I don't want to do things I genuinely don't think would hurt him only to find out later that it was actually something that hurt him quite deeply.... I'd rather know so I can avoid hurting him unintentionally. Because pain hurts just the same if it was unintentional, sometimes it hurts worse because you wonder, "how could they not know this would upset and hurt me?!" And the answer is people don't know what they don't know -- even intuitives and clairvoyants don't know or see everything. Trust me on that.... Knowing more and knowing things you couldn't possibly know isn't the same as knowing everything, mistakes and misunderstandings still happen even with strong intuition and clairvoyance in the mix. And so we all have to give grace of forgiveness as well as gift of truth speaking if we want to be sure they know. 

So I'd like to know, both how I can add to his happiness and how I can keep from detracting from it. Because it takes great vulnerability to let someone know the ways they can hurt you, it feels like giving away your power to let them in past your protective defenses, but I think there's greater power in deciding you can trust that once a person who cares knows how they can hurt you they will then actively try to make sure they never do hurt you that way. Or at least, never do again. 

I think there's a great power of love in knowing someone could break you and trusting them not to. And I think there's something very beautiful and powerful in being told, "this is how you could hurt me and break me" from a place of trust that once you know, you will make sure you never do that. And, I would like to earn that sort of trust and honesty. Especially since I feel like in his case, I seem to have the greatest power to hurt him exactly when and where I don't think I have any power and it won't affect him at all. And since I have never and would never knowingly hurt him, I think it's important I learn to know where those assumptions and blindspots cover pain I could cause him so I don't accidentally or unintentionally hurt him that way again. 

So I'd like to know these things. Because I'd like to be better and do better by him than either of us have done by each other so far this life. And I do realize knowledge is better than assuming, but you can't force someone else to tell you things and as long as they don't, all you got is observations and the conclusions/assumptions you can draw from what you have observed. So this is me formally saying I want to know these things so I can better help build towards greater happiness and avoid unwittingly doing harm or causing pain.